Summary: Farkle is shutting Lucas out, and Lucas doesn't know what do to.
A/N: So I wrote this instead of writing the next update to "Starstruck" lmao...I was having severe Larkle feels (blame LadyofDecember on tumblr for that) and I just needed to write something for them. Anyway, I hope this turned out well...it was challenging to write, but I really enjoyed it. Please leave your thoughts on the story/character's voices :)
Lucas faintly remembered being warned that junior year of high school was a bitch. But frankly, he was feeling far too overwhelmed at the moment to really care whether he was warned or not; all he knew was that it was one hundred percent true. ACTs. SATs. 2 AP classes. Lucas could've sworn that he was on the edge of having a mental breakdown every single day.
Today was no different—well, it was different, but not because he wasn't on the verge of a breakdown. Lucas was still hanging by his fingertips, but Farkle—his boyfriend and the person who turned out to be his only source of sanity—was acting quite strangely. Lucas couldn't remember Farkle ever acting like he had all day, at least not since before they started dating at the end of eighth grade.
They were sitting in Lucas' bedroom, doing their homework like they usually did. When they walked into the room, Lucas had flopped down on the bed, automatically scooting over to make room for Farkle to sit next to him, but for some mystifying reason, Farkle had chosen to sit at Lucas' oft-ignored (and therefore quite messy) desk instead. And that wasn't all; Farkle—wouldn't-ever-shut-up Farkle—wasn't giving him more than one word answers to his questions, ignoring all of Lucas' attempts at conversation.
Lucas gazed at the other boy, his six foot, two inch frame hunched over the desk, lips stretched taut across his face, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Lucas had seen that look on Farkle's face many times—it was exactly the same—and yet it wasn't. Lucas didn't have a clue to what was going on in Farkle's head, but he knew Farkle wasn't himself, and he needed to find out why.
"Farkle, what's going on?" Lucas finally asked, trying his hardest to bust through the wall Farkle thrown up between them.
"Nothing. I'm fine," Farkle quipped, not once moving his eyes from the paper in front of him.
"Bullshit," Lucas said, carelessly tossing his textbook aside and walking over to Farkle's side, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"What?" Farkle replied blankly, thrown off balance by Lucas' callout. Lucas smiled softly at the boy, grabbing his hand and pulling him on his feet and to the bed.
"C'mere," Lucas mumbled, holding his arms out for Farkle. Farkle hesitated and then stiffly sat down and let himself be reeled into the embrace. Lucas pulled Farkle into his side tightly, frowning when Farkle didn't curl up around and into him the way he usually did.
"You've been acting weird and closed off ever since this morning," Lucas sighed, gently nudging his head up against Farkle's. "Please just talk to me. I'm worried about you."
"I'll be okay Lucas, I'm just uhhh—stressed out about a class. I'm um—um struggling," Farkle answered, speaking a little too quickly for Lucas' liking, despite his hesitations. In fact, Lucas wasn't buying a single word Farkle had just said. Lucas briefly considered pursuing the matter further, but Farkle's resolute façade showed no signs of cracking, and Lucas knew he couldn't force anything out of Farkle, regardless of whether he wanted to.
"Okay," Lucas said resignedly, giving Farkle a quick peck on the cheek before releasing him. Farkle didn't hesitate to scurry back to the desk, immediately re-immersing himself in his homework. Lucas leaned his head against the headboard, exhaling loudly, frustrated that Farkle's wall stood just as tall as before. Farkle was clearly hiding something. He wondered why Farkle was refusing to open up to him. Had he done something to break Farkle's trust that he didn't realize or remember? Was Farkle mad at him for some reason? There was only one way to answer those questions without dragging the response out of Farkle himself.
So as soon as Farkle went home for the evening, Lucas sprinted out the door to his house, running to speak to the only two people who he thought knew Farkle better than him.
"So Lucas, what brings you to our bay window tonight?" Riley declared with joking bravado.
"Have I done something to make Farkle mad at me?" Lucas blurted out.
"Why wouldn't you just ask him that yourself?"
"Yeah Huckleberry, you know Farkle better than we do," Maya added. She and Riley didn't see much of Farkle anymore as he chose to spend most of his time with Lucas.
"He's not exactly talking to me," Lucas explained, biting his bottom lip anxiously. "Well, he's talking to me, but he's not saying anything. I thought he might have come to you two."
"He didn't," Riley responded.
"He stopped coming to us once you started dating," Maya elaborated. "And besides, are you kidding me? Farkle couldn't be angry with you if he tried!" Maya exclaimed, practically howling with laughter.
"Yeah, he practically melts into a puddle of goo every time you smile at him," Riley chimed in.
"I'm not so sure," Lucas mumbled. "I mean, why else would someone just start shutting you out? He's never shut me out like this before! What if something is really wrong? Why wouldn't he just tell me?" he continued, getting more worked up as he stood and began pacing around the room.
"Relax Huckleberry," Maya chuckled. "I'm sure it's fine. You're probably just overthinking this."
"Do you want us to see if we can find out anything? We might be able—" Riley asked when Lucas didn't appear to be calming down the slightest bit.
"Riles—" Maya protested.
"No, its fine," Lucas brushed Riley's offer off, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. He didn't want Riley and Maya to actually intervene; he just thought they might know something he didn't. "I'll just talk to him tomorrow. Maybe—maybe you're right. Maybe it's nothing and he just had a bad day," he remarked, even though he didn't believe what he was saying one bit.
"The offer still stands if you need us," Riley smiled, quickly giving Lucas a hug before he climbed out the window and headed back home.
Lucas hadn't slept well at all last night. His brain wouldn't stop buzzing with worry over Farkle, thoughts racing recklessly across his neurons at thousands of miles per hour. He just couldn't shake the feeling that something was really wrong. The fact that Farkle was purposely keeping him in the dark unnerved him, and he felt powerless to do anything at all. It was a feeling he hated with every fiber of his being.
Right now, Lucas was leaning up against Farkle's locker waiting for him, wearing jeans and a dark hoodie (since it was chilly and Farkle had his letterman jacket and refused to give it back; not that Lucas was fighting all that hard to get it back, given that Farkle looked adorable in the size-too-big jacket). Lucas stared at the clock, trying to decide if he was seeing the time right: 7:20. Farkle was always here by now, except there was no sign of him. Lucas sighed, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.
"The subway is just running late," Lucas silently reasoned, even though he knew that wouldn't have slowed Farkle down. He would've gotten a cab, or even ran to school if necessary. Farkle loved school and he'd do anything not to be late.
The five-minute warning bell rang, and Lucas scanned the hall one last time, reluctantly shoved off from the lockers and walked to his first class. Something had to be very wrong if Farkle wasn't showing up for school. From his experience, Farkle could be an inch from death, and he would be crawling into the school. It wouldn't matter if the school nurse turned him away, he'd still at least show up.
Lucas' heart was pounding as he pulled out his phone. There wasn't a message from Farkle explaining why he wasn't there, and Lucas wasn't simply worried anymore; the emotion was something more akin to full-on panic. He couldn't help that it colored the messages he sent Farkle just before class started.
Why aren't you at school?
You never miss school. Is something wrong?
Lucas had to put his phone in his backpack because class had started, but he couldn't pay attention. He kept staring at the bag, hoping that he could sense his phone vibrating. He just needed to know that Farkle was okay, that there was some kind of emergency maybe, and wasn't missing school for some other far more terrifying reason.
First hour ended, and Lucas was fishing around in his backpack for his phone before he even stood up, feeling his heart nearly stop and sink to the floor when he didn't see a reply. Lucas briefly considered cutting class and going over to Farkle's house, but instead he decided to try his luck with texting again. His dad wouldn't care why he skipped; he would still get grounded anyway and Lucas preferred to avoid that outcome.
Farkle
Please answer
You're freaking me out
Lucas kept walking to his next class, eyes glued to his phone screen, waiting for the message bubbles to pop up, telling him that Farkle was typing a response. He wasn't looking where he was going and ended up running head-on into one of the football players.
"Sorry," Lucas muttered, walking on, ignoring the snickers that came from the other players accompanying the other boy. If he had been listening any closer, he would've realized that they were whispering about Farkle, but his mind was too busy to notice that, because a response from Farkle was not forthcoming before second hour started. In fact, there was no answer from Farkle all day, despite the repeated messages Lucas kept sending. After school was over, Lucas bolted, trying to get to Farkle's house as fast as he could. He knocked on the front door rapidly, not even bothering to say hi to Farkle's mom, pushing past her when she swung the door open.
"You couldn't answer any of my texts?" Lucas barked as he burst through the door to Farkle's bedroom, finding the boy sitting on his bed with a book.
"Wha—what are you d-doing here Lucas?" Farkle stuttered, avoiding Lucas' intense gaze.
"I haven't heard from you all day, why do you think I'm here?" Lucas snapped. He was angry: angry that Farkle ignored him, angry that Farkle wasn't telling him what was wrong.
"Iwasn'tfeelingwellthat'sallI'mreallyokaynoneedtoworryaboutme," Farkle spit out, chuckling nervously at the end. Now he was lying too?
"You seem perfectly fine! You've showed up to school before when you were 'sicker' than this!" Lucas argued.
"Okay fine, so I'm not sick. I just didn't want to go to school," Farkle shrugged.
"What?" Lucas said, struggling to wrap his head around the sentence he'd just heard come from Farkle's mouth.
"I said I didn't want to go to school."
"Farkle, you have to tell me what's going on. This—this isn't okay. You're scaring me," Lucas pleaded, his voice softening as he sat down on the edge of the bed and grabbed Farkle's hand.
"I can't tell you. There—there's nothing you can do. Please just let it go."
"Farkle—"
"Lucas, please."
"Okay, I will, but only if you come to school tomorrow."
"Okay."
"And if you ever want to talk—"
"Lucas."
"Sorry," Lucas murmured. "It's just…I love you, and I want to be there for you."
"I know you do. But I love you too, and that's why I can't tell you what's going on."
Lucas didn't know what to say to that, so rather than say anything at all, he leaned over and kissed Farkle, feeling relieved when, in contrast to the day before, the boy relaxed at his touch and melted into the kiss, the two of them letting the world and worry fade into the background, if only for a moment.
Lucas walked into school early the next day, anxious to return to some sense of normalcy after the craziness of the last few days. He was surprised to see a crowd of football players (the very same ones that he ran into the day before) gathered in the hallway. On any other day, Lucas would've walked past them without another thought, but he was on high alert after everything that had been going on with Farkle the last few days.
Despite Farkle's pleas to leave it alone, Lucas had to find out what Farkle was hiding. It certainly had crossed his mind a few times last night that he might be getting bullied again, which would also explain why Farkle wanted to keep it from him. Lucas knew, from what he had seen, that football players were notorious for picking on other kids (even in high school), and one of them (for whatever reason) might have decided to make Farkle a target. So Lucas quickly glanced inside the center of the circle they had formed, doing a double take when he realized that it was actually Farkle in center.
"Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Lucas bellowed angrily, pushing his way into the circle. He pulled Farkle into his body, shielding him as best he could. Lucas noticed all of the boys surrounding them took a small step back, save for one, who Lucas assumed to be the ringleader.
"Just doing you a favor," that particular boy said innocently.
"And what makes you think that?" Lucas spat, as the other players gradually shuffled further away, leaving the leader mostly on his own (with only two other players still flanking him).
"I was getting this nerd off your back. You should be thanking me."
"Take it easy on him Lucas, he's new," one of the two players left said feebly as Lucas let go of Farkle, stalking over to the other football player and walking him into the lockers with relative ease.
"For your information, this 'nerd' is my boyfriend and has been since 8th grade. So I don't want him 'off my back' and if you know what's good for you, you won't even look in his direction again," Lucas snarled, grabbing a handful of his shirt and roughly slamming his back against the lockers. The other boy's cool confidence had faded, his face going pale as he found himself pinned up against the cold metal.
"Lucas don't," Farkle said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Farkle—"
"This is why I didn't tell you," Farkle sighed, trying to pull Lucas away. "I know you want to protect me, but I don't want you to get expelled again."
Lucas took a deep breath and looked into Farkle's piercing blue eyes, feeling his anger dissipate as he did. Lucas unclenched his fist, releasing the boy and letting him scamper away.
"Why?" Lucas asked.
"I already told you—"
"I'm not like that anymore, you know that. You know I would've just threatened him and wasn't going to hurt him."
"But—"
"Why?"
"He—he said that someone like me didn't deserve to even know you and—and I thought maybe he was right," Farkle whispered so that Lucas could barely hear him.
"Farkle," Lucas murmured, drawing Farkle tightly into his arms. "Farkle, he's not right and he won't ever be right."
"You really mean that?" Farkle asked, burrowing his head into the crook of Lucas' neck.
"Of course I do. I love you and being 'deserving' has nothing to do with that. Just—just promise me something."
"Yeah?"
"Please don't shut me out like that again. I hate not knowing what's going on with you or being able to help you, especially when I find out that someone is bullying you."
"I'm sorry," Farkle sighed, gripping Lucas just a little bit tighter.
"So you promise?"
"Yeah I promise."
"Hey Lucas?" Farkle added after a long pause.
"Yeah?"
"You're really cute when you get protective of me."
Lucas buried his face in Farkle's hair, blushing a dark shade of red, just like he always did when Farkle said he was cute.
"Thanks. I love you Lucas."