How to review Lily and James FanFiction stories in a rather smallish Nutshell

Now at the end of each chapter it is the duty of the author to shamelessly beg and grovel for reviews. They may promise you cookies or other material items that they could never actually give you if you these false promises it is the job of the faithful reviewer to review every single chapter. The author's ego is a delicate thing and must be maintained.

It it a well known and undisputed fact that writers like to get feedback on their work. However, take heed. ALL FEEDBACK MUST BE POSITIVE. And if you must point out something and rain on their happy little parade it has to be on something trivial. Grammar perhaps (And if you do use this tactic you must make absolutely sure to use bad grammar yourself in order to properly make yourself out to be a complete buffoon and rid the author of any guilt because you obviously are bonkers), or anything else will do really. It's the triviality that matters here.

In said review there are a few other conventions that must be first lines must either profess the reviewers love for the author or the story,James and even Lily for that matter if the reviewer is a boy(which lets face it, they never are). Love for something must be professed.

Then the reviewer must proceed to prattle on about the events of the chapter. They may bemoan the authors attempts to keep their beloved couple apart and may threaten bodily harm to said author if they don't shag already(Said bodily harm will never actually occur) or how dense Lily or James is. OCs may be mentioned as well. Anything will do but prattling will and must occur. It is necessary to show the author that you actually read the story instead of skipping to bits where Lily and James are featured.

Once the reader is done professing love and prattling and bemoaning, the review may draw to a close. At this point, the reviewer must intensely encourage and demand the author to update quickly. Threats of bodily harm may again occur at this point (and will once again never appear) or they may take up the author's tactic of groveling and promising unrealistic material items. Cookies and ice cream are popular choices.

Now,it is essential that the reviewers parting words be along the lines of keep up the excellent work or your writing is lovely or telling the author that this is their favorite story (the reviewer should also remember to actually add the story to their favorites at this point). It is essential that you tell every author this last bit. The ego must be protected.

Now, duty done, the reviewer may click the shiny submit button and continue on with their daily lives guilt free.

AN: This fic was created in response to a parody by the author Jewels5 who wrote a hilarious little piece called in a Nutshell. I wrote this in my review and was so amused by it I decided to publish it. I highly recommend checking out her fic if you have a sense of humor. If not, well I doubt you made it this far in my little parody anyways. I also just want to say that I myself am guilty of doing ALL of the above in my reviews. I'm not trying be mean, because as many a author has said, reviews are fabulous especially when they include praise! If you read In A Nutshell you'll understand that like Jewel5, I am merely making an observation.

So, what's your verdict? Am I an evil hag or someone with a sense of humor ( and know that when I say that, I really mean a goddess that rules the world with her wit). Review and let me know! ( notice how I didn't offer you cookies there?)

Cheers!