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Dear Mom, Please Save Me From The Aliens
by I LUV Anime O.o and Nyx Vasquez
Chapter One - P.I.M.P
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Kyo leans out the door, pimp hat on his head and wearing a purple suit with BIG shoulder pads.
"YO TOHRU!" he screams, sipping on some of that gin and juice.
Tohru appears, dressed in a kitty-cat red leather costume and sweeping the front porch. The tune she is humming is annoying him, and he tells her so by the means of -
"BITCH! SHUT UP!"
"Okay Master Pimp, whatever you say! What do you need sir?" she smiles happily, eager to be his bitch once more.
"I need you... to come in here... and close the door."
She grins wickedly, her little girlish smile fading behind the wickedness of cherry-red lipstick. "As you wish..."
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Yuki coming in expecting Kyo and tohru to Um... Doing the do walks in and finds a FUNNY sight. Kyo holding a pink bunny rabbit.
"O it's SOOO cute!" Tohru giggled.
"His name is Mr. Teddy Waffles!" Kyo said giving the fuzzy rabbit to Tohru. seeing Yuki he hides it behnd his back. "GAH! Tohru stop leaving these stupid bunnys every where."
Yuki looking betrayed says. "I thought I was your Biyatch!" Yuki pouted.
"Your a pimp TO IDIOT!"
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Shigure, wearing a sexy green halter top, pokes his head into the room where Kyo is twitching violently on the floor. Tohru is poking him with a stick interestedly.
"Tohru... was it Mr. Teddy Waffles?"
"OH you mean that cute bunny? He didn't want Master Pimp Yuki to see it... though I don't know why, he was so cute..." She pokes him again; he spazzes animatedly and flops around like a dead fish.
"He's hungry."
"Hungry for what?"
"Plastic. When he gets all rabid like that, he gets hungry for plastic. Now, come along, we don't want to see him choke on that Tupperware..."
Tohru watches as Shigure drags her out of the room in his sequined skirt, while Kyo makes mad noises around a large, Tupperware container he has managed to wedge into his mouth.
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Tohru ran to the store getting more tupperware since Kyo had managed to chew half of it to death and ate the other half.
Yuki at home watches Kyo trying to eat anything that resembled Plastic. Soon he went for a Ken doll. Ripping it's head clean off he mutters. "I hated that pretty boy anyways... Wasn't even a man! I mean LOOK AT IT!"
Yuki becoming quite amused found a rabbit in the cornor of the room, picked it up and thruogh it at Kyo.
"WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE doing to Mr. TEDDY WAFFL... I mean Tohru's rabbit?"
"What's the matter, can't you hurt Mr. Widdle Teddy waffles?" Yuki said teasingly.
"DAMN YOU!" Kyo said launching himself at Yuki. Tohru came home at that moment.
She looked at the Plastic sadly. "Sigh, So you DON'T need anymore plastic... you chose Master Pimp Yuki to be your new chew toy. Sigh Oh well, at least your not furious anymore... Master Pimp Kyo."
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"... I still want Tupperware."
"Master Pimp Kyo, you just ate dinner!"
"It's either plastic, or you don't get any more snoo-snoo."
"... PLASTIC IT IS! Geez Master Pimp, you sure don't mind giving a girl an ultimatum! Whew!"
Tohru, relieved that all he wants is plastic, gives him several more Tupperware (tm) storage containers, which he promptly shoves one into his mouth, waving his thanks. He then rips the lid off one and sits in it. Tohru is pretty sure he thinks it is a boat.
"Um, Kyo-san... you might get a stomachache..." Kyo is oblivious to her warning, and immediately begins hatching plans to go swimming in a large swimming pool full of Jello. Cherry Jello. With Tohru. And his boat.
Tohru, however, does not like Cherry Jello - her favorite is orange.
"Master Kyo? I hate Cherry Jello, can't it be orange?"
"No."
"Green?"
"No."
"Purple?"
"No."
"Pink?"
"No."
"Pimp Kyo, are you colour-blind?"
"GODDAMN YOU! I WANT CHERRY, AND THAT IS IT! WE ARE SWIMMING IN CHERRY JELLO! WITH MY BOAT, SO WE DON'T DROWN!"
"Can I wear my leopard print bikini?"
Pssh. Like Kyo's going to say no to Tohru in a leopard-print bikini.
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Tohru in her leopard bikini. Kyo was in Blue swim trunks gets a swimming pool and 50 packets of Cherry Jello mix and gets the hose and dumped the packets of Jello in. he then poured water in the pool.
"OH Kyo you can be SOOO Kind! You made ME and the sweet Tohru a pool full of Cherry Jello." Said Shigure in his sing song voice, wearing a speedo.
Kyo's eybrows twitching yells-"It's not ment for YOU! stupid! Hey isn't your bitch Mii coming over?" Said Kyo changing the subject.
"Oh YES! I will excusse your rude calling since you are a pimp."
"Master Pimp Kyo?" Tohru asked.
"Yes?" Kyo asked adjitated.
"You know you REALLY shouldn't be calling people bitches. It's SO not nice."
"What? Do you not want to do the dew?"
"It doesn't matter... You and I will Dew the dew no mater what." Tohru said.
'Damn shes right!' Kyo thought bitterly.
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So Kyo, Shigure, Tohru, and Mii are all sitting in a pool full of Jello, Kyo's thoughts on destroying the world and eating more Tupperware, and Yuki is drowning under the weight of all the Jello at the bottom of the pool. Shigure, somehow, has grown to the size of an overweight sumo wrestler in the last fifteen minutes, and Mii has developed male-pattern baldness.
This is normal.
Tohru, however, is angry that it is not Orange Jello, and so she refuses Kyo's advances.
Kyo is extremely angered... "...whatever. Where's my Polar Ice Cap Melting Cannon?"
Tohru smiles, happy that he has forgotten about their little spat. "In the garage, as usual. I think you may have taken a bite out of it though."
"Oh well... Hey Tohru, have you ever microwaved a baby?"
"No, but I did microwave a Piccolo action figure once..."
Shigure swells to the size of a hot air balloon and bursts all over everybody, Mii screams "I'M MELTING!" and withers away, and everybody (except Pimp Kyo and his bitch Tohru, who are Doing the Dew... Mountain Dew (tm)) else dies. The End.
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END CHAPTER ONE
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DO NOT FEAR, COMPADRES! THERE WILL BE MORE RANDOMNESS TO COME! MANY MORE CHAPTERS, MANY MORE, PLUS A FEW NEW ONE SHOTS! REVIEW US AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!
Love and Peace,
no cake for you (I LUV Anime O.O and Nyx Vasquez)