O Light of Light, keep me this night, and shed round me Thy presence bright.

He could feel cool fingertips brush the hair from his forehead, smooth over his eyebrow before sliding along his cheek to cup his jaw. Lips curling into a sleepy smile, he murmured in his sleep as he shifted restlessly, the blanket tugged lower as he half rolled to his side. Vanilla and spice filled his nose as he took a deep breath, a hint of something else on the back of his tongue. Throwing himself onto his stomach, he burrowed his face into his pillow, his shoulders shifting as the cool touch ran down his spine.

I need not fear If Thou art near; Thou art my Savior kind and dear.

Eyes opening slowly, he turned his head and blinked at the clock on the nightstand, pushing the half empty bottle out of the way to see more clearly. An hour of sleep. Rubbing his eyes he dragged the blanket back up over his shoulders, school wasn't for another five hours, and he felt sick as a dog from lack of sleep.

A soft sound caught his attention, a low cough that made his stomach twist even as he rolled out of bed. Feet unsteady, he stumbled down the hallway as he tried to rub his burning eyes, the sounds of the coughs wet and thick.

"Mom?"

Peering into the dimly lit room, he ignored the soft hush of the humidifier, the medicinal smell in the air, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed as he grabbed the jar from the headboard. His nose wrinkled at the slick feel of it on his fingers, holding his breath as he slowly rubbed it onto her chest, spreading it along her collarbone and down her sternum.

"Did I, did I wake you?" Her voice was a light rasp, thin fingers closing over his wrist as she lifted his hand to kiss the back of it. "I'm sorry, sweetie."

"Nah, it's okay. I was up anyway, y'know?"

"You should be sleeping, you have school in a few hours. It's not your job to-" she stopped abruptly, her head falling to the side as she lifted her hand to cover her cough. "Go back to bed. I'll be fine."

"Don't worry 'bout it. Really, I don't mind."

Sitting up, he scrubbed his hands over his face and took a shaky breath before staring without seeing across the room. He missed her, who she used to be before the illness had slowly worked it's way through her body and ravaged it down to little more than a empty husk, the shining light at the end of every nightmare. Throwing the covers aside, he slid off the bed and wandered down the hallway to her room, his fingers curling around the doorknob before going still.

He didn't want to go into the room, the soft wheeze echoing in his ear, the dull listless look in her eyes hovering in his mind's eye. For a moment he let his rage fill him. Not at her, but everyone else.

The hospitals that required more than he was able to pay. The factory job he'd conned his way into to keep a roof over their heads. His father for driving them away, with drunken slurs and heavy fists. His older brother who had left them hanging, left them to fend for themselves while he wandered off wearing rose tinted glasses.

Swallowing it down, he leaned forward to rest his head against the door, feeling tears prick the backs of his eyes before brushing them away. He was so angry all the time, and he still had to smile and pretend that everything was alright. That he was just a fifteen year old boy like everyone else. Went to school, did his homework when he felt like it. Not the boy who had to pretend to be a man. Worked ten to twelve hour shifts on the week days, nursed his dying mother so she could at least pass on as comfortable as he could make her.

The tattered wall paper behind the headboard made his throat tighten, the other three were covered in pictures. From magazines, covers of books, anything he could think of that would make her smile when she looked at them. As he stepped into the room he almost gagged, the heavy air clogging his lungs, but he smiled anyways, just in case. Her eyes flickered open, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling before turning her head to look at him.

"Hey, sweetie." Her voice wasn't half as strong as it had been even a month ago, but the warmth of her smile hadn't changed at all.

"You hungry or somethin'? I could make you somethin' to eat before school."

"No, no, it's fine."

"You sure?" He felt his heart stutter when she coughed weakly, barely able to bring her hand to her mouth. "Maybe some tea or somethin'."

An hour, two cups of tea shared, and a weak armed hug later found him sitting on the bus. He could hear the sounds of enthusiastic conversations, raucous laughter, and everything else that normal kids did, but his gaze was locked outside the window.

"Tommy! Tommy!"

Looking up, he grinned at the enthusiastic waving of a girl as she clambered up the bus steps. Hand shoving at the kid sitting next to him, he slid out of the seat to give her the window. He smacked her backpack when it hit his side, sitting down beside her and trying to fend off the hug and kiss on the cheek she tried to give him.

"Don't be so grumpy, God."

"Quit kissin' on me then." He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand as he gave her a reproachful look. "Why you always doin' that, anyways?"

"Because I like-" she paused at the horrified look on his face, laughing before she finished the sentence. "To torment you. The look on your face. Did you think I was going to admit I was in like with you?"

"No! I was just," scowling when she kept laughing, he rubbed his cheek again. "I swear if little sisters are like you, I'm glad I ain't got one."

"Shut up, you love me and you know it."

Eyeing her suspiciously, he let out a sigh of relief when she scrambled onto her knees to talk the the girl in the seat behind them, her backpack falling into his lap as she shrugged it off her shoulders. He couldn't remember when he became friends with Melody, he hadn't really been given a choice actually. Scrawny thing, dressed in a lavender sundress that had matched her eyes, had literally used him as a shield from the bullies that had been chasing her.

He could still feel her fingers tugging on his shirt as she pulled him in front of her, the raven dark hair tangled with a ribbon looking pathetic as it hung listlessly among her curls. It hadn't taken much to scare off the boys that had been teasing her, knocking the biggest one to the ground with a solid southpaw swing had scared off the rest. and then those oddly coloured violet eyes had stared up at him filled with tears before disappearing as she burrowed her face against his chest.

"Tommy? Hey," he rocked to the side as she shoved at him. "You okay?"

"Course I am, what're you askin' for?"

"Is it your mom?" She leaned closer, her voice dropping so low he had to strain to hear it. "Was it bad today?"

"My mom's fine." Pushing her away, he shoved her bag onto her lap and draped his wrists over the back of the seat in front of him. "Well she ain't worse, so there's that, right? I have to get home to make her lunch though."

"You can borrow my bike. I left it at school the other day, so it's still there. Or should be." Resting against his shoulder, she hummed softly beneath her breath.

"Thanks."

His eyes flicked down at her, her fingers playing with the zipper of her backpack, almost like an accompaniment. Letting out a soft grunt, he shifted feeling her stubbornly match his movement to stay comfortable, the song she was humming filling his ears as he stared out the front window.

"Hey Tommy?"

"What?" He couldn't help the snap in his tone, his eyes flicking towards her before looking away.

"It'll be okay, Tommy."

"Don't. I hate when people say that shit."

"I know you know we've had some good times, now they have their own hiding place." She grinned when he shot her a dirty look, singing on regardless. "Well I can promise you tomorrow, but I can't buy back yesterday."

"You got a fuckin' song for everythin' don't you?"

"Music's good for you, there isn't a single thing in history that a song can't be linked to."

"Oh yeah?" He was quiet a moment, before smiling as he raised an eyebrow at her. "So I can name anythin' and you can link it to a song?"

"Anything."

They spent the rest of the bus ride throwing events and lyrics back and forth, the game continuing through homeroom before they had to separate for class. He caught himself humming Bon Jovi during his third class and almost choked trying to make himself stop, earning him an odd look from the of kids close to him. Dropping his chin, he curled in on himself, focused on taking notes before catching himself humming again.

She was waiting by the bike rack at lunch time, spinning her key by the string as she watched him expectantly. Shoving his books into her arms after pulling the key from her finger, he unlocked the bike and pulled it out of the rack.

"You going to make it back before the end of the day?"

"Think so."

"If you don't just drop the bike off at my house, okay? I'll leave the garage unlocked." Leaning forward suddenly she pressed a kiss to his cheek, grinning when he scowled at her as she caught his hand. "That one wasn't for you, it's for your mom."

His throat closed tight, his eyes dropping away from hers before muttering thank you under his breath. He stared at the tape she shoved at him confused, taking it and turning it over to look at the label.

"I made her a tape, I know when I feel like crap I like listening to music. I thought it might help."

"Jesus, Mel. You gonna come over and sing her to sleep next?"

"Think she'd like that? I don't think my parents would mind."

Shaking his head, he tucked the tape into his pocket and straddled the bike. For a moment he gave it a passing thought, he'd heard her in music class when she was singing lead, her voice throaty and easily heard over everything else. Not today though, today had seemed like a bad day when he'd left for school and he still felt guilty for leaving in the first place.

"Maybe tomorrow?" He called over his shoulder, pedalling a circle around her before heading towards the street, his legs pumping as the bike swayed side to side.

It was fifteen blocks to get home, luckily during a school day the traffic was light and he didn't have to stop for lights or cars. The edge of the tape dug into his thigh every time his leg lifted, reminding him that it was there until he reached home and propped the bike against the railing. His legs felt shaky as he jogged up the steps, shouldering the door open and walking into his mother's room.

"Mom, you awake? I can make you somethin' to eat."

"Just toast would be nice."

He grinned seeing her sitting on the bed, her hairbrush laying on her lap, she looked better than she had all week. Half way across the room he remembered the tape in his pocket, digging in to grab it and hold it up for his mother to see.

"You remember my friend Mel? Made you a tape to listen to if you want."

"That's your girlfriend isn't it? Mel's an odd name for a girl." The smile she sent him only made him scowl at her, moving to push the cassette into the tape player and hitting play.

"No! God Mom, she's just a friend. I ain't got time for a girlfriend, besides she's just bein' nice."

"You're too young to not have time for that sort of thing."

"Mom, c'mon, stop it." Flicking the volume up and hearing static before walking out of the room and to the kitchen. "You're havin' more than toast, you need to eat."

Are you sure it's on? Yeah? Okay um... So my name is Melody Morgenstern, I'm 15 years old and this is the song I wrote for a friend of mine.

You watch the stars, watch them pass you by
I know you wonder why, and you fall so far
Lift up your chin, and wipe away your tears
You've real hard years, but I know in the end you'll win

You silly boy, what are you waiting for
Open up that door, I wanna watch you soar

Startled, he turned and stared towards the bedroom, the lettuce and tomato in his hands sending chills up his arms as he slowly headed back into his mother's room. The sound of a guitar filled the room, accompanied by soft tapping sounds as she worked her way through the chorus and the second verse.

"She wrote you a love song."

"No she didn't. That ain't no love song, she just worries 'bout me or somethin'."

"Your cheeks are all red, Tommy are you embarassed your girlfriend wrote you a love song?" Her cheeks dimpled as she teased him, the glow under her skin making it hard to get mad. "She's got a lovely voice."

"What? Oh. Yeah, yeah she does. She's always getting lead for the schools music stuff."

"Well deserved."

"She said she'd like to sing for you, but I told her-"

"Yes, you told her yes."

"Mom..."

"You're dripping juice all over the floor, get the tomatoes on a sandwich instead of the carpet." Her fingers wiggled at him as she tugged on her nightgown. "I'll have to find something better than this to wear tomorrow, won't I?"