(A/N) Oh yes, another typical high school story. I've got to admit, I don't read these sort of stories, but it was quite fun to write. One-shot isn't the right word…It's a long story, compressed into a short story because I couldn't bring myself to start another long story.
So, I hope that there isn't another story exactly like this one. But I don't think there will be, once you get to the end. I think this one's pretty different.
Warnings: 2 OCs with minor roles, swearing, mild racism, mild yaoi, mild violence (so mild it may as well not be mentioned).
Disclaimer: I do not own beyblade.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
My 3 years in 9,255 words
At the age of sixteen, I was forced away from my comfortable village lifestyle and thrown into a public high school, because some sadistic bastard thought it would be amusing to see how long I survive. Whoever that person was, they must have had quite the entertainment watching me suffer. My name is Rei Kon. I grew up in China until I was forced into high school in America. Currently I have a job which I love, earn a decent salary, and am in a steady relationship, so life goes on. But high school is an important part of a person's life. It certainly taught me a lot.
Due to my lazyness, I will attempt to sum up my 3 years of hell in…let's say around 10,000 words.
From the moment I stepped into that building, crossed over into that society, I was excluded. There was something that always made me different from them, and believe me they noticed it. These people had clearly never heard of being nice to the new guy. It started out with funny looks, and deliberately audible remarks about my hair. I should have known that would be a problem. Even where I came from, my long and bound hair was unusual. But in this environment I just looked ridiculous.
If the looks weren't bad enough, the comments were worse. After about a week I was accustomed to being approached by big guys who thought they were intelligent, insulting me and my culture. I had never been the victim of racism before. Believe me, it isn't fun. In class people would throw things at me, and I'd find notes on the door of my locker saying things like 'Get back where you came from!' or 'Go Home!'. Similar notes were usually slipped inside the locker, and several of my books went missing in that first term. After a while, it began to become physical. They'd follow me, chase me, try to trip me, anything to get a reaction. I tired not to give it to them, but running, tripping, falling, yelling, it all counts. When you're not so used to a different lifestyle, and stuck miles and miles away from your family, it's not so easy when you've been picked out as a target. I've gone over these first few weeks briefly though, they went on much like that. I was known, probably to everybody, as the new kid that would never be allowed to fit in. None of them knew me, but that didn't stop them.
However, all this little drama was nothing, nothing, compared to what happened afterwards.
By some strange fluke I had wound up at a party one night in November. I had tagged along with a group of guys who I was almost friends with for a very short period of time. When I say short, I basically mean it ended after that party, as did a lot of things, namely my small amount of masculinity. But that party was a turning point, because without it, nothing would have changed. I wouldn't have changed.
I had no idea at the time whose party it was, or why I was there. But one of the many things I learned that night was never, ever exceed the amount of alcohol your body can cope with. I hadn't planned on having much, but really, does anybody stick to their vows when people are trying to pour it down your throat left right and centre? I also felt that I desperately needed it, seemingly the only person there who wasn't having a good time. It was amusing to watch. Several people I recognised from school were making complete fools of themselves, while others clutched at their stomachs in mirth, as though it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. One girl came up behind me, wrapped her arms around my waist, suddenly realised I wasn't the person she thought I was, and then tried to justify her actions by approaching everybody else in the same way for the remainder of the night.
By the time the party was 2 hours in, though I was ridiculously intoxicated, I somehow managed to still be dying of boredom, and was considering leaving. At the time I was talking to a girl, whose name I never knew. She assured me that she wasn't drunk and I believed her. I don't have a clue what we were talking about, but she did seem very nice. I recognised her from school, though I had a feeling that she would never approach me in any other situation. At the time I was hardly aware of my actions, but quick snap-shots and memories jump at me.
I was waiting for our nice conversation to end before I could leave, but something extremely bizarre and unexpected had me stay a lot longer than I had intended. I saw from the corner of my eye somebody approaching me, and looked to my left into the most striking crimson eyes I had ever seen, slightly hazed from over-consumption. That was the first thing I noticed about him; his eyes. Then I expanded my eye range to find myself staring (quite awkwardly, I imagine) into the face of a faintly recognisable boy with hair of duo shades of blue. Somehow, I remember this part quite vividly. He wore a white shirt, unbuttoned almost all the way, with a blue stain on the collar. His hair was completely dishevelled, and below his shirt you could see his broad chest and toned stomach. He was gorgeous, and I can say that truthfully. He was always gorgeous, even after that night. Stupidly and agonisingly gorgeous.
As he approached me, I found myself unable to speak or move. He was definitely heading towards me; his stunning eyes were locked with mine, and he had a smirk on his face that I was not familiar with. It looked similar to the smirks of the boys who would try to trip me in the school corridors, but I didn't feel an ounce of fear with this smirk. This smirk made me melt. The girl stopped in mid-sentence, and looked from me to him, grinning.
She must have introduced us, but my memory cuts out there. I somehow learned that his name was Kai Hiwatari. I remember trying to smile the way he was, and wondering if I looked completely stupid. I remember him speaking, but I can't recall what he said. He was being very smooth, considering the amount he must have drunk.
'I've seen you around school.' He said, playing with my ear. We were sitting on the couch now, though how we got there is a mystery to me. He was good with his hands, that much I do remember. He ran them through my hair and down my cheek, around to the back of my neck. I don't know if it was the alcohol or some special quality he possessed, but I was silently begging for more the whole time. I kept licking my teeth and biting my lower lip from nerves and sheer lust. What he said, I don't remember, but he pulled me towards him until I was lying against him in a really awkward position (not that I cared in the least at that time). In a strange attempt to be sexy, I smirked back at him, running my nose up and down his cheek. There were faint mumblings of nothing in particular, and he slunk his arm around my waist, his other still in my hair.
'You are so beautiful.' I don't know if I said it or thought it, but I can still hear the words in my head.
Meanwhile, the party was still going on around us, and I haven't the faintest idea if we went unnoticed at the time. Even if people were pointing, starting, laughing, I would never have seen them, or heard them. Everything was gone at that moment. It was just me and him, on the couch, half sitting half lying, at some party somewhere. All thoughts of going home had completely vanished from my mind by then. Whoever this stranger was, I was with him, and everything was blissful.
While he was nuzzling my neck, I gasped as a surprisingly cold hand touched the bare skin on my lower back from under my shirt. He pulled himself away and looked into my eyes. 'Sorry. Are you okay?'
He looked genuinely concerned, but my smile reassured him. 'I'm great.'
He smirked and pulled me over him again. This time, I too wrapped my arms around him, and played with his hair as he had mine. Finally we both grew too impatient. I don't know who it was that made the move first, but before long our lips were locked, and we were completely isolated, in our own world, amongst kisses and touches and longing moans. Besides the odd random flash-back, this is where the memory cuts out.
The word didn't spread about what had happened for another week or so. I had one more week left of being the outcast that I always was. But that week turned out to be a pretty terrible turn-around, though it could never match to the weeks that followed. I had been sitting with the little group of guys that at the time I was still acquainted with, and they had been talking about some poor boy who had dropped out of the school last year. I hadn't been listening much, until I caught a familiar name that certainly sparked interest.
'Yeah, Hiwatari beat him pretty bad…'
'Poor sonovabitch.'
'Wait, Kai Hiwatari?' I couldn't help but ask. This was the boy who, though I hadn't really seen him around since, I had foolishly decided that I had fallen for. After waking up, I had no idea what we had been doing, and I found myself in the back of a cab with one of the guys who I had arrived with. Yet all I could think of was Kai, and I couldn't help but smile like an idiot the whole ride home, and the next few days after. I figured it was only a matter of time before I see him again, and perhaps we could pick up where we had left off. But that was that night, and right now I was on school grounds, with people who had no idea what I'd been up to, finding out more and more about the guy I was after.
'I figured it was only a matter of time before I see him again, and perhaps we could pick up where we had left off. But that was that night, and right now I was on school grounds, with people who had no idea what I'd been up to, finding out more and more about the guy I was after.
'Yeah, that's him,' they gave me a suspicious look. 'You know him?'
'I've…met him.' I said, trying to sound off-hand. 'He seemed nice enough…'
One of them snorted. 'The guy's a jerk. I swear, he'd have no friends if everybody weren't so fucking scared of him.'
I was shocked and refused to believe it. Kai, my Kai, could not be like this. They described him as some terrible tormentor, a bully. The guy who had run his hands through my hair, whispered in my ear, pulled back and asked if I was okay, could not be like this. They had to have it wrong. He wouldn't hurt anybody.
But sure enough, I was wrong. I was late for class one afternoon, after cleaning up a 'mysterious' juice spillage on my bag, and taking my time walking through the empty halls. I was just pondering how different the school looked when it wasn't packed with people, and taking in the silence, when it was broken with a loud thud and a small squeal. I stopped in my tracks for a second, then decided to venture down the hall. Standing at the top of the stairs, I had a good view of what had been going on. I almost dropped my books. Cowering up against the metal lockers, there was a young boy trembling with fear. But it wasn't him that caught my attention. My eyes were set on his oppressor. Standing tall, tough and a lot more threatening that I remembered, was Kai Hiwatari. There he was, in truth.
Perhaps he sensed something, because he turned in my direction and the boy fled. For an almost tragic moment we just looked at eachother. I had an aghast expression on my face, and he just looked…awkward. That was it, awkward. There wasn't any threat in him now, but no sympathy either. I had seen him the way he was, and it killed me a little inside. I bit my lip and turned sharply away, about 30 seconds after he did.
It was an eye-witness who started it, or perhaps several. Some people who had been there, at that party, and obviously hadn't drunk quite enough. A few days later and the rumours spread like wildfire. Whatever small stroke of acceptance I had nearly been on the road to almost gaining vanished quickly. I was now the only insult they hadn't been calling me before. I was now a fag. More pieces of paper were slipped into my locker, calling me similar things. I had also gained the ever-so witty nickname 'gay-sha'. I suddenly no longer had any friends, the guys I had almost been friends with before chose to no longer acknowledge my existence, and so I was left, feeling ten times worse than before, hoping that it might just blow over soon.
But still a part of me felt confident, as though there was still something to protect me, some way that everything could work out perfectly. Kai was a bully, but in a strange way I had sort-of accepted it. The Kai I had met was no bully. I had a strange fantasy forming in my mind with the image of a knight in shining armour, so to speak. Everybody was scared of Kai. He practically ruled over the whole grade. In my fantasy he would jump to my defence, have everybody respect me as they do him, and then whisk me away where we could spend many more nights together. At the same time, I disliked myself intensely for thinking this way. I felt like a school girl. But there was something about Kai that I had just completely fallen for, I couldn't help it. He was like my mysterious midnight lover.
It did not blow over. The rumours were ridiculous, and though I denied the most absurd of them, I had no idea whether or not they were true. These were told by eye-witnesses, either trying to make it sound more exciting than it was, couldn't remember properly, or the whole thing had been blown out of proportion. I certainly couldn't remember. Because of my ignorance, I was condemned to walking down the halls everyday to the laughter, and whispers that were far from discreet, 'They were going at it like rabbits…' 'Kai proper fucked him on the couch…' 'She had to throw out her bed sheets in the morning…', with nothing honest to say in my defence. For all I knew, this could have happened. For my dignity's sake, I hoped these rumours were highly inflated, but it was for dignity's sake only.
On Wednesday afternoon, I entered the courtyard of the school to find a horrific brawl had just taken place. I froze by the door as I caught sight at what had been going on. Kai stood square in the middle, surrounded by a rather large crowd of people. Before him were a group of boys. I noticed they were older; nobody in our grade would dare upset Kai Hiwatari. But these boys had been giving him grief, no doubt about it, and Kai had given them a piece of his mind. Even in this state, he looked god-like. I found myself smiling in spite of myself. Nobody had noticed me yet, but I was too caught up in the scene in front of me to make myself more visible. One guy was on the ground, clutching at his nose with a blood-soaked tissue, groaning for help, yet nobody was approaching him. Another stood a little way back, breathing heavily in fear, the sleeve of his jacket torn. To the left of him was another, almost bent double and clutching at his stomach. Two more were a little way off with black eyes and bleeding lips. Kai had done some damage here. He too was breathing heavily, an enraged expression fixed on his face. He turned his face to look around him, and the crowd backed away several paces. Without warning, he exclaimed, 'Listen!'
He had everybody's attention. The boy on the floor began to crawl away, but Kai roughly kicked him and he fell back to the ground. 'If you think you can get to me with these stupid stories, you have another thing coming! All of you!' He spun around wildly, causing some people to retreat several steps. I was rooted to the spot.
'It didn't happen!' He yelled, now fixating on the floor. 'What ever you think you know, you have no fucking idea, you hear me!? Nothing happened! You had all better believe me or there's more of this to come!' He glared down at the boys and then, with the silence trailing behind him like his white scarf, he turned on his heel and left the scene he had created.
Just at the moment he turned away, voices played in my mind, without an image to match. 'We're not the only people here…' 'Course we are... Nobody matters but you tonight, Rei…'
My book hit the concrete with a loud thud. Several people looked round, but I was long gone by then. Chest heaving and lips trembling, I ran as fast as I could. He had denied everything. I'd had the opportunity to deny anything happened for ages, but being the stupid and naïve boy that I was, I didn't realise that this would happen. I had fallen hard and fast for this guy, and he had shoved it away like it never happened. He and I both knew it was real. It was the most real thing in the world to me, how could he not feel it! Life was unfair. I hated Kai. He had made me say god only knows what, he managed to turn me homosexual, had me completely humiliate myself, and single-handedly destroyed my life. People could believe as much as they want, nobody would say anything to offend him again, but I was another story. I was still the fag. The only difference was now I was the fag who was fucked and rejected. From the knowing looks and the whispers, I got the feeling that this had happened before. It hadn't occurred to me that perhaps he was just too smooth to be in that situation for the first time. I felt stupid, humiliated and just completely shit. Kai had taken my heart in gentle hands, and torn it into pieces. And the worst part was, I was convinced that I still loved him.
It was a terrible betrayal that I never really recovered from. For a while the bullying was also a lot worse, because although Kai was suddenly straight, I still remained a fag. This time I was a useless fag that even Kai didn't want. It was a long time before I understood what 'even Kai' meant.
However it was not long before the most unexpected thing in the world happened. I don't think there was a single person who wasn't shocked. My saviour came to me in the form of Tala Ivanov. He was two years older than me and, without a doubt, the best-looking and most popular guy in school. Seriously, he was so well-known that even I, the outcast from China, had known his name. I had taken him for a girl-magnet, and I wasn't far wrong, but that didn't interest him in the slightest. Supposedly inspired by the rumour of the two drunk 16 year old boys, he had decided to finally come out of the closet. Tala Ivanov, much to every girl's despair, was gay. More interesting still, he was in a steady relationship with a guy by the name of Bryan; supposedly the tough-nut of the school before Kai, who had graduated the year before. In that year, I saw him a couple of times waiting for Tala outside the school gates. He certainly did look threatening, it's no wonder everybody was so surprised to find out about him and Tala.
Well, suddenly being a fag wasn't so bad. Tala, being who he was, received no unkind words or threatening letters in his locker. What Tala got was a very large and bitterly disappointed fan-girl population. One day he invited me to have lunch with him in the cafeteria, and over the next few weeks, we somehow became very close friends. Having told Tala exactly what happened, I had decided to just try to forget Kai for a while. Though the look on his face when he saw me with Tala was priceless, I still hated him and wanted nothing to do with him.
For the remainder of that year, I was one of the most powerful people in the whole school. Being such good friends with Tala, my days of being picked on and excluded were over. I had even managed to successfully shed my title of 'fag', despite the ironic fact that it was the very reason for my popularity. To prove it to everybody, I'd even managed to get myself a girlfriend by the time April arrived. Though in the eyes of some, it was a mere cover-up, I had most people convinced that the rumours about the party all that time ago were false. It was the best few months I had in those three years. The school was a kingdom and I was prince, second only to king Ivanov.
I barely saw Kai at all for the remainder of the year. I imagine he continued to beat people up when he pleased, party where he was invited, and turn his arrogant back on everything else. For those brief moments when I did catch him, a rush of hatred shot through me, as well as occasional flashbacks sometimes, and a small pang of misery that I never managed to shake off. If only it were that simple. Alas, though it all seemed to be a fabulous life, top of the food chain, there were many problems that couldn't be ignored. I had almost everybody convinced, with my new girl, that I wasn't gay. Everybody, except me. The damage was done now, and beyond repair. Her name was Mariah, and she was a former groupie of Tala's. She was a very pretty girl with a great personality, who feared nothing and spoke her mind. She was quick-witted and strong. We did everything a couple was supposed to do. I tried so damn hard to love her. I was sure that she loved me, as foolish young girls do so quickly. As I did once. But it was just no use. No matter what happened between Mariah and I, I felt absolutely nothing for her. I valued her a lot as a friend, and sometimes pretended to myself that that was all she was.
It's easy to fool a desperate mind.
- - - -
My second year of high-school was the least eventful of the three, but it set some moral ground, and taught me yet more valuable lessons that I never seem to go without.
Tala was gone. He had graduated from the school at the end of the previous year, and told me he would be moving in with Bryan while he went to college near by. I saw him often outside of school, but within school things had changed a lot since the end of the year before. Without Tala, my popularity was non-existant and I was unimportant. I went back to having no real friends and being only slightly more popular than when I had first arrived at the school. I spent most of my free time with Mariah, and made a mental note to try harder with my work this year. My studies were important for my graduation, and there wasn't much to distract me at that time.
I was no longer picked on. There were no more locker messages or pointed fingers for me. After my fifteen minutes of fame were over, I was simply ignored. I was no longer the new student, no longer the fag, no longer the best friend of the most popular boy in school. I wasn't really anything anymore.
About half way through the year, I made an important decision that I had been pondering over for a while. Almost 10 months I had been going out with Mariah. In that time she had proved to be a very generous companion, but I was 100 per cent certain that she saw me as something much more than that. I wished that I could feel the same way she did, because then we could just both be happy. It was so difficult to continue this act, and I felt terrible guilt for letting her believe it. But there was something irritating, something I still wasn't rid of, no matter how much I wished it would go away. There was somebody else I saw when I kissed her, I was holding somebody else's hand. I loathed myself for being so ungrateful, for wanting the one damned thing I couldn't have. I had gone to the furthest extremes, making myself feel guiltier still, in desperate attempts to force myself to seek out some sort of attraction. But if sex didn't work, nothing would, and I finally decided, months too late, to put an end to her suffering. I had no intention of being harsh towards her; I liked her very much and hoped that we could still be friends. I had led her on long enough; there was no way my conscience could take any more.
The outcome was predictable. Anybody who had suddenly been finished with after a 10 month relationship with no problems, would have reacted the same way. It was difficult to see her cry, it was hard to get her to understand. Partly because I feared it would kill her, mainly because I feared she would tell somebody, I didn't tell her the whole truth. I used fear of commitment as a cheap alibi, and felt even worse for lying to her.
She didn't hate me and she didn't talk badly of me, but we could no longer be friends. And with her, I lost the small shred of popularity I'd had left from being her boyfriend. Several of her friends would glare, and some of the old tormentors would whisper again. I would not have believed it possible, but these people really had nothing more interesting to do with their time. More rumours were spread, none of which were Mariah's doing, about the reasons for our unexpected breakup. Of course, the obvious reason, Rei Kon was a fag after all. The bitter truth, though I would never admit it.
They referred back to the only thing that they knew. It had been forgotten for a while there, but once again whispers of that party last November broke out through the halls. The rumours were even more ludicrous this time, and certainly not true. 'He dumped her because of him…' 'They've been sneaking around this whole time…' 'Kai forced him to leave her…' 'She actually dumped him, when she found out about his boyfriend…'.
Yes, these rumours were about Kai and me. Kai, who had slunk so far into the shadows recently that I never really saw him. He only ever haunted my mind, my memory. His voice, his touch, his eyes… The time-less beauty he possessed, the thorn in my side.
Not long after the word started to spread, it was my turn to be cornered in the courtyard. The scene was so familiar, but in a way completely different. I was approached by some guy who was a friend of Mariah's, while walking through after class.
'I don't give a damn about you being gay,' he stated, abruptly. 'If you had wanted to finish with Mariah you should have told her the truth, and a long time ago!'
Oh, how well I knew this. 'Look, what happened with me and Mariah is between her and me only.' As an after-thought, I added 'Besides, I'm not gay.'
Class had ended and the courtyard was starting to become rather busy. I had said the last part louder than I would have liked and caught a lot of attention. A few people laughed, one boy pushed his way towards me.
'When are you going to give it up already, Kon? We know this secret of you and Kai, we've known it all along.'
'Exactly,' began another. 'Why don't you just stop lying and admit that you're a fucking gay couple!'
That one got to me. My teeth were bared and my fists were clenched as I spun round to face the boys. 'We are not a gay couple! We never were a fucking gay couple! You might want to believe it to get some kick out of my humiliation, but everything you've ever said about Hiwatari and me has been a lie!'
As if the moment couldn't get any better, my eye was caught as I looked around at my gathered audience, by a stunning pair of crimson eyes, lurking somewhere in the shadows. I couldn't tell if they were angry, but the look I returned was nothing short of smug. This was a familiar scene, but I was playing it differently. I didn't walk away. I fixed my eyes on his. Pretty soon they were all looking at him, following my stare. I saw him flinch with the knowing that all eyes were on him, and continued on my way to my next class without another word. Nobody had believed my outburst, I knew that, but I had finally found the strength to stick up for myself.
That very same day I was leaving school when I felt something grab tightly at my wrist. I found myself completely stunned for a moment when I whipped around and came face to face with striking crimson eyes. None other than him, Kai Hiwatari, whom I hadn't been this close to for a long time now. Remembering my position, I narrowed my eyes and glowered at him, trying to free myself from his grip, but failing. For a horrifying moment, I thought he was about to beat me. I tried not to let the fear show in my face, but it was difficult. However a few seconds later, he let go of my wrist and shrank back a little, looking a hundred times less threatening. This was the third side to him I had seen. Perhaps it would have been smart to walk away, but I was curious to hear what he had to say. Besides that, much to my annoyance, I couldn't keep my eyes off him.
He stared down at the path for a long time, then he finally spoke up. 'Are you ashamed of me?'
For an instant I had no idea what to say. His question had wiped my brain clean, startling me in every possible way. But soon enough I snapped back to reality and the fury gave me words to speak. 'You've got a lot of nerve t--!'
'I tried to find you.' he cut me off. 'I wanted to speak to you, but whenever I tried you were with somebody else. But when you got with Mariah, I gave up.'
I didn't believe him for a second. 'Well I'm not with Mariah anymore.' I said, stiffly. 'Is there anything else you would like to say?'
'I…' he began, before looking at the floor again. '…It doesn't matter now. You've clearly made your point.'
'I made my point?!' I was so angry with him by this time, I couldn't even think straight. 'You announced the very same thing last year! Don't you dare act like you're the victim here!'
'I have a reputation to keep.' He said, almost regretfully. 'I wanted to make you understand, that was the reason I said all that.'
'Reputation? You can take your reputation and shove it up your ass for all I care, Kai! You may be able to make a fool of me once, but I don't make the same mistake twice!'
'Why did you break up with Mariah?' He suddenly demanded. This angered me further because the abruptness of the question made me falter.
I took heavy breaths. 'That doesn't concern you.' I said through my teeth. His face no longer held any sort of emotion, he was simply asking questions now. I didn't want to hear any more so I carried on. 'Now you will stop asking me questions, and stop lying to me because you've lied to me before, and well look where that left me! Let me tell you, it hurts to be lied to! It hurts to find out that things aren't what you thought! It hurts to fall back to reality, especially when you've been falling the whole time for a different reason!'
I had probably said too much, but it felt good to get it out. He knew what I thought of him, finally. When he said nothing more, with a small amount of difficulty, I turned on my heel and walked away, a phrase repeating itself once more in my head.
'Nobody matters but you tonight…'
For the rest of the year, I focussed on my studies. Partly for a desire to do well, and partly to forget about Kai. Though it would seem that all was said and done, apparently that was not the case. As well as being an oppressor, Kai had decided to become some kind of minor stalker. I was seeing him almost everywhere all of a sudden. Several times he looked as though he would try to speak to me, but I'd turn in another direction so as to quell the attempt. This became so ridiculous after a while that I wondered if I was restoring my dignity or losing it. Though I still hated him, even more now after the confrontation, I couldn't ignore the satisfied feeling that I had him running after me. These were the times when the rumours calmed down again, most likely due to the fact that I was rarely seen outside the class room or library. I avoided everybody except for Tala, who I still saw often. I told him everything that had gone on; I trusted him. He had a reason to be popular, he was one of the nicest guys I had ever known.
- - - -
By the time I returned to school in the fall for my third year, a time where I was with Mariah seemed so long ago that we were no longer mentioned in the same sentence. I had gone back home in the summer and had a chance to think things over. I saw this year as a time to make things better, and forget everything. I had decided that if Kai was still intent of following me, I would hear him out. Perhaps I could forgive him and we could be friends. After all the drama, anything more would be stupid. I had realised, during my long hours of mediation, that everything that had occurred in the past two years had been horribly blown out of proportion. I had stopped to think it through, maybe he had aswell, and maybe we would return to school with an understanding.
I guess it was just wishful thinking. I didn't see Kai at all that first week. Apparently he'd been wised up to something, and though he still came to school, tried to stay clear of anybody who might confront him on it.
Her name was Laurie. Only a couple of months before I had arrived at the school she had been forced to drop out. For a while her reasons were kept secret, but as usual somebody spilled them and it spread like wildfire. At a party, she had approached him, and he was too drunk to refuse, despite the fact that he had been in a relationship at the time. His relationship was over, and her life was ruined. She had now returned to finish her education, a small child crying at home in the arms of their grandmother, a child with the genes of none other than Kai Hiwatari. For 2 years, she had tried to contact him, but he had avoided her like the plague. Once again, he had thrown off any rumours and took no responsibility for his actions.
I didn't find out all of this until much later though. All I knew was that there was a girl, who had been here before, and the whispers were circling her wherever she went. 'I hear it was put up for adoption…' 'No, it's at her house. Stupid bastard, won't admit it's his…' 'Serves her right, the slut…'.
Soon enough, I found out that the legendary baby was apparently Kai's. I also realised that it's possible to be in utter shock, and really not surprised, at the same time. Thoughts of forgiving him, should I ever see him again, were beginning to fade away. This girl walked the halls to all the abuse that I had gone through before. The only difference was that she had friends. But this was all Kai's doing, again.
Strolling out of school one afternoon, I noticed a small commotion in the parking lot. I walked over, glad that this scene would have nothing to do with me, and I could stand and watch like the rest of them. Laurie was bending over, getting something out of a small red car. When she emerged, she had a bundle of white blankets in her hand. Silence fell among the small audience as she approached the father, striding towards him with determination, child in arms. She caught him leaving through the main entrance. Standing before him, defiantly, she held up the bundle to his face.
On sight of the child, he seemed to freeze for a second, in a state of utter fear, as though the baby would attack him. He realised that he had been caught. It only lasted for a second though, before he cleared his throat and glared. He glared at the bundle, he glared at his audience, and he glared at her. Finally, he spoke, the worst possible thing he could have said. 'It's not mine.'
Even she seemed confused. Her mouth fell open and her hands began to shake. She took the child back into her arms and continued to gape at him. 'Wha…of course it's yours!'
'No!' His voice had turned fierce now. 'That child is not mine! I don't know why you brought it here, but it was a waste of time! Don't bring it here again, I will have nothing to do with it. It's not my child, it's yours!'
Having made his point clearly, he glared at his audience one more time, and strode away in the other direction. I now felt real sympathy for her, as she stood by the school entrance, completely alone. Nobody made to help her, to tell her everything would be okay. This seemed to be the kind of reaction everybody had been hoping for. They all thought she got what she deserved. She clutched at her child and began to cry in despair; nothing had gone right. Suddenly, without warning, she turned sharply and pointed a shaking finger in my direction. 'You!'
I was rooted to the spot, wide-eyed and confused. For a moment, I truly had no idea what I had to do with any of this. Then the smarter side of my brain told me what must have happened. I should have known long before that I would never be able to live it down, and it was now being dragged out yet again. Someone with a really sadistic sense of humour must have informed her about the old-age rumours. That stupid party that was now 2 years ago. I realised that this would never be forgotten, and would always come back to haunt me.
Before anything more could happen, somebody familiar approached Laurie and took the child, though she did not look too sympathetic towards her friend. It was the girl I had been talking to at the party. I had almost forgotten about her until then, and vaguely wondered where she had been hiding all this time. While the girl carried the child back to the car, Laurie followed slowly and defeated, with a final glare in my direction. It was pretty obvious that, no matter what I believed before, I was in fact involved in this nasty situation.
Without getting to know me, or hearing my side of the story, Laurie had developed a passionate hatred towards me. With her hatred, a lot of other girls in the grade were soon to follow. Pretty soon I was back to being on the un-popular side. But this was nothing compared to Kai. He had become so unpopular that he couldn't even torment anymore. Nobody was scared of him, everybody just hated him. Though I still didn't know what exactly had happened between me and Kai at the November party, I was very, very glad that I wasn't a girl. Though she hated me, I still felt sorry for her. Yet I felt no guilt whatsoever; I knew that none of this was my fault. It was his fault. He knew what he had done and simply denied it. It reminded me of an experience that I'd had with him. What Laurie didn't know was that, in a strange way, we were in the same boat. Though her case was far more extreme, Kai had broken both of our hearts and destroyed our possible reputations for ever. But he was being re-paid for it. Nobody would speak to him, what few real friends he'd had before refused to acknowledge him. Sometimes he just didn't come to school at all. The days of Kai as intimidator were over; he was a loner now. Though nobody liked either of them, everybody was on Laurie's side, simply because they hated Kai a little bit more.
I was horrified and hurt. I finally realised that reputation had nothing to do with it; Kai was just a coward who would never face any consequences. For the first time, it really hit me that the party had meant nothing. He had used me, knowing full well that somewhere, a girl was suffering with his child inside her. He had even been using her, knowing full well that he'd had a girlfriend at the time. Kai wasn't gay, Kai wasn't straight, Kai was just a whore. He'd do anything to anyone, and deny it later on while their hearts were breaking.
I was pondering over this one afternoon, heading out of school. By the gates, stood somebody I had not expected to see, but I was very glad all the same.
'Tala!' I bounded over to him and we embraced in one of those 'man' hugs. I clapped him on the back 'I didn't expect to see you!'
He beamed at me, 'Thought I'd surprise you. I can't stay long because I've got stuff to do, but I haven't seen you in ages! What's new with you, Rei? Tell me everything!'
It was true, we had not met since before the summer, and I had much to tell him. I began to explain right from the beginning, about my plans to forgive Kai in the summer. I then mentioned Laurie, and he seemed to know exactly who she was, having been at the school when the whole thing happened.
'She's back?'
'Yeah, with a child. Kai's child, though he won't admit it. She brought it to school a couple of weeks ago, and he flat out denied that it was his. Wouldn't even look at it…'
Before long, everything had started to pour out. Tala listened closely while I explained my bizarre situation. It was strange to be caught up in something I had nothing to do with. I tried my best to explain my odd situation to Tala, forgetting that I had previously convinced him that I wasn't gay. If he hadn't figured it out long ago, he certainly knew now. He smiled at me with sympathy, as I told him exactly what I had been pondering over before I'd seen him.
'Rei, my love,' a sympathetic smile spread over his face. 'Don't you get involved in this. It's their problem, not yours.'
I knew his words were true, but it was difficult to believe him. With such a strong hatred coming from Laurie, I couldn't help but feel involved. If I'd known that the stupid fling with Kai Hiwatari at that party two years ago would cause so much trouble, I would never have gone. If I'd known about his un-born child, I'd have walked away then and there, keeping my dignity and my heterosexuality.
Tala and I walked together for a while, his arm slung around my shoulder. He listened to everything I had to say about absolutely everything. But maybe I shouldn't have said anything, because it only made me feel worse. He pulled me further towards him and rested his head on my shoulder. Without warning, a deep and painful sensation of loneliness began to settle in. For that one night, I'd had somebody. No matter what, I'd been his that night. And since then, nothing. One girl, one insignificant girl that I never felt anything for. Other than that, there was nobody else. I had been so lonely for the last two years.
But here was Tala, with me in my time of crisis. Arm around my shoulder, our heads resting against one-another's. The boy who had saved me, the boy who had given me hope, once upon a time. A strange feeling was beginning to wash over me, and I almost couldn't believe what I was thinking. It had just been so long…
'Tala…' I spoke softly in his hear, and stopped walking. Much to my own surprise, I pulled him towards me and kissed him. The kiss did not last long, it wasn't deep, but Tala didn't jump backwards in surprise. He didn't pull away from me. He waited patiently until I pulled back, having realised what I had just done.
He turned to face me and put his hand on my shoulder. 'I can't give you what you want, darling.' He said gently, shaking his head. I believe he really understood how I had felt at that moment. 'There's only one person that truly can at the moment.'
He smiled at me again, and began to walk away, waving over his shoulder as he went. It was the lowest point in my life. Out of nothing but sheer desperation, I had tried to kiss my best friend, and had been completely shot down. But shot down in the nicest way, which made everything so much worse. Tala had known, he understood, he wasn't freaked out, he simply gave his opinion and waved goodbye. I felt so stupid for my actions, and perhaps wrongly, I let him slip away. I never called on Tala again, out of pure embarrassment. In turn, he didn't call on me. I believe he wanted to wait until I was comfortable again, and had the strength to ask to see him. It didn't happen.
Tala had told me that there was only one person that could truly give me what I wanted. Somehow, he had believed that Kai would come around. He had heard everything I said, and still thought that if I wanted him that much, I could have him eventually. But I wasn't as naïve as I used to be. Tala may have been right about Kai coming around, but I certainly was no longer willing to wait for that to happen. I told myself that Tala was wrong; I no longer wanted Kai. I wanted nothing to do with him, I was past loving him, past hating him; he barely existed to me anymore. I never saw him, rarely heard anything of him, and as the year went on everything simmered again, as it always did. Though it was never forgotten, rumours don't spread for ever. Tala's advice did not go un-heard, but I could never bring myself to believe it.
- - - -
On the day of my graduation, I arrived to a surprisingly emotional crowd. While those surrounding me were either chatting excitedly or weeping into their tissues, I felt completely indifferent, barring a sense of relief. Not much to my surprise, I caught sight of Kai looking as though he was having the time of his life. He stood with a group of guys I had never seen him with before, all laughing and pushing eachother around, as blokes do when they have nothing interesting to say. For only a second, a wave of sadness washed over me. He looked more beautiful then than I had ever seen him, and somehow less attractive to me than ever before. The second passed, and I realised that he hadn't changed. His persona may have gone through a small crisis in the past few months, but he had found a way to become the boy he was, before this whole mess. Before I had ever existed in his little, un-caring world.
I skulked about for a few minutes, with no desire to speak to anybody. Then, almost by chance, I happened to bump into somebody familiar. It was the girl that I had struck up a conversation with at the party on that fateful night. It was her that told me the whole story with Kai and Laurie, but later on in the day. From her expression, I sensed that she was one of the people laughing rather than crying. She smiled at me when she realised who I was, and gushed out a 'Hi!' as though we were old friends.
'Hey' I smiled back out of politeness. I had assumed that after the drama with Laurie, whatever conversations we had once had were long forgotten. Apparently I was wrong.
'We never speak to each other.' She observed, somewhat abruptly. Then, after a small hesitation, she added, 'Maybe you don't remember me?'
'No, no, I do. I spoke to you at a party.' Thinking very quickly, I added 'Hey, do you remember…what happened, exactly?'
She had guessed what I was talking about, 'Oh yes, I remember well. We had been talking about our family origins, and you had been telling me about China…'
Oh dear, I thought. I could not remember the content of our conversation at all, but I could just picture my drunk self, talking non stop about the outlandish ways of my small China village.
'While we were talking, Kai Hiwatari approached us. I didn't think you knew who he was at the time, but he was completely wasted, as were you. I went off to socialise, and when I came back you were making out on the couch. Then you went off upstairs.'
I gulped. The mystery was being unravelled to me, and I was terrified that I had been wrong all this time, that the rumours had been true. 'Do you know what else happened?' I finally asked after a long hesitation.
Her smile put reassurance back into my mind before her words did. 'I didn't follow but I highly doubt it was anything serious. I found you after most people had gone, but you were both fully dressed and out cold.' She held back a laugh at the memory. 'It was so funny, you had drooled all over my pillow.'
I made a small exclamation in surprise. 'It was your party?'
She did laugh then, and nodded. My drunken escapades had clearly amused her. It was strange to finally know the truth, and to find out that it wasn't nearly as exciting as we had all thought. Me included. A part of me, a long time ago, had hoped that perhaps it was something true, something that I had shared with him. But no, it was nothing, like I had always insisted without real knowledge. Trying to change the subject, I decided to be honest with her. 'I might have spoken to you sooner, though I saw you were friends with Laurie and felt you might hate me too.'
But she was shaking her head. 'We aren't friends. I've disliked her for a while now, and we fell out recently.'
'Oh.' I wasn't prepared to ask for a reason, but she gave it anyway.
'I thought she was irresponsible and stupid for letting herself get into such a state. She thought I was a traitor for remaining friends with the guy who had ruined her life.'
Even I had to wonder why she was friends with him. He had attended one of her parties, clearly invited because he wasn't the type to gatecrash. I was confused at why she chose to be loyal to him instead of her friend.
Again, she answered me, with a small shrug, before I could even think of asking. 'I always saw good in him.'
At first I was rather confused by her humble attitude. Then I suspected that like her old friend, this girl (who still remained nameless) had been involved with the duo-haired boy herself, once upon a time. Perhaps there was a connection with the two of them no longer being friends, and her having Kai's baby. But by this time I was simply not interested. I wasn't willing enough to attempt to dig up my own past, let alone anybody else's. I realised that I preferred the mysteries to be left un-solved. I left her with my sympathies, as I had almost everybody, and chuckled to remember a time where I only felt sorry for myself. They were empty shells, the people before me, who had made my life a living hell. They were empty and bleak, filled with false hope and carelessness.
I shook hands with Kai. I did the same with many others too, who felt that the time for torture was over and everything could be forgotten. It was as forgotten to me as it was to them. I shook their hands because I thought I might as well, what was the use in leaving on bad terms? I did take the time to wonder what Kai thought when we briefly met. He did not know how close I had come to forgiving him. He did not know what Tala had said to me. Though I had been doubtful, by that time I knew that I had done the right thing. He was careless, Kai. Careless and irresponsible. I had seen the damage that could be done from loving him, and I was certain I did not want to go through it all, again. I thought my heart had broken once because of him, I had seen worse things he could do. While he threatens and parties himself into a stupor, I hope his child grows to be as beautiful as him, without a trace of his character.
After the excitement had faded, we had become a sort of legend. The legend of the Chinese outcast and the silent oppressor, who hooked up once, at a forgotten party somewhere, and refused to acknowledge it afterwards. The taunting had never completely stopped, but it was more or less gone from their memories by then. Over and done.
I graduated that day, like everybody else, with a memory of three years that can be summed up in 9,255 words, a new sexual orientation, and a damn good lesson learned.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(A/N) Okay, there's some blanks to fill in, in case anybody's curious. I couldn't have included this in the actual story, because Rei the narrator wouldn't have known about it.
Basically, the girl from the party had been Kai's girlfriend when he had slept with Laurie, who had been her best friend. She had ended the relationship with Kai, and could never have forgiven him, but still loved him. She had begun the rumours of Laurie leaving school to have a baby, and then felt bad about it later. Her guilt was what made her stick by Laurie, though she never forgave her for what she did. When Kai had been with Rei, the girl had not reacted badly, because she knew what Kai was like by then. She knew that it would blow over, and she also knew that Kai wasn't gay. She and Rei got along well, but never spoke again after graduation, and Rei never knew her name.
I hope you didn't find it too boring, because when I was finished I couldn't bring myself to read it over :P
I won't be writing another one like this, I don't think, but I did enjoy writing it. It was a fun project for the last few days.
Feel free to R&R :D