This story starts at the end of season 2. It will be weaving in and out of season 3. My goal was not to replace S3 but to fill in or change some of the frustrating gaps for myself and maybe for you. I've needed more between Meredith and Derek than GA has given us. The first chapter is the story of Meredith's night after she left Derek and Finn.
Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. This is just for fun.
Acts of Love
Chapter 1: Aftermath
Seattle Grace Physician's parking lot after the hospital's prom:
Meredith lifted the sparkly skirt of her prom dress and rushed into the cold, dark parking lot. Where were they, broken Izzie and her strange honor guard, Alex and George? Oh God, was she too late? She ran quickly down the first row and felt the cold air swirl across her naked bottom.
She gasped and couldn't help remembering Derek, his surgeon's hands frantically sweeping down her back, his hot mouth plundering hers, his insistent body hard and throbbing with pent up need. The liquid rush between her thighs brought her to a staggering halt. Her body relived the exquisite thrill of sheathing Derek's penetration as he thrust to the hilt and pumped hard.
Meredith gasped and defensively wrapped her arms over her pebbled nipples. I made love to Derek, she thought, It didn't really happen did it?
"Yes," her body purred, "it did."
No... Derek made love to me. No... we made love. Married Derek had sex with me... porny in an exam room at the prom! The dirty ex-mistress isn't an ex any more. Oh God, what does this mean? Meredith's mind whirled. Guilt and shock tumbled with satisfaction and hope.
The icy ocean wind whipped around Seattle Grace's surgical wing and chilled Meredith to the bone. It snapped her back to the very real dilemma of how she was going to get home, to Izzie. Izzie needed her this time, not George. Meredith shook her head and swallowed back a resurgence of the tears that had burned down her face as she watched beautiful princess Izzie shatter over her prince's dead body. Taking a deep breath, Meredith deliberately pushed the frenzied whirlpool of Meredith and Derek into the background of her heart once more and focused on Iz.
Meredith knew mind shattering pain. She knew pain that never let up. She knew creeping, paralyzing, hopeless pain. Whatever, she was the Baskin-Robbins of pain. George wasn't. Meredith recalled how George had buckled under the relatively minor pain of her rejection of him as a lover. Some tiny, shadowy part of Mer felt contempt for his weakness. She loved George like a brother, she did, but she didn't trust him to be strong enough to help Izzie now. For all Meredith's delicate fragility of body, her will to survive and carry on through darkness was massive. Hadn't she been doing just that since she was four? Meredith needed to be there for Izzie as one survivor for another.
Yet her purse, street clothes and keys were all in her locker inside. Meredith didn't want to go back into the hospital to run the gauntlet of Finn's expectant look and Derek's smoldering gaze, let alone Addison's superior sneer or Bailey's eagle eye one more time. She sighed and squared her shoulders as she realized she had no other choice.
As Meredith reluctantly turned and started back, her eyes wandered over her own car parked haphazardly in the second row. With a spurt of derisive laughter, she quickly ran forward and scrabbled under her car's right front wheel well for her emergency key. She slid thankfully into the driver's seat and headed home, giving a heartfelt cheer when comforting heat finally started pouring from the vents alleviating some of her interior as well as exterior shakiness.
Meredith pulled into her mother's driveway (even after all this time it still wasn't hers) and sighed with relief. She'd made it home safely by concentrating fiercely on traffic rather than letting her thoughts ping-pong between Derek's deep kisses filling her mouth and Izzie lying broken over Denny. Meredith slid from her car and noticed Alex's classic convertible pulled to the curb. She was glad he was still there. Alex's world weary jackass pose had been completely gone tonight when Iz had needed him. It was odd, really, but Alex actually made a good friend.
Meredith stepped into her mother's house and heard the soft murmur of voices in the kitchen.
"Uh, Iz... Izzie... don't you want to... uh... well... drink your tea... or eat... or change... or go lie down ... or something?" George bumbled along, patting Izzie's beautiful bare shoulder. Izzie stared dazedly at the floor.
"Like you're helping, baby boy." Alex sneered.
"Shut up, Alex." George flared.
"Izzie, I'll prescribe a sedative if you need one. Hell, I'll even go to a pharmacy for you, if you want. It might be the only way you'll get any rest." Alex offered.
"Rest, Alex, is that what I'm supposed to do now?" Izzie finally looked up at them. Meredith gasped at her ravaged face. Izzie's burned out black eyes shifted to look blankly at Meredith in the doorway. Meredith's heart ached for her. "Meredith."
"Meredith, it's dark now, all dark everywhere. My insides hurt. The light is gone... dead. I don't feel anything... I don't know anything." Izzie said in a young voice. She brushed a shaking hand over her face.
"I know, Iz. You're going to get through this, Izzie, you are. The light isn't dead, it is just hidden right now, that's all. I'm here for you... we all are. Let's go upstairs now. You're exhausted... you need your bed." Mer helped Izzie to her feet and glanced at Alex and George.
"C'mon then," George led the way upstairs. Alex and Meredith gently led Izzie between them up the stairs behind him. Izzie, still in her princess pink ball gown and Grecian hairstyle, moved in near slow motion, as if every fiber in her body ached.
Izzie simply lay down on top of her comforter and closed her eyes. George started to speak but Meredith quickly shook her head at him. Alex slipped Izzie's shoes off her feet and then reached under her gown to strip her pantyhose down her legs.
"Alex!" gasped George, outraged.
But, Meredith shook her head again. She pulled a thick, old fashioned Dresden Plate quilt from the quilt rack at the bottom of Izzie's bed and gently covered her. Izzie's face was ashen and her lips trembled. Meredith knew that all she probably wanted now was to be left alone, but they couldn't let that happen. Not yet. She gestured Alex and George into the hall.
"We need to take turns watching her," she said. They both nodded and Alex crossed his arms over his chest.
"I'll take first watch tonight," he said. "I have work tomorrow so I'll help now."
"I'm on duty tomorrow too," George said, "So I'll take tomorrow night. Mer, you and Cristina have tomorrow off work. You get day shift with Izzie."
"Okay, call me if you need me, Alex." He nodded.
George and Meredith watched from the hallway as Alex simply stripped to his black, fitted boxers and slid onto Izzie's bed gathering her into a loose spoon. He pulled the quilt over himself and held his Iz to his strong heart. As much as he hated that loser with a weak heart he would have never wished this pain on his happy, beautiful girl. His throat worked at the memory of her sobs against his neck. He turned his face into the curve of her shoulder and closed his eyes wearily.
George shut off the light and closed the door. Meredith and George stared at each other in a kind of delayed shock. Tentatively, Meredith opened her arms to George. Abruptly stepping forward he wrapped his arms tightly around her. They swayed, tears quietly streaming down their faces. Shared grief for Izzie washed away the last of the hurt between them.
"Okay, goodnight then." George awkwardly turned into his room.
Meredith brushed her teeth and cleansed and moisturized her face in record time. She stepped out of her strappy high heels and let her gown pool onto her bedroom floor. She unclipped her bra and stood naked in the dark. It all came flooding back then. She dove into bed.
Derek's eyes... his deep blue eyes mesmerizing her, lighting a fire in her, making love to her... over his wife's shoulder. Oh no, oh God. She felt again the deep throbbing rhythm of the music. She felt a man's hard arms and body enclosing her slight feminine form, brushing her breasts with his chest, while they swayed together to the sound.
Then, there was no escape from Derek taking command of her, heart and soul, from across the dance floor with a single look. His single-minded intensity easily dominated and breached every defense her heart had managed to build in the months since he had broken it. Meredith blushed again as she remembered the pool of fire that formed in her belly as she drowned in Derek's stare.
Finn, sweet gentle Finn, didn't matter. Addison meant nothing in that moment. Where once she was an insurmountable roadblock, now she faded into insignificance. Some instinct made Mer run, run from the dominant male animal who would once more claim her as his own, brooking no other male near her.
It wasn't fair. Derek had been hateful and angry with her for weeks. He'd called her a whore. They'd had their "it's over between us" fight on the staircase. He'd chosen Addison. He'd never said he loved her, Meredith. In fact, he'd lied to her in the first place about his wife.
Meredith had a right to her own life. After years of scary and damaged, she wanted to be happy. Finn was so handsome in a well-cut tux and crisp white shirt. She liked Finn. She felt comfortable and she was beginning to see a future with him. She was almost ready to take him as her lover.
But no! Derek was jealous of Finn! He wouldn't release his grip on her heart. Even though Derek wasn't free himself, he had claimed her back tonight as his lover, his woman, his own. Who was she kidding? She'd never stopped loving Derek, not for a minute. Their explosive union tonight was the result of months of foreplay, in the elevator, in the linen closet, on the stairways, every where, every time they saw each other. Neither could resist the other.
Meredith groaned and caressed a hand over a pillow the way she'd stroked Derek's black curls. His hair was thick, warm silk between her fingers. McDreamy's hair was so perfect. She sighed.
"Oh Derek," Meredith whispered to the dark, "I still love you."
Hot tears suddenly scalded her face again.
"I'm so afraid I'll never stop loving you. What's going to happen between us now?"
Mer pressed her palm to her chest to ease the lonely ache, "Ow! Stupid man with your stupid man parts."
Meredith giggled a little wildly at her own silliness. Then she froze. The hall bathroom door creaked as someone slowly eased it open. Meredith pulled a tomato red bathrobe on and followed Izzie into the small "conference room," as Cristina liked to call it. Izzie had just flushed and was automatically washing her hands.
"Mer, what's supposed to happen now?" Izzie spoke in her new tear drenched voice. Meredith shivered and looked away.
"I mean I'll never see Denny again. He told me before all this," she vaguely waved her hand, "that he arranged for his body to be shipped back to family in Tennessee if he didn't make it. I guess a fiancée of an hour doesn't have any say. My Denny is cold... so cold...alone...gone."
She didn't cry. The pain was too much for that simple relief.
"They're cutting him again, Meredith. One last time, they're cutting him and I can't be there. He's all alone," her chest heaved as she struggled for breath. "They're cutting his heart out... cutting my heart out. He's going to be buried without a heart."
"Oh, Iz, stop, that's not true," Meredith murmured. She knew there would be an autopsy on Denny's body and sometimes organs weren't restored, "I'm here with you."
Izzie slowly sank to the floor and bowed her head. She was a bent stem sitting in a pool of pink, like an upside down flower. Her capable hands rested listlessly in her lap. Meredith couldn't bear the sight. Izzie's hands were always busy --- baking, knitting, doctoring. She curled on the floor next to Izzie, letting their legs touch, and then she just breathed.
Time slid by slowly until hours had passed. Alex poked his head in once, grunted, and went back to bed. Blessed numbness covered both girls and they drifted in and out of sleep, lying on the bathroom floor. It was strangely calm.
But Meredith couldn't stay. She needed to do something as a gift for Izzie. A final honoring of Denny, a man she'd grown to deeply respect after a forty-eight hour shift of taking care of him with the Nazi. She knew what to do now.
Meredith eased away from Izzie and shakily stood. Wow, the bathroom floor was still as hard as the last time she'd sat there all night.
Of course it helped that she wasn't throwing up this time, she thought wryly.
Meredith pulled on warm jeans and then layered a soft green sweater over a dark green long-sleeved undershirt. She ducked into Izzie's room and took Izzie's white gold class ring. Then she headed for Seattle Grace.
Meredith felt like a million years had passed but her watch said no. It was only just after one a.m. She quickly walked the familiar path to the intern locker rooms. The surgical wing was hushed and dimmed for night. She was tired but the quiet time with Izzie had rested her enough to do what was needed now. Besides, the first thing any surgical intern learned was how to do without sleep.
She pulled fresh scrubs over her dark green undershirt, flipped her soft honey blond hair into a pony tail, clipped all intern gear to her waistband and pockets, and headed for the morgue. Meredith guessed that the Chief would have ordered an immediate autopsy given the unusual circumstances around Denny's transplant. She peeked through several doors until she saw Dr. Yarber performing an autopsy. Hesitantly, she pushed open the door.
Dr. Yarber was a beautiful, rounded woman of about fifty with the gentlest eyes Meredith had ever seen. Her skin was the color of dark chocolate, unblemished by even a single wrinkle. Her movements were calm and unhurried. She spoke softly into her shoulder micro-recorder at each step of her work. Her assistant, Dr. Ogawa, was weighing organs in a tray.
"Dr. Yarber," Meredith said from the doorway, "I'm Dr. Grey, from surgical. You probably don't remember, but we met at a seminar last month."
"Yes, Dr. Grey, of course I remember Ellis Grey's daughter." she smiled behind her face shield as if it was an ordinary occurrence to be interrupted from an autopsy by an intern at 1:30 in the morning.
Come to think of it, it might be, how would I know?
"What may I do for you, Dr. Grey?"
"I was wondering, ma'am, that is..." Meredith stammered, "If that is Denny Duquette's body?"
The Nazi, Dr. Bailey, would have already ripped her to shreds by now for her temerity, but Dr. Yarber just blinked and calmly replied, "Yes, I am almost done here. Then Dr. Ogawa will repack the organs and close. The family has requested that we not incinerate the organs as is customary."
"Dr. Yarber, I know it is unusual, but may I please assist Dr. Ogawa? I would be very grateful to have this opportunity."
Dr. Yarber and Dr. Ogawa simply looked at her. Meredith felt weighed and measured inside and out. That's what forensic pathologists did after all, she supposed. "Did you know Mr. Duquette, Dr. Grey?"
"Yes," Mer said softly. She bravely raised her chin and met their eyes. This was for Izzie, broken Izzie.
"Mmm, well come in. Lee, please help our young friend suit up."
Over two hours later Meredith stood taking minute sutures down the Y cut in Denny's chest. She'd already reinserted Denny's heart as best she could. She'd stitched it meticulously in place. Meredith had carefully pieced his inner muscles back together exactly with surgical skill and was now closing his skin. She'd ignored Dr. Ogawa's repeated comments that a dead man need not be closed with the precision of a live surgical patient. This had been Denny, after all. Izzie loved him. Each suture Meredith placed would be placed with love and care. Ogawa had finally shrugged and left to catch up on paperwork in his small office. Everyone knew surgical interns were nuts.
"Denny, Izzie loved you with all her heart. You know that, right?" Meredith rambled softly to Denny in her musical voice, "She's going to miss you every day. The world is all dark and empty for her without you. I live in darkness, Denny. I've been so sad for so long. But Derek and Mom and my father are all still alive. Not... dead... like you. Gone forever..."
"I'm with you through this procedure, Denny. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, but Dr. Yarber took good care of you, I know..."
"When Derek left me for his perfect, tall, leggy, secret wife," Meredith tasted bitterness at the words and hastily looked back at Denny's still face, "Sorry, Denny. When Derek left me, I was broken. I'm not broken any more, Denny. Well, it was a setback or step forward or something, earlier at the prom with Derek, granted, but my point is that Izzie will heal. She will. Don't worry, we'll take good care of her. Bailey's interns, I mean."
"Please, Denny, you told me before that you believe in heaven. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're there. I don't know. But, Denny, if you are there... maybe you could... like... well, be a guardian angel. For Izzie. Yeah."
"The Chief and Bailey have to let her back in the program. She's a surgeon. Surgery can't die on the same day as you, Denny. You get that, right? What would I have done without surgery since Derek and... you know, got back together? I'd have gone crazy for sure, well okay, I am a little crazy, but you know what I mean."
"Anyway, Denny, this is Izzie's medical school class ring." Meredith gently slid it onto his little finger. "I know you wanted to give her your ring, but you didn't have the chance, so I thought she could give you her ring instead." Meredith wrapped surgical tape around the ring and the finger so no one would remove it. Then she wrote a tag for his finger instructing the mortician to leave the ring on.
Meredith knew she could quickly hose off his body... but no. She gently soaped and rinsed Denny's body with warm water and told him everything she knew about Izzie at the same time. She carefully brushed a tiny vial of perfume over his heart in lieu of oil. When she was finished she pressed her hands in the small of her back and arched back. She smiled as she remembered seeing Ellis stretching this way after coming home from a long surgery.
"Sorry it was flowers instead of something more manly, like sandalwood, but it was all I had in my locker. Bye, Denny, I would have liked to have known you better." Meredith turned, pulling off the face shield, and came to a horrified stop. Not five feet away Dr. Bailey stood with arms crossed, glaring. Dr. Yarber smiled serenely next to her, a full eight inches taller.
"I told you all was well, Miranda. Dr. Grey did an exemplary job helping us. In fact, she has a career in plastics if this is the normal quality of her sutures and patience." She nodded with certainty.
"Thank you, Velma, I'll take it from here." Bailey growled, never once taking her gimlet glare off Meredith.
Bailey held the door and barked at Meredith, "Get out here, now!"
"Dr. Bailey..."
"No speaking! Are you not on restriction, Grey? No surgery, Grey. No patients. What made you think you could get away with this? You are risking permanent morgue assignment. Do you like it down here that much?! Well?!"
"Dr. Bailey, Izzie... she's broken...grievy... she couldn't be here for Denny. I had to take her place. Don't you see, strangers shouldn't take care of Denny's body. Izzie loved him. If it were Der...," Meredith stumbled to a halt and stared at the floor, twisting her hands together. She waited for the ax to fall.
"Okay, Grey, go home. Dr. Yarber gave you permission, so I'll abide by it. And I do get it. Just this once Grey, you get a free pass. Just this once."
Meredith stared disbelievingly into the tiny Nazi's beautiful, soft eyes.
"Well! Why are you still standing here, Grey! Go home!!"
Meredith turned and ran down the hallway as fast as she could. Behind her the Nazi chuckled wickedly.
"You have a good one there, Miranda." Velma said, "Any doctor who treats the dead with that much humanity and care will treat the living with greatness."
"We'll see," harrumphed Bailey grumpily.