"We're almost there!" Harry yelled. He, Ron, Neville and Luna ran through the forest toward the tall, very cliche castle.
Meanwhile in Draco's lair...
"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!" Draco waved the bottle in front of Hermiones face.
"My hands are chained above me, you idiot!" she told him.
"The hose again the hose again!" he sang, dancing around her.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Hermione asked. Just then the door burst open and in came Harry and Ron.
"OH EM GEE!" Draco raised his arms up in the air and ran around frantically.
"We've come to rescue Hermione!" Ron said defiantly.
"OH NOSE!" Draco said. Then he stopped and faced them, "but i've got you surrounded! MUAHAHAHAHAH-" his manical laugh was cut short and he began to make choking noises.
"You alright?" Harry asked. Neville and Luna came in.
"Fine fine.. bug.." Draco murmered. He doubled over, wheezing.
"Ewwwww!" Hermione said.
"Would you like some water?" Luna asked dreamily. The girl always looked stoned.
"Yeah, sure that-"
"Enough!" Ron yelled suddenly. He ripped off his robes to reveal..
"Tightie whities!" Neville exclaimed. Ron's whole body flushed red.
"Bloody hell! I forgot to put on my super awesome rock star clothes!" he roared.
"What the-" Draco started, then, to his horror, Ron began to sing. His voice echoed loudly in the large room.
Ron: How many people wanna kick some ass?
Guitars appeared in Neville and Harry's hands and Luna was seated at a drumset. To their endless confusion, they began to play along to Ron's voice.
Ron: I used to be a nerd (You still are! Draco yelled.) Grew up in the suburbs. Nothing there ever went wrong. I made it up in this song.
"You didn't make up this song!" Draco told him.
"Shut up Malfoy! I'm trying to impress Hermione by singing in my knickers and looking damn sexy!" Ron said back.
"Oh.. Sorry then.."
Ron: How many people wanna kick some ass?
H, N, L: I do! I do!
Ron: And how many people sick of holding back?
H, N, L: I am!
Ron took a step toward Draco who shrieked and hid behind Hermione.
Ron: Well i am too! She's mine and I still want her. If you put your hands upon her, your a goner!
Draco poked Hermione's boob.
"Hey!" Hermione protested.
"Ew Mud cooties!" Draco said.
"No touchie!" Ron growled.
Ron: Goner!
Ron began to chase Draco around the room angrily, still singing.
Ron: How many people sick of holding it back?
H, N, L: I Am!
Ron: And how many people wanna kick some ass?
"AHHHH!! Quit playin! Quit Playin! Stop man! AHHH!" Draco yelled at Ron. He threw his hands up and put them together, "I call timeout!"
Draco: I would if i could! But I'm really just a sensitive artist. Perpetrating like I'm the hardest.
Ron: Acting like I'm not the smartest. But I'm really just a sensitive artist.
Then Harry, desperate to be the center of attention yells, "I can sing and look super awesome too you know!!"
Harry:I called her on the phone and she touched herself! She touched herself, she touched heerrselllfff. I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep.
"I always knew that little She-Weasel was dirty," Draco said. Ron shot him a threatening look.
"GRRRRR!"
"What's a phone?" Neville asked.
"Harry shut up! This is my songfic story on crack! Get your own!!" Ron said. Harry grumbled something about being the boy who lived and then rejoined Neville and Luna.Ron ran over to Hermione.
Ron: So don't lay another finger on her. She's mine and I still want her.
He freed her from the chains and took her into his arms. He faced Draco.
Ron: If you put your hands upon her, you're a goner.
"Pshh. I don't want no Mud cooties anyway." Draco said. Suddenly, hundreds of shrill screams were heard. Ron threw Hermione over his shoulder and joined his friends.They looked around frantically, but saw nothing. Neville turned and pointed, a scream as shrill as the ones around them escaping his lips.
"Fangirls!" Harry yelled. Luna was now munching on a bag of cheetos. The evidence kept building up.
"Oh the horror," She said boredly.
"Run for it!" Ron told them. They took off back into the forest.
"I told you i had you surrounded!" Draco called after them. He looked around and swatted at the air before letting out a succsessful, "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He smiled at himself. "Sweeeeet." He heard the door slam shut and saw Pansy Parkinson eyeing him hungrily.
"No," he said, wide-eyed.
"Draco Malfoy has fangirls too you know," She smiled.
"No!" she closed in on him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Meanwhile in front of the computer.. in the stupid real world...
"And that is how horrible, mutant babies are made!" I declared.
"That story sucked Niki. There was no slash at all," Jamie said.