"Already Over" The 100 fanfic
Summary: Bellamy grieves for Octavia after the events of 4x04 "A Lie Guarded".
Bellamy
This couldn't be happening. Octavia can't be dead. It's not possible. My sister, my only remaining family… is gone. I never said good-bye to her when I left Polis. I wish I could go back to the last time I saw her. I wish I could have convinced her to go back to Arkadia with me. She may still hate me, but I'd rather have her be mad at me and live than to die a warrior's death. Is this a sick joke? O is barely more than a girl; she's seventeen years old!
As long as she remained alive, there was still hope that we could repair the rift between us. I have been waiting patiently for her to forgive me for Lincoln's death. I realized that reasoning with her wouldn't work, so I figured she would come to me when she was ready.
I miss the good times we shared. The memory of me telling her that I needed her to live crept into my mind and it widened the hole in my heart. I just let my tears fall as I thought about the tearful smile on her face when she said, "I love you, big brother." and she hugged me.
I put my head in my hands. This was too much. All I could feel is the stabbing pain in my chest that I wish would just go away. I couldn't fight the hopelessness anymore. A small part of me wanted to fall on a sword and just end the agony right here and now.
Was this hell on earth? Was this my punishment for siding with Pike and taking part in the massacre of Trikru and being responsible for the deaths of three hundred people on the Ark?
I didn't know if Octavia could hear me, but I hope the dead can hear the thoughts of the living. I'm sorry, Octavia. I hope you are at peace now. I wish we had resolved our issues before your death, but that can't happen now. Wherever you are, I hope Lincoln is with you. I will miss you for the rest of my life. May we meet again. I let one silent tear fall down my cheek when I ended the thought.
The only thing for me to do now is to keep fighting. Octavia would want me to fight to protect Skaikru. That's exactly what I'm gonna do: I'm going to honor her memory by fighting until my last breath.
Clarke needs me to help her save our people. I failed Octavia, but I will never abandon Clarke. I silently prayed to any deity that would listen for a fast return home.
Octavia
I rode Helios for hours, hoping to find Niylah's hut. I felt the pain of the sword wound reverberating throughout my entire body. I have never felt so much pain before.
I travelled through the forest until I found my destination. I couldn't get off the horse on my own, let alone walk. Thankfully, the front door of the hut opened to reveal Niylah herself.
"Niylah!" I feebly cried out.
"Octavia?" the blonde woman asked.
I nodded. "Need. Help." I said.
Niylah helped me off Helios and led me inside her hut. The place was a mess, but I didn't care. I thanked my lucky stars that I have a chance to survive.
"What happened?" Niylah asked, slightly panicked.
"Sword wound on my stomach." I answered.
Niylah stripped me of my shirt and jacket to reveal the obvious wound that will definitely leave a battle scar. Niylah let out a curse under her breath. She pulled out some alcohol from her kitchen cabinet.
"Brace yourself. This will sting." Niylah warned.
I obeyed and prepared myself. Niylah poured a small amount on the injury, but it was enough to make me scream out in pain. I grabbed Niylah's free hand and gripped it tightly. She didn't flinch or try to pull her hand away. When she was done, she pulled out a needle and thread.
"This needle is thick. Prepare yourself." Niylah said.
"Just do it." I groaned.
Niylah pierced the needle in my skin and I remembered the arrow to the leg I received during a grounder attack. I would take the arrow wound again and trade it for the wound I'm suffering from right now. It felt like a lifetime, but Niylah finally finished stitching me up.
"Can I get some alcohol? I could use a drink." I said.
The blonde nodded and handed me a glass of wine. I sipped it greedily. I felt a tingling sensation in my body and suddenly I felt so tired.
"Rest, Octavia." Niylah said.
I saw black in an instant and became unaware of the real world. The war can wait. A warrior needs to rest eventually.
Six weeks later…
It was time for me to go back home. Every one of my friends probably thinks I'm lost or something.
I decided to let my long hair down. Grounders will be less likely to recognize me if I let my hair hide my face.
"Thanks for taking care of me, Niylah. I'll see you around." I said.
"Safe travels, Octavia." Niylah grinned.
I climbed on top of Helios and made my way to Arkadia.
I thought about Jasper. I hope he's not too upset about my "death". He's been through so much.
I hope everyone at home is okay. Ice Nation declared war on Skaikru. That means my friends and my brother are in danger. I need to get to them. Now.
I made it to the gate of Arkadia. There were two guards with guns blocking the entrance.
"Who are you?" one guard asked.
"Octavia Blake." I answered.
Both guards stared at me like I have two heads. "That's not possible." one said.
"Let me through!" I snapped. I climbed off Helios and stood face-to-face with the guards.
They obliged and ordered the gate to be opened. I walked inside and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I didn't care. I saw Clarke on my way inside.
"Clarke!" I called.
The blonde woman looked at me, startled. She stared at me and slowly walked over to me. "Echo told Bellamy you were dead."
"She was wrong." I said.
Tears welled up in Clarke's eyes and she threw her arms around me. "Thank God!" she cried. "I need to examine you. When I've cleared you, I'll find Bellamy so that he can see you."
I nodded and followed Clarke to the medbay. I felt guilty for not letting Bellamy know I'm alive. We aren't on the best terms, but he's still my brother.
"You took a sword through the stomach?" Clarke gasped when she lifted up the hem of my shirt.
"I fell off a cliff, too." I said, dryly.
"You're lucky to be alive." Clarke said.
"Tell me about it." I responded.
"How did you survive?" Clarke asked.
"Niylah stitched me up." I said.
"You've been gone for six weeks." Clarke began. "We all thought you were dead."
I didn't answer.
"You seem to be okay." Clarke said. She turned her attention away from me. "James, get Bellamy in here now." Clarke ordered.
"How's he been?" I asked.
Clarke didn't have to ask who I was referring to. "He's a mess. Bellamy hasn't been doing well since… you disappeared."
I looked down, not knowing what to say.
"Maybe it's time to let go of the past and forgive him, Octavia." Clarke suggested. "He's been through hell since he thought he lost you."
"Clarke?" said a familiar husky voice. Bellamy. "What is it?"
Clarke turned to let me in Bellamy's field of view. I looked at his face. He looked so world-weary and depressed.
Bellamy gasped and slowly walked towards me. "Octavia." It wasn't a question. "Echo told me you died."
"I guess I'm a lot stronger than she gave me credit for." I said, proudly.
Bellamy raised his right hand to let it rest on my right shoulder. He was checking to make sure I was real. He looked so relieved when he realized I'm alive and well that it added to my guilt for not telling him. He looked like he wanted to hug me, but he hesitated. Bellamy thinks I'm still angry with him.
I wrapped my arms around him and put my head on his chest, just like I used to when I was little. Bellamy seemed surprised for a second, but he quickly wrapped his warm arms around my back. He felt so warm, his embrace was comforting. I missed him more than I realized. I missed the safe feeling I always experience when he's around. I felt him kiss my scalp tenderly.
"I'm so sorry for everything." Bellamy said.
"I forgive you." I said.