It's Alright
Chihaya x Main – All I can hear right now are my fears and the nonexsistant shadows that haunt me. Please tell me everything will be alright— please.
When I was little, I loved showing off.
I loved receiving all the praise I would acquire when I had pulled off an amazing feat such as tying my shoes correctly or swallowing the oatmeal without spitting it out on my lap, drenching myself with lukewarm oatmeal. I remember the lady at orphanage would just smile and say—
"It's alright."
—and I felt I could live again; as if that one little spill in time didn't matter. But remembered I got more praise for doing things right and doing things right the first time. So when I tried reaching for the top of the cupboard to get someone's paper airplane and fell to scrape my knee, I longed for those words 'It's alright, it's alright'. Soon enough, the lady came and cradled me, hugging me close and yelling 'Get him a bandage!' but all I heard were her whispers of 'It's alright, it's alright, don't cry now.'
When I grew up and became too old for the orphanage, I felt sad. I felt heartbroken. I wouldn't hear those words in a long time. I needed to feel forgiven soon, and I'd help out at my orphanage every week. Smiling pathetically at the little kids, I waited for the words. I needed the words.
I got out of there.
I got a job at an inn as a cook, and my skills were pretty decent. Almost amazing. I knew this, of course, but I held up with the job with dignity. When I burnt something, when I added a wrong ingredient—
I was swallowed with hate, I was engulfed in curses and maleficent swears and I knew I'd never hear it's alright because I was;
—'no good, no good, a rotten freeloading failure.'
I got out of there.
When I started my own café, I still didn't get any reassuring, and I felt I had to strive to perfection, and that's just what I did. Every detail, every small thing…
I became angry. I was filled with self pity and indulgence that I didn't realize I snapped at costumers, bosses, and employees. 'You're a no good, no good, rotten person, Chihaya' and I'd silence, I'd shrivel and I'd close up. I was a shell.
Break me, break me, don't cry now.
When she came into the café, she ordered a simple cup of coffee. Perfection took over me and I delivered it to her single handedly, ego blooming as I walked to her table in success. Reaching for her table, it crashed.
It toppled over nonexistent fears and I began to bow, hearing the murmurs of 'no good, no good, he's horrible' 'a horrible chef, too' and I bowed, and bowed and I realized I couldn't stop. My lips trembled as I picked up a piece of glass, the object slicing into my finger and dripping red.
She began picking up the pieces as well, a sunny smile still plastered on her face like wallpaper.
"It's alright."
She whispered. All I could hear was 'it's alright, it's alright' and the shadows of my past flew away, all the pain flew with it, and all I could hear was 'don't cry, don't cry'. But I couldn't help it—
—because the tears were flooding like the blood my hands.
Chiyo is love. I can't believe ToP got pushed back to JULY 14th.
They're all stoopid, and they probably just have one guy in charge of translations.
They probably decide that by rock paper scissors, too. ):
I adore reviews...
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