This is not another multi-chapter story, it will have maybe four or five chapters and that's it. After Christmas I finally got around to seeing the first nine episodes of the fourth season and it made me want to write something a little more… angst-ish. I avoid spoilers, including finding out about aired episodes I have yet to see, so I don't know what happens in 410 or after and I don't want to find out until I watch the episodes. So this story is not based on spoilers or rumors or anything of that sort, nor do I know if it matches with what happens in 410 and 411. I got the idea for it when I was browsing around online and someone made a comment that they should just let Blair find the perfect guy for her. Unfortunately I don't even remember which website I read that comment on, let alone the screen name of the person who said it, so I can't give proper credit. The idea just stuck with me and I began to wonder what would happen if Blair did meet the perfect guy and above all how Chuck would react. Set during spring of season four.

So there's your basic premise, and I hope the story will be enjoyable!

This was a formal event and one he couldn't avoid attending. Nate's twentieth birthday party. Otherwise he would have left when she arrived. It was easier that way.

He stood in the corner of the room with a scotch in his hand allowing himself a few brief seconds of watching her. Enjoying the moment as much as he could since he knew it would be over in a few heartbeats. Blair looked better than ever, dressed from head to toe in grey Valentino and Mikimoto pearls. A few months ago she had gone back to wearing extensions in her dark brown hair, creating a look similar to the one she had had in junior year when he had first fallen in love with her, but a touch more adult and sophisticated. That wasn't what made the big difference though. The difference was something that came from within. The looks of sadness and desolation she had been sporting for far too long had been replaced by smiles of contentment and that bubbly, sparkly part of herself which she had never believed existed but which he had always been drawn to had returned.

Too bad the reason was a man. A man who just stepped into the room, putting an end to Chuck's brief seconds of looking at her. He didn't like looking at her when the frame also included her boyfriend. It was just off-putting.

He took a sip from his scotch and began to stroll across the room looking as casual as possible. He had seen several women make eyes at him already but he hadn't been interested in the slightest. He had been too nervous knowing that she was going to walk through that door, with him. Knowing that he would get to see her again but that the moment would be tainted almost instantly. They barely saw each other at all anymore because it was easier that way. Easier for him at least. He didn't have the first clue if she felt the same way or if she missed having him in her life. Not that it mattered either way. She had said she needed to find herself before she could be with him and instead she had found someone else.

If it was just Blair dating some guy then he could swallow his hurt and deal with it, weather the storm knowing that sooner or later she would get bored and her heart would lead her back to him. He would have never agreed to them breaking up in the first place if he hadn't been sure they would end up back together again in a few months, or a year at the most. If you could even call it a breakup when their relationship version 2,0, or technically 3,0 counting the one week at the end of junior year, had lasted less than an hour. And it hadn't even been a very good hour, except for when they had kissed the hell out of each other in the church. The only time he would ever get to kiss her in a church, he had now begun to realize.

Because Blair's new beau was not just some temporary thing. He was Mr. Right. Mr. Perfect. As if someone above had gone through the trouble of finding the best match for her in the whole wide world and sent him walking into her life. They hadn't been together more than three months but already Chuck was hearing people gossiping about how Blair Waldorf had found her future husband. Joseph Corday, who may or may not go by the nickname Joe or Joey, Chuck didn't even know, was a 26 year-old lawyer graduated from Yale who worked at a successful law firm on Manhattan. Gossip Girl had been happy to dish out the details on how Blair and he had met at a brunch on Valentine's Day, a brunch neither one of them had been too eager to attend but had soon ended up enjoying once they made small talk and realized that they both loved golden age Hollywood in general and Audrey Hepburn in particular.

The fact that he was the only straight man in America who loved Audrey Hepburn would have been worrisome enough. Unfortunately the little details that made him perfect for Blair did not end there. And unfortunately Chuck hadn't been able to avoid finding out about all these details one way or another. Through Serena, through Nate, through Lily, through Gossip Girl and at this point probably through osmosis. Joseph Corday played tennis, was well-read and well-educated, spoke fluent French, came from an upstanding Chicago family but lacked prestige on the New York scene. Prestige Blair could easily lend him, which was another detail that made him perfect for her. She could be herself, be Blair Waldorf with all that came with the name and with her family's social standing, yet be with someone who had the same kind of pedigree and upbringing as her. He knew how to behave in the Upper East Side society and was the type of man that would have women sigh with envy over not getting to be the one he was with yet there was more than enough room for Blair to shine. She wouldn't just be Joseph Corday's girlfriend like she would have been just Chuck Bass' girlfriend.

When Joseph Corday had first gotten a taste of Blair's deviant qualities, the ones Chuck loved so highly about her, he had not been turned off or judged her for it, in fact he had seemed to find it interesting and charming. Somehow he had then been able to rein her in and get her to focus her brilliance less on devious takedowns and more on other forms of triumph of the mind. Blair had made an enemy at Columbia while trying to get in to another college club and while Chuck didn't know the details he had been told enough from Serena to know that Blair's original plan of destroy and conquer had somehow been changed into a different strategy which gave Blair an outlet for her love of scheming but without coming across as deviant. And all this was of course the miraculous Joseph Corday's doing. It had never even occurred to Chuck to try and steer Blair in a different direction when her scheming senses awoke but apparently it could be done and Blair herself had been very pleased with the outcome. Serena had said, with a voice filled with something bordering on awe, that Joseph hadn't changed her, he had just developed her. Clearly the man was the male version of Mary Sue incarnate.

Every little detail about this man seemed right. Even the details Chuck most definitely didn't want to know anything about. Serena had gotten trashed at Victrola about a month ago and Chuck had helped her get home safely. During the ride back to the Waldorf-Rose penthouse Serena had drunkenly told him all about how Blair had told her, in confidence but drunken Serena didn't care about such things, that this guy was the first she had been with who could match Chuck in bed. That revelation had stung like a bitch. Chuck had always prided himself in knowing that he had been Blair's first and he had definitely been her best. No matter what any other guy could give her he could give her satisfaction like no other. Being equaled in that department by this guy not only served as another piece of evidence that he was perfect in and of itself, it also meant that just like Blair he had a lot of passion underneath the calm and cool exterior. Up until that point Chuck had taken some solace in the thought that this Joseph guy was too calm and docile for Blair's tastes in the long run. Realizing that there was passion between them felt almost like an insult to what he had held as sacred between himself and Blair. And as if he hadn't figured the fact that they had passion out on his own Serena had been kind enough to spill it out for him, with the added bonus of sharing how Joseph hadn't been with nearly as many women as Chuck which stung even further since Chuck knew Blair had never really liked the large amount of notches on his bedpost.

Then there was of course the things he didn't need anybody to tell him. The things he could see for himself. The man was good-looking, definitely Blair's type. Blair had a type and Chuck knew he had never fit that type no matter what the feelings between them. Blair's type had always been Nate, or variations of him. All the men she had shown interest in aside from Chuck had been like a version of Nate. Carter Baizen had been Bad Nate, someone with the same type of look as Nate and the same charm but with a deviant streak. The English lord had been Lord Nate, a Nate with a title Blair could yearn for. That guy she had dated after they broke up last spring had been College Nate, a version of Nate who wasn't associated with high school and who played something else instead of lacrosse. All of them had the same type of look as Nate, the polar opposite of Chuck's features. It was something of a wonder that she had ever been attracted to Chuck at all, when he thought about it. If you put all her love interests next to one another and asked which one didn't belong Chuck knew he was the one who would be singled out.

Joseph Corday was tall and athletic with a nice, warm smile, had the kind of dimples women always seemed to fawn over and a pair of eyes that were just ridiculously blue. The hair was dark blonde and cut quite short, but according to Gossip Girl it had grown longer these past three months so Blair had probably requested him to stay away from scissors for the time being. She had a weakness for bangs and loved running her fingers through them and pushing the hair away from the forehead. That, and Chuck knew very well from personal experience that she wanted long enough hair on her lover's head to grab a hold of during sex. He had discovered this very early on in their physical relationship and had let his own hair grow longer in a subconscious attempt at being more attractive to her. Chuck had yet to see Blair letting her fingers play with Joseph's hair and he had a feeling that seeing that would make him nauseous. It was bad enough having caught a glimpse of her playing with the lapels of the guy's suit. Chuck had always loved when Blair fussed over his clothes, adjusting his bowties or picking loose strains of fabric from his coats. There was something about it which made him feel cared for, something in the way she did those things that made them into endearments. Joseph Corday of course wore nice suits to the office, none of them as expensive as what Chuck wore but definitely on par with Nate's wardrobe. Outside the office Joseph, much like Nate, chose more comfortable attire, most of which, according to Gossip Girl, was Hugo Boss. His style was conservative at work and still stylish at play, a combination Blair had always spoken fondly of. In fact it wouldn't have surprised Chuck at all if it was revealed that Blair had made him into her own human paper doll, dressing him up according to her own personal taste, but his sources, who he'd rather not listen to most of the time but they seemed incapable of shutting up, had informed him that Joseph had been dressing this way since forever.

What made it all so much more annoying was that the guy had faults. If he was too perfect then that would have meant he was too good to be true and Blair would have been suspicious. That, or she would have gotten bored. There were just the right amount of negatives to assure that there would still be some diversity and the pair wouldn't just be a male and a female version of the same person. Nate had told Chuck that Joseph hated wine and in fact didn't like to drink alcohol at all, including vintage bottles of Dom. He also hated all form of grooming done by professionals, such as pedicures, massages and the like. He was quite passionate about hockey and soccer, two sports which bored Blair. Little imperfections which didn't amount to anything bad at the end of the day. It just kept him from being overly perfect and thus impossible for anyone to stomach.

Having walked halfway through the room by this point, Chuck made a turn and selected one of his admirers at random. Some girl with a much too revealing dress and dark brown hair cut in a short bob. He could care less how she looked or who she was or what she was like. He had never even seen her before and had no clue how she knew Nate but it didn't matter. Maybe she was just a guest at the hotel. That was the thing about hosting formal events at the Empire. You never knew when a curious guest might take the opportunity to join the party.

The next time his eyes caught Blair it was by accident when he looked up from the brunette he was occupying himself with. Blair turned her head in his direction at the same time and their eyes met across the room. He wasn't sure if he was pleased or displeased that his tumbler-free hand was on the brunette's hip and she had both her hands on his shoulders. Whatever the case he had wanted any reaction from Blair other than what he got. She gave him a little smile and all it did was confuse him. It felt good seeing her this happy, the way she ought to be at all times. It just hurt like all hell to know the reason why. And at least some trace of jealousy would have been nice. Some sign that he hadn't lost her completely.

Another hour went by and he had ended up losing the brunette. No matter what he hadn't seemed able to muster up any interest in her, sexually or otherwise. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood. He was tense knowing that Blair was in the room, always worried he might catch sight of her by mistake and see her displaying affection with her new boyfriend. Not that he thought that would happen. It had not been six months since he had told Blair he loved her with all his heart and even if her declaration of love in return was no longer true she still seemed to try not to hurt his feelings. Another cause for concern. If she was rubbing this new relationship in his face or at the least letting him get more or less accidental glimpses of her new happiness then that would mean she was on some level trying to provoke him, looking for a reaction in him. Instead she kept Joseph and her feelings for him away from Chuck, out of sight, out of mind. She seemed almost protective of what she had with this man, like she didn't trust Chuck to leave her be if she flaunted her return to happiness in front of him. Number 457 on the list of things that stung like a bitch.

He walked over to the bar where Nate was hanging around. He told Horace to make him another drink, what it was didn't matter so long as it wasn't girly or included things like tiny umbrellas. The drink was served a minute later and Chuck looked up at his best friend.

"You're twenty, Nathaniel" he said. "Your celebration should consist less of standing by the bar and more of mingling with all the niceties that have come to wish you well."

"Since when does Chuck Bass consider mingling a proper way of celebrating anything?" Nate asked with a smirk.

"Mingle while the eyes of your mother and your grandfather and the top society are still on you…" Chuck said, taking a sip from his drink. "Seduce and ravish the knockout of your choice once they have gone. Or, you're twenty now, perhaps you can even take on two of these fine ladies."

"I know I was years behind you with losing my virginity but that doesn't mean I haven't done things to get caught up" Nate said, taking a sip from his champagne. "I was doing threesomes by the time I was eighteen. And frankly I didn't see the beauty of them."

"You have no vision" Chuck sighed mournfully, causing Nate to laugh.

"Hey listen, thanks man for putting this thing together" Nate said. "Even though I know you don't exactly mind gathering New York's finest at the Empire, it's still a lot of work that goes into something like this."

"I invited the police department? That was completely by accident."

Nate just smirked and took another sip of champagne. Someone came up behind Chuck and ordered a drink, one of the few people who seemed to fancy something other than the champagne that was being carried around by waiters. Chuck took another sip of his own drink, pondering whether or not he should go select a girl for Nate. A twentieth birthday only came about once and his buddy should celebrate with someone more exquisite tonight. Chuck had always had a good eye for which women gave the best performances behind closed doors and which ones were simply not worth the time and effort.

For another brief second his thoughts returned to Blair. She was impossible to keep out for more than a few minutes at a time. It was silly really. Yes they were at the same party, in the same building, but that was all. Their only contact tonight had been a second of looking at each other. For all intents and purposes it was as if she wasn't even there. The thing was though that he didn't need to follow her with his eyes every step she took. He knew that she was there anyway, he could feel her presence in a room. He was just always aware of her whenever she was near and even though he wanted to turn that off he didn't know how to do it.

His thoughts were interrupted by someone behind him reaching over to shake Nate's hand and wish him a happy birthday. Chuck turned his head and realized it was Joseph Corday. Chuck had never actually heard the man speak before and was annoyed to notice he had a very pleasant speaking voice. Not nearly as low and mumbling as Chuck's own. Thoroughly annoyed he downed his drink and ordered a scotch from Horace.

"Thanks" Nate smiled to the other man. "Having a good time?"

"Very, but unfortunately I couldn't find a waiter carrying around anything non-alcoholic" Joseph said and raised his glass. "Cranberry juice. It looks enough like something alcoholic that people won't pester you about getting something to drink."

Nate smiled good-naturedly and placed a hand on Chuck's arm, discreetly nudging him to turn around and actually face the other man.

"Joe, have you met the guy who runs this show?" he asked.

"No I haven't, not yet" Joseph smiled, turning to Chuck. "But I know who you are. It's nice to finally meet the minor legend Chuck Bass."

Chuck was very tempted to let a sly smirk spread across his face and assure Joseph that there was nothing minor about him but for some reason he felt like being on his best behavior. It probably wouldn't do him any good to come off as rude and abrasive to Mr. Perfect.

"And you are?" he asked instead, settling for feigned ignorance which was in no way impolite yet would make the rival feel insignificant.

"Joseph Corday" the man said and shook Chuck's hand.

"Blair's boyfriend" Nate needlessly informed him in a whisper.

"Oh, right" Chuck said.

"I'm glad to finally meet you" Joseph said, and annoyingly enough seemed to mean it. "I've met all the rest of Blair's friends but you seem to be particularly difficult to run into."

"Most people hold off on introducing me to their new acquaintances" Chuck said. "I have a reputation for being something of a bad seed. I'm sure you've heard a fair share of stories and warnings."

"Not at all" the guy said, shaking his head. "Blair thinks the world of you. Which is why I'm glad we could finally meet. I want to know all there is to know about Blair, and if not befriend then at least get to know all of her friends."

"I'm not actually Blair's friend though, so much as I'm-"

"Her ex-boyfriend, I know" Joseph nodded.

Chuck couldn't contain his surprise at how casual Joseph seemed about it. Wasn't he jealous in the least? Most guys wouldn't want their girlfriend to stay friends with people they used to date. Especially not when the relationship had been as serious as it was between Blair and Chuck.

"That doesn't bother you?" he had to ask, taking a sip from his drink to try and mask the look on his face before he could change it back to indifference.

"That she's on good terms with people she used to date? No, why would it. She's still friends with Nate and from what I understand they were together for years. I think it's great that she can stay close to people she used to care for romantically."

"It wasn't just dating with Blair and I" Chuck said, unable to stop himself.

"Yeah, she told me you practically lived together. And that it didn't end too amicably. Which is why it's even more impressive that you've been able to become friends instead."

"Shut up about your relationship" Nate hissed in Chuck's ear.

"We don't see each other much anymore" Chuck said, taking another sip of scotch. "Work's been keeping me so busy… Who has the time for old acquaintances?"

"Ugh, don't talk to me about work" Joseph groaned. Then he laughed a little. "Things are hectic at my job right now to say the least. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just make good use of Blair's plotting powers and scheme my way to the top, rather than doing it by old-fashioned hard work."

"Come on over to the dark side" Chuck said. "We've got cookies."

"Tempting, but I'll resist" Joseph chuckled. "Blair thinks I'm a softie but at the end of the day I want to make it by the merit of work."

"Plotting can be a lot of work" Chuck replied.

"See? Now he's demonstrating why people wait a while before introducing him to their new acquaintances" Nate said dryly and finished off his champagne.

Joseph just laughed.

"That's actually exactly what Blair said when I told her I wanted to work my way to the top" he said to Chuck. "I have a feeling I'll like you. But, speaking of Blair I should go find her. I left her speaking to the most boring deputy mayor this city has ever had and I think she'll kill me if I don't go save her soon. Chuck, great meeting you. Nate, have a great continuation of your birthday."

"Later" Nate nodded Joseph walked off.

Against better judgment Chuck let his eyes follow the other man and saw him find Blair. He placed a hand on her arm, Blair turned to him and smiled and Chuck wished he had been drinking arsenic rather than cranberry juice. Joseph had his back turned to Chuck but Chuck could see that he was talking, probably telling Blair what had taken him so long. He saw Blair mouth his name with a not too pleasantry surprised look on her face and then she looked over to the bar. Their eyes met and Chuck raised his tumbler in a salute. An unsure smile played on Blair's lips and she lifted her hand and curled her fingers in a little wave.

Chuck turned around, determined to be the first to look away. She didn't have anything to worry about. He hadn't said anything bad to Joseph or done anything to scare him off. No matter how much he had wanted to.

He leaned against the bar and did his best to mask his sour mood. Nate remained silent for a full minute but then he couldn't contain himself any longer.

"So now you've met Blair's new guy" he said.

"My life is officially complete" Chuck replied dryly.

"Come on, man. You knew you couldn't avoid him forever."

"Who says I was trying to avoid him?"

"You've been avoiding Blair. I figured he was the reason why."

"Who says I've been avoiding Blair?" Chuck shot back. "I am however going to avoid you and go do some actual work around here. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Oh, and tonight you should take that blonde girl in the red Dior dress with you back up. She'll give you a much better time than that black haired girl in the Valentino would."

He walked off with a firm grip of his scotch, hoping to find something to do to keep him distracted until this hell of a party was over. He couldn't just leave, that would be too obvious and it would be weird. He was working this party, not just attending it. But as long as Blair and that annoyingly nice and perfect guy were still on the premises the Empire was the last place on earth Chuck wanted to be.

"Chuck! There you are."

Chuck looked up from the glass of orange juice he was pouring. He was in his kitchen, still clad in his satin PJs and robe, and it was just past ten in the morning. Where else would he be at this hour?

"What a relief for you to finally find me" he said dryly. "Given the countless hours you must have spent searching far and wide."

"I didn't see much of you after we spoke at the bar last night" Nate said.

Chuck looked up again. He smirked when he saw the blonde he had pointed out to Nate silently looking around for her shoes and her purse behind them.

"There were some situations that needed my attention" he said. "I had to threaten to throw out one of your Vanderbilt cousins who got stoned and tried to climb the stairs via the banister. Do any of you stay away from the smoke for any longer periods of time?"

"So what are your plans for today?"

Chuck's eyes narrowed and he studied Nate carefully. Since when did Nate start off his days going looking for Chuck just to share niceties?

"That depends" he said and downed half his glass of juice in four large gulps. "What is it that you want me to do?"

"Nothing" Nate tried to lie, but as usually the attempt failed miserably.

"In that case I've got a shiatsu at one o'clock and after that I'm firing my new driver. Idiot can't even get me to meetings on time. I wish Arthur could have chosen a better time to have his gastric ulcer. I'm really busy right now and need a driver I can rely on to get me places on time. Then I'll be spending the rest of the day interviewing new drivers."

"Good, then you're not doing anything until after lunch" Nate smiled. "Get dressed, you're coming with me."

"No offense Nathaniel but your outings tend to involve Brooklyn, lacrosse or sailboats and I'm not in the mood for either."

"Just get dressed and make it quick" Nate said, walking back to his room.

Chuck sighed and finished his OJ. He then obediently went and got dressed, figuring he might as well acquiesce. He was at least partially curious as to what this was all about and decided to hear what Nate had planned before dismissing it. Even though he knew that the chances of the plans being boring or stupid were about 98%.

He walked back out and found Nate waiting and in an annoyingly good mood. This did not bode well.

"Wherever we're going I should warn you" Chuck said. "If there are more men than there are hot women where we're going I'm out."

"Relax" Nate chuckled. "We're going to lunch."

"Any reason why we couldn't eat lunch here?"

"Because I love Thai food and they don't serve Thai here" Nate said, stepping on to the elevator and pressing the button. "Hurry up a little, will you? And try dressing like a normal person for a change. It takes you longer to get into those suits than it takes Serena to get dressed in the morning."

"That's because Serena barely wears clothes."

"We're running late because you took so long getting dressed and they hate waiting."

"Who, the staff at Hi Thai?"

"Very funny."

"Who exactly is 'they'?" Chuck asked warily.

"They are the other people who are going to be eating lunch. You didn't think I was ushering you out for a one-on-one luncheon were you? Because planning those ahead and making sure you get into your clothes to attend them seems a touch gay."

"Who else?" Chuck asked.

"Just… You know… Some people."

"Nathaniel. Who's going to be there?"

"You and me and Serena…"

"And Blair?"

"And Blair" Nate confirmed.

"Give my best to the girls."

"What? Oh no you don't. You're coming with."

"Why?"

"Why? Why the hell not?"

"Well for one I need to leave for my shiatsu at eleven if I want to make sure to make it with this driver" Chuck said dryly.

"Come on man, my actual birthday is today and I want to have my birthday lunch with you guys. Since I'm the birthday boy you have to do what I ask."

"That stopped being valid when you turned eight."

"It's just lunch. I know you want to see her."

"Who?"

"Maria von Trapp. Stop being intentionally dense."

They rode the rest of the way down in silence. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out, heading for the exit. The silence lasted until they had walked outside.

"Look, I'm going to go for a walk" Chuck said. "Enjoy your lunch and we'll do something fun tonight instead. Okay?"

"No" Nate said. "Stop acting like a kid. You can't keep avoiding her. There's no reason for you to avoid her. Joe is not invited so you won't have to see them together."

"That's not what this is about" Chuck said. "I don't want to ruin your birthday lunch. Like you said I haven't seen Blair in a while and it's going to be awkward."

"If you don't show up that's what's going to ruin it" Nate objected. "I want to have lunch on my birthday with the three people I care about the most in the world. Suck it up and eat some Thai food. It's not going to kill you."

"You should think about expanding your social circle."

"After lunch we can go home and get you drunk and maybe pry the truth out of you about why you've been avoiding Blair if the reason is not fear that you might see her with Joe" Nate said, ignoring the comment.

"Fine" Chuck said very grudgingly. "I'll come to lunch."

"Great. Now shake a leg, your attempts to bolt have made us even later."

Chuck shoved his hands in his pockets and waited while Nate tried to get them a cab. In a way Nate was right, he did long to see Blair. He just didn't know what to say to her at this point. They hadn't spoken in well over a month, and he had ignored the few calls she had made. He didn't even know what mood she would be in. Would she be wanting to know why he had been avoiding her? Would she be angry about him talking to Joseph the previous night? Would she be pretending as if nothing had happened? It didn't seem like Nate's birthday lunch was the ideal time for them to actually hang out together for the first time in months.

His phone rang and he fished it out of his pocket to answer it.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Chuck…" Eric's voice said on the other end. "It's Eric."

Chuck was very surprised to hear his voice. Eric never called anymore. He had barely spoken to Chuck at all since the incident with Jenny almost a year prior, and the few times that he had he hadn't been friendly.

He waited silently for Eric to continue. If he wanted something he could spit it out. Chuck was in no mood to drag it out of him.

"I…" Eric began hesitantly. "You wouldn't happen to be free right now, would you?"

"Unfortunately no" Chuck sighed.

"Oh…" Another long pause. "I need help."

"With what?" Chuck asked. He could hear a lot of noise in the background. "Where are you? And what number are you calling from, where's your cell?"

"I'm… actually in a cell. We got arrested and I was… hoping you could bail us out."

Chuck's face fell. Little Eric van der Woodsen getting arrested? Out of all the people he knew he had thought Eric was the one least likely to get into trouble with the law.

"Arrested for what?"

Nate took a pause in his attempts at getting a cab, wrinkling his forehead and mouthing a question over who was calling. Chuck ignored him, waiting for an answer. It took Eric a while to say it, clearly he was embarrassed.

"Indecent behavior" the answer finally came.

If the revelation hadn't been so shocking Chuck would have laughed. Instead he just looked at Nate with incredulity and Nate raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

"Indecent behavior?" Chuck repeated, causing laughter from Nate who still didn't know who the caller was. "What exactly did you do?"

"Elliot-"

"Figures."

"Elliot and I didn't do anything… extreme" Eric said, and Chuck could practically hear how bad he was blushing. "We were just kissing and… you know… I mean all clothes were still on. Had I been with a woman nobody would have cared."

"My, my…" Chuck said. "I didn't think you had it in you to get arrested for something like that. I almost admire it."

"This isn't funny" Eric complained.

"Getting arrested for indecent behavior at ten in the morning is funny, no matter how you spin it."

"No, they brought us in last night, after we had left the party. I didn't want to call Mom, I was too embarrassed to call Serena, and Rufus… Rufus is a good guy but he's not Bart. He wouldn't have taken it so lightly."

"Don't tell me Bart ever bailed you out of jail" Chuck said, wondering how much of a wild child Eric really was beneath the surface.

"Of course he didn't. But he would have."

"So you figured his son would do as a fallback?" Chuck asked dryly. "I thought you were brighter than that. It took you all night in jail to connect those two dots?"

"I didn't know who else to call. You're my brother and you've… been in similar situations. I guess I thought you'd understand."

"Really? Hm, I thought we had called it quits on that connection. Or is that only the noun that describes us when you're desperate for a favor?"

"Chuck…" Eric said pleadingly. "Please?"

Chuck sighed. He knew exactly why Eric had called, and it was not because of the touchingly strong bond of brotherhood or because Chuck had been in Eric's shoes in the past. He had called because he relied on getting favors from Chuck even though Eric had practically declared him the enemy and encouraged Lily to keep Chuck at a distance. Chuck also knew that he would go down there and bail him out. He didn't have the heart to leave Eric there and had no intention of actively fighting with him. If Eric wanted them to be enemies then Eric could wage that war by himself. Chuck wasn't going to participate just like he wasn't going to pretend to be Eric's brother anymore either. There was also the added bonus of a valid excuse to avoid going to lunch. While he knew he would regret not taking the opportunity to see the object of his obsession he would probably have regretted it more if he did see her.

"I'm on my way" he told Eric. "Which precinct?"

The conversation wrapped up and Chuck put his phone back in his pocket just as Nate finally managed to hail a cab.

"Looks like I won't be making it to lunch after all" he said. "With a legitimate excuse and everything."

"You at least have to tell me who's in jail for indecent behavior?" Nate said.

"Wouldn't do you any good even if I did tell you. Some guy I partied with a lot right after Blair dumped me" Chuck lied. "Haven't heard from him in ages but apparently I'm the guy you call when you get thrown in the slammer."

"I'll see you tonight then" Nate said, stepping into the cab.

"If the girls haven't killed you by then for being so damn late" Chuck noted. "Enjoy your lunch."

He closed the car door for Nate and walked back inside to call for his limo to be brought around.

"I really can't thank you enough, Chuck" Elliot said as they walked out from the police station a while later.

Chuck settled for a nod in response. He wasn't feeling particularly much like being on the receiving end of their gratitude. He had bailed them out because he felt he had to and they knew it. He had used his lawyers and his influence to get the whole thing to go away and he was not going to pretend like it was anything more than what it was. Eric had called him because he thought he had no other choice, not because they were family or even friends. Chuck was just a means to an end.

"Yeah this was really nice of you Chuck" Eric said as they stopped by the curb and waited for the limo.

"Don't mention it" Chuck muttered under his breath.

"Listen, are you…" Eric began, and fidgeted on the spot. "You're not going to tell Mom about this are you? Or Serena?"

"I don't recall which year you were born but since you're in high school I can safely assume that you're at least fourteen" Chuck replied. "Meaning you're too old for 'please don't tell Mommy on me'. I already got that you didn't want them to know since you didn't call any of them. Relax. When have I ever shared any of your secrets before?"

"Thanks" Eric said again. "You're a real friend."

"Please" Chuck snorted. "You used to be a good kid, Eric. Don't start insulting people now with false niceties."

Eric looked unsure and Elliot looked from one to the other, clearly wondering what this was all about.

"I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean" Eric confessed after a moment's uncomfortable silence.

"We're not friends" Chuck said simply. "You didn't call me for that reason. You called me because I'm the guy people call when they're in an embarrassing situation and they need to be bailed out by someone who's done enough dubious things that he probably won't pass judgment. I showed up because it suited me to and because I might as well spare Lily the knowledge of her son getting arrested."

"We're brothers" Eric objected.

"We were stepbrothers. That doesn't mean a thing. You don't like me and frankly I could care less if you do or not."

"You know what, I think I'll just walk home" Elliot said, having fidgeted like a madman through the entire conversation. "Thanks again Chuck. I really mean it. Eric I'll call you later, okay?"

He hurried off and Chuck paid no attention to him. Or to Eric for that matter. He had already turned away from the younger boy and fished out his phone to check the time.

"Chuck, we…" Eric began hesitantly. "We're brothers. I may not agree with everything you do, but-"

"Why waste your breath lying when it doesn't matter at all to me?" Chuck cut him off. "Do you think your thoughts about me have gone by unnoticed? I know you looked up to me when you were younger but you grew up and got over that, which is what young boys always do. You just want it to matter right now and want to believe that we're brothers because that way you can justify calling a person you dislike to help bail you out from an embarrassing situation. The quicker you learn to just acknowledge things for what they are the easier things will get."

Eric looked like he had a lot he wanted to say and in that moment Chuck actually believed that Eric did feel like they had a brotherhood-like relationship again and that his previous animosity hadn't truly been genuine. Chuck knew though that it was nothing more than a reaction out of gratitude and of Eric wanting things to be the way they once had been. Chuck had no desire to keep talking about it or to try and mend a relationship he had stopped caring about months ago. He just wanted to be left the hell alone.

His limo arrived and he got in without offering Eric a ride. He sunk back on the leather seats and ordered his new driver to drop him off for his massage already, even though it was barely noon yet. After that he decided he would head to the Palace, where he hadn't been in ages, and spend the night there by his lonesome. He really didn't want to go back to the Empire and see Nate tonight. He just wanted to be alone. No lunches, no hanging out with friends, no having to talk about anything at all with anyone. He finally admitted to himself that he was thoroughly depressed and just wanted to sit alone and feel sorry for himself without anybody bothering him. He had long since become a person he didn't want to be, and his attempt at rebooting himself last summer hadn't lasted long. He had lost whatever family he'd had, including Lily, because even though she genuinely cared she didn't care enough to tell her waifish husband to accept Chuck's presence at family events or holidays, which meant Chuck stayed away and never even expected invitations. She cared, but not enough to actually take a stand for him. And he had lost Blair, currently with no chance of getting her back. All the other relationships in his life could go eff themselves, what did he care anymore what anybody thought of him? The only one whose opinion mattered had left him behind.

Thanks for reading. Feedback would be lovely! Apologies for the lack of Blair in this chapter, but as you can tell this is from Chuck's POV. Blair will make more of an appearance next time though.