So I haven't wrote anything for Grey's for years, and maybe I have lost the knack to writing fanfiction...But after slowly falling out of love with so much of what they were giving us currently, I went back to rewatch, and just like the first time fell head over heels for the characters and the show and i am currently happy in Season Six . Then this idea struck, and I resisted until it became to hard to ignore.

This is just an introductory chapter that gives little away, it just lays the first piece of groundwork for this story, and i am posting this to find if there is any interest for it as I am currently on Chapter Five ... So if you would like more, hit me with a review...

So here goes, I own nothing, never have and never will etc...

This Time

Part One

The act of closing the Shepherd's heavy front door silently was an art form Meredith Grey had mastered as a necessity by the age of sixteen. It took a sharp flick of the left wrist on the handle to stop the latch catching, as the right hand kept it steady. All muscle memory now fourteen years later, as her body leaned back to guide the door into the frame smoothly rather than the scrape, and slam it was notorious for. Meredith only allowed herself to breath when she was away from the front porch, and had reached the fence that separated what had once been her childhood home, from the Shepherds. The well lit drive, the more obvious route to the street was off limits. Numerous near misses over the years had taught her that she would be left wide open to any of the house full of people happening to pass either of the large bay windows, and that was the last thing she needed.

The particular panel she wanted, looked like all the others to unknowing eyes, and she doubted the current owners of her mothers old house even knew it was there. However to her it stood out as if a huge flashing neon light was attached. It was still what it had always been, physical proof she was wanted. A reminder that there were people who loved, and wanted her in their home. Michael Shepherd had fitted the hinges, and turned it into a makeshift gate for her twenty five years ago, within weeks of Lizzie first bringing her home. In use without fail nearly every day for nearly a decade, it had been her own escape from the cold, sterile atmosphere she had thought was normal, into what had seemed a magical world of love and laughter. The gate had become obsolete when Ellis had died, and Meredith who had just turned fifteen had her whole world turned upside down. The birthday had been like many before that Ellis had forgotten, which had lead to them not exchanging more than two words in the days up to her death from a massive heart attack.

Still to this day she could remember the seeping cold that had settled into her body the day before her mothers funeral when Carolyn had called her downstairs to find Thatcher had arrived with his new wife Susan. It was like being awoken abruptly from a dream, and cold hard reality shoved down your throat before you were ready. There had been no thought prior of what would happen to her once the dust was settled, and Ellis was laid to rest. Her whole mind had been set on the fact, her mother was dead. The Ellis Grey who had always seemed so strong, formidable, almost indestructible was actually gone. That that was how their story ended. There would never be a chance to show her mother who she was, to prove to her that she was the force of nature Ellis had wanted her to be. They would never fix the relationship, and she would never get the chance to make Ellis proud.

Sat with a Shepherd on each side, both of Carolyn's hand clasping hers, with Michael resting a hand on her shoulder, Meredith had known they were both not only showing support, but trying to stop her from bolting. So Meredith had sat rigidly straight, expressionless, and listened to Susan talk about the whole new life waiting for her in Seattle with her two half sisters. The words meant kindly had barely made an impact, compared to the reality of having her father in front of her for the first time in a decade. To this day she had only ever trusted Derek with how up until that very moment she had still clung onto the childish daydream that Thatcher hadn't left her willingly. How it had been her mother who tore them apart, and for all of those years he had been trying to find a way to come back to her. She had whole heartedly believed somewhere there was a drawer full of unopened cards, that he had never gotten over losing his daughter.

That fantasy had crumbled away with the dawning realisation that Thatcher had instead never looked back, and rather than pining for what he had lost he had gone out, and found a women the polar opposite of his first wife to start a whole new family with. It was all done knowing exactly who Ellis was, what life he was leaving his daughter too, and to a shell shocked Meredith it was as clear as day that until he had been contacted about Ellis's death, he hadn't spared her a second thought. He had barely been able to look at her, always picking the spot just over her left shoulder to focus on, whilst Meredith had obsessively searched his face for any sign of the father she remembered. Then suddenly she had understood why it was that Thatcher was having so much trouble, and a burst of bitter laughter had slipped from her mouth. She wasn't his daughter, she was just a living breathing reminder of a life he wanted nothing more than to forget. He would take her into his home because it was obvious that was what Susan wanted, or what she thought they should do, but just like she had been to her mother she would end up an inconvenience, an ugly scar on their bright and shiny happy family.

She had wanted to scream at him to look at her, to demand an explanation of why he had done it, but instead she had swallowed the rage and with a polite smile thanked Susan for the offer and stood up. Michael had asked her to wait, that they still had more they wanted to discuss, but Meredith had shook her head, begging him with her eyes for him to let her go, and as if he had understood exactly what had just happened he had. Only stopping to pause at the doorway to press a kiss to her hair and apologise for not giving her prior warning, explaining how they had never expected the couple to just turn up at the house. She had slipped past the Shepherd children gathered round the door, barely seeing the horrified faces of Lizzie, and Amelia as she had shook off any offer of comfort, and ran from the house.

Blindly she had walked the streets until without realising she had taken the well trodden route to the docks. Sat for hours staring dry eyed out over the water trying to find some way to make sense to what had happened. How the life she had known could change so dramatically with so little warning, and then when you thought that was it, still shake the very foundations of your beliefs further. Derek had been the one to find her there, without a word he had removed his jacket, and wrapped it around her shoulders before joining her. There was no surprise to him turning up, and she had known this would have been the last place she would have gone if some part of her hadn't wanted to be found by him. He was the only one who knew where she went when she wanted to think, in fact it had been him who first brought her there.

At the age of seven when she had announced after Ellis hadn't come home for three nights straight that she had had enough, and was running away he had sent Lizzie home and taken her by the hand and lead her to the docks. Shown her how to sneak under the gap in the fence, and how to move around without drawing attention to yourself. He had explained this was where he came when he wanted to escape, and that if she wanted she could share it too, along as she didn't tell his sisters and swore to never go near the water. And there he had been again eight years later, no longer a twelve year old boy, but a man of twenty explaining how his parents were out of their minds with worry. Lizzie and Amelia were crying convinced she had run away, and the rest of them were out looking for her. How his parents had already explained to her father and Susan before she had seen them that they would be more than willing to have Meredith stay with them. That the only reason they didn't ask first was because they wanted Meredith to decide for herself what she wanted, to not be swayed by their desire to keep her under their roof. To have the choice Ellis had never allowed her.

With only a shaky nod to show she understood Meredith had sunk into his arms, and for the first time since her Principle had collected her from class, and brought her to his office where a social worker and a police officer was sat waiting she allowed herself to cry. Derek had stayed there with her for hours. He had listened as she tried to make sense of everything, tried his best to reassure her, and then distracted her with stories about his and Mark's life away at college. When close to two am he had told her he had better take her home, he had stopped her by the car and tipped her chin up so she had no choice but to look at him.

"I know you think your pretty unlovable Meredith Grey, but it isn't true. We all love you. None of us are going anywhere, your not alone any more, you can let us in, we're not going to be scared off... I mean come on, we all put up with Mark and Nancy don't we? "

Sometimes when she looked back over the years she was sure that moment then when he had looked at her with the soft warmth of affection in his blue eyes as he chuckled, his lips still vibrating with mirth pressed a kiss against her forehead was when he stopped being Lizzie's older brother, and became something so much more important to her.

Similar words had been repeated over the next few years by his parents as she had pushed them all away. To make them see if her own mother couldn't love her, that her father had set up a whole new life without her then she didn't deserve them. Not once, no matter what stunt she pulled had they faltered in their reassurances that they wanted her. They took every outburst in their stride, countered every rejection with more love, and for the first time in her life Meredith had experienced what it was like to actually have people who cared where you were, and expected you to be at home for dinner. Carolyn and Michael had been the first people to ever ground her, to give her a curfew, to discipline in a way that wasn't a shouting match about how much of a failure and disappointment she was.

The creak of protest from the rusty hinges, as she gave the gate a sharp shove with her knee shook her from the past as did the voice cutting through the night air.

"Meredith Grey running out on her own meet the boyfriend slash welcome home dinner. Why am I not more shocked? I mean I should be, I did have you down to lasting at least till he brought out a ring...You disappoint me Kiddo, and are on your way to losing me fifty bucks."

Meredith froze, all she had needed to do was cut across the lawn and she would have been at the rental car. So focused on the past, her escape, and the houseful behind her she hadn't paid attention to the thought of anyone being actually outside to see her.

"I am not running out... I wouldn't..." She hissed back, moving quickly to pull Mark Sloan out of full view of the house and into the shadows.

It wasn't that she wanted to leave, she didn't, she was done with running away. She just needed to be alone for a moment. It had taken two years to get her back here. Two years of self-enforced exile from her family, the only home she had ever known, all whilst she did her best to move on. Move on, and forgive, and find some way for her and Derek to return to what they had been, or at least be in the same room as him without letting the whole world know she loved him, and she was the reason his marriage to Rebecca had ended.

The fact she had accepted the position in Seattle over starting her residency here in New York had been a shock to everyone except maybe Derek. Though per the agreement drawn up after Ellis's death she had spent three weeks of the summer there each year, and Thanksgiving until she was eighteen, she had returned each time seeming to dread the next visit. It was meant to have been a chance for her to get to know Thatcher, to build a relationship, but it had never worked that way. Meredith had known all she wanted to that day when he had been unable to look at her. However as much as she liked Susan and Molly, only Lexie had somehow burrowed her way past Meredith's barriers. Lexie however didn't work as an excuse as it was common knowledge she was at Harvard, a lot closer to New York than Seattle.

Instead Meredith had gone for something closer to the truth, that she simply wanted to try it out on her own, and there was no denying that Seattle Grace was one of the best surgical programs. The hurt in Michael and Carolyn's eyes at the thought of her being so far away had nearly broken her resolve. The fact her and Derek had had some kind of fall out was obvious to them, and she knew they had worried she was again pushing them away in retaliation of being hurt. What she could never have explained to them was that it was done it to stop them feeling any of the disappointment in her that Ellis always had. Never had she wanted them to feel as if she was throwing back in their face everything they had done for her, and what her and Derek were doing would have been doing just that. The Shepherd's believed in the sanctuary of marriage, and especially in the forsaking all others part of the vows.

"I'm simply getting some air. Its hot and the house is full and I think... I'm hot..." She faltered as Mark shook his head, amusement lighting his face as he reached out for her.

"I believe you, but thousands wouldn't...Come and greet me properly... I've missed you."

Gathered into a firm embrace that lifted her feet from the ground, Meredith tightened her own arms around his neck.

"I missed you too."

It was nothing but the truth. Mark was the big brother of her childhood, and unlike most of the women inside the house she had never blurred that line with him. He was her drinking buddy, the only one who understood the true heartfelt gratitude she felt towards the Shepherds. Like her he had grown up with absent parents, who spared little thought for the child they had brought into the world, and was therefore brought home as a stray by a Shepherd child.

"Of course you did. So have I missed the photo album bring out yet? Oh please tell me I haven't missed the Meredith pissed at the whole world phase? that's always been my favourite, or Is that what drove you out?"

Mark stepped back, his wide grin stretching across his face as his arm draped around her shoulders as he guided her back towards the porch.

"Mark I was just going to the car."

"Really? You know this is what happens when you break the love and leave rule Kid … You have to be the grown up and swallow all this without running off looking for Jose... Well... at least till you win me the bet. I cannot handle loosing any more money to the Shepherd women. They're always so smug, its sickening..."

"Mark I can't go back in there yet. I just need a moment."

"You and Derek been arguing again? You know I don't get you two, maybe you just need to bang and get it out your system... Sexual frustration isn't healthy Kiddo, and now the divorce is finally done and dusted, Shep is a free man..."

Meredith was pretty sure for a moment she was going to vomit all over his feet. Never before in his persistent enquiries to what had drove the wedge between them, had he ever hit so close to the truth. With a gulp of the cold evening air, grateful for the darkness hiding her blush she shook his arm off her.

"What? No it isn't Derek. Why would it be? I have told you a million times me and Derek are fine."

"Yeah Mer, you really need to look up the definition of fine because what you mean by fine isn't what everyone else does, and I can say for a fact that Derek isn't fine, and he is a better liar than you are."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You know maybe if you did, you both would be as 'fine'as you claim."

"Mark..."

"Fine, fine I'm shutting up, but just so you know this stubborn streak of yours was a lot cuter when you were a little brat running around after us with scuffed knees... Now you stay where I can see you. You owe me this Grey. Two years I have spent picking up your slack with barely a word of thanks."

"We speak every Wednesday night."

"Doesn't count... You were my ally, and you left me to go live in a godforsaken place that does nothing but rain. Now how much am I allowed to fuck with Josh this time? Cos when I was in Seattle last you barely let me exchange two words with him?"

Josh, at the mention of his name Meredith's stomach twisted with guilt. She had just left him in a house with a family he had met for the first time a few hours ago with barely a thought. He had been hinting for the past few weeks that he wouldn't mind taking a detour via New York on the way back to his own parents in Boston for the holidays. and she hadn't been able to find the words to say no. For over a year she had kept him at arms length, refusing to be more than the casual, no expectation based relationship she was a master at. Yet slowly worn down with much more persistence than she had ever given him credit for, and desperate to heal herself she had allowed him a little further in to her life. The very honest part of her was well aware in allowing him to accompany her home for a few days before he went on to Boston had been about using him as a shield from Derek. Yet she hadn't even got through the introductions, leaving Josh with Michael as soon as she realised Derek's car had pulled into the drive.

"Be nice Mark. No big brother threats, just be nice, he's nice..."

"I'm always nice. It was Derek that always did the whole hurt her, and I hurt you. Not that I didn't agree with him, I'm just a lot more subtle and creative!"

He tossed her a smirk as he started up the steps, stopping when he reached the door,

"You have ten minutes then I am giving you up!"

Her whole plan forgotten Meredith sunk down onto the steps of the porch, only alone for a few moments before she heard the familiar scraping of the door that she had worked so hard on to avoid on the way out.

"I'm still here and..."

Meredith spoke without turning around, but the words died in her throat when she realised it wasn't one of the children sent out to check on her, but the very person she had come outside to avoid once she had thought him safely in the kitchen greeting his mother.

"Please don't run. I just want to talk..."

For an instant she considered doing just that, but he was already on the step beside her, close enough to stop her, and the last thing she wanted was to cause any type of scene.

"This isn't a good idea. Not now..."

The scent that had haunted her surrounded her now. The mixture of his aftershave, and something that was purely him that only served to throw her back to the nights she had spent in his arms. The urge to let her head fall, and rest against him was so instinctual she had to fight her own body to keep herself straight. Her eyes locked on the spot in front of her, refusing to turn her head, unwilling to fall into the blue gaze she could feel boring a hole into the side of her head. Fingers that had traced every inch of her body brushed the loose curls back to make her face visible, their tips burning a path across her cheek as they lingered before they dropped away with a sigh.

"You know you can't avoid me forever..."

Derek had watched her creep out of the house and had been about to go out to join her when he realised Mark had beaten him to it. He had watched their affectionate greeting with irrational jealously, and when she had wrapped her arms around his neck he had found that in the whole of his thirty seven years he had never wanted to be Mark Sloan as he had then.

"I get it, I do, and I deserved it, I was a selfish ass, but god isn't this punishment enough yet...? because I'm not sure how much longer I can do this for Mer..."

If you want more, and trust me the next chapters fill in all the gaps, please review and let me know...