Have you ever spent HOURS slaving over a hot stove, preparing a nice nutritious lunch for your little siblings, only for your father to come home with Chinese food for them to eat?!
(fumes)
The chow mein was particularly good, though.
ALSO YOU GUYZ YOU GUYZ. This is my 100th fic! (On FF dot Net anyway.) :DDD Who wants to offer to give me a lap-dance? XDXD
ANYWAY. B-DAY FIC IS IN ORDER.
Title: The Chips and that Other Block
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: None really. Peripheral Sasuke/Sakura.
Rating: PG.
Word Count: 935
Summary/Description: Do you know what your children are playing? ("MIKOTO STOP LICKING YOUR BLOOD YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN!!")
Warning/Spoilers: Crack. Stupidity. Intentional OOC. I'm not joking about the crack.
A/N: Okay this is the third part to Bad Karma and Some Call It Irony, but it's the last one, I promise. :P Thank you, Fuji, my dear, for feeding my brain. XD
Dedication: For Chariel. Happy birthday lovey! I hope you're having a wonderful day. grins
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to more or less sane people. Which rules me out.
Sasuke was walking home from work one afternoon, trying to think up a new style for their ANBU uniforms, since the pants they currently had gave awful wedgies, wondering what his wife had cooked for dinner, and hoping it wasn't that Western thing with the cheese, or else he'd have to pretend to like it again, when he passed the dock, and saw Kisho kicking Shisui into the water, and Hana stabbing Mikoto in the chest.
He'd smiled placidly and walked five paces more before he realised that they really really shouldn't be stabbing or trying to drown each other, and gave an unmanly screech as he sped down to the dock. By the time he got there, Kisho had already fished his brother out of the water, and Mikoto was licking the blood off her chest. They all had black plastic bags with red stickers tacked onto their backs, and were looking up at him expectantly, smiles on their little Uchiha faces. The ANBU captain was reduced to a bumbling mess as he swerved from child to child, not even knowing where to begin.
"Bzuuuuuuuh… MIKOTO STOP LICKING YOUR BLOOD YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN!!" he finally decided upon, chest heaving.
The six year old gave her father a strange look.
"Of course I know where it's been, otou-san; it was in the fridge."
"That doesn't— wait, what?" Sasuke went momentarily cross eyed.
"It's not blood, otou-san, it's ketchup," Hana explained patiently.
Sasuke's head was still spinning; he battled the dizziness and tried to focus on his progeny.
"What in the world are you children doing?!" Before they could answer, he turned to Hana and snapped, "And give me that kunai, young lady. You know you're not supposed to be playing with sharp, dangerous objects… unless you're in school."
The eight year old obediently handed over the weapon, which her father pocketed.
"Now, one of you, explain this nonsense to me at once."
The four children shared a look before Kisho shrugged, and admitted,
"We were playing Akatsuki."
…
Somewhere dark and sinister looking that smelt like puppy entrails, Itachi sneezed.
"…WHAT?" Sasuke managed to say while his jaw drooped on the floor.
"We were playing Akatsuki," Shisui repeated slowly for his father's benefit.
"Yeah!" Mikoto piped up. "We wanna be like Itachi-ojii-san!"
Sasuke felt constipated.
"Okay kids," he said after vomiting a few times, "let me explain something to you." He made a motion that said that they should all sit, and took a deep breath while massaging his forehead. Where did I go wrong? he thought mournfully. "The people in Akatsuki… are not very nice. I do not think it would be a stretch to say that they are bad. They… they are the kind of people who kick puppies. The kind of people who spit in your eggs, and then watch you eat it for perverse pleasure. The kind of people who eat the last cookie, even though mom said you could have it, and then trick you into thinking that you didn't even want it in the first place!" Sasuke became very passionate, clenching his fist while he spoke. "…And, er… they also eradicate clans, kidnap Kages, murder people and stuff like that, but the most important thing is, you do not want to become a part of Akatsuki, do you hear me? You especially don't want to become like your uncle; he's the worst of the lot." He straightened, and gave them all looks. "Besides, I thought you all wanted to join ANBU, just like otou-san?" He pouted. Damned if he was going to let his brother win this one.
Four pairs of eyes blinked in rapid succession.
"But their cloaks are wicked cool!" Shisui exclaimed suddenly, throwing up his hands in the air. He swished his plastic bag in earnest for Sasuke to see.
"Yeah," Kisho agreed, his voice a reverent whisper. "They're hideous."
"The hats are almost as bad," Hana put in with a longing sigh. "They don't even match."
"They have bells!" Mikoto shouted shrilly, as if that were the be all and end all of the whole matter.
Sasuke blinked. Twice. A third time, for good measure.
"The cloak?" He sounded beyond incredulous. "You want the cloak? THAT BADLY?"
Four heads nodded vigorously.
Sasuke sighed, and dragged his hand over his face. The things he did…
"What if… what if I tell your mother to sew you each your very own Akatsuki cloak?"
Their eyes all went as round as saucers. Kisho in particular looked practically paralysed by glee, and Sasuke was pretty sure one of them had just pissed their pants.
"THEN YOU WOULD BE THE BEST OTOU-SAN EVER!" Hana gushed, and her siblings agreed wholeheartedly, little stars in their eyes.
"And you promise to stop pretending to stab each other, or trying to drown each other, or mentioning your uncle's name, since it gives otou-san an eye twitch something terrible?"
They couldn't agree fast enough.
"Well then… we've got a deal."
The children screamed and whooped, slapping each other high fives and running to hug Sasuke around the legs. He hugged them back, and internally, gave a deep sigh, and awarded himself with a little pat on the back. Little did they know that Sakura couldn't sew worth balls.
Take that Itachi, he thought smugly.
When it turned out that Sakura's mother was quite the seamstress, and still had just enough strength in her old fingers to pull together four black children-sized cloaks with little red clouds on them, he figured that it was the family bad karma out to get him.
A/N: MY CRACK!GAME IS GETTING WEAK, NUUUUUUUUUU.
Nevertheless, hope you enjoyed it, Char. (loves on)
The rest of you guys too. :)