I've never written anything before, but this was swirling around in my brain for a little bit, so I decided to jot it down after all. It's in the form of a diary entry written by Elena Gilbert from the Vampire Diaries, but it is AU. She is 23 years old, and has led a normal life up to this point. She has never met the Salvatores, and Mystic Falls has not been plagued by vampires since the purge in 1864. I don't know that I'll write more, but I thought it might be nice to share. Thanks for reading.
Dear Diary,
I've come here because I needed to prove to myself that there's more to it. That there is more to life than emptiness and forgotten childhood dreams. Mystic Falls will always be my first home, but there is nothing left for me there. Only memories.
Bonnie moved to New York City five and a half years ago to pursue her dreams. Lately she's been having a rough time of it, too, but I know she wouldn't give it up for the world. When your best friend moves away, it really hits home that you aren't children anymore. At first you talk everyday, but eventually you call less often, and before you know it, the years slip by. It was after she left that I realized how alone we all are. We hide behind people and friendships, but at the bottom of it all, we are all lonely, all craving someone who understands us.
I went to the local college, about an hour from Mystic Falls. I remember how excited we were to begin the next chapter of our lives, but it turned out to be more complicated than that. Secretly, I think we all believed that everything would work itself out, that there was some grand plan we may not have been aware of, and that it was all going to turn out well for each of us. My time at university shattered that illusion. It was then that I realized I was lost. I thought I was passionate about everything, but when the time came to choose something to love for the rest of my life, I couldn't do it. After that, I began to feel empty, and my enthusiasm for the little things vanished and was replaced with a feeling of impenetrable cold. I felt like the world had walled itself off from me, and like I no longer had a place in it. No one looks out for you in college, you know? People worry enough about themselves. They don't have the time or energy to spend worrying about you, too. I know that there's no one in this world who cares whether I succeed or not, and the thing is, I can't blame them. That's how life is.
Now that I've finally graduated, I have nothing to show for the past five and a half years. I've lost contact with most of my friends, I have no job prospects, and I've lost my passion for life along the way, the very thing that used to define me as a person. So, I've decided to move here, to Caraway, North Carolina. It's a small town in the Western Piedmont region, with a familiar feel to it after Mystic Falls. It's strange being in a new place where you don't know anyone. I thought it would be warmer here than in Virginia, but it isn't.
What am I looking for, you ask? Honestly…I don't know. I just know that I need to let go of the past, to stop wallowing in the fact that I'm not the person I thought I was and wanted to be. I need a fresh start and to give myself an opportunity to find myself and grow as a person. I need to figure out what it is that I want out of life. I won't rest until I find it.
Elena