Revival of Choice
Rating: PG-13
Verse: Smallville, Beginning of Season 9
Summary: Chloe makes a choice with Lois and Clark by her side.
She felt it inside her body, invading her just as he had. She didn't want to think about it. No, she'd simply push it away. The fucking thing was…she had to deal with it; she had to think about it. And this was just one more thing she couldn't discuss with Clark.
If Lois hadn't come back when she did, she wouldn't have had anyone to confide in. And then it would've been too late.
Would Jimmy have ever forgiven her?
Yeah, he probably would've. He forgave everything else. He would've helped her through this. He would've kissed her forehead and held her hostage of a body until it was over, comforting her through the inevitable.
She was pregnant with an alien's baby, an alien that had attempted unspeakable damage to her planet and had rendered heartbreaking destruction to her own life. She thought about what was inside her, what could possibly be growing in her and she knew there was no question of keeping it. It wasn't just that he'd murdered her husband; that he was an animal, but Davis Bloome had been sent to this planet to be its ultimate destroyer. She couldn't be responsible for bringing his child into the world.
Chloe waited until Lois paraded through the door, making an entrance as usual.
"Oh hey, Chlo," she said, her tone indicating that as usual, she had a million things on her mind. "You should've been there. Clark had his usual one cup of coffee for the entire day, like that's all a reporter dealing with big time 'city' stories needs. Seriously, he needs to get off the farm."
And there it was. Lois's usual daily reminder to Chloe that she wasn't the center or even a main part of Clark's life anymore. Not that Chloe still had any hope of being something romantic to Clark, or even that she truly desired that anymore, but it still stung her quite a bit that Clark's affection went from her best friend directly to her cousin, completely bypassing her in the process. No matter what Chloe's leftover feelings for her friend might be, it was still a serious kick to her ego.
She shook her head, dismissing those unimportant thoughts and stood up, needing her cousin now more than ever.
"Lois, I need to talk to you."
"Sure, lemme just put my stuff down."
Lois dumped her bag over by the couch and gently set her laptop on the table. She took her jacket off and stepped out of her heels.
"Do you want something to drink? The more alcoholic the better?" she asked.
Even though Chloe had no plans to remain in her current condition, drinking still seemed inappropriate.
"No, Lois, I just need you."
Lois noted the seriousness of Chloe's mood, so she abandoned any further attempt at small talk. Pulling up a chair, she sat down in front of her cousin.
"Go ahead, I'm here."
Chloe licked her lips and looked down.
"It's Davis."
"Davis?" Lois asked, surprised to ever have his name brought up again in conversation.
"He's dead, don't worry. But…I had to do things when he was alive; things to keep him calm. I hated myself for it, him even more. Even though there was a moment of attraction in the very beginning, later, I hated him. Lois I-I'm pregnant."
Lois blinked a few times, trying to respond.
"Pregnant? Are you sure? How's that possible?"
"It was only twice. I had to…to keep him calm."
"Are you sure it's Davis's and not Jimmy's?"
"Do I look particularly pregnant to you?" Chloe asked. "I'm sure it's Davis's. Jimmy was in the hospital for weeks and there wasn't any time for making up. I'm only about ten weeks pregnant."
Lois closed her eyes for a minute, distressed that her cousin was in this position.
"So what can I do? What do you want?" she asked her.
Chloe looked away, surprised how un-pregnant she suddenly felt. How detached and unemotional she felt.
"I just wish it were Jimmy's baby. That I had a little piece of him left with me. But I don't. It's Davis's. And it's not just that he murdered my husband or that I kept him in my basement and he would go on crazy psychotic tangents, but Lois, I can't. I can't have it. I don't want it."
Chloe knew that not only did she have to take into consideration the safety of the entire human race with this pregnancy, but just the sheer thought of carrying Davis's child made her disgusted with herself and the actions that put her in this situation.
"I know," Lois said with an understanding nod, "I'll help you. I'll do whatever you want."
"I've called around trying to research my options, but I started this. I went with Davis and I chose to keep him calm in this horrific way. I can't bring another part of him into this world and I don't choose to prolong anything that was between us. If I can find another option to end the pregnancy this far into the first trimester I will, but if I can't, will you go with me for the procedure?"
"Well, if you're talking about that abortion pill…thingy, you can't use that beyond 9 weeks. If you have an abortion, you'll have to have the actual procedure."
Chloe dropped her head. Lois instantly reached her hand to Chloe's.
"Hey, I'll go with you; I'll be there. And you don't even have to be conscious for it."
"I'd be too freaked out to let them put me under. I just want it done."
Lois agreed. "Yeah, I don't blame you."
A tear slid down Chloe's face, an angry tear. She was angry that Davis had imprinted her and stolen the man she loved.
"I just wish Jimmy were here. I wish all of this were different."
"I know. But I will get you through this," Lois said, embracing her cousin.
Chloe rested her chin on Lois's shoulder.
"I know you will, and you're not second to him. I just can't stand that he's not here, and that I'm left with this mistake."
"Hey, you were trying to keep us all safe. I hardly call that a mistake."
"Everything I did was a mistake. Jimmy's gone and I'm pregnant with a murderer's child."
Lois pulled back, caressing Chloe's face.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. I need you too. I've been gone for three weeks and somehow I feel that if I'd been here, this would've been easier on you. This was part of the big bomb you needed to drop on me, wasn't it?"
Chloe nodded. "Yeah."
"Have you been to the doctor? Are you okay?"
"I feel fine. I took a few pregnancy tests two and half weeks ago and they were positive, and I know when and who I've had sex with."
"Yeah but if it's Davis's baby, I'd still think you should go to the doctor and get yourself checked out to make sure there's nothing abnormal. After the things you've told me, it's enough reason to be safe."
"Could you just make the appointment and we'll get it all done at once?"
"I'll look it all up on the way. Let's just go to the hospital and get you checked out."
Chloe was reluctant.
"Chlo, come on," Lois said, taking her hand. "You're the only sane member of my family; I need to make sure you're okay."
Chloe gave in.
"Lois?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell Clark. I don't know that he'd be as understanding."
"Yeah well, Clark's not a modern woman with a uterus. Guess we have to cut him some slack on this one," Lois replied, opening their front door. "For the moment anyway."
XxX
Chloe was fine as far as the doctor could tell. Lois was surprisingly calm and maternal as Chloe pushed for a date to have the procedure done. Lois did as Chloe requested and found a doctor for her and a date before her first trimester ended. Lois would take off work and go with her.
"Since when do you take a personal day?" Clark asked when he learned that she'd requested a day off.
"Since…shut up," Lois responded in their usual flirtatious banter.
"You don't take off work except to do work, so what are you not telling me?"
"I'm typing right now, Clark. Later we can argue about how fascinating my secrets are."
"I'm keeping my eye on you," he threatened.
"Can you do that at the same time Tess is looking at you from the stairs, there?" she mused.
Clark jerked his head so quickly in Tess's direction that he knocked his coffee over and Lois couldn't help but giggle.
"Don't trip on your way there," she whispered after him as he left to enquire after their boss.
XxX
The doctor was kind. The clinic was easily accessible with minimal protestors outside. It wasn't near the anniversary of Roe V. Wade and apparently that made a big difference. It was pretty sterile, like any hospital, but Chloe had expected that. She had never been an 'I am woman, hear me roar' kind of person. That was a bit more Lois's department. Not that Chloe wasn't glad women had the ability to work and vote, but debating it over cocktails wasn't her forte. She laid down on the bed, angry, a little tired, and with a bad taste in the back of her mouth. Lois was beside her as the doctor gently inserted the speculum.
Lois brushed a strand of blonde hair away from Chloe's eyes and she could see the wide range of painful emotions washing over her cousin's face.
As the doctor began to stretch Chloe's cervix, a painful gasp escaped her lips.
"What?" Lois asked as Chloe squeezed her hand. "Does it hurt?"
Chloe had been well medicated by the doctor; physical pain wasn't the problem.
"I don't want to be here," Chloe whispered brokenly.
"You want to stop?" Lois asked as the doctor paused.
"No, I mean I don't want to be here doing this. I want to be with Jimmy, and I don't want to be pregnant."
Chloe was hurting Lois's hand and constricting her inner muscles. Lois looked at the doctor.
"We can stop if she needs to, but she needs to relax," the doctor said.
Lois shook her head to the doctor.
"Ow, okay, where do you want to go?"
Chloe closed her eyes and the tears slid down her cheeks. "I want to go to my wedding, before, when it was still perfect."
Lois winced as Chloe continued to squeeze her hand.
"And where would you go after the wedding? But uh, feel free not to be too graphic."
"Someplace safe. Mexico maybe; maybe Australia or Greece. I see him eating fish and hating it," she smiled, her eyes still closed.
She swallowed.
"I just want to see him again," she said, turning to face Lois as she relaxed, enabling the doctor to work on her again.
Lois leaned into her as if to make it a private conversation. "You will. You will see him again. I hope it'll be awhile so I get to have you in the meantime, but you will see Jimmy again. And you will run into his arms and it'll all be perfect."
Chloe felt relief in Lois's words, relief that she was here and that it was almost over. For days she'd been terrified of being alone and been getting closer to a date to which she could do nothing about. But now it was being taken care of and as Lois caressed Chloe's arm, she felt soothed. She felt nothing but hope for her future inside her heart. Jimmy was gone, but she wasn't and she had to keep going. She had to choose to live for him and what they could've had.
XxX
After the procedure it was easy, technically speaking anyway. She bled a little bit, rested during her recovery period, did as her doctor advised, and then she went home, free of Davis Bloome forever.
Lois took her home and began the ritual of nagging her.
"I want you to lie down and rest," she said as they walked through the door. "I'll make you some tea."
"I don't need tea, Lois. And I'm fine; I've been lying down. I'm capable of sitting."
"You were bleeding and you just had surgery. The bed has your name on it."
"What surgery? What happened?" Clark Kent asked, standing by the kitchen.
The cousins turned and saw him, curious and concerned, stepping towards them.
"Chloe, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine-"
"What, do you have your own personal key to this place or did you just break in?" Lois asked.
"She's my best friend," he defended. "You won't tell me what's going on. She was bleeding," he pushed when she said nothing. "Why was she bleeding?"
Chloe was now getting a headache.
"Okay, guys?" she intervened.
They actually stopped bickering. She looked up at Clark.
"Clark, I um…I had to have a procedure. I'm fine, everything's okay."
She took his hand and guided him to the couch. Despite all the problems between them, she felt the need to confide in him, even if her fears of his disapproval would prove accurate. Sitting across from him, she kept hold of his strong hand.
"While I was on the run with Davis I had to comfort him and about three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant so…Lois just took me to have an abortion."
Chloe watched Clark's face, waiting for a response while literally feeling Lois in protective mode beside them.
"Chloe," he began.
"If you lecture her, I will punch you in the face, I'm not kidding," Lois warned.
Chloe saw the flicker of pain on Clark's face and chose to address it the only way she could at the moment.
"And it wasn't because of where he was from or what his name was. I didn't want Davis's baby, Clark. I chose not to tell you because I didn't think you'd understand that."
Clark pulled Chloe into his arms.
"Am I hurting you?" he asked.
"No," she whispered.
"It's because of me. This is all my fault."
Chloe pulled back, shaking her head.
"No, don't blame yourself. I was trying to protect all of you, but I could've been honest with my husband and then he'd still be alive."
"I should've been there," Clark pressed. "If I'd have done what I should've done before-"
"Clark, I knew what I was doing. I could've accepted your help, but I didn't. I chose to protect all of you and I had to be responsible for my own actions."
She looked down, taking her hand from Clark's.
"I just feel relief. A mixture of relief and nothingness." She paused before speaking again. "I think I just want to be quiet for awhile. But it's not your fault."
She touched his face and stood up, walking with a slight ache to the bed before Lois covered her up.
"We won't be far. You try and sleep."
Chloe nodded, too inside her own despair to care if she was supposed to argue with her cousin. She saw Lois shut the front door behind her and Clark and knew that they were either going to fight or comfort each other and honestly, she didn't care which at this point, as long as they were quiet about it. She tried to close her eyes and think about Jimmy, but that hurt too much, so she tried to lose her thoughts on something random, simple, and easy. She thought about music, a book she'd read a few weeks ago, a friend of hers that she hadn't seen since she was fourteen that showed up at the wedding; anything semi-interesting, but light.
She placed her hand on her stomach and promised herself that if she found someone someday that she loved as much as Jimmy, they'd make the right decision together; whatever that might be. She was glad she'd made the choice she had, and that she wasn't sharing her body with anyone else. Her life and her body were her own again, and she would push forward and become something great.
XxX
Lois shut the door softly, tears prickling her eyelids.
"This shouldn't have happened," Clark said.
"No, it shouldn't have. But you know what, this wasn't about you. This wasn't against you or against men, and that's why she didn't want to tell you, because she didn't think you'd understand. I know you feel it's personal to you, but it's not. Try and believe that because Chloe's decision was for her, not against anything you stand for."
"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.
"Because she asked me not to, Smallville, and what she says in this situation, goes. This hasn't exactly been fun, knowing I wasn't here when she needed me."
"Neither was I," he replied. "I could've prevented this."
"By doing what? Killing Davis?"
"Had I known this maybe I would've been less diplomatic," he said, surprising her a little.
"Yeah, well, you would've needed me to teach you how to aim the gun. But I might've let you load the bullets."
"Guys!" they heard Chloe yell from inside the apartment. "Could you maybe not talk right outside the door? Go downstairs and have a cup of coffee while you discuss my life!"
Clark smiled a little, looking at Lois.
"Come on, I bet I could remember how to use those damn coffee machines downstairs," Lois said. "Though I'd prefer vodka right now."
Inside the apartment, Chloe rested her head against the pillow, feeling sleep creeping up upon her. Freedom had found its way into her life once again, and she was liberated from the evils of the not so distant past. She felt the revival of choice in her life and options open to her. She knew now that she would never take love or choice for granted again.
The End
Thoughts: I wrote this in empowering dedication to the women who have been in this position and have felt this way. I wanted to give them the voice that Hollywood films don't seem to be giving 'choice' at present.