"At least you have parents to go back to."
Ezra's words had stung more than Sabine thought it would. She'd called out to him as he left, but the young Jedi didn't give any sign that he heard her. She kicked at the rock she'd been standing beside in an attempt to alleviate some of her frustration. When that didn't help, she turned and walked away from the camp to where Kanan, Ezra, and Fenn Rau were.
It's just so infuriating! Why did it have to be me? she thought. When she'd joined the rebels, she'd been running from her family and their legacy. Now, all that had crashed back into her life in the form of one of the most influential weapons Mandalore had to offer: the darksaber.
Both Kanan and Fenn Rau seemed convinced that it was Sabine's 'destiny' to wield the weapon and unite her people against the Empire. However, not only did Sabine not want this responsibility, but she also didn't see how it was possible, considering what her family thought of her.
She missed the days when it had just been her, Hera, Kanan, Zeb, Chopper, and Ezra against the empire. Things had been so much easier then. There had been no pressure on her, other than to make sure the job was done right, and there hadn't been a bigger picture for her to play a part in. Now, it was as though the weight of several worlds was on her shoulders, or at least one very big one: Mandalore.
Sabine was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't realize where she was going until she stumbled over a rock that was jutting out of the ground. With quick thinking, she managed to balance herself before she fell, but when she looked around, she realized that everything was unfamiliar.
"Looks like someone is lost, and in more ways than one," a voice said behind her. Sabine whipped around, blasters drawn, but there was nothing there. "So eager to fight, yet so eager not to," the voice continued, this time coming from her right. "Quite a conundrum I'd say." Sabine turned slowly on the spot, trying to locate the owner of the voice, but nothing was there. She was standing at the edge of a small gully surrounded by the same coral trees that populated the rest of the planet. It looked so similar to the area surrounding the base, except...
Sabine let out a gasp of shock and nearly fell over backwards again. One of the coral trees that was sitting in the middle of the gully wasn't a tree at all. It seemed to be some sort of creature with antlers that resembled the trees. The creature smiled when Sabine made eye contact with him, and rose out of the ground, towering over her. It was one of the largest creatures she had ever seen. It had dark brown fur that hung all over its body and grey eyes that seemed to know everything. She fired a warning shot at the creature's shoulder; She wasn't about to let this creature capture her as the spiders which plagued this plant had done when she and the rebels had first arrived.
"Oh come now," the creature chided as the blaster bolt bounced harmlessly off it. "All that really does is harm my dignity, and you, child have already done that today."
"I... have?" Sabine asked in confusion. As far as she could remember, she had never met this creature before.
"You kicked me earlier when you were arguing with Ezra, which woke me up from such a nice nap," the creature told her ruefully.
"Well… sorry," Sabine told him, not sounding sorry at all. She had a feeling that her actions had not bothered the creature as much as he claimed they had. He should have found somewhere to rest farther away from their camp if he hadn't want to be disturbed.
"It is neither here nor there," the creature replied with a chuckle. Sabine wasn't quite sure if this strange creature was mad or amused with her now. "After all, it is in the past now, so there is no point in worrying about it."
Sabine had a feeling that the creature's words meant more than what he was saying, but she didn't exactly feel like pressing him about it. "So, what exactly do I call you?" she asked instead.
"Call me, hmmm?" the creature said with a chuckle. "I am surprised Kanan has not mentioned me before. After all he comes to me with his problems all the time. I am called Bendu. And what do I call you?"
"My name is Sabine," she told him. "You know Kanan?" she asked, despite herself. The blind Jedi had never mentioned that he knew any giant creatures before, but then again, he had always been pretty secretive about Jedi matters.
"Indeed," Bendu replied. "He came to me during a time of imbalance, and now I sense that you have done the same."
Sabine rolled her eyes and didn't say anything; she didn't see the point. If she did tell Bendu what was going on, she'd probably just get lectured by him the same way she had been by Kanan earlier.
"It certainly must be important if you refuse to tell me," the creature pressed. "What's on your mind, Sabine?"
"What's it to you?" Sabine finally snapped, sounding a little harsher than she'd intended.
"Well, you did wake me," Bendu pointed out matter-of-factly. "And when you left your camp, you disturbed even the spiders with your discourse." He indicated to the far side of the ridge where a handful of the spider-creatures were scuttling about, casting wary glances in their direction. "Such imbalance is unhelpful in life. Besides, I imagine you want someone to show you the way home." Bendu continued. "If you tell me what is bothering you, I will tell you how to get back to your camp."
"Forget it," Sabine told him sharply, "I'll find my own way back."
"Suit yourself," Bendu replied, settling himself back down into the ground and closing his eyes. Sabine wasn't sure whether to laugh or yell at Bendu, since nothing he was saying or doing was making any sense. She began making her way up the ridge to try and find her way back, then stopped.
What was the point in going back to the camp anyway? she thought. All that's back there are Kanan's lectures and Fenn Rau's disappointment. With a huff, she sat down at the top of the gulley and peered at Bendu, who now seemed to be sleeping; his sides gently rising and falling with his breaths like grass being disturbed by a breeze.
"It's Kanan and the others," she said quietly. Bendu cracked open one eye. Sabine took this as a sign that he was listening and continued. "They all want me to wield the darksaber and lead my clan against the Empire, but they never stopped to ask me how I felt about it." She paused, for that wasn't quite true. "I mean, they gave me the choice," she admitted, "but what sort of choice was it? If I had said no, then what? This rebellion, which I've dedicated myself to, won't get very far without the support of the Mandalorians."
"So how do you feel about it, hmmm?" Bendu asked, opening both eyes.
"I want to take a stand against the Empire," Sabine replied. "Just not in the way that the others want me to."
"Why is it that you do not wish to fight?"
"It's not that I don't want to fight," Sabine admitted. "More than anything I do. Protecting my friends and those who can't protect themselves? That's something I've always prided myself in being able to do. I just don't want the responsibility of leading Mandalore after everything that's happened between me and them."
"Then perhaps you should tell Kanan that," Bendu told her. "If you are honest with him, and yourself, then you will find the balance you seek." Sabine still wasn't sure what he was trying to say, but the knot, which had been growing in her stomach since she'd first discovered the darksaber, relaxed a little. She looked around her at the gulley she was standing in. The sun had long since set and the stars were shining brightly above her. Out here, the galaxy's problems seemed a whole lot smaller, and perhaps, even manageable.
"I don't know if that'll help me, but thanks anyway," she told the giant creature. "Can you show me the way back to the camp now?"
Bendu chuckled. "When your mind's at peace, you'll find that even the most confusing of paths become clear," he told her, pointing with a large finger to the ridge over his left shoulder. Sabine bowed to the creature and set off in the direction he had indicated.
At the top of the ridge, she stopped and chuckled to herself. In front of her was another gulley similar to the one she had left. But this one was warmed by the light of an energy source which Ezra and Fenn Rau were sitting around. It turned out she hadn't strayed as far as she thought. Sabine turned to look over her shoulder, but in the darkness, it was impossible to tell if Bendu was still there or not. The creature's disappearing presence dampened Sabine's spirits a little and she hugged herself for comfort. However, she knew that staying up here and avoiding the inevitable was not going to make things better, so she set off down the ridge and headed towards Kanan, who was kneeling a little ways off from Ezra and Fenn Rau.
If you are honest with him, and yourself, then you will find the balance you seek.
Bendu's words echoed in her head, giving her just enough strength to do what she knew in heart she had to do. But first, she had an apology that she needed to make.