AN: Hello everyone! After running back and forth between whether I should post this or not I finally took the leap. It's been an idea that I had for awhile and couldn't get out of my head. It's partly the result of a nightmare, part disappointment with TVD. There will be some heavy retconning going on. Just a heads up, Bonnie will be going through it in the story. A lot of my disappointment with TVD has to do with how they handle Bonnie's pain. They torture her yet don't follow through with her reaction like they do with the other characters. About 99% of the time, we have no idea how Bonnie feels about what she deals with because she's too busy coddling others. I want to navigate through that pain and instead have others coming to her rescue for once. This being my first fanfic, I more than welcome constructive criticism. So without further ado...
Pain is such an inherent part of the living. Unavoidable and imminent. There was a sickeningly beautiful aspect to the feeling. Whether it's being told you're not good enough or accidently walking over a pile of Legos, the sensation was like no other.
The jolt that shoots through your every nerve and the resounding pangs that follow succinct moments of numbness. The world around you comes to a murmur. Each experience no matter how excruciating or trivial resounds with a startling sense of clarity.
And it's when the pain finally eases up, the world begins again. The bliss of living, of being spared the discomfort is undeniable.
As Bonnie curled up on the bathroom floor, she had to remind herself that the pain wasn't forever. In her case it was but there would always be those moments of peace in between.
The pain she felt was an ode to her living, breathing status.
Heart descending from her throat, Bonnie unclenched her eyes.
Clutching the sink, Bonnie gingerly stood.
Staring at the mirror, Bonnie vigorously rubbed her lips together. There were several teeth indents from where she tried to stifle her screams. It was amazing she hadn't bit clean through them.
It was getting worse. She wasn't gullible enough to consider for a moment her situation would be a cakewalk but she expected to at least grow accustomed to the agony.
After 50 or so spirits passing their pain onto her, not was only was the physical pain increasing but her mind was also bearing the brunt.
Her thoughts veered toward Amara. Hindsight really was 20/20. Unstable and traumatized, Amara had suffered 2,000 years trapped in her own body. Bonnie couldn't imagine lying desiccated while still remaining conscious of the torture inflicted on one's body. It was no wonder why she was so eager to die.
'Will that be me someday?'
Bonnie shook her head at the thought. She'd never be alone. Pasting a grin on her face, the former witch exited the dorm to head down to the building's lounge.
Never one to pass up on the opportunity for a celebration, Caroline insisted on throwing a welcome back party in honor of her best friend's resurrection. While Bonnie was content with simply having some one-on-one girls time, her friend already made up her mind that Bonnie would be receiving the full college experience. Complete with underage drinking on a dry campus and -
Someone was watching her. After consistently being stalked by spirits, Bonnie had gained a handy built-in Dead People radar and right now it was on a scale of Cole Sear.
She felt but didn't see the eyes boring into her skull.
Bonnie gave a languid look around the corridor. She caught the eye of another student on their way to the party and gave a brief smile before continuing her visual sweep.
They'd appear to her when they were ready. She followed the sound of the bass still filling a chill on her back.
It didn't take long to find her roommates. Standing beside the undoubtedly spiked concession of drinks, Caroline impatiently tapped her left foot while Elena swayed beside her.
"Look who decided to finally bless us with her presence."
"Girl's got to make an entrance," she said easily.
Caroline and Elena frowned at Bonnie's grin which came across as more of a grimace. "You okay?" asked Elena.
With no hesitation, Bonnie answers with the excuse that Aunt Flo is in town.
"Ugh the many perks of being undead. Mother Nature is a bigger bitch than no emotions Elena. Almost."
With an indignant huff, said doppelganger teasingly punched the blonde in her arm.
Fleetingly Bonnie wonders how the vampires couldn't notice the absent smell of blood.
'Just like no one noticed your absence for three months.'
Bonnie picked up a cup of red liquid to chase the bitter thought down with bitter liquid.
"To raising the dead," Bonnie said holding the cup in the air.
"To raising the dead," the vamps repeated. Touching their drinks together, the trio downed the contents – 15% soda 85% alcohol – in one breathe and slammed the cups down like shot glasses.
Caroline gave them a watery smile. "We're all really here."
"Together." Unlike last time, Bonnie could actually say this with conviction. With a laugh, she grabbed their hands and pulled them to the dance floor.
They squeezed around the dancing bodies to find a space in the middle. Throwing her head back, Bonnie got lost in the music.
Bonnie stood against the wall. Any other time she may have felt awkward just watching others dance but she actually felt at ease right now. Maybe it was because she was sipping on her fourth drink.
The girls danced for several songs before Jesse swept Caroline into a secluded corner. When Bonnie noticed Elena glancing at Aaron, she nudged her over to him. The doppelganger didn't want to abandon her on the dance floor until Bonnie reminded her that she didn't have vampire stamina and needed a break.
Bonnie felt rather than saw the black clothed body post up beside her.
"I don't think King Bey would approve you standing on the wall."
"I wasn't aware you had accepted Beyonce as your lord and savior." She tilted her head up to meet the elder Salvatore's gaze.
"Does that mean you haven't converted? Blasphemy!" Damon held his pale hand over his heart in mock horror.
Bonnie jokingly rolled her eyes. "Damon, why are you here? You do realize this is a college party right?"
Damon scoffed. "What kind of creep would I be if I didn't lurk around people half my age?"
"Would that be your human age or vampire age?"
Damon gave her a wounded look. "Touche."
An uncomfortable silence flitted over them. Bonnie brought her eyes to the floor bringing the cup back up to her lips. Damon could tell there was something on her mind.
She finally extracted her lips from the cup only to give the impression of a fish out of water. After opening and closing her mouth for a minute, she spit out what she had been meaning to say for a while now.
"Thank you." Damon raised a dark eyebrow at her. Well that was new.
"For what pray tell?"
Of course he couldn't make it easy on her. "Look, Damon…you didn't have to do what you did. I saw everything. While I don't necessarily support some of the ways you went about it, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here. Thank you."
Damon may have been impulsive, erratic and all-around unethical but the one thing she could say about him was that he was dependable. A schemer at heart, he always had a plan. And even at her makeshift funeral, she could see the cogs turning his head. The frown on his face wasn't one of resignation.
It was the exact opposite.
Passing by his stationary figure, she wanted to tell him to stop. Tell him that she had made peace and that it wasn't worth it. But a part of her felt a sense of joy. The others had already begun the trek to reconciling her death. She wanted them to move on. Everything she told them through Jeremy, she meant.
However, the selfish part of her couldn't help but want someone to fight. Fight for her like she had for them. She just couldn't place that burden on their shoulders though. As she saw that stubbornness in Damon rear its head, she also decided that she couldn't ask him to stand down.
So she passed him by without a word. Though she would accept her fate, if Damon wanted to search for a way then so be it.
She really didn't condone just how far he went in his search. Making deals with the devil, sacrificing Katherine even if she didn't like the bitch, and killing his brother not once but twice. Yeah, they had a lot to talk about in the way of his decision-making skills. For now, though, she'd give appreciation where appreciation was due.
Damon shifted on his feet. When she said everything, he wondered if she really meant everything.
Either way he had to turn this conversation around. Damon wasn't a hero. Everything he did was for him and it just so happened that sometimes he did things that positively affected others.
It was endearing when Elena looked at him with those doe eyes as if he could measure up to Stefan. But with Bonnie staring at him with gratitude in his eyes, he felt uncomfortable for some reason. It was too intimate for his liking.
"No need to thank me, Casper. Elena isn't as enthusiastic in the sack when she's in mourning."
That moment came and went quickly.
Bonnie shot him an irritated glare. "You're –"
"Disgusting, I know. You'd think as a college student you would've broadened your vocabulary."
Bonnie turned on her heels with the intention of finding a different wall to stand at. Damon apparently had something else in mind grabbing at her hand.
At his plea to wait, she begrudgingly turned around. She exasperatedly nodded her head at him in a silent question.
"Dance with me." Bonnie hesitantly glanced off to the side. She was fully prepared to say no before he spoke again. "For old times' sake."
She searched his face. He wore a teasing grin but his eyes were sincere. Giving a defeated sigh she let him tug her to the floor.
Damon swiftly swung her around to collide with his chest. Her hands landed on his pecs to stop herself from face planting. The Salvatore grabbed her hands to loop around his neck.
Come a little closer, then you'll see
Come on, come on, come on
Things aren't always what they seem to be
Come on, come on, come on
Do you understand the things that you would see here
One of his hands reached out to tug a strand of her shoulder length hair.
"I see you decided to switch things up."
Bonnie shrugged. "I had an identity crisis after being stuck with the same hairstyle and clothes for three months."
Damon dropped his hands to rest on her waist. "I like it."
Heartbreaks, the heavy world's upon your shoulders
Will we burn or we just smolder
Somehow I know I'll find you there
Oooh, I wanna see if you can change it, change it
Still I know I'll see you there
Bonnie found herself being unexpectedly dipped to the floor. She couldn't help the surprised laugh that escaped her mouth. Just as quickly, she was facing Damon again. Always the one for dramatics, he spun and dipped her several more times. People around them gave the pair a wide berth to prevent themselves from being hit.
As the song came to a close, Bonnie noticed someone over his shoulder.
Bending over, Damon raised her hand to his lips with a devilish glint in his eyes. Overdramatic indeed.
Bonnie began walking away from him before hearing her name. She turned his way again.
"It's nice to have you back."
She softly smiled and inclined her head before making her way across the room. He didn't avert his gaze until the crowd shielded her from his sight.
A tipsy Bonnie curled up under her comforter. The silence of the dorm helped ease the slight pounding in her head. Caroline and Elena were still at the party. She gave them the excuse of cramps in order to escape their persistence that she stay longer.
She would've loved to stay longer if it hadn't been for the ominous cloud that lingered over her. She thought back to her encounter with the deceased witch. Speaking with the elderly woman had initially given her a sense of purpose. If she could take away the pain of others in the afterlife, then her pain was worth it.
It was the last thing the woman said that left her uneasy.
Bonnie's grip on her hand slightly firmed with worry. There was one last thing she had to ask.
"Um, back in the hallway…was that you watching me?"
The sweet smile suddenly dropped into a grim look. A pause followed before she looked directly into Bonnie's eyes.
"Not all spirits are like me."
Bonnie looked imploringly at her. Before she could ask her to elaborate the connection was cut.
Bonnie frowned into her pillow.
'What did that have to do with the spirit I felt?'
It sounded like a warning. She felt eyes on her again as she walked back to her room. Was she being haunted?
Bonnie dropped her face into the pillow. Just great. If it wasn't enough that she spent three months as a ghost and now had to guide other spirits into the proverbial light, apparently she was dealing with some Paranormal Activity bullshit.
'I must've seriously pissed off The Powers That Be in another life.'
With that last thought, her mind drifted into nothingness.
Bonnie wasn't sure how long it was before she woke up or why she did. Something felt off, though.
A tingle on her cheek had her burrowing further into the bed. The tingle persisted. Bonnie shook her head to get what she figured was her pesky hair off her cheek.
The peaceful fog that surrounded her mind began to thicken. With a content sigh, the drowsy girl curled up.
Suddenly something occurred to her.
Unless she turned into Medusa overnight, her hair never massaged her face.
Her eyes snapped open.
The flog effectively cleared, Bonnie rolled over on her back. She wished she had kept her eyes closed.
"Surprise, little witch. I bet you thought you 'd seen the last of me."
The ear-shattering scream was music to Kol's ears.