AU: Castiel died to save Deans life, and Dean makes a confession heart - to - heart, but Cas is there, just listening. He's invicible.
He stays hidden.
The light shone into the darkened motel room, it was quiet. About 3am, and Dean Winchester was wide awake. Not only due to the fact his thoughts was wandering off to higher places, but also that he didn't feel tired, and even if he was, he didn't feel it.
He had been laying sleepless the whole week, drank in the morning, hunted with Sam and tried to do normal things (or normal for him), because he still didn't know what it was that nibbled in the back of his head, but he made sure he never found out. Sam gave a noisy snore and Dean turned around, still trying to sleep. But everytime he closed his eyes, how tired he even was, his eyes wide opened like he saw a new light or something.
What was it, that was so important he couldn't sleep, eat or think straight? It was cold and he found himself shiver.
Dean sat up and looked at the clock on the wall, almost 3.30 am now. He sighed, looked at Sammy who turned around peacefully, and forced a smile to his lips and stepped out of the bed.
He wandered through the room, looked for his clothes as they where buried in each other and got dressed. After that, he went out to the parking lot and stood and stare at the stars for a while.
Without even touching a single beer.
He stopped staring.
"Hey, Cas." he started, didn't know where to begin excatly, but he had plenty of time to come up with something.
"So…Uh…Sleeping troubles. And you know, I didn't…Realise why I had them until now. Right now. The idea of it's still fresh. But I have to try this, to sleep again, to eat agian, you know." Dean looked down and then up to the sky again. The sun was rising in the south, and Dean sighed.
"You know. We've been through a lot togheter and I just…Wanted to thank you. That's all. I know you've gone back to heaven, where you belonged all the time." He did a paus again and looked around, didn't want Sammy to catch him talking to a dead man, before he continued, "You know, there was some things I never told you. Never got the chance to tell you. But I'd like to fix that mistake now." he said and closed his eyes, still looking up at the cloudy sky.
"I loved you. Every damn day since I first saw you." he swallowed his tears. He was a man, he was not going to cry. Not right now. He just wanted to sleep again. "And it's because I loved you, that I can't accept you're gone. You helped me, man. You helped me and I want to say this. Because if I don't, I am going to regret it. It's my last chance to say this, Cas, it's funny, right? Last first goodbye, I think it is. You know." he said and bit his lip.
"It's cold down here without you. Sammy hasn't noticed it yet, but eversince you walked out, I haven't smiled a secound. You where the reason I smiled, Cas. You." He looked around one more time, to make sure no one could here him.
"I guess it's pretty pointless, but I think you saved me…So thank you for that." he finished off and put his hands in the pocket of his jacket, and walked back to the room and fell down on the bed.
And right in that moment, Dean, could swear he heard a whispear somewhere in the darkness, a single, hoarse, familiar voice. The meaning behind the words was irrelevant and had no meaning, unless your name was Dean Winchester.
"You're welcome."