So... I've gotten some interest in the idea of me (*snort* like I could be SERIOUS...About ANYTHING...) answering the questions I've asked. Obviously they didn't know who they were dealing with. But, hey, I'll oblige.

Here's the way this works. The thoughtful, logical answer is under "Logical Conclusion." My answer is under "Sarah's Story." Yep. My name is Sarah. And I'm easily distracted.

1. Can Edward hear someone's thoughts over the phone?

Logical Conclusion: If he could hear thoughts over the phone, Edward would've known Jake was talking about someone else's funeral and wouldn't have assumed it was Bella's funeral Charlie was attending when he called pretending to be Carlisle. So therefore, no, he cannot hear thoughts over the phone.

Sarah's Story: No. If he could hear thoughts over the phone, Emmett would rope him into spending all his time prank-calling people, then bugging him for their thoughts.

2. Has there ever been a vegetarian werewolf?

Logical Conclusion: No. That would just be stupid.

Sarah's Story: Sure. His wife sucked at cooking meat, so he told her he didn't want to kill the "cute fuzzy-wuzzy animals." Then he'd go out and hunt as a wolf. His wolf brothers would razz him about his wife's cooking and they'd all go over to someone else's house to gather. That's how Emily got to be such a good cook – one of her ancestors started the tradition and it's ingrained in her to cook for the wolf pack.

3. Has a vampire ever marketed his or her saliva as lighter fluid?

Logical Conclusion: That would take WAY too much spit to even consider.

Sarah's Story: That's where those guys who spit fire come from. It takes too much effort to break into the lighter fluid mass market these days, so the "freak" vampires just join the circus.

4. Can vampire hair cut through steel?

Logical Conclusion: Sure. Why wouldn't it? Everything else on a vampire is strong, including finger nails. Why would hair be any different?

Sarah's Story: Steel? Who cares about that. Rosalie uses hers to cut diamonds. "Look! I made it sparkle! Oooh, shiny..." Yes, Sarah is a blonde. Yes, Sarah is easily distracted by sparkly or shiny items. Yes, Sarah speaks from time to time in third person.

5. Would eating a vampire bat cause a "vegetarian" vampire to be classified as a "meat-eating" vampire?

Logical Conclusion: Only if that bat had sucked blood from a human.

Sarah's Story: (Still thinking about diamonds) Pretty, pretty sparkle. Shiny. What? BATS? Eeew... Yeah, so even if a vampire caught a bat, it would be so little blood it hardly seems worth it. But if they actually DID drink its blood, well, I guess that's their prerogative. I'm not gonna hold a little, disgusting, flying rodent blood against a hottie like Edward. There's only so much self-control a vampire can have. However, I'd want him to brush his teeth first before kissing me. (Well, that answers question number 37...)