Chapter 1: Where I Screw Up

You know, we Hypno are not as bad as everyone makes out. We seem to have inadvertently picked up this reputation as monstrous, slightly perverted creatures who prey on unwary travelers, and I feel it is my duty, both to my species and the world at large, to dispel this myth and improve our standing a bit.

I see I haven't convinced you, allow me to explain myself a little better. It all started two weeks ago, and I can lay all the blame for my capture, at the lovely feet of a girl. Her name is Oneira, and she is the most beautiful Hypno in our tribe. I could rhapsodize about her all day, but I'll try and keep it brief, lest I float off on a dream and never get on with my story. Her mane is about waist length and pure white, like the snow I have seen in dreams. When she wakes up in the morning it sparkles with the dew. She's taller than most Hypnos, and finer boned, I swear there must be some Gardevoir in her ancestry. Her ears are pointier than anyone else's and her nose is as close to perfection as, I imagine, it is possible to get. And she's pink. She's the only shiny Hypno in the entire tribe. She could hypnotize someone just by walking past. She was even moderately attractive as a Drowzee, and that's saying something.

But from rhapsody back to reality, she's gorgeous, and I'm not. No, no don't rush in with transparently false compliments…

Hey, you could have at least tried! Oh, fine. I never got very tall, even after I evolved, and I lack the robust build of most of my kind. And, despite my best efforts, my mane is generally a tangled mess. I have a good profile, and rather elegant hands if I say so myself, but other than that there's not much that would attract a divine beauty like Oneira. But, ever resourceful, I had a plan.

You see there's a Hypno in our tribe named Yuxu, who used to have a trainer. He can't have been much of a battler because his trainer abandoned him and he (unfortunately) came back to our marsh. He spends most of his time flexing his muscles and monopolizing Oneira's attention with (probably exaggerated) stories of his battling days. And it's not just Oneira he mesmerizes with his stories- it's everyone. Even the other girls. Especially the girls. Girls are superficial. I'm not jealous, who said I was?

Fine. It's true, I'm completely jealous. If my skin could turn green with envy it probably would have. But, as much as Yuxu is a boring, self-important blow hard, he did give me an idea. If manly stories of battling prowess are what reels in girls the real deal must be even more irresistible. All I had to do was find another Pokémon, battle him into a bloody pulp with Oneira watching and she was as good as mine. Easy. Simple. Foolproof. Could. Not. Fail.

You can see where this is going.

Even my numerous, loyal friends were convinced this was not a good idea. Friends. Friend. One. And he's a Drowzee. Too lazy to even evolve. His name is Lazlo. Yes, even the tribe's laziest adult tried really hard to talk me out of it. He actually broke a sweat he tried that hard.

"Give up man. It is never going to work. Never. Not in a million years."

"It will work. We Hypnos are known for our plotting skills. How could it possibly go wrong?"

"Ahh, how do I think thee will fail, let me count the ways… You've never battled before."

"I have."

"Falling out of a tree onto a Caterpie is not 'battling'. It is disgusting though."

"I beat up that… Seviper."

"Sure you did… Hey, is that why you limped back to the marsh last week? I thought you must have just fallen out of another tree." He laughed. I detest people laughing at me, especially when they are right.

I changed tack, outrageous lies are not my forte "I know the odds aren't in my favor, but I have to do it. I love her. "

"What you are feeling is not love, my friend. Though I'm honestly surprised it took this long to kick in, how old are you? Twenty-five?"

"I, unlike your unevolved self, am not a slave to my baser urges. And twenty-three."

"No girl would touch you with a pendulum on a string a hundred feet long, is what you mean."

"Look, Oneira could have anyone she wants, but my feelings for her are completely sincere, honorable and unselfish. I would make her happier than anyone else; love her from the depths of my heart. And this plan with demonstrate that admirably."

"Sounds like a sea monster… from the deeep. Where to you get this garbage? Which moron's dreams are you eating? And why Oneira? She's hot sure, but have you ever talked to her? She's a stuck-up bimbo. Let Yuxu have her."

"I can't get her out of my head. And I can sense that, deep down, she feels the same way. I just need to impress her and her feelings for me will become clear."

"You are so deluded that it's actually physically painful to observe. I think I sprained something just having this conversation."

"All you have to do is trick her into following you to where I'm bringing the pain."

"That managed to sound even wronger than what you're imagining will happen."

"Just get her to follow you, she trusts you."

"A trust I'm going to horribly betray by exposing her to your terminal stupidity."

"So, in other words, you'll help me."

So I had Lazlo on side. Now, before you assume that I'm crazy, or just extraordinarily stupid, I better explain what I thought was true about battling. I'd largely ignored Yuxu's stories. He himself didn't understand exactly what Pokéballs did, despite, apparently, having been inside one. He had assumed that when he wasn't battling he was blissfully asleep and dreaming, and that waking up right before a battle was just coincidental. I now, regrettably, know better. He had also, apparently, never come up against a Pokémon he was particularly weak against. Or if he had, he kept those stories to himself (I'd like to believe the latter). I wasn't so lucky. I also wasn't aware that you have to train to become more resistant to attacks. I believed what I imagine everyone in our tribe believes- that Hypno are just naturally superior to most Pokémon. I still believe that actually, but I know now that anything poisonous or fiery should be avoided at all costs.

I'd been keeping an eye on a gormless looking human trainer who'd been wandering our marsh for a few days. He was a strange, tall thin man in a long black coat, with a wide brimmed black hat that hid his face. He was alone, apart from a tired looking Ekans slithering along after him. Ekans are a common enough nuisance near our marsh. They are poisonous, in the unlikely event that they bite you, but we scare them away from camp with stones and I figured if all else failed I could just hypnotize it. They're foolish, cowardly creatures, no match for my advanced species.

I briefed Lazlo on my target, and he assured me he'd somehow get Oneira to follow him and bear witness to my battling prowess. I followed the trainer for a while, and, when he'd set up camp under a tree I made my move. I will impress this on you one final time- I was woefully rash, I had not thought this escapade through.

I slunk out from behind the tree, crackling leaves and sticks beneath my feet, not intending to be in any way stealthy. When the trainer whirled round to face me I began my chant and waved my pendulum, expecting to unnerve him (or even hypnotize him and save myself a heap of effort). He snapped his eyes closed, a smile curling his lips, and reached into his pocket- "GENGAR, HEX!"

Suddenly, I felt cold, like the sun had gone and all the warmth of the day had melted away, I started shivering, uncontrollably, and it was as if there were shadows everywhere, creeping up on me. I kept trying to see them by they'd be just out of my field of vision, my skin crawled. I kept trying to chant, the shadows seemed to recede a bit, and I thought I wasn't doing so badly.

"DARMANITAN TACKLE!"

Suddenly I was thrown across the ground, and something was pummeling me, I was still hazy from the hex attack and couldn't see anything other than two intense, blazing eyes boring into mine. Every blow it landed seemed to burn. The skin on my back and sides felt like it was boiling and splitting. I couldn't even hear what the trainer was shouting. Suddenly I was cold again, and the sky seemed to darken. I struggled to my feet, out of the corner of my eye I could see Lazlo and Oneira, cowering behind a tree. I tried to gather my senses and fight back, but it was as if I couldn't think, I just sort of stumbled around, I'd even lost my pendulum, so I couldn't even try to hypnotize my hidden assailant. I saw Lazlo push Oneira back and the tree in front of them crack open. Oneira bolted, disappearing into the forest, without a glance back. Lazlo seemed to want to follow her, but he stayed…

I was hurled back, all the breath knocked out of me. I couldn't even see what had hit me. My eyes didn't seem to focus as I tried to stand up again. The air seemed heavier, and I was sure I could hear some whispering, hazy sounds, all around…

Something was licking my skin. Amidst all the pain it actually felt nice, like my limbs were cooling, my eyes closing, I was going to sleep, certain I'd never need to wake up. "DARMANITAN, RAGE! INCINERATE!'

I think that's when I started screaming. I don't think I can even describe what awful sensations my body underwent, the thought makes me shiver. I could hear the trainer laughing, an eerie cold laughter, without mirth. At some point, surrounded by what felt like flames, with half my skin charring off, I looked up for the last time, and that damn Ekans bit me on the shoulder. I don't even think the trainer ordered it to. And then finally, mercifully, I fainted.

"You're awake?" Lazlo sounded more surprised than anything.

"How long have I been out for?"

"Days. I didn't…" his voice quavered, "I didn't think you were going to wake up again."

"Was it that bad?" I hadn't fully pieced together what had happened to me at that point, though my body's aches and pains were starting to make themselves known.

He looked down, "Yes. Even the guy he traded us to was pissed off."

"What?" My head span and I felt sick.

"If you're going to be sick again, could you go outside?"

"Again? Wait, traded us?"

"All you've done since they got you out of the Pokéball is shiver and vomit. Even the guy thought you were a goner. You've been sick almost constantly, so I've mostly slept outside. We got captured, which you probably don't remember, I thought you'd died by that point. We got brought here, for some sort of research. I was a freebie, which was kind of insulting. It hasn't been a lot of fun for me, is what I'm saying, and I mostly blame you and your stupid obsessions."

I finally looked around. We were inside some sort of rough wooden box. At first I thought it was a crate; then I noticed the little archway door. I'd seen these in a few dreams. I was in a kennel, how fucking degrading.

"So where are we? How far from the marsh?"

"I don't know. I don't even know how long we were in that ball for. I don't know where we are, or if we'll ever get to go home. Thanks a lot, thanks a fucking lot!" He looked genuinely wounded, like the full weight of our plight had only just settled. I looked away, ashamed.

"So, a research… place?"

"Why don't you go outside and look around?" he said testily "You haven't seen actual sunlight for a while."

I got up; the movement made a lot of my skin feel raw and painful. I tried not to wince.

Stooping to get out of the kennel, the sunlight blinded me. I staggered groggily forward, tipping over a little metal bowl filled with brown pellets.

"Great, that was our food for the day."

"That?" The stuff of dreams it was not.

I was in a garden. There was a neatly clipped yard, and a tall hedge running around the perimeter. A large red brick house, and, in the distance, snow capped mountains I didn't recognize from the skyline at home. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. How far away, in both space and time, was I from my marsh, and Oneira, and everything else I'd ever known?

Near the house two men and a woman sat at a table. Both men were wearing long white coats, the make of which I recognized; the significance of which I did not. The woman was obscured by the shadow of a large, colorful umbrella. One of the men pointed at me "It's awake, well I'll be damned!"

They continued to stare at me, conversing quietly. The woman gave them a condescending look, and walked quietly back into the house. I started shaking.

"Where are we, Lazlo?"

"I don't know. The younger guy is the guy, he bought us, I guess. It's his house. The other guy is his friend, or, I don't know, they work together. The woman is his mate. They have two children, a boy and a girl. I'm not sure where they are now. There are a few other white coats who come over sometimes. And there are five Hypno here."

"Hypno? What tribe are they?" I didn't want to walk onto a hostile or unknown tribe's territory.

"They're all human raised Hypno. No tribe. It's actually hard to understand their dialect, and they have no manners."

I had never met a human raised Hypno; to be honest I rather pitied them, I'd been told they were hopelessly uncouth. I couldn't make much sense of any of this. Why would humans keep so many of my kind?

"Are they trainers here?"

"I don't think so. I don't know why we're here. They got us out of the Pokéball, and that trainer bargained with White-Coat. He didn't want to buy you, he thought you were too 'damaged'. The trainer gave me to him as a freebie, so he'd buy you." Lazlo sounded offended. "The White-Coats seem to collect Hypno. When the trainer left White-Coat's son said he should take you to a 'nurse', like a healer, I guess. He didn't want to. He told his son not to tell anyone about us. He just put us in that kennel. "

"Where are the other Hypno?"

"They live in the house. I've talked to them a few times. They're in the above level of the house. There's a lot of weird stuff up there. They attach things to their heads."

"What does that do?" It all felt ominous.

"Search me. Those Hypno can eat dreams without being near anyone though. And they can read minds much more clearly than most people I know."

"They read your mind?" I said incredulously. These human raised Hypno clearly had no sense of decorum- reading a human's mind or dreams is fine, or another Pokémon's, but penetrating the mind of one of your own kind? It was shameful, perverted.

Lazlo had registered my antipathy, "Look, they don't know any better. They were raised with humans. No-one's ever taught them how to behave like normal people. It's… sad, almost."

"What are they going to do with us?"

"I said I don't know! I don't know what's going to happen to us, or what they'll do to us! I don't want to be stuck were with humans and a bunch of gibberish talking, pervert Hypno and you! I thought you had some idea of what you were doing, but oh no, your idiocy is apparently a solid mass just shaped like a Hypno, with neither beginning nor end, nor rhyme nor reason! And, you've inflicted your stupidity on Oneira! She's got much more to keep her awake at night now!"

"What do you mean?" I felt a chill down my spine.

"Well, while you were busy getting yourself roasted to a nice crispy texture, that sadist trainer saw her. I imagine he's going back there now to try and 'tame' her as we speak. He certainly described her in loving terms while he was busy selling us."

I couldn't meet his eyes, which he noticed. "You're a coward. And you always will be. Just leave me alone."

He wandered back inside our kennel, shoulders slumped. I needed something to distract me, from my now overpowering guilt. If we were going to be stuck with humans for the rest of our natural lives I may as well see what our new home was like. The sun was starting to go down.