Update 1/30/14: I wrote this when I was young and foolish. I tried to salvage what I could but it is still so, so bad. There is so much crack, please don't take this seriously.
Talking to Myself
Naruto
Okay, Uzumaki, you can do this. As soon as they play your music you're going to give him the beating of a lifetime and- Ugh. I really need
to stop with this pep talk thing. I already know who's winning. Then again, I am winning by disqualification… Geez, I never should have
become a heel.
It's all because of that damn Uchiha. How dare he take my place as the good guy? Bastard. The only reason he still has the belt is because he
has so many fangirls, anyway. I mean, I get why he has them, but it's still pretty annoying.
Okay, I think I'm getting off topic. I guess I oughta be grateful for my new status and main event matches. Shawn Michaels was a bad guy for half of his
career, and I'm going to be just like him- believe it!
Aw man, I did it again. I say that so often that they had to make it my catch phrase in the ring. It's annoying, but it's really not so bad. As far as
verbal tics go, it could have been a lot worse.
Oh! There's my music. Alright, Uzumaki, you've got this.
...Damn it, I'm talking to myself again!
Augh, he just hit me with another chop! Those things hurt like a bitch! I'm going to get him for that…
Bam! Yes, I did just sweep him. What? There aren't any rules against it. I told him the plan, he looked at me like I was an idiot, so then I made it hurt.
See? Sweeping was appropriate.
Oh, God. He's got me in the one submission hold where I can feel every crevice of his body. What's wrong with him? I'm starting to get "excited." You
would think that by now he would notice, but he never does. Every match he's off his own little Uchiha world. Wait, I think I'm supposed to be pretending to
have my arms ripped off.
"Nng… Ah! God!"
He's... kissing me? He's kissing me! Oh my gosh, he noticed and he's kissing me! I'm gonna die!
Breathe, stop panting, quit looking pathetic and- Why is everyone staring at us? Crap. Sasuke just grabbed my hand and we're running
out of the ring. I can faintly hear the announcer saying that we were both disqualified or something like that. I guess Sasuke can see that I'm freaking out
because he just squeezed my hand reassuringly… Where did that change in character come from? Who cares, we're going to be in some serious shit for this.
I can't even believe what happened. For some reason, Mr. McMahon was really excited. After he made sure it wasn't sexual harassment, he asked us if we
would date on the show.
He wants to do some crazy story line with forbidden romance or whatever… I zoned out after he said the word "date." Like, whoa, pretend dating is a gateway
to real dating.
Sasuke agreed, but he went back to being an asshole pretty quickly. Whatever, he can't fool me. He's the one who initiated that kiss. Looks like all I've gotta
do now is seduce this dummy.
Alright, Uzumaki, you've got him right where you want hi- Damn, I'm talking to myself again!
I am so sorry.