Chocolate Chip Cookies

Summary: Someone stole James' chocolate chip cookies. Who could it be? Only Lily could solve the mystery…

Disclaimer: Only the chocolate chip cookies are mine. The rest are just a figment of J.K. Rowling's imagination….

James walked into the common room, where he had left the enormous pile of chocolate cookies he had nicked from the kitchens. He hadn't been afraid to leave them unattended when he went back to get a big glass of milk because the only Gryffindors left at Hogwarts were himself, Lily, Sirius, and Remus, and the others were all out having a snowball fight.

He walked towards the parchment-littered table, and gasped. The chocolate-chip cookies were gone! What was more, the wet splotches all over the common room floor told him that the remaining Marauders and Lily had returned. One of them had to have taken the cookies! Well, not Lily. She was too trustworthy, in James' opinion.

James racked his brain. The Marauder with the biggest appetite, besides himself, of course, was Sirius. James stomped up the staircase to his dormitory, enjoying the way his footsteps echoed throughout the whole tower.

He flung open the door, roaring, "PADFOOT!" Sirius jerked up, looking around. "James! You almost gave me a heart attack, you bloody idiot!"

James growled menacingly, saying, "You stole my cookies! My lovely, sweet, chocolatey chocolate chip cookies!"

"James!" said Sirius warily. "I was the last one in from the snowball fight, seeing as I just had to snog every snow woman I saw. I couldn't help myself, mate! They're so cold, and unloving, but I wanna make them love me!"

James cleared his throat pointedly, while the corners of Remus' mouth twitched, and Sirius hurriedly continued his story.

"Anyway, when I returned, the floor was already stained from all of the plodding boots and whatnot from our snowball fight, and I saw an empty plate of cookies."

"Mmm-hmm…" murmured James, his brain working furiously.

"I was really mad at you because I assumed you'd eaten them all and you know how much I love chocolate chip cookies."

"So if you didn't steal the cookies…" James said, and his face grew angry. "MOONY did!"

He lunged to the next bed and tackled Remus. "Ah! James! James, stop!"

James reluctantly got off of Remus and said menacingly, "This better be good, Remus. Really, really good."

"I don't understand it myself, James," said Remus, clearly glad that James had stopped suffocating him. "When Lily and I came in, we hung our things by the fire and headed towards the stairs. We saw your giant pile of cookies and Lily said, 'Oh, James and Sirius will have a field day,' and I laughed, and then we went upstairs to change."

James' eye twitched, and he suddenly began to scream at his fellow marauders, "THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, YOU OAFS! A HUGE PILE OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES DOES NOT JUST DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT! ONE OF YOU ATE THEM! TELL ME, OR I'LL…"

"Or you'll what, James?" came a female voice from the door. James frantically rumpled his hair, and Sirius gave him a small thumbs up. "Oh," said James in what was clearly intended to be a suave voice, but sounded eerily creepy, "It's you."

The corners of Lily's mouth twitched as she said, "Yes, James, of course it's me. Who else would it be?"

"Er.. erm…" muttered James, his mind racing frantically.

"Anyways," said Lily, pretending he had said nothing, "What were you shouting about? One poor portrait outside is gibbering about how you're a madman or something like that."

"Oh. I was yelling because Remus or Sirius obviously stole my chocolate chip cookies and they won't admit it. It's, erm, a tactic used in the, er, the military."

"I see," said Lily. "Well, boys, tell me everything you know." She pulled James' quill out from under his bed, Sirius' ink from behind his pillow, Remus' parchment from his neat stack on the bedside table, and poised herself, quill at the ready. "You first, James."

"Oh, erm, well, I went down to the kitchens when you lot were having a snowball fight. I tickled the pear on that picture, you know, of the fruit on the…"

"James," said Lily warningly. "Continue…"

"Okay, well, I asked the house-elves for some chocolate chip cookies. All of a sudden, this huge platter heaped about a foot high comes whizzing towards me. I wave my wand so it flies to the common room. I walk all the way up here, and I'm all set to eat it when I realize I forgot to get some milk. Everyone knows you can't eat chocolate chip cookies without milk. So I walk all the way back down to the kitchens and get a big jug of milk. I come back up here, and the cookies are gone! But all of your," James pointed to Sirius, Remus, and Lily, "Stuff is lying heaped and draped over everything, so I know you all have come back. So I fling down the jug of milk, go upstairs and accuse Sirius, and he says, 'No way, Prongs, they were gone when I got here because I have to kiss all the snow women in sight because I am such a prat.' So I interrogate Remus, and he says he saw them and went upstairs and cookies can't walk away by themselves, so that's impossible, so I started yelling and then you came in and now I'm telling you this."

By this point, Sirius was snoring loudly, Remus' head was propped in his hand and his eyelids were drooping, and Lily was taking notes.

"Did you get all that?" James asked. Lily kept writing, and the scratching of the quill was the only sound in the room. James then noticed that Sirius and Remus were sleeping. "PADFOOT! MOONY!" he roared. Lily jumped and left a huge ink blot on the parchment, Remus started and sat up rather quickly, and Sirius gave a huge jolt and rolled off his bed.

James smiled brightly and asked Lily again, "Did you get everything?"

"Yeah, I think so," she said, scanning her notes.

James then said, "Do you want me to repeat it? You know, to make sure you didn't miss anything?"

"NO!" his audience roared.

"Fine!" He flopped on his bed with a scowl on his face.

"Okay, Sirius?" Lily asked tentatively.

Sirius rose and opened his mouth. "We had a snowball fight. I won. Remus and Lily went in to dry off because they are boring. I stayed out and snogged the face off of every snow woman out there." Seeing Lily's incredulous gaze, he protested, "No, really! Their faces melted!"

Lily shook her head in exasperation. "Anyways," continued Sirius. "I came in, and I saw a huge platter that had crumbs and the random chocolate chip on it. I was jealous, because I thought you all ate them without me. I saw that Remus and Lily had come back so I went upstairs and started giving Remus the silent treatment. Then I heard pounding on the stairs, and James stomped in and accused me of eating all the cookies. When I told him what really happened, he accused Remus and then started shouting at us, and, well, you know the rest," he broke off sheepishly.

"Thank you, Sirius," said Lily. "Glad you didn't bore me to death."

"You're welcome," said Sirius gallantly, and he sat back down on his bed.

"Remus? You're next."

"Oh, right." Remus rose and brushed off his robes. "We had a snowball fight. When Sirius won, Lily and I went inside to change robes. I saw a pile of chocolate chip cookies on a platter, and Lily commented, 'Sirius and James are going to have a field day.' I laughed because it was true, and went upstairs. I opened my trunk and got out fresh robes, put them on, and started reading a volume of the encyclopedia. Then Sirius came galumphing in and wouldn't talk to me. James stomped up the stairs and came in, accusing Sirius of eating the chocolate chip cookies I'd seen ten minutes before. Then James tackled me and accused me of eating them. Once I'd finally convinced him that I didn't eat them, he realized that the cookies had disappeared. So he began taking his rage out on us, and then you came in."

"Okay." Lily scratched out a word, rewrote it, then said, "I am going to investigate the scene of the crime."

Lily walked down to the common room, and looked at the cookies. The first thing she noticed is that the jug of milk had also vanished. "Hmm," she muttered to herself. She also noticed crumbs and sloshes of milk leading in the same direction. She followed the crumbs out the portrait hole and down the hall until she almost walked into a broom cupboard. She pressed her ear to the door and listened to the sound of munching and slurping. She quickly used a nonverbal spell to seal the door and then kicked it. She heard a loud SQUEE and smiled to herself.

She raced back to the portrait hole, shouted, "Dugbogs and pennywhistles" at the fat lady, and raced through the portrait hole. As she ran up the stairs, she shouted, "I know who the culprit is!"

James and Sirius came barreling out of the dormitory and knocked Lily down. Remus, who was walking normally behind them, helped her up.

"Who is it, Lily? Who ate my cookies?" James asked, worry in his eyes. "They didn't eat all of them, did they?"

"Of course not, Potter, just shut up!" Lily snapped. "Now, listen."

James and Sirius sat down on the floor like it was story time and looked eagerly up at Lilly. Remus rolled his eyes and gave Lily his full attention.

"After I gathered all your testimonies, I came down here. The first thing I noticed was that the jug of milk was gone," she said, gesturing at the nearly empty table, "and James said he put the milk down before he went to interrogate you guys. That means the thief came in here two times, both when he knew no one was in here.

"The second thing I noticed is that there were sloshes of milk and cookie crumbs leading out the portrait hole, down the hall, and to the broom closet."

Lily led the way out of the portrait hole, and the Marauders followed eagerly.

Lily stopped outside the broom cupboard she had magically sealed earlier.

"I heard the thief in here, so I locked it. When I kicked the door, I heard a loud noise. Like this."

She kicked the door, and was rewarded with another loud SQUEE.

"I then knew that the culprit was…. Alohomora!"

The door flew open to reveal…

"Peter!" yelled James. "I thought you went home?"

"I missed the train," the rat-like boy said miserably.

"Of course," said Remus. "Peter knew James was going to get chocolate cookies, and he has the Marauder's Map. So he watched for James to bring them and then waited until the common room was empty. He stole the cookies, and saw Sirius come up. Then James came up carrying the milk and he watched James go upstairs. He stole the milk, and then Lily caught him."

"You're brilliant, Lils!" cried James, grabbing her up in a hug.

"James…"

"Yes, Lily?"

"I can't breathe."

"Sorry," James said, hastily releasing her.

"Now, for Peter's punishment…"

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Guys, guys, is this necessary?" squealed Peter.

"Of course it is," said Sirius with a grin.

"You guys, he could get frostbite," said Remus with a grin.

"Shut up, Moony," growled James. "Wormtail is getting everything he deserves."

"Uh, guys, not that it isn't fun to be buried in the snow while naked or anything, but…" moaned Peter.

"Oh, shut up," said Sirius. He conjured up a jar of peanut butter and forced its contents into Peter's mouth.

Peter glared balefully up at them, unable to speak because his jaws were stuck together.

The three unburied marauders and Lily walked back to the common room, and watched from the warmth as Peter ran around naked, trying to escape Hagrid's new giant puppy, who he had christened Fang.