There she was sitting on the edge of the roof right in front of me. I'm not sure what she wanted from me, but her message sounded urgent. I take slow deliberate steps towards her and I can see her visibly tense up. She knows I am here. She's a highly trained kunoichi so I wasn't planning on sneaking up on her. It seems to take forever to reach her and I can feel my heart rate accelerate in my chest. It's so loud I wouldn't be surprised if she can hear it too. I'm not sure where this sudden bout of nervousness comes from usually when in her presence I now feel calm and complete. Yes, there was a time where being anywhere near her made me nervous and a complete wreck, but the butterflies have passed and now the sweet calming waves of her presence are all that remain.
This though feels off I guess would be the best word to describe it. I can tell she is extremely tense and that makes me nervous usually in my presence she is relaxed. I come to a stop right beside her. She still doesn't acknowledge my presence as she stares out at the city below us. I let out a sigh something is wrong I can feel the waves of misery rolling off of her and it physically hurts me. I hate to see her in any sort of pain. I sit myself down beside her letting my feet dangle dangerously over the edge.
She still won't look at me and it's killing me. I search the profile of her face for answers, but come up empty handed. "Karai" I breathe her name out softly, begging her with the one word to look at me. She finally does and the look in her eyes is like a punch to the stomach. I physically feel sick. I have never seen her in this much pain and I just want to take it all away from her. "What's wrong?" I ask as I bring a hand up to cup the side of her face. She doesn't answer, but instead leans into my hand and shuts her eyes. The tears roll down her beautiful face in a steady stream and I use my thumb to wipe them away for her.
We sit like that for what feels like hours before she finally opens her eyes to look at me. I am taken back by the look she is giving me. It's almost like she's trying to memorize my face like she thinks she'll never see me again. That weird feeling in the pit of my stomach grows stronger. And suddenly she's kissing me. My eyes close against my will and I give myself into it, into her. She tastes amazing as always. I don't think I could ever grow tired of the feel of her. I place one hand on the ground behind her for balance and the hand that was cupping her face slips down to sit on her hip. Her hands are on my face pulling me as close as our position will allow.
This kiss is different from any of the others we have shared though it feels like she is saying good-bye. I can feel her pain through her kiss and it turns the moment bitter sweet. It turns into something that I don't want to ever end because I am scared of what she has to say. I know my kiss is just as desperate as hers and I try to pour every ounce of love I feel for her into it.
We both pull away breathless and rest our foreheads against each other's. A few tears drip down her cheeks and the hands on my face slide down to my chest. Her hands spread out across my upper plastron, tracing little designs into me. I feel her let out a shaky breath. Her eyes are still squeezed shut trying to fight back the tears and I let mine study her face. Her short black hair is tickling my cheek and her usually perfect make-up is smeared. She is a mess, but I have never found her more beautiful. I bring my hand up off of her hip to brush her stray hair out of her face. My movement causes her eyes to fly open and she is looking right into my eyes. I study her eyes. They are a beautiful amber unlike anything I have ever seen before. That's probably my favorite physical feature; her eyes. The amber swirls around her pupil and these little specks of dark brown dance in it.
Sensei always did say that the eyes were windows to the soul and I can see that her soul is in turmoil. I wish I knew the reason why, but I need to be patient she will tell me when she is ready. She doesn't hold eye contact very long and her eyes drop to my chest. Almost like she is ashamed. "Leo," She says her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry." Her voice drops off at the end and if we didn't have our foreheads resting on each other's I wouldn't have heard her. Confusion and shock rips through me, what the hell is she sorry for? And it must be pretty bad if she is actually saying sorry.
"For what?" I ask and I can hear the fear seep into my own voice. I am terrified of her answer. I don't think I want to hear it, but I need to hear it. I watch her collect herself and then pull back from me to look me in the eyes. She takes a deep breath before speaking.
"My intel has discovered Shredder's hide out."
"That's grea-"I start to say, but she cuts me off.
"We are planning an attack."
"Alright. When? How can we help?"
"It's classified and you can stay out of it." She grounds out harshly and I am taken back by her sudden change of tone.
"What? Why?" I blurt out in my confusion and I can feel the anger building inside of me.
"I'm not going to have you risk your life or your family's lives. This is my fight Leo; I need to do this myself."
"No Karai." I almost shout as I jump to my feet in my anger. "This is all of ours fight. You don't get to decide to go solo. I want a shot at him as much as you do."
"Leo listen…" She starts as she stands up, but this time I cut her off.
"No you listen." I practically yell as I get in her face the anger clouding my judgment and controlling my actions. "You don't get to decide that I can't fight. I'm not going to let you do this alone that's suicide. I won't…" And suddenly I understood her pervious mood. She knew, she knows it's a suicide mission and she's accepted it. That's why this felt like a goodbye because for her it was. I know she can see the look of betrayal on my face at my realization because her eyes drop to the ground in shame. I pull my eyes away as well because I can't look at her right now.
I'm so lost in my own thoughts that I don't notice her stepping closer until she places a soft hand on my cheek. I jump at the sudden contact my eyes snapping to hers. Her eyes are sad filled with a soft pain, but they are also peaceful like she's made peace with her decision. That she knows this is last time she'll see me and she's accepted that. The realization of this brings tears to my eyes and I find myself fighting against them. She gives me a sad smile and it breaks my heart even more.
"Leo I have to do this. It's the only way to make things right, to make up for all the bad I've done."
I shake my head against her hand. "No you don't need to prove anything to anyone."
"I need to prove it to myself." She says softly and I feel a single tear fall from my eye and trail down my cheek onto her hand.
"Please let me help you. I don't want to lose you. I love you." She smiles that same soft smile she always smiles when I say those three words. Her lips capture mine as she wraps her arms around my neck to pull me in closer. My hands instinctively find their way to her waist and I crush her against me wanting to feel her closer. I feel the love she can never say in her kiss and it breaks my heart. I can't let her do this. I pour everything I am into that kiss just to try and convince her with my actions instead of my words. I taste salt on my lips and realize it is from tears, who's I'm not sure. We finally break apart for air and she buries her head into my neck. I let my chin rest on the top of her head. I breathe in her scent and commit it to memory. God I can't lose her. I just can't.
I will this moment to last forever, but it's over all too soon. She pulls back from me, but remains in my arms. "Goodbye Leo." She whispers out as she presses a soft kiss to my lips. Then I am choking as smoke fills my lungs and eyes. I let out a few coughs and step out of the smoke. The wind clears it all and I rub my eyes to get my vision back. She's gone. I let out a sigh and my knees give out. I drop to the ground broken and beat. God I feel so weak. I feel like my heart has been ripped right out of my rib cage and in a way it has. She took it with her when she left and now I don't think I'll ever get it back. I feel empty and the tears flow easily down my face and splatter onto the roof.
"Goodbye Karai." I whisper into the night as the pain consumes me.