I often wonder when it changed.
You always pretended not to notice me. Ok, I wasn't subtle. I'll be the first to admit I'm not discreet in matters of the heart- but that's hardly a revelation. I've just always been a flirt, I know that- I think everyone does really. I just… I just thought that- here… it was different. I tried so hard- but always, always I was cut down in mid-speech, mid-gestation or indignation with a scathing, hurtful remark. I never really let my guard down because of that- neither did you. Both hiding the truth behind each other.
Then it began. Perhaps it was when attentions from another 'friend' were lacking in that needed affection- it was then I noticed those side-long glances. Those, quick, sly little looks you gave- thinking I'd never see heaven forbid. But…I did see- and it stirred something inside of me- no, not sexually- I'm not all like that honestly! It was something else... I mean interest was there, certainly. I'm only human right? A man of your rank- a man of your stature…size…
I always thought you'd turn away if accused. "why that's preposterous Pierce…" You'd- make a joke funny only to you- and laugh at my expense, my foolishness. But…something had changed. You opened up to me for a second -a spilt second there- and I saw…you. You, without the hurt, the cage, that protection. I saw the pain on your face- and I realised that yes, you are a human being. Like the rest of us here in this hell.
I understood- yet still I wonder when it changed.
I tell you this now and you pretend not to hear me, not listening. You think I am fickle. Well maybe, yes, I am- but not in an overly shallow way. It's stupid, I know and it's dangerous- yes I know that too. But you cannot deny that it is here, holding this air between us so fantastically.
And it works still. You wouldn't dare say otherwise, not after, well, THAT.