This is an old one. Er, sorta. Back in October, I (unofficially) completed the alpha set of prompts at 1sentence over on LiveJournal -- basically, for each prompt, you write one sentence. Technically, these are supposed to be about pairings, but this was originally intended as an informal writing exercise to write about Hayate, specifically the Hayate in Corybantic Dance, which I cowrite with my lovely coauthor Penbrydd. (The fic is posted to our collective's account, Wryly Fantarding.) These sentences are meant for all different periods of Hayate's life, including ones that have not and will not be written about except in my head. It may not make complete sense without context, but this wasn't originally intended for publication -- I just liked it enough to publish it. I think each sentence is valuable in itself, even lacking a complete context. It's been a while since I wrote this, and I figured it needed posting. I hope you enjoy :)
The Very Thing
01. When Hayate was little, he'd crawl into his mother's bed just for the comfort of her arms; now, though, the best he can do is to curl up by the radiator with a blanket and pretend that she's there.
02. Hayate lies dying on the hospital bed, but he can feel Genma's lips on his every half-hour -- "So your last kiss will be a fresh one," Genma tells him brokenly.03. Hayate does not think himself soft, all bony arms and legs and broken-tip edges, but Genma perceives it in the way he moves, the texture of his skin.
04. Every time Hayate thinks he has come to know pain, he finds he is wrong; even so, as he lies in the hospital coughing up blood for the third day in a row, he knows that he hurts.
05. Kotetsu thinks it's weird, and Genma probably thinks it's a culinary abomination, but mashed potatoes are always too dry for Hayate; he ignores the stares he's getting as he tips his glass of water carefully onto his plate, stirring the water in with the potatoes.
06. Hayate is not especially fond of New England weather -- it's no good for his lungs -- but he secretly loves the fog one can find on autumn mornings just before it rains.
07. Hayate doesn't really like chocolate, and Raidou would swear up and down that he's crazy for it -- but sometimes they'll catch him nibbling on a piece of bittersweet, and the smug look on Raidou's face just makes him laugh.
08. Happiness is, for Hayate, hard to define; he can only say he likes it best simple.
09. The night that Hayate hung up on Yuugao was one of the best nights of his life; there was only the vaguest trace of guilt, and Genma chased it all away.
10. No one can tell beneath his hair, but Hayate thinks his ears stick out just slightly.
11. No one knew his name, before -- but now everyone knows it, and there seems to be a kind of infamy attached to it, and he's not sure if he likes it.
12. Some people like to lie on beds of roses -- but Hayate prefers a bed of autumn leaves that crackle and rustle beneath him as he rolls onto his side to kiss Genma.
13. Hayate knows that even though his illness isn't terminal, it could very well kill him someday -- but he also knows, looking at his mother, that there are things worse than death.
14. Genma says that sex is cheap, and sometimes, as Hayate jealously watches Genma validate his love for him with someone else, he feels inclined to agree.
15. The first time Hayate touched a chess set, he had been seven; it was his grandfather's old marble set, and nothing had felt more right than the feel of the smooth pieces under his fingers.
16. Hayate's biggest weakness is dealing with other people and the strange ways in which they work -- if he can't even figure out how he works, how can he possibly be expected to know about other people?
17. Hayate screams when he feels the bone in his arm crack upon impact with the pavement, and hot tears cover his vision; and as his parents sit with him in the ER, quietly attempting to soothe him, they think that perhaps it was too soon for him to learn to ride a bike.
18. He's pedaling his bike furiously, trying to escape the cruel taunting voices behind him -- and then he begins to descend down the steep hill, feeling the swoop in his stomach as he speeds away to safety.
19. His knees creak in protest, but Hayate just keeps on pedaling insistently; and when he finally breaks the crest of the hill, he feels a burst of triumph, the wind rustling his hair.
20. Some might think that Hayate is shackled by his sickness, but he knows better -- he is free in his own way, because he still has his mind.
21. People might say that Hayate doesn't live his life to the fullest, that he's too quiet and withdrawn and wasting his precious time, but Hayate is doing what he i wants /i , and he thinks that's more important.
22. Hayate has never been one for jealousy -- he is far too placid -- but sometimes, just sometimes, when he catches someone looking at Genma the way i he /i looks at Genma when they're alone, he can't help but feel a twist in his stomach that took him months and months to identify for the first time.
23. Hayate has never much liked people touching him, but Genma's hands on his back are all too soothing.
24. The first time a girl ever kissed Hayate, he was on a playground -- immediately she spat and told him he wasn't allowed to get married, and then she kicked sand on his shoes and ran away.
25. Genma and Hayate define devotion a little bit differently than other people -- Hayate knows that no matter who Genma sleeps with, it's never for the same reason as he does with Hayate.
26. Nothing is forever, Hayate knows, and the evidence is all around him, and most significantly, inside him, rotting him from the inside out.
27. Hayate knows people who are hemophobic -- nobody really i likes /i blood, he knows -- but it is, by far, not the bodily fluid he is frightened of most.
28. Hayate knows sickness -- he knows sickness more than anyone, he thinks, but he never speaks on it.
29. Genma likes to sing obscure, absurd songs at the top of his lungs sometimes, but the one Hayate likes best is the distant lullaby hummed in nervous tones when Genma holds his hand, praying he'll get better again.
30. Hayate thinks he is a star, because he is one of many, small and insignificant; Genma thinks Hayate's a star because he's so bright and when he goes, it will be brilliant and beautiful.
31. Some people joke and say the hospital is like Hayate's second home; he just nods along with it without a smile, not bothering to correct them, because in some ways, it's true.
32. Hayate's young face is blank as word after incomprehensible word spills from the doctor's mouth -- the syllables are unintelligible to him, entangling themselves in his confused head, and all he knows is that it's something bad.
33. Hayate is afraid of many things, just like any boy, but it is the fears themselves that are perhaps strange to others -- he is not afraid of death or sickness, anymore; his greatest fear now, he thinks, is of people.
34. The storm's knocked out the power, and Hayate's flashlight is almost dead, so he squints at the pages and reads his favorite book by lightning.
35. It's a long, long way since October, and as Hayate watches Aoba, Genma, and Raidou shove each other around in their graduation gowns, he can't help but think about how much has changed -- how much he's gained.
36. The first chess set that Hayate had ever owned was a cheap plastic one that his parents had purchased from the small toys section of the grocery store.
37. Hayate's always a bit behind the times on technology, and Izumo and Kotetsu always give him crap for it, but it's really just a matter of simplicity.
38. Hayate isn't the sort of boy to complain about presents of clothes or books -- in fact, he would rather receive Christmas sweaters for the rest of his life than something so mortifying as what Izumo got for his sixteenth birthday.
39. Genma is certain that Hayate doesn't understand, and he doubts the kid ever will -- but he swears that one day, Hayate will kill him with his smile, and it will be the greatest death imaginable.
40. Hayate can't be sure, but he thinks Genma derives a strange, perverse kind of amusement in stripping away his innocence.
41. Even though it took Hayate just about six years to get his BA -- six long years of battling illness and the absurd policies of his university -- there was no greater feeling than the one he had as he claimed his diploma.
42. When Hayate can't breathe, it feels as though he's swallowed a cloud, and it bubbles and foams and clogs in his chest.
43. Hayate finds the night sky easy to look at -- there is nothing up there to limit him, to entrap him, nothing but empty space.
44. Hayate used to wonder if he'd go to heaven when he dies, but it just doesn't matter to him anymore, because dead is dead is dead.
45. Hayate watches his mother struggle to find the words she wants, wallowing in her own frustration, and he wonders if being trapped inside your own thoughts like that is anything like hell.
46. The sun is often too bright for Hayate, but he almost always prefers it to the artificial light of the hospital -- the fluorescent brilliance is offensive to his eyes.
47. There is something oddly calming about watching the moon, whether it is from Genma's roof or a hospital room window.
48. Hayate only goes to the beach when it's cloudy, and then it's only to watch the waves crash on the gray shore.
49. When Hayate was small, his mother would kiss his head and speak into his hair when he was sick; he finds it strangely comforting that Genma does the same, even though he is grown.
50. When Genma sat by Hayate's bedside, watching him slip closer to death, he would swear he glimpsed that astonishing brilliance, almost ready for release, and that fleeting impression was one of the most terrifyingly beautiful things he'd ever experienced.