Blood on Blood
Thor had brought Jane back to Asgard. He kept her close, at his side almost every minute of every day, for months. He loved her dearly, loved her with a force that he did not understand, as they had known each other for such a fleetingly short time. And perhaps that was the reason why she couldn't give him what he needed.
There was a feeling in Thor's chest: an emptiness, a dull ache. A hole he needed to fill but didn't know how. At night he tossed and turned, and the mere moments he spent sleeping were plagued by nightmares.
He was at a loss.
Everyone knew what Thor truly lacked. He'd been lacking it for a long time but recent events had made things worse. Odin had hoped that by allowing Jane to stay the thunderer would settle down, barely contented but sensible enough not to ask for more – however it was hopeless. When he wasn't busy in another realm, Thor strolled through the palace, sometimes with Jane, more often on his own. He was restless, pacing up and down, hoping to find some distraction, some satisfaction. He tried many things, some things he wasn't proud of, but his need seemed to be insatiable.
What Thor needed was his brother. Always had been his brother. Loki, with his many flaws but even more qualities; his smirk, his pale eyes, his love for mischief, his recent tendency to raise his voice and his old habit to lick his lips nervously. He needed all of him – but could have none.
Everyone knew and some were full of pity. Others were angry. They blamed Loki for everything, and Thor couldn't stand it.
He had been so angry and disappointed – still was so angry and disappointed and hurt and shocked – but was he the only one to realise that it just didn't matter? All this had happened in such a brief period time and before that, Loki had done everything to protect Asgard, to protect his family. It was ridiculous that a few human years mattered more than millennia of honour and loyalty.
Thor missed Loki – missed him with such an inexhaustible passion. Flashes of their time together kept forcing themselves before his inner eye. Loki reading, Loki laughing, Loki training, lying in the grass, crying openly, hiding his tears, Loki looking at him with his wide lovely eyes.
Loki, Loki, Loki.
Slowly but steadily it was becoming all Thor could think of.
I didn't do it for him.
Despite his many painful attempts Thor had never succeeded in convincing himself that Loki had no love for him. He'd always hoped. He had always known.
Every single second, no matter in which realm or at what time of day, Thor had ached to run down to the dungeons and just look at him, speak to him – no matter what he said, how he looked, what he did. He'd been starving… so lonely.
Seeing Loki again, it had been like electricity pulsing through his veins, bringing him back to life. He had hidden it; he was vulnerable enough as it was. He had kept his gaze glued to the ground, had forcefully prevented it from flickering to his brother. His body had been tense, hands clenching at his sides, so he wouldn't touch, wouldn't give away how much he ached, how much he needed him.
Before all this had happened, Thor had taken his brother for granted. His company, his affection – it had been as normal to him as the hammer in his hand, as the change of dawn and dusk. He wanted to go back and right his wrongs. He'd been harsh and reckless and rash and foolish. It didn't bother him, not really – one had to learn from mistakes and become wiser with time – but knowing that he'd been the one to bully Loki onto the path he now treaded on… it made Thor feel ill, deep in his heart.
If only he had treated his brother as an equal. He'd always considered him one – he'd just been too proud to admit it. He'd been a vain, selfish boy.
And now Loki was gone; and Thor was doomed to live centuries with a void in soul and a loneliness in his heart that turned every bright colour into grey.
At night Thor dreamt that Loki was with him. In his sleep, he held onto Jane, cried and trembled. He loved her, he didn't mind that she saw him so weak and vulnerable.
Loki, Loki, Loki.
It was an obsession.
Thor started to isolate himself: at first he rarely left the realm, then he rarely left the palace and eventually he rarely left his chambers. Jane was upset. Thor didn't want to upset her, he didn't want her and his friends and his father to worry. Yet the grief didn't leave him a choice. He couldn't go outside, couldn't be the god he had been.
Thor was paralysed by sorrow and loneliness, and nothing could bring him back from the dead.
His friends gave up… eventually even Jane gave up on him. She returned to Midgard. Thor felt a slight twinge of regret but it wasn't enough to ask her to stay. It wouldn't be fair to do that. He was useless. All his former urge to help, to protect and to restore was gone.
And now Loki was right in front of him, smirking, bright eyes watching his every move.
"Loki..?" Thor breathed, clearly going insane. Loki had died in his arms, the dark world had turned his skin grey and the last breath had left his lungs.
The man – or the hallucination – in front of him tilted his head back to grin triumphantly. "Thor. Will you ever not fall for my tricks?" He asked in a mocking voice.
A crying kitchen maid had entered the room and now it was Loki pacing up to the table were Thor's armour lay, picking up a piece of chestplate as he smirked at his brother. "Did you really think I'd die for you?"
Thor stood, speechless and paralysed by the storm of conflicted emotion in his chest. There was joy, so much joy and relief that Loki wasn't, in fact, dead, but there was also anger and pain and disbelief.
Hesitantly the thunderer closed the distance between them and reached out, softly dragging his fingertips along the pale cheek. Loki almost ducked, green eyes watching Thor's every move almost warily. "No, you're not mad." His chuckle was wry and humourless. "You cannot rid yourself of me so easily."
Thor had Loki pinned against the wall within seconds, forearm pressing against the trickster's throat. His body was on fire. It was Loki. Right in front of him, alive.
"What now, brother?" Loki laughed although his voice was tight and breathless due to the elbow being shoved at his throat. "Do you want to finish what the Kursed started?
"Are you angry? Will you punish me – throw me back into my cell?" He scoffed, still smiling in this bitter way.
Yet Thor could see through the act. "Why did you come to me now, after all these months?" He asked, voice hoarse and trembling. He wanted to say many things to Loki, words of love and of anger burned in his throat, but this was what truly mattered. If Loki expected him to merely throw him back into the dungeons – why had he come?
Loki looked surprised. "Thor, Thor, Thor… finally beginning to ask the right questions." He commented and flashed a short grin. "I'm impressed."
"Shut up and answer." Thor growled, resisting the urge to sink down to his knees, gather Loki in his arms and cry for millennia. It was still so hard to pretend not to have any love for his brother left. He'd done it till the end, but now Loki was back and the glimmer of hope Thor had denied to have burned brighter than ever.
"Oh, I missed you, brother. Isn't that reason enough?" Loki sneered – but there was a spark of something else in his eye and Thor instantly released him, taking a step back to look at him. A weak smile stretched Thor's lips. He stood there for a long moment, staring down at Loki, knowing that it was a matter of seconds until his resolve would crumble.
"What?" Loki snarled soon, smoothing out his leather coat, his smirk wavering. "Why do you look at me like that?"
Thor knew exactly how to tease Loki, how to confuse him. He knew it was cruel but he needed Loki to drop the act – after all this time, he needed him to be himself again.
Loki stepped closer to him again, his stance aggressive. "Are you laughing at me, Odinson?" He spat. "Do you dare laugh at me?"
Thor hated to see him so distressed, but they were almost there. He just kept looking down at Loki calmly, with this tired smile on his lips, watching him intently.
"What?" Loki yelled, fists clenching at his sides. "Are you gloating already? So delighted by the prospect of me rotting in my cell again?" He hissed the words, quickly, abruptly. "Or are you tired? Tired of me dying and coming back to life to haunt you?" Loki's eyes were wide and wicked and – Thor let out a deep breath – there they went. The tears. The only thing Loki could not fake. Crystal tears welling in those green eyes – finally.
"Do you hate me so much that—" But he couldn't finish the sentence as Thor pulled him into his arms, into a bone-crushing embrace.
The trickster's body was limp in his arms, but Thor didn't care. He held him tightly, revelling in the comfort and bliss of having him so close. "It's alright, Loki." He murmured softly, closing his eyes. "It's alright."
Loki began to fight, to squirm, trying to twist his body out of the embrace. "What are you doing, you oaf? Let go of me!" He protested, shoving his hands against Thor's chest, but the thunderer didn't release him.
"Shh…" Thor made, smiling faintly. "Be calm, Loki. Be calm and listen."
When Loki eventually stopped squirming in his arms, giving up, Thor pulled back a little so he could look at him, one hand clasping the back of his brother's neck. "I do not hate you, Loki." He said quietly, staring into those wet emerald eyes. "I never have and never will. No matter what you do or say.
I will always love you."
Loki's eyes grew wide and a tear fell from his lid to trickle down his cheek. For a moment it was just Loki, without any pretence or pride or disguise.
Then Thor was being shoved against the wall, mouth assaulted by Loki's. He was kissing him almost violently, all tongue and teeth, and Thor let it happen. Kissed back as gently as he could, knowing that Loki needed stability. There was no time to think about his own urges, the urgency and need he felt, not unlike the force with which Loki was kissing him now.
His hands cupped both sides of his brother's face, and he allowed Loki to rage on as long, as he needed to. Thor's lips were swollen and bleeding by the time the trickster pulled back, a long, breathless sob erupting from his mouth.
He looked broken for a moment, before his barriers rose again.
"Fight me!" He hissed, cheeks wet with tears. "Hate me, Thor!" His fists weakly beat down on Thor's chest. "Kill me – give me what I deserve!"
Thor let it happen. He merely dragged his thumb along Loki's cheekbone in the gentlest of gestures and watched.
"Are you truly so weak?!" Loki spat, feigning spite. "Have you no pride? No honour? I betrayed you – more than once. Now punish me!"
"Oh Loki…" Thor murmured, leaning his forehead against his brother's.
"Stop it!" Loki screeched, trying to twist out of Thor's grip again. "I don't want your foolish love. I don't want it! Release me!"
"I hate you! I hate you, Thor! I did everything to make you hate me, too! So resent me, loathe me, get your revenge! Torture me like I tortured you!"
Loki's tone was becoming more and more desperate while tears kept falling from his eyes.
But Thor held him, kept their foreheads pressed together, felt every tremble of Loki's body and heard every break of Loki's voice.
"Defend yourself!" Loki shouted, although it sounded more like a sob. "You fool, you arrogant, vain fool!
"What must I do to make you see? What must I do to make you hate me?"
There was a moment of silence.
"Oh, I know." Loki leaned back, smiled bitterly and all of the sudden his skin turned blue, his eyes crimson, tears freezing on his cheeks. "You can't touch me now, can you?"
But Thor held onto him, the ice burning his skin.
"What are you doing, you idiot?" Loki screamed, fighting to free himself of Thor's embrace. "Stop it, let go of me!"
Through the leather of Loki's coat the cold was invading Thor's body, slowly turning his skin grey. Loki watched with horror as Thor did not let go, and with a final screech he turned back to his Asgardian form, collapsing against his brother, frantic sobs shaking his body. "Why?" He wailed. "Why, Thor?"
Thor held him, feeling his slender body tremble and quiver. He tried to think of an answer to the question but couldn't find the right words, while Loki clung to him like a child. Yet he knew that he needed to say something, needed to make his brother understand.
"It's always been you, Loki." Thor said weakly, palming his cheek, smiling down at him. "It's only ever been you."
Loki surged forward, pressing their lips together again. His arms wrapped around Thor's neck, as he kissed him with a desperate passion. Thor knew what he was trying to say and smiled against Loki's lips. He felt a warmth spreading in his body, as magic rushed through veins, healing the ice burns.
Slowly Loki began to succumb to Thor's tenderness and his kisses became less forceful and violent. There were still tears streaming down his face as he pulled back to breathe. "Take me, Thor." He whispered against the thunderer's lips. "Make me yours entirely."
"Loki…" Thor murmured, unsure of what to say.
"What?!" Loki hissed, angry again. "Will you not claim what you've conquered? Will you leave things unfinished? How do you dare not give yourself to m—" But he was cut off by Thor shoving him back against the wall. "Shut up." The thunderer growled. "I will take you."
A low moan rumbled through Loki's chest and he let his body to roll against Thor's in a smooth movement, groins pressing together. With one strong arm Thor lifted Loki so the trickster could wrap his legs around his waist. "Good boy." Loki teased, leaning down to kiss him again. Thor stumbled backwards, slowly navigating them towards the bed.
He didn't care what Loki said now. When he was finished with him tonight, he'd have heard the truth. He would make Loki say it – in time.
Loki was fickle, devastated one moment and playful the next. It confused Thor, but it also aroused him.
He fell backwards onto the bed, allowing Loki to be on top. The trickster grinned down at him triumphantly, dark hair tickling the sides of Thor's face. "The mighty Thor, all vulnerable." He murmured, licking his lips. "What makes you think you can trust me?"
Thor merely smiled in response and his hand tangled in Loki's hair to pull his head down for a heated kiss, lifting his hips from the bed to create some friction between their groins.
"My, my…" Loki chuckled and Thor almost rolled his eyes – wouldn't he ever just shut up? "What would your mortal say?"
"I don't care." Thor murmured truthfully, grabbing Loki's arms and rolling them over, claiming his lips once more in a passionate kiss. He sat up again, pulling Loki with him so he was sitting in his lap now, never breaking the kiss. His hands worked to undo the buckles of the black leather coat, while he kept kissing Loki, as if his life depended on it. And in a way it did, he thought.
When they'd gotten rid of the leather, Thor had grown too impatient to bother with Loki's undershirt and simply tore it off his chest. "Impatient, aren't we?" The trickster chuckled, snapping his fingers to let Thor's shirt disappear as well. He ran his hands down Thor's bare chest, tracing the outlines of his muscles with a broad smile. "I have waited for this…" He purred, pressing his body flush against Thor's as he lowered his mouth to his neck. The thunderer's hands explored the smooth skin of Loki's back, the sharp lines of his ribs and spine. He moaned a little when Loki sucked on the sensitive flesh just below his ear and pushed his hand into the raven hair to pull his head back again and make him look at him.
Loki was beautiful, with his eyes puffy from crying and cheeks wet with tears. "Oh Loki…" He leaned in to smother the trickster's face in kisses, while his free hand tugged at the laces of his trousers. He kissed his lips, the corners of his mouth, his chin, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his lids and eventually his lips again and Loki was laughing at him, but Thor didn't care. "You're ridiculous." He commented despite the blissful smile that graced his lips and the way he leaned into every little touch. He was so obviously enjoying the love Thor offered, taking it all and wanting even more. Thor did not mind that either. He was greedy for love himself.
Finally he was done undoing the lacing of Loki's breeches and was about to roll them over again and pull the damned piece of clothing off when he was being pressed down onto the bed, a hot mouth making its way down his chest.
Loki had always been much cleverer with his hands and he had Thor's trousers unfastened in an instant. "Thor, Thor, Thor… so aroused already, and I haven't even started yet." Loki smirked up at him, eyes dark with lust. The thunderer reached down to yank him up by his hair. He shoved his hand down Loki's trousers and grinned, "To me it feels like you're right in the middle of it." He retorted, licking along the trickster's bottom lip.
Loki audibly stifled a moan and snorted, "Trying to be smart, Thor? You know I've always been the clever one out of us two." His voice was tight with desire, however, and he pushed his groin forward into Thor's touch.
Although he wasn't exactly getting tired of the teasing, the way Loki's body pressed against his made Thor's mouth water and trousers tighten. He pushed Loki off and turned to crawl on top of him again.
While stealing another deep kiss from his brother, Thor's hands settled on his hips and he mouthed his way down the pale chest and stomach to his waistband. He could hear his breath hitching as he pulled off his breeches with one smooth motion, and licked his lips at the sight of Loki hard for him already.
The trickster was about to say something but Thor quickly cut him off by putting his lips around the head of his cock, sucking hard, and instead of a snarky comment, a soft moan escaped Loki's mouth. His hands fisted in Thor's hair and surprisingly they pulled him up again. "Do not coddle me!" Loki commanded, cheeks flushed and hands shaking. "Take me now!"
Thor would have laughed, but he understood the urgency of Loki's desire. This wasn't just for pleasure. This was an emotional fusion. A promise.
Thor leaned down to capture Loki's lips again, kissing him thoroughly while his body rolled against his brother's, pushing their erections together and a sharp hiss escaped him. Loki willingly spread his legs for him, their lips still linked in a heated kiss.
Cool hands were all over Thor's body, stroking gently here and scratching his skin somewhere else. Loki was rutting against him, legs wrapped around his waist, and the thunderer's mind was fogged by desire, his need growing stronger.
"Thor…" Loki growled breathlessly, hips jerking forward, "Do not dare keep me waiting for much longer." His fingernails dug into Thor's flesh, leaving red streaks as he dragged his hands along the tanned skin. "Now, Thor!"
And Thor obeyed, pushing inside Loki with a forceful thrust of his hips. Loki moaned loudly and clung onto him, wrapping his legs around his waist again, to allow him to slide inside even deeper.
A groan rumbled through the thunderer's chest and he pulled back only to thrust his hips forward again, repeating the action, slowly finding a good rhythm. Loki was chanting his name, moving his own groin along with Thor's, moaning headily. "You're mine." He hissed, leaving red biting marks on the tanned neck.
Thor gripped his cock, pumping him in the same rhythm and meanwhile tried to capture Loki's lips in a kiss but the trickster was too agitated; he kept turning away to mouth along his jaw or shoulder, bite down at his lip or nibble at his ear. Sometimes he met Thor's lips in a few seconds of a violent kiss but he wouldn't settle down.
"You're mine, Thor." He repeated, in between moans. Thor could hardly listen as electricity was pulsing through his veins, pleasure shaking his body in the most exquisite ways.
Yes, he was Loki's and Loki was his and although it had always been that way, it felt impossibly perfect to be joined together as one.
"Thor!" Loki gasped, his body tensing up and he came all over Thor's hand and his own stomach, with a long, loud moan. Thor groaned and pushed inside him again, and as he tightened around him the thunderer tumbled over the edge himself. His body lit up and tensed, pleasure running through his veins. He came with Loki's name on the tip of his tongue, riding out his thunderous orgasm.
He collapsed onto Loki, panting and smiling. The dull ache, the emptiness, it was gone. It had been replaced by a warmth, a bliss, a feeling of completion.
Thor rolled off of Loki and instantly gathered him in his arms. They lay in silence for a long moment, their breathing slowly evening out.
"Why did you come, Loki?" He murmured softly, nuzzling against his brother's cheek.
"You know why." The trickster rolled his eyes and brushed their lips together in a languid kiss.
"Tell me that you love me."
"No."
Thor chuckled. "I love you."
"And that's why I came."