Ragecon
Fuck All And References
By Winnebagels
[Winnebagel's Note – Hey guys. First off don't worry I'm not in the hospital or dead or anything. The only reason I haven't updated END is because I'm a lazy bastard. You can't underestimate that. I haven't given up on it. I'll get around to it. You know, eventually. Still though to give yall something, here's the skit I wrote for Eurogamer. Things fell through and it never happened. I loved the skit they came up with though and if you haven't seen it drop this and go to Fluke's channel. It's beautiful. If you don't already know their costumes: Rage is Gman from Half Life, Hollow is Naked Snake, Evanz is Booker from Infinite, Fluke is Elizabeth from Infinite, and Peace is some fat dude. I'll shut up now.]
*Camera focuses in on Rage and Hollow standing in front of a wall, or a street, or just standing. Rage can sit down if it's hot outside and if he won't stop whining about how hot it is outside. YouTube has to protect the talent and all that.*
Rage – Rise and shine people. It is time for you to wake up. Wake up and smell the Ragecon.
Hollow – Are we starting over? Again? This is like the fifth time we've done the intro.
Rage – Shut up Hollow I'm doing a thing.
Hollow – Look the longer we stand out here the less we get to see Eurogamer. It looks really cool in there. Like they might have tea.
*Evanz walks into focus.*
Evanz – Hey can we hurry this up? Old men keep whistling at Fluke and it's starting to feel a lot like late night stream chat.
Hollow – Nope. Raje here is taking it from the top.
Evanz – Wait you're redoing the intro again? [editors note: grammar fucking flame war] But the last one took twenty minutes.
Rage – Shut up! Everybody shut up! This is part of the entertainment! It's a little bit of foreplay to get the viewers ready before the balls to the wall lovemaking.
Hollow – Seriously man? Sex with the viewers? You know they're just letting you back around kids right? Fuck it. I'll be in my trailer. Evanz, come get me when he's done.
*Hollow crawls under a large cardboard box*
Evanz – Hope you're ok with spending the night in a box.
*Rage kicks Hollow's box.*
Rage – Fuck you faggot. Those charges were bollox. It's not slavery if they're children. It's daycare.
Evanz – It's still pretty illegal to have sex with a daycare.
Rage – Fine then, PC Nazi. My intros are like butter rolls before a steak. Happy now?
Evanz – Not really.
Peace – DID SOMEBODY SAY BUTTER?
Rage – I did but what does that have to do with -
Peace – ILL BE RIGHT THERE
Evanz – He knows that we don't actually have butter right?
Peace – THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I'VE EVER BEEN
*Fluke walks into the screen*
Fluke – I've got the worst wedgie right now. Really wish I had left the lady pants at home.
Peace – HOLD ON. I'M JUST CATCHING MY BREATH FOR A MINUTE.
Fluke – What's this?
Rage – Shhh he's almost here.
Peace – I REALLY OVERESTIMATED HOW FAR I COULD SPRINT.
Rage – Wait Will are you drunk?
Fluke – Well I'm sure as shit not going to wear a dress sober.
Peace – I CAN ALREADY FEEL THE BUTTERY GOODNESS AS I RUB IT ALL OVER MY BODY.
Rage – I thought Evanz was supposed to be the drunk one.
Fluke – Evanz doesn't drink. Not since he woke up naked in the shampoo section of that Asda.
Evanz – I wasn't naked. I had boots.
Fluke – Yeah. That you stole from a policeman.
Evanz – They were nice boots.
Peace – DO YOU HAVE ANY MAYONAISSE?
Fluke – They weren't that nice.
Peace – I BROUGHT JAFFA CAKES. SO IF YOU HAVE MAYONAISSE WE CAN REALLY GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
Evanz – They were nicer then that stupid emu you nicked from the zoo.
Fluke – Don't hate on Billiam just because he took your place in the sidecar. Also is the room spinning for anybody else?
Rage – Jesus Fluke, how much did you drink?
Fluke – Enough. Catch me Evanz.
*Fluke falls on to Evanz.*
Evanz – Why don't you make Billiam catch you?
Fluke – Don't be silly Evanz. Billiam's an emu, he doesn't have any arms.
*Peace jogs into view, visibly shaken by the experience.*
Peace – Hey guys.
Rage, Evanz, Fluke – Hey Peace
Peace – What happened to the butter? No wait don't tell me. I'll guess. I have a nose for this sort of thing. You hid it in that crate for me didn't you?
Rage – Crate? Oh you mean the box? No we didn't do that. The box is Hollow.
Peace – What gives then? Where is it? Don't you dare hide food from me Raje! I've come too far!
Evanz – We never had any butter man. You just sort of assumed.
Peace – Dammit. How could this happen to me? It's been minutes since I last saw butter.
*Peace sits on Hollow's box and munches on a Jaffa cake he pulled out from under his right bossom.*
Hollow - Snaaake
Evanz – Did you guys hear something?
Rage – Evanz for the last time there are no mechabirds in the sky. We're in England, not MURICA.
Fluke – Yup all the blood's gone to my head. I feel like I'm on the ceiling. Shit I wonder what it would it look like if I ate from up here?
*Peace readjusts himself on the box.*
Hollow – Snaaaaaaaaaaake.
Evanz – There it goes again. It sounds like a skinny man yelling "snake" as a fat man in a ninja costume crushes him to death. I think it's coming from under the box. Peace can you stand up for a second?
Peace – I'd love to, but that's really more of a two-man job.
Evanz – Rage help Peace up.
Rage – mumble mumble
*Rage helps Peace off of the box and turns the box over to reveal a dead Hollow.*
Evanz – Called it.
Rage – I guess Snake wasn't so solid after all. Muauauaua. Right guys?
Peace – If you really don't have butter then I'm going inside.
Rage – Guys?
Fluke – Carry me to a bathroom Evanz. A bathroom in Paris.
Evanz – Fine but Billiam has to stay with the sitter.
Rage – Well I thought it was funny.
*Peace waddles away. Evanz carry/drags Fluke away. Rage walks away. Hollow lays there on the pavement/floor. Last sight of dead Hollow then fade to black.