Complete and Utter Nonsense
(Or: How Glorfindel Feels)
(Or: Kristin Finally Wrote That Fic Ian's Been Talking About Since The Beginning of Time.)
~*~*~*~ A/N: This is a perfectly non-sensical fic. Ian gave me the idea, and I decided to go with it. Why? Because it's 12:15 on a Sunday afternoon and I'm bored. ^.^ Enjoy.*~*~*~*
It all started with a movie. Well, to be fair, three. But still. That movie started such a hatred, such a.. jealous rage, within one of the fairest of all of Iluvatar's creatures.
Glorfindel was royally pissed.
"Why me?!" he asked himself each day, as he sat in his chamber in Rivendell. "Why her instead of me?!"
The only answer he could come up with:
"It's her breasts," he grumbled. "I bet if I had breasts, I'd have been in the movie."
(Tom Bombadil: Yea!)
It was then; glaring down upon the Princess Arwen, in a state of utter despair and loathing, that he hatched a plan. A plan to kill her.
"She took my horse," he grumbled. "She took Asfaloth, and she took my part. I wasn't even mentioned in the sodding movie!"
It never occurred to Glorfindel that he ought to take it up with Peter Jackson. He chose to blame *her*.
So, one day, when Arwen was walking around looking like the stupid bitty she is, he crept up behind her, and kidnapped her. Dragging her back to his chambers, he got several strange looks from other elves, but they were mostly glad; Arwen did have the most annoying voice ever heard, after all.
"It puts our entire language to shame," mumbled a random elf.
So Glorfindel brought Arwen to his chamber, and tied her to a chair, and tortured her for a while. Each time she asked him why, he came up with a new answer.
"Because you took my horse!"
"Because you weren't supposed to make the flood come!"
"Because that scene with Aragorn on the bridge made me vomit!"
And so on and so forth. Finally, he tired of torturing her, and gave her to some orcs outside Rivendell, in exchange for a lifetime supply of Honey Bunches of Oats.
And thus ended the life of Arwen.
But not the story, for it goes far deeper than that.
Aragorn, saddened by the loss of Arwen, set off in search of a wife. After all, we couldn't have a bachelor King of Gondor, could we?
~*~*~* A/N: Yea, I'm insane. Expect the next part... soon. *~*~*~
(Or: How Glorfindel Feels)
(Or: Kristin Finally Wrote That Fic Ian's Been Talking About Since The Beginning of Time.)
~*~*~*~ A/N: This is a perfectly non-sensical fic. Ian gave me the idea, and I decided to go with it. Why? Because it's 12:15 on a Sunday afternoon and I'm bored. ^.^ Enjoy.*~*~*~*
It all started with a movie. Well, to be fair, three. But still. That movie started such a hatred, such a.. jealous rage, within one of the fairest of all of Iluvatar's creatures.
Glorfindel was royally pissed.
"Why me?!" he asked himself each day, as he sat in his chamber in Rivendell. "Why her instead of me?!"
The only answer he could come up with:
"It's her breasts," he grumbled. "I bet if I had breasts, I'd have been in the movie."
(Tom Bombadil: Yea!)
It was then; glaring down upon the Princess Arwen, in a state of utter despair and loathing, that he hatched a plan. A plan to kill her.
"She took my horse," he grumbled. "She took Asfaloth, and she took my part. I wasn't even mentioned in the sodding movie!"
It never occurred to Glorfindel that he ought to take it up with Peter Jackson. He chose to blame *her*.
So, one day, when Arwen was walking around looking like the stupid bitty she is, he crept up behind her, and kidnapped her. Dragging her back to his chambers, he got several strange looks from other elves, but they were mostly glad; Arwen did have the most annoying voice ever heard, after all.
"It puts our entire language to shame," mumbled a random elf.
So Glorfindel brought Arwen to his chamber, and tied her to a chair, and tortured her for a while. Each time she asked him why, he came up with a new answer.
"Because you took my horse!"
"Because you weren't supposed to make the flood come!"
"Because that scene with Aragorn on the bridge made me vomit!"
And so on and so forth. Finally, he tired of torturing her, and gave her to some orcs outside Rivendell, in exchange for a lifetime supply of Honey Bunches of Oats.
And thus ended the life of Arwen.
But not the story, for it goes far deeper than that.
Aragorn, saddened by the loss of Arwen, set off in search of a wife. After all, we couldn't have a bachelor King of Gondor, could we?
~*~*~* A/N: Yea, I'm insane. Expect the next part... soon. *~*~*~