Son of Mine
"Take him," she said shakily and handed the small bundle into my arms. "He's yours."
My hands fumbled as I tried to see the small face tucked underneath the blankets which kept the baby warm. What had I done bringing another person into the world in the middle of a war? I had no right to make this child's life a living hell, but I hadn't thought of that during the pleasures which she brought me night after night.
In her arms, I was just a man who had the needs of any man. I wasn't anything more and I wasn't anything less. I was just what she needed and she was what I needed. A reprise from the battle that raged around me every single day and didn't seem to be a point where it would ever cease.
What had I known about love? Nothing. There wasn't a code for that and there wasn't a manual that I could read and know everything I needed to know. I learned what I needed to learn from her and she gave me this bundle which was my flesh and blood. My son.
How would I protect him? With every single ounce of energy and a good blaster. I would give all I had to make sure that he wasn't in danger and that he was safe with his mother. That was my duty.
I couldn't raise him. That was a far from anything I could do, but I would leave with his mother memories of our time together and things that I remembered from when I was a child. It wasn't much, but it was all I had. She would have to be mother and father for him. It wasn't a burden that I am proud of giving her, but it is just how things had to be.
"What do you call him?" I heard my voice ask a bit shakily as I sought out those brown eyes. They sparkled as I cracked a smile at the small bundle.
"I call him Brev," she said and smiled, her hand reaching to touch mine. I could tell that she was shaking a bit too as well, but I was sure that the weight of all that had transpired weighed on her.
"Brev," I repeated and looked at her. He was my son. "He's perfect."
"I know that you don't know what to do," she said and smiled at me. "I don't expect more than you can give and I don't want you to think I do."
I nodded and my eyes were drawn to the small bundle again as it squirmed in my hands. My hands had seen battle and they had seen many things, but a child who was truly mine and would carry one what I never thought would be carried on was something they had never seen.
"I don't know what to say," I said and smiled again at the squirming bundle. What could I really say anyway?
"Don't say anything," she said and smiled again. "Just say that you are happy and that is all that I need."
"I'm happy," I said and tried to take my eyes from my child, but I couldn't. He was so perfect and yet so very different. Different was good.
My comm unit beeped, but I ignored it. Little eyes looked around curiously to see what that beeping noise was, but I didn't want to answer it. That was the sound that would take me away from my son and I don't know if I would ever be able to return. I doubted that I would ever make the return to where this small bundle called home.
"Don't you think you should answer that?" she said and went to take the baby from my hands. I refused her and muted the beeping so that it wouldn't bother us anymore. This was my time to spend with my child. It might be the only time that I ever got to spend with him. I wanted to remember every single thing about his face, the way he squirmed and the smell. He was beautiful laying there among the layers of blankets and looking straight into my eyes. This was all I would ever need in life.
It was as if we had an understanding. He understood that in all my life, I thought I knew what I wanted, but I had been so terribly wrong. Those things that I had always dreamed of and wanted were now a memory which had been washed away by this small child. What I wanted was for him to grow strong, love his mother and try not to regret the fact that he was my son. Never regret who he was and what I had done for him.
Family was what you made it, but I wished that I could've made his so much more.
"Your comm," she said and this time took the baby from my hands. I shook my head, not wanting to say a word because I didn't trust my voice. There were just too many things that I wanted to say and not enough time, as always. I always had to be somewhere. I had to be at the next briefing or the next battle. I wanted to be here.
I pressed the button and waited for the other end to answer. It was a silence like he had never heard before and a wait he didn't want to end.
"Ah, Captain Rex," General Skywalker's voice said from the other end. "We are ready for a briefing. Final push towards victory. We'll be off this dreaded planet after over a year of working to win it."
"Yes General," I said trying to sound as though I was excited about leaving although it was the furthest thing from the truth. "I'll meet you in five."