LIKE YOU
Author's Notes: So this takes place between the time Kenshin destroys Tomoe, and meets Kaoru. It's not accurate to the book, exactly, but it's got it's elements here and there. I don't own the characters. I don't own the song. But I DO own the story! HAH!
//'s represent flashbacks. I think there's only one, but just keep an eye out for them!
Synopsis: Basically, Kenshin's battling his emotions, his alter ego, and his guilt as he mourns for his dead wife, and as he searches for his life's meaning by wandering around Japan. Is Tomoe guiding him from the grave?
Stay low
Soft, dark, and dreamless
Far beneath my nightmares
And loneliness
I hate me
For breathing without you
I don't want to feel
Anything for you
Kenshin took in a deep breath and released it, watching as the frozen air rose, and then dissipated. It had been three days since the incident which had changed his life. Three days since he'd lost the only one he felt could ever love him for who he really was.
Amber eyes watched the street from the darkness of the alleyway. The Battousai hunched low in a corner, his sword leaning on his shoulder with nervous care. In his mind, he reviewed the evening's events over and over again. It was in this that he found his only comfort.
//The assassin had come for him and him alone. The Battousai knew that the young dark haired man was no match for his skill and his fury. He had earned his name, "manslayer" after all. As they squared off, harsh words were exchanged. The Battousai took his stance. Without a second thought he struck. But his sword had missed its target. //
Kenshin shut his angry amber eyes and growled. Why did she have to get in the way? It was her own fault for trying to stop the inevitable. He clutched at his sword unconsciously for reassurance.
//he could still hear her gasp. Still feel the warmth of her blood, as it splattered across his hand. He could still feel his face burn with the mark she'd left with the kitchen knife she held. Why had she intervened? Just because the man opposing him was her brother? He had chosen his fate—he had threatened the Battousai—he deserved death. Not her. She was innocent.//
"Tomoe." Kenshin spoke the word as a whisper, and watched as the cold night air carried her name away from him. He lowered his head, and rose to his feet. Staying in the shadows, Kenshin headed toward the outskirts of town.
Grieving for you
I'm not grieving for you
Nothing real love can't undo
And although I may have lost my way
All paths lead straight to you
He had not noticed the direction in which he was traveling, until the tiny headstones were visible on the horizon. His breath caught in his throat. Without giving himself a chance to turn around, he picked up his pace and headed toward the tiny grave which marked his greatest mistake. It was a plain gray headstone, and a mound of freshly tilled earth which had begun to change the Battousai's life. Kneeling beside the new grave, Kenshin wept for the first time since he was a lad. He prayed for forgiveness, and at the same time, did not believe that such a thing could be bestowed upon him.
After a long while, he removed himself from his knees, and hooded his eyes from passers bye, as he directed his course to a sword smith near the cemetery. It was this smith, which offered Kenshin a new life—a life which did not take lives. A life that existed for the sake of preserving life. It was this day that he received the sakabattou. Though he had refused to fight anyone anymore, the smith demanded that he take it—insisted that the blade, sharpened on the wrong side, would provide protection without eliminating opponents.
Kenshin could only think that it was too late. Too late for the one he loved. For the one that mattered. Still. This is the debt he must pay. He must serve the very people he once thought so little of. It was payment for a debt which would remain within him forever.
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
As Kenshin neared the gates to Kyoto, he looked back toward the city center. There was a longing deep within him to join Tomoe in her eternal rest. After all his years as a manslayer, Kenshin could think of no better end to his life. He knew that he had deserved to die many times for all the crimes he had committed during and after the war. But he was aware more of his deep emptiness that could be filled by none but the one he had taken from himself.
Halo
Blinding wall between us
Melt away and leave us alone again
Humming, haunted somewhere out there
I believe our love can
See use through in death
Kenshin's dreams were tormented and he woke with a start, from his rest beneath a willow tree outside a small town. It took him but a moment to discern the cause of his alarm, when a bold of lightening flashed across the sky, illuminating the meadow and the river that stretched out before him. Sitting back against the trunk of the tree, he observed the storm, as it tore across the meadow.
It had been weeks since he'd abandoned Kyoto. Kenshin had avoided major cities, and main roads for fear that he might be recognized or challenged, and on occasion—such as this one, had allowed himself to indulge in the beauty of his surroundings. It had been an eternity since he had taken in the simple wonder that was nature. It was Tomoe's favorite hobby. As he watched the rain coat the flowery expanse in front of him, he felt strangely connected to his late wife. It was in moments like this that Kenshin believed in his ascribed purpose.
Reaching for his sakabattou, he unsheathed it, and examined the reversed blade. The sword was otherwise technically perfect—it should have been a sword meant for Great War heroes. Not for a criminal like himself. Not for a murderer.
Kenshin sighed and laid the sword in his lap. Tilting his head up to the cloudy sky, he murmured to the wind, "Where are you leading me, Tomoe?"
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
And I'm not grieving for you
I'm coming for you
For many nights, Kenshin dreamed of Tomoe. He dreamed of her flowing hair, waving in the wind as she did some chore. He dreamed of her folding origami, cooking, cleaning, doing the most mundane things—and they all lit a live flame within him, each vision was a spark which kept him from settling in any one place. As far as he ran, as much as he saw, his dreams still compelled him further onward. To what end, Kenshin could not imagine, he only knew that his love for Tomoe would not let him rest. As time wore on, and his journey continued, Kenshin began to fantasize about meeting Tomoe again somewhere. He dreamed about running into her in a small town, rescuing her from a local bandit, entering an inn and finding her as the owner. He imagined as he neared the close of every day that he was going to meet her. And indeed he did, for she existed in his dreams.
You're not alone
No matter what they told you
You're not alone
I'll be right beside you forevermore
It was early autumn when Kenshin approached the town of Tokyo. At first, he shied away from the busiest of places, but it became apparent that it was impossible to remain hidden completely. Eventually, he entered the streets, and wandered down the alleys, avoiding the main thoroughfares so as not to be seen.
It was in once such alley that he saw her. Her dark, flowing hair was tethered into a tight ponytail. Her eyes were a deep, sapphire blue; her skin was a pale as the first winter's snow. Kenshin's breath caught. She was being chased by a local thug, but she had a wooden practice sword and was putting up a fair fight. Kenshin could not have stayed out of the fight if he had wanted to. He would have given anything to be nearer to this girl. This woman who was the mirror image of Tomoe.
Kenshin overwhelmed the thug easily enough, even with the sakabattou. Scooping the young woman up in his arms, for she had fainted from exhaustion, he carried her to a nearby alcove, and began to try and revive her.
Blue eyes met a tentative purple. "Who are you?" a vibrant voice demanded of Kenshin, and for the first time the Battousai could not find his voice.
"Oro." He mumbled, and shifted his eyes from side to side, "just a passerby."
"Well you saved my life!" the young woman replied brightly, noting the bandages over her various wounds. "Do you have a place to stay?"
Kenshin stared at her. "Oro." He muttered again. His Battousai self had been overwhelmed at the sight of this young dark haired beauty. "No." he finally managed.
"Then in return for my life, I demand you stay at the Kamiya Dojo!" she pointed to a large gate with a sign a ways up the road.
Kenshin began to shake his head. He knew that if this woman found out his identity, it would endanger them both.
"I won't take no for an answer! You saved my life, it is the least I can do!" she said, and began to lead him toward her home.
Something in Kenshin's mind snapped, and his unconscious began to overflow into his conscious thought. He watched as the young girl walked before him, and he felt Tomoe in the back of his mind, calling his name. He felt her push him toward this dark haired young woman marching down the road before him. He felt her reassure him that this was the right thing to do.
Kenshin closed his eyes momentarily, as amber rose and faded behind his lids. It was crystal clear what Tomoe's message had been—all the wandering, all the loneliness—it had culminated in this young woman. Tomoe had lead Kenshin here for a reason. He was to find absolution with this girl. He felt Tomoe's spirit as it touched the very edges of his mind. He felt her comforting his uncertainties, felt her encouraging him, reassuring him, demanding this from him as payment. But most of all, he felt a sense of assurance, that within this young woman, Kenshin was sure to find peace.
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
And I'm not grieving for you
Kenshin began to follow the Kamiya girl with trepidation. All the thoughts in his head required processing at length. He was silent as the young girl pointed out the different aspects of her home and showed him to the stable, where she could spare a place for him to sleep. She called herself Kaoru, and she was pleased to meet him.
Kenshin smiled softly at her, and provided her with his name.
That evening, Kenshin allowed himself to relax for the fist time since before his life had changed. He contemplated all the feelings that welled up inside him, and discovered that, more than anything, he wished to atone for his sins. As he lay on his straw bed staring at the wood ceiling above him, he made a promise to him and to Tomoe. "I promise to do better by you." He whispered. "This girl is the first of many I will save in your name."
Again, he felt Tomoe touch his mind from beyond the grave. And it seemed that she had other plans for the former Battousai. 'You strive for death' a voice on the wind whispered, 'but your promise is to protect life. Battousai you will live a long time. Every day there is someone who you can help, you must help.'
Kenshin saw the words as smoke behind his eyes and he took it as a promise to Tomoe. "Then, until we meet again, I will do what is right by you." He leaned the hilt of his sakabattou against his shoulder and slept.
As we lay in silent bliss
I know you remember me
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
And I'm not grieving for you
I'm coming for you