Time Won't Let Me Go
Summary: Lucas knows that he'd do everything differently if he could, too bad he can't. Too bad it took the headline 'Brooke Davis Fashion Queen of the World Found Dead!' for him to realise.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the TV show One Tree Hill, the characters Brooke Penelope Davis or Lucas Eugene Scott, the couple Brucas, the actors Sophia Bush or Chad Michael Murray or the song Time Won't Let Me Go by the band I also don't own The Bravery.
Yes my life sucks!
I do however own the blue jeans I'm wearing, the underwear, the 'Frankie Says Relax' T-shirt (PS does anyone know what that means? If you do I'll give you good thoughts.) my bright electric blue socks but not the sombre I'm wearing.
I'm serious I'm wearing a sombre; it's Cassie's, my best friends. But the rest of it I own... i wish i owned the sombre... but i don't.
Jeans, T-shirt, underwear and socks yes
Song, band, couple, characters, actors and sombre no
Lol!
Time Won't Let Me Go!
Lucas Scott was 22 and an up and coming writer, he had written a book called 'The Ravens' about high school and it did ok, not extremely well but people other then his mum, Haley and Nathan had bought a copy. His second book 'New York's Nightlife' had failed, it was about how he'd tried to get his first book published, not many people had bought it. Lucas had long since lost contact with his one true love, Brooke Davis, and a month after losing Brooke Lucas had made the decision to loose Peyton. Well not loose so much because he soon realised he never had her, it wasn't her he truly wanted, he also knew that Peyton was in love with Jake and Jenny and always would be. He let her go and she left happily. They were never meant for each other and now they both knew it.
Lucas had always wished he had the courage to ring Brooke up, he had seen her over the years at various family functions, Karen had always had a soft spot for the bubbly brunette and as Jimmy's godmother she had diligently been at every function, birthday, Christmas and whatever soccer, basketball or softball games she could attend. Brooke always had a soft spot for his little sister Lilly so she tried to attend every play the little girl had been in, so far that totalled one but Brooke hadn't missed a show and whenever she was in town made sure to take Karen, Haley and Lilly out on a girl's day shopping trip. Haley and Brooke still kept in touch after having become the best of friends and Nathan had always looked to Brooke as a sister.
Lucas often thought of Brooke, when he was getting coffee which he knew Brooke couldn't live without, he had often joked with her in the times they would wake up side by side in a tangle of sheets and the warmth of the morning sun's rays that if coffee ceased to exist so would she. She had always laughed or given him a dimpled grin, maybe when giving him a kiss or sticking out her tongue in response before replying with 'it's a good thing coffee will never cease exist then isn't it Broody Boy?' to which he would say 'It sure is Pretty Girl'.
He really missed those days.
Whenever I look backOn the best days of my lifeI think I saw them all on T.V.I am so homesick now forSomeone that I never knewI am so homesick now forSomeplace I will never be
Lucas had often seen her on TV, being Brooke Davis fashion queen of the world guaranteed that and he often found himself flicking through the TV guide and seeing what she'd be on next. Later that night he'd somehow find himself on the same channel she'd appear on. Maybe he just wanted to see her face, see her dimpled smile and watch her laugh, maybe he just loved her. Maybe he'd never stopped.
In fact he knew he'd never stopped, he just couldn't tell her. He knew now at 22 that five years ago he should have never ruined what he had with Brooke. He knew that he and Peyton were never meant to be, he knew it was stupid to have kissed her. Lucas knew now that he was an idiot for thinking that Peyton was the one for him. It was clearly Brooke. It sucks that hindsight's 20/20. He should've stayed with Brooke. They could've worked through it. They could've been happy. They would've been knew that. If only she knew that, if only he could tell her, if only he could go back and change everything. It's just too bad he can't.
Time won't let me goTime won't let me goIf I could do it all againI'd go back and change everythingBut time won't let me go
Just because he couldn't fix the past doesn't mean he can't change the future. Lucas decided he'd make sure he'd ring Brooke when he got home that afternoon. Lucas smiled as he saw a girl walk down the street in a 'Clothes Over Bros' design. He knew Brooke would be proud; she'd always wanted to be famous, to have people love her, to have people want to be her, to have people wear her clothes.
He'd definitely call her. And if he chickened out he'd make sure that at the next function he'd tell her in person that he was still in love with her.
Lucas remembered Jimmy and Lilly's birthday four months ago. Brooke had always loved Jimmy and Lilly ever since they were born and had always felt bad for not living close enough to see them all the time. She always tried to make up with it, new toys or clothes whenever she was around, which was quite often but never enough for Brooke or him, special outings just the two of them doing something fun together. Brooke usually showed a couple of days before hand to spend time with everyone and catch up, this birthday however she hadn't, instead only showing up the morning of Jimmy and Lilly's birthday. She'd apologised of course and a lot more then necessary, in fact apologising wasn't even necessary. All that mattered was that she was there.
But of course she'd had to make up for it. She'd brought everyone presents. Not just Jimmy and Lilly. Haley got a charm bracelet complete with an apple for being teacher's pet in school, a book for begin Brooke's tutor girl, a wedding ring for getting married before senior year, two T's for Tigger and Tutorgirl, a B for Brooke and a H for Haley, a pacifier for James, a graduation cap, a music note and a love heart shaped locket on it with a picture of Brooke and Haley in it. Nathan got a signed basketball jersey and a large silver photo frame with a picture of Nathan, a pregnant Haley, Jimmy, Lilly, Karen, Brooke, Lucas, Jake, Jenny, Peyton and their second daughter Natalie. For Jimmy she'd brought a new soccer uniform, a basket ball and hoop knowing his other one had broken as well as a new video game.
Lilly had been given a beautiful new dress with a crown and wand because she was a princess and a giant dolls house complete with a whole set of dolls and Barbie Magic Princess movie.
Brooke had of course come with a present for Karen, who was her substitute mum. It was some cookbooks and a ticket to the cooking school in Europe Brooke knew she had wanted to go to.
Brooke had even been kind enough to get him a present it was a photo album and Lucas could tell she had put a lot of work into it, he hadn't look through it fully yet, he'd gotten almost to the end, three quarters of the way in when his editor had called reminding him of the new book he was supposed to be working on. He hadn't had a chance to look through it again. He didn't have any idea what his next book was about. No clue at all.
Lucas checked his watch and saw it was 9:20; he only had 10 minutes to get across the other side of the city, gulping down the last of his coffee Lucas ran out to hail a cab. He did as the cab driver drove along Lucas's phone rang it was Christine, his editor.
"Lucas you better get here soon." She said.
"I'm on my way.' He answered.
"Ok then." Christine said, she was a stickler for detail and never had a lot of fun.
'Not like Brooke.' Lucas thought. No Christine was as serious as they came but with all her uptight ravings about deadlines and the importance of meetings she did have connections and she was the one who had stuck by him when his second novel had flopped, that was the one he knew only his mum, Haley and Nathan and one other person in the world had bought. He didn't know who that other person was, he'd always hoped it was Brooke but she seemed surprised he had another novel out when Haley mentioned it. She'd said she'd make sure to read it if she had time and he knew she sincerely meant it even if it never happened.
I never had a 'Summer of 69'Never had a Cherry Valance of my ownAll these precious momentsYou promised me would come in timeSo where was I when I missed mine?
Lucas turned his phone off so he wouldn't have to handle Christine's frantic phone calls as the meeting drew closer. He wound up thinking about Brooke, he always did. He remembered how much he'd hurt her when he'd kissed Peyton in their second year of high school. He remembered how he was slightly disappointed when they found out she wasn't pregnant, he would've started a family with her, married her and they would have been happy. He remembered how she'd got him to get his tattoo 'fun' because he needed to lighten up. She was fun. He should be too. He remembered how she used to wake him up some nights in summer to make him go skinny dipping with her. He remembered how she used to wrinkle her nose in her sleep and how she'd mumble in her sleep things that were incoherent or illogical. He remembered how beautiful she'd been at their prom and how they'd been voted King and Queen. He remembered how much it hurt him when they separated to go to different colleges and how he'd seen her cry later that night even though she thought he didn't know. He remembered how he saw her crying in the same closet at his mum's café a year later when he came back with Peyton as his girlfriend. He remembered her fake smile and her real one.
He remembered Brooke Davis, the good, the bad and the beautiful.
He remembered when Brooke had tried to make him a cake for their four month anniversary, technically it was there one year anniversary if you added up the time they'd been together and took away their break-ups. They'd broken up four months ago because of something stupid. They'd both realised that they loved each other and had gotten back together. He'd done everything to prove he meant it this time. He'd requested songs on the radio, written her a letter confessing everything she meant to him, he'd set up a candle light dinner for them but each time they ended up fighting or she didn't believe he meant it. Finally he'd done the only thing he could think of. He'd paid for a plane to fly across the sky with a banner saying
"Broody For Cheery Forever, Pretty Girl, Will You Let Me Be Your Boyfriend Again?"
And he'd sang just like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You had done, it was Brooke's second favourite movie next to Weird Science. She'd finally forgiven him and they'd gotten back together to Lucas's relief.
Time won't let me goTime won't let me goIf you gave me back those yearsI'd do it all better I swearTime won't let me go
On their four month post break up anniversary Lucas walked in to the smell of smoke and the shrill beeping sound of the fire alarm. He'd run into the kitchen not knowing what to expect. What he found was masses of thick grey smoke billowing from the open oven where a charred blackened thing that resembled a rock sat in a dish. Brooke sat on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, her hair a wild mess, flour and other smudges across her red and white checked apron and a four stain on her face which was wet from her tears. The counters were covered in all sorts of things; Lucas smiled at Brooke before he rushed to open the windows to get rid of the smoke. The windows were now open and Luke remembered sitting down next to Brooke who had been sobbing, he'd hugged her and kissed her hair which smelled of smoke and sugar but still held traces of her rose shampoo. There was an upturned bowl of what seemed to be extremely watery chocolate syrup a few feet away from them and in between Brooke's legs was a large bowl of some sort of goo.
"What's the matter Pretty Girl?" Lucas asked lowering his head to look Brooke in the eyes.
"I was trying to cook you dinner." Brooke said sniffling. "But the stupid oven ruined the roast coz I forgot what I was supposed to do or when I should've taken it out."
"Oh Brooke that' so nice but you didn't have to." Lucas said.
"I wanted to." Brooke said crossing her arms across her chest and shifting away from him.
"That's ok you didn't have to." Lucas said.
"I did but! I wanted to make you a nice dinner and a cake and everything and it didn't work out so now how am I supposed to show you that I can cook when I clearly can't? I've ruined our anniversary."
"Brooke you could never ruin our anniversary, as long as you're here with me I'm happy." Lucas said. Brooke looked up and smiled.
"Really?" she asked. Lucas nodded.
"Really really." He said and rubbed his nose against hers before kissing her.
They broke apart and Brooke and Lucas looked down around them.
"Do you any of it's still edible?" Brooke asked. Lucas looked over to Brooke and saw how hopeful she was not to have ruined everything."We could try it." He suggested. Brooke smiled brightly.
"You'd really try this… stuff for me?" She asked.
"I'd do anything for you." Lucas promised. Brooke smiled. They'd tasted the cake mixture and both decided not to eat anything in case of food poisoning instead they ordered Chinese food and watched Weird Science together.
It was perfect, they were perfect, she was perfect.
Lucas sat through his interview after having been given a ten minute lecture from Christine about how he was 10 minutes late. She was right that he should've been on time but he couldn't help but think of Brooke instead of listening to what Christine was telling him. And to be honest he didn't pay much attention to what the other people at the meeting said. They meeting ended and Christine told him to work on his new book, she still hadn't gotten the four chapters he owed her. It was important to bounce back from the failure of his second novel. Not that she'd worded it that way, she didn't see it as a failure but he did.
He had no idea about his next book, he had nothing. His muse was gone. He couldn't think of anything that the public would like and buy. And maybe that was the problem, he was looking for an idea that people would respond to, he wasn't writing just for him or just for fun anymore.
Ba ba ba ba ba...
Lucas sighed and continued on with his day, he had a book signing for the most part until he had to make an appearance at some function before he could finish work.
The cab ride home was filled with thoughts and memories of Brooke.
The time the went snuck into someone's backyard and used their spa, the time she got him to cut class with her and go to the beach, the time they were caught making out in a janitors closet, the time Brooke skipped detention to watch him play basketball, the time she snuck into his room and spent the night asleep in his arms, the time she tried to make him breakfast, the time she sang karaoke at a bar for him, the time she hid under his bed and scarred the shit out of him, their one million and one little fights that meant nothing and always ended that same day, the time she hid in the back seat of his car naked bar mittens, the time they fought in the rain and made up there too, the time they bought ice cream and she smushed hers in his face, the time he chucked her in the fountain outside the school fully clothed, the time they won the state championship and she was there cheering him on, their other larger fights, the ones that felt like they went on forever, the time she'd snuck into his house to sneak into his shower and shower with him, the time she woke him up at 3 in the morning by ringing his mobile just to ask how he was and what he'd been doing, when they danced under the stars on the rook of Karen's café, when they'd been locked in Karen's café and spent the night there together, that same morning when they lay on the floor wrapt in a blanket and got caught by Karen… that had been embarrassing, eating ice cream for breakfast with her, they time they'd slept until noon and then spent the rest of the day in their pyjamas watching all o Brooke's favourite movies, the time he tried to get her to read Hemmingway only to find she already had. Everything they'd ever done together swirled around in his mind, every image of her wether she was mad or crying or laughing or smiling or sleeping or eating or in make-up or just woken up, in her prom dress or in her sweats.
She was beautiful and she was always on his mind.
Lucas opened the door to his apartment and threw his keys, bag and jacket on the counter, his mobile fell out and he flicked it on, like most older style phones it took a moment or two to start up again. Lucas left it on the counter before waking into the kitchen and getting a sandwich, he passed his mobile on the way through the hall and grabbed it. He wanted to catch the last half of the baseball game on the sport channel before he went to bed. As he went on his way to the living room he passed answering machine. 8 messages. Then his mobile buzzed in his hand signifying that it had collected all his messages that were sent while it was turned off. 11 missed calls.
What was so urgent?
If I could go back once againI would change everything, yeahIf I could go back once againI'd do it all so much better
"Lucas its Christine. I need you to be leaving or in a cab already. No stopping for coffee today, the traffic is supposed to be terrible today."
There was a dial tone meaning someone had hung up.
"Hello it's Susie, from the bar last weekend. I got your number off a friend. You're unlisted. Weird huh? So anyway if you want to catch up or anything you have my number. Just in case you don't it's – "
Lucas deleted the message straight away. He didn't care what the woman's number was. He hadn't even liked her at the bar the last weekend. She'd came up to him and had, after 4 beers looked a little like Brooke so he'd chatted with her. She hadn't been anything like Brooke.
"Luke it's Haley I really need you to call me back. It's urgent."
Another dial tone.
What was wrong? Lucas was worried but decided to check his other messages and then ring her straight away.
"Luke man it's Nate. We really need you to call us back. It's important."
"LUCAS EUGENE SCOTT DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE ANYMORE?" Haley's voice screamed at him. He was getting more and more worried.
"Lucas it's your mother. Haley's freaking out and Nathan's a mess we need you to call us. It's not something we can talk about over the phone."
Lucas was worried. What was wrong? Were they hurt? Was it Lily? Was James ok? Had Haley had her baby? Were there complications?
Lucas' mobile beeped again telling him it had more information for him to hear. He was numb as he pressed the button to hear his messages.
A dial tone.
"Lucas it's Christine. Where are you? We only have five minutes until the meetings starts and we still have some things to go over."
"Lucas it's Haley, call me as soon as you get this message. It's important."
Lucas checked the time of that message. It was two minutes after the first message Haley had left him on his home phone answering machine.
"Lucas where are you the meeting is starting right now."
It was Christine again.
Another dial tone.
"LUCAS I mean it answer you phone. I'm not joking. Pick up the damn phone right now."
Haley again.
A third dial tone.
"Luke where are you. It's now five minutes into the meeting. We have absolutely no time to prep anything. The investors are getting agitated. This is no time to forget the most important meeting you have this week. These people could make or break your next book. We want them on our side."
The message ended abruptly and Lucas knew that Christine had been leaving the message when he'd arrived.
"Luke what could be so important that you won't answer you phone. You need to hear this. Call as back as soon as you hear this. I don't care where you are or what you're doing."
It was Nathan. Lucas had never heard him like this before. He knew it was an emergency what ever it was.
"Lucas it's me again. I left a message on your home phone but you didn't pick up. I know you have a busy and important life right now but you NEED to ring us, it's important."
It was his mum again.
"Lucas answer the damn phone. Haley and Nathan and your mum have been trying to reach you for the last couple of hours. Why the hell are you not answering your phone?"
It was Peyton. Lucas knew it must be bad.
Quickly he dialled his mum's number, no answer. There was no one at the Café either. The café was closed. That meant it was bad news. He tried Peyton's and realised on the fourth ring it had been a stupid idea, she wasn't going to be home. It was then he rang Haley and Nathan's.
Time won't let me goTime won't let me goIf I could do it all againI'd go back and change everythingBut you won't ever let me go
Haley answered the phone.
"Hello?" her voice sounded like it was going to break.
"Hales what's wrong?"
"Luke?" she asked.
"Yeah." He said.
"WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU ANSWER YOUR FREAKING PHONE ANYMORE!" Haley yelled down the phone. He hadn't expected that. Maybe a 'thank God you called' but not being screamed at.
"Haley what's the matter? What's wrong?" Lucas asked.
"Oh my God Luke." Haley said crying all over again, he knew she'd been crying before he rang and he knew she'd been crying before she left those messages for him.
"What is it Hales?" Lucas asked feeling his chest tighten and he could hear his heart thumping in his chest.
"She's dead Luke, she's dead. She died. She killed herself." Was all Haley could say as she sobbed.
"Who's dead?" Lucas asked praying the tightness in his chest had nothing to do with this.
"Brooke's dead Lucas, she's gone. She took sleeping pills and fell asleep… only now she won't wake up." Haley sobbed.
Ba ba ba ba ba...
Lucas had sat there until two hours after he'd hung up the phone from talking to Haley. He'd cried for three hours after that sitting in the dark on the couch. The next morning he woke up and organised his flight to Tree Hill. Nathan and Haley still lived there along with Karen and Lilly. Brooke had asked in her will for everything to be sent there and spilt up between them to do with what they wanted. After he hung up the phone Lucas crawled back onto his couch and lay there starring into space. His eyes adjusted and he saw Brooke's photo album and grabbed it. As he flicked through the pages the tears fell down his face.
He'd never get a chance to tell her he still loved her and that he should have always picked her over Peyton.
His second chance would never happen.
He was too late.
He 'Cheery' had been gone for good and his Pretty Girl joined her now.
There we go. This was actually a present for Rella coz she loves Brucas and the song Time Won't Let Me Go by The Bravery
I gotta admitt i love Brucas too! Anything but Leyton i can swing with!
Liza!
xxx-ooo-xxx