It hurts.

Gohan sat in his room staring at his homework, as if it would run away from his gaze. It has been a year since Goten's death, and he couldn't handle it. He through himself into his schoolwork, taking extra projects and homework so that he could have something to distract him. It never worked though. He would sit there, remembering all the times Goten would beg him to play with him. Every time he would say no, he had to finish his work. Or all the times he would chase him away when Videl was over. He didn't understand why he did that. Goten was worth so much more then some girl, and now every time he saw her he felt like he would puke.

That was actually very common for him now. He often wouldn't eat because he'd just throw it up later, so why bother. He became very physically ill, and lost a lot of weight. Gohan could now see his ribs, and had a slight bulge showing the swelling of his stomach. Because he threw up often his teeth where now a light shade of yellow, and his hair, while longer, was very thin. He had large bags under his eyes making it well know that he spent most nights up. Gohan, however, no longer cried. he couldn't. He literally had no energy to cry anymore. The last time he cried he hyperventilated so much he passed out.

His insomnia was torture, as he could hear his Mothers weeping every night. She took the news so badly and drove Goku to leave. He would try to comfort her but she wouldn't let him, blaming him for what happened. Most of the time Goku seemed confused, but Gohan knew he understood what was going on. His father wasn't as stupid as everyone made him seem. He got tried of being blamed for his youngest sons death and left, no one knows where he went.

For Gohan though, the hardest for him was seeing Trunks. Trunks was a lively kid, who would get himself and others in to all sorts of trouble. But now, he doesn't raise any hell. He doesn't even train with Vegeta, and after he told Trunks he was proud of him, Trunks was always aiming one step higher to impress him. The kid has no life in his eyes anymore and it kills Gohan to see him like that.

Vegeta was truly worried for his son, Gohan could see that, and every time the would meet he would look at him with pity. No, pity wasn't the right work, Vegeta hating to get pity and therefore would never give it. No, Vegeta would look at him with sympathy, and understanding. He never said anything because he knew there wasn't anything he could say.

Gohan often wondered why he even bothered. His Mother was so hellbound to her own grief she barley even noticed him before. He didn't blame her for this. His Mother had dealt with a lot before, and now not only is her youngest son dead but her husband disappeared on her. And that was the next thing, after only a month, Goku left. He disappeared. His Mother said it was her fault, that she drove him to it by blaming him, but Gohan didn't believe this.

Yes, when Chi-Chi got her energy back she did throw a tantrum at Goku. She did point the blame on him quite a number of times, but that was not something that happed more than once. After that fight, she broke down once again and sought comfort in her husband, but he was unable to give it.

Gohan loved his father he did, but he was not around very often, and that meant that he didn't know how to be a husband or even a father really. This was the first time someone needed Goku to help them that didn't evolve fighting. Goku need comfort too, but he didn't realized this. When he could no longer handle being cooped up with no outlet he left.

After that Chi-Chi got inconsolable, and almost never left her room. She tried, before Goku left, to get Gohan to open up. She wanted them to get through this together, but he refused.

It was about a month and a half ago that she died. She got sick, and passed away. She died of a broken heart. Because her youngest son died, her husband left, and her eldest son wouldn't give anyone the time of day anymore.

Gohan felt angry tears prick at his face, and he shoved his books of his desk. He had no idea what to do. He was slowly killing himself and he had nothing left. His brother was dead, his mother was dead, and his father left...again. Gohan knew this time he wasn't coming back.

His breathing shuttered and he wrapped his arms around himself. He didn't think he could go on like this, but he really didn't want to give up. He didn't have anyone to turn to, he really didn't. He couldn't go to Krillin, as the man was trying to get over the fact that his best friend abandoned his family, and trying to make his daughter understand that no, Goten can't come over to play. Bulma was also not an option. Her and Vegeta were trying to keep Trunks stable, as he would often lose control. Vegeta himself took Goten's death hard, since him and Trunks where so close he saw Goten a lot. While he would never admit it he really love Goten.

Gohan thought, for a second, that maybe he could go to his long time friend Piccolo for comfort, but quickly put that thought away. Who was he to go see Piccolo now, after he ignored him for a year. He often tried to get in contact with Gohan but he would turn him away.

No, even Piccolo couldn't be there for now

Gohan was alone in this.

It hurts so much, and I try to make it go away but it never works. They say that time heals everything, but they lie. No matter how long I wait time won't heal these wounds, and I don't know what will.

I can't hold on...