The year is 2183, and Shephard is on a super-secret mission to investigate a Geth attack. "This sure is borring," Says Joker.

"Stay focused," said Shephard, "we have an important mission, even if it is boring." It was pretty quiet. Then THE COLLECTORS ATTACK!

"Jocker!" get out of here!" yelled shepherd!

"I can't shepherd, I don't extactly have my see legs, remember?" Said Joker

"Dam it Joker, this is no time for fooling around! And shepherd pushed joker and Liara into the escape pod and it got away just in time, but the collectors fired the HUGE Lazer and blew up the USS Normandy and shepherd was threwn into the cold blackness of space…

Cerberus searched for two years for Shephard, but couldn't find him. This was because an air hoze in his suit snapped, altering his tregectory. Shephard instead crash landed… on the planet Lordran.

Shephard woke up on the surface and was thirsty. He stod up, but something didn't feel right, he went over to take a drink, but as he looked down, HE SAW HE HAD NO EYES, and he was an old man! And he smelled! But wait, he wasn't actually old and smelly, he was just dead! Shepard let out a sceam so loud, it echoed everywhere! "Bloody hell, mate!" said a voice from behind him. Shephard tured and saw a knight in chain mail kneeling beside a camp fire. "Look's loyk we got ah neew aroyval heyah." Said the knight in a brittish accent.

"where am I, what is going on? What is this place?" Said shepherd?

"you're een Foyre Link Shrine mate!" said the knight. "And it looks loyk ur're the newest undead aroyvle!"

"How do I get out of here, I HAVE A MISSION!" Said shepherd

"WElll, yah need ta ring da two bells. One above, and da uddah underneef. But yah'll nevah make it mate!"

But shepherd was and elite N7 commando, and he took on the skeletons and Balders and trolls and Drakes and Gargoyles with ease. He had a little trouble with the Qeelag, but with the help of his phantom friends, he did not have any trouble.

Shephard came back to the firelink shrine and talked to the chainmail knight. "Oy govna! Yah did it! But now we got ah new problem! And it SMELLS!" Shephard looked behind the shrine and saw a giant snake with a face! Shephard approached the snaked who said,

"Chosen undead, you must defeat Lord Gwyn and put an end to the curse of the Darksign"

"but will I get back to the Normandy?" Said shepherd?

"That fate is for you to deside." Said the snake "You must brave Sean's Fortress, there you will find the path, but be warned, none have returned ."

"I'll do it! Said Shephard! And he ran off, but shepherd forgot how hugh up Firelink Shrine was and fell to his death. Shephard respawned at the campfire.

"what just happed?!" Said shepherd.

"yah doyed," Said the chainmail knight "and yah betta be cayrfol, if yah go 'ollow, you'll go insane!" Things were serious now, but shepard had another mission. A last mission, and he cautiously strode into Sean's Fortress.