Author's note: This is my first "Vampire Diaries" Fanfic. This is a Bamon AU fanfic with some canon elements thrown in for flavor. This idea just kind of came to me last night. For all of you who don't know me. I never know what my stories will be about, how long they will be, when I will finish them (Sorry for those who are still waiting but I am continuing my other stories as well- no fear), or even if they are any good but I am going to try to stop being paranoid about them. If you are willing to go on this journey with me it would be a kindness that I more than likely don't deserve. Please forgive any mistakes and please review; feedback is greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters found in the "Vampire Diaries" world. I just like filling in blanks for myself.
Familiar Words
Chapter 1
"I feel a little funny about this…about coming here I mean, but….I can't deny it anymore that something must be wrong and I need help to figure it out. You see…well…" She paused looking around as she battled a struggle from within. "I don't even know; where do I start?" The young woman spoke almost in a pleading manner. Dr. Allison noticed that she was very pretty and yet modestly dressed. Her clothes showed that she understood her beauty and style but she was not trying too hard to draw too much attention to herself. "How about from the beginning that is usually a good place. Oh, would you mind if I…?" Dr. Allison James asked as she took a small recorder out of her drawer and placed in on the top of the desk. "I find that I can help people a lot better by recording our sessions and then going over them together at a later date. It helps to show growth when sometimes patients feel that there may not have been any." Dr. Allison held her finger over the record button waiting for Bonnie to give her permission. Bonnie nodded her head "Yes" albeit tepidly. She honestly did not think that she would be able to stand to hear her own words out loud again, especially since she did not even like hearing them in her head the first time around.
"You don't have to be afraid Bonnie this is a safe place for you to be yourself." Dr. Allison said as she pressed 'record' and sat back in her chair to give Bonnie her undivided attention. "I'm here to listen." Dr. Allison spoke up. Bonnie's eyes scanned the décor of the office that she was now sitting in and wondering if this was truly the right thing to do then she murmured to herself "Some people have ears that can hear everything; even the smallest of whispers." Bonnie looked down at her hands she had been holding one in the other and had been stroking the back of her palm with the thumb of her other hand in a repetitive motion for a while now but she only just noticed. She stopped immediately. "Is this the beginning?" Allison asked. "No. The beginning seemed like it should have been normal, you know, like every other friendship between two little girls who meet in the third grade. We became friends very quickly, she was my best friend, and we have shared a lot of the same memories of growing up together: birthday parties, summer vacations, camping trips, sleepovers, late night study sessions, doing homework together, hating the same teachers, hating the same boys, crushing on some of our teachers, loving the same boy….." Bonnie's voice trailed off as she re-adjusted herself in her chair. "I would do anything for Elena…she was my best friend." She was nodding now as if she were trying to convince herself.
Dr. Allison watched as Bonnie started behaving more and more uncomfortably and silence filled the room for several minutes. "Bonnie?" Dr. Allison attempted to bring her out of whatever deep vat of torture she could tell Bonnie had just hurled herself into. Dr. Allison had noticed how Bonnie began the repetitive stroking of the back of her palm again with her thumb. "I think that I became obsessed with her." Bonnie continued. "I was irrational about her-even. I found myself, as we had become teenagers, always putting her safety, even before my own. I mean, that isn't normal right? Bonnie questioned but after receiving no input from Dr. Allison whatsoever she continued with her story. "She always seemed to have this type of darkness that surrounded her, ever since her parents had been killed in a car accident, and that darkness brought with it all kinds of monsters and demons that she needed to be rescued from. And I was the one. I felt that I had to…I felt compelled to…to…take care of her, to protect her even at the expense of my own life." "Aren't you two the same age?" Dr. Allison asked in a somewhat patronizing manner. "I mean what did you think that you could do?" Dr. Allison asked. "Yes, we were the same age but she lost her parents in an accident and I don't know. I just felt that she needed me to keep her safe. You see I have a type of skill set that allows me to help her out in times of crisis." Bonnie shared.
"A skill set? Do you mean like you had taken self-defense classes or something like that and she hadn't?" Dr. Allison tried to clarify. Bonnie nodded her head as she continued to look around the room. Something felt off. The brown hues, the plaques on the walls, the "all to" put together atmosphere Bonnie should have realized never trust someone who has little collectibles glasses with the word "Margarita-Ville" written across them. "This doctor seemed like she was trying too hard to be normal." Bonnie thought but then inwardly chuckled to herself "I have some nerve, I don't know anyone who is normal anymore, except for maybe Matt." She thought. "I need you to use your words for the recording." Dr. Allison instructed. "Oh, yeah, sorry, yeah let's say it's a type of martial arts." Bonnie just allowed the misinterpretation of her world; to just be accepted as fact. "How would she explain that she was a witch? That little tidbit of information would change this therapy session straight to a trip into the funny farm." Bonnie thought, but her thoughts were interrupted as she heard the doctor begin to speak again.
"I find the words that you have chosen to be interesting: darkness, monsters, and demons…do you find that you have had to step in often?" Dr. Allison asked her. "So often I have lost count over the last seven years, and each time the stakes seem higher and more deadly. My own thoughts have grown darker and darker and I am afraid of my own power." Bonnie looked towards Dr. Allison only to notice a slight change in her countenance over what had just been spoken. Bonnie had then realized that she had divulged more than she had intended to in the moment. "I have lost myself several times in the process." Bonnie spoke with a sadness but also became frustrated with herself which now showed itself predominately in her tone as she changed the subject. "I went away for a very long time and she didn't even notice; she was too preoccupied being in love with the love of her life." Bonnie lowered her head in sadness. "After everything that I had done for her she never even noticed…I didn't matter… I wasn't even a blip on her screen. That is why I think something was not right. I had to be obsessed right? I mean, why would I give up so much of myself, under the guise of a friendship, which obviously wasn't reciprocated at all?" "Why did you?" Dr. Allison asked. "Why did I? I don't know-just like I don't know why I feel so guilty right now?" Bonnie stood from the chair she was sitting in and walked toward the mantle on the right side wall of the office and stared at her own reflection in the mirror which had been mounted above it. "Is it self-hatred?" Bonnie asked as she lightly encircled the rim of a glass which sat on the mantle then she turned and faced the doctor again.
"Let's first start with; what feelings do you hold towards Elena?" Dr. Allison prompted. Bonnie shrugged her shoulders. "She was my best friend." She was now becoming a broken record with that same mantra Dr. Allison noticed. "I didn't ask you what role you gave her in your life story; I asked what feelings do you hold towards her?" Dr. Allison spoke sharply to get Bonnie to hear the real question. "I am sad. I am disappointed in her. I miss her. I am angry at her…. I'm jealous of her." Bonnie concluded. "Now, that one surprised me. I expected angry, and disappointed but not jealous…why do you think you are jealous of her?" Dr. Allison asked.
Bonnie turned and looked at herself in the mirror again before she uttered the words, out loud, that she had never even dared allowed herself the thought of, for more than mere seconds, but then she spoke again. "I am jealous over the fact that he will always see her as 'The love of his life'." Bonnie stood there looking into the mirror and began to straighten out some small strands of her hair that had fallen out of place, and wiped a small dark line of eyeliner from under one of her eyes. This was a small attempt at becoming "enough". "Who will?" Dr. Allison asked. Bonnie walked back over to her seat and sat down before she answered Dr. Allison's question with two words "Damon Salvatore."
"Am I to assume from your last statement that you have feelings for this Damon Salvatore?" Dr. Allison asked. Bonnie just laughed and looked up at the ceiling and rolled her eyes. "When have I not had feelings for Damon Salvatore…my first feeling was attraction; then mistrust; then downright fear; that lasted a long time, then my feelings changed to outright hatred; eventually though my feelings became actual tolerance; like for any necessary evil such as the government, or war; but then we found ourselves together in an impossible circumstance and my feelings towards him turned into gratitude, that I simply didn't have to go through it alone, then slowly it became friendship; even a smidgen of admiration and respect; and now he has called me his best friend on several occasions… and I hate myself because now-I think that I'm in love with him." Bonnie confessed. She covered her face with her hands and began fighting with herself "How could I have done this?" Bonnie stomped her foot onto the floor which Dr. Allison believed was the reason why a book from off of her bookshelf in the far corner of her office had just suddenly dropped onto the floor. "Why did I let this happen? I am so stupid, so ashamed…she was my best friend." Bonnie berated herself.
"There are some aspects of your feelings towards this man than concern me but, progression and the changing of feelings over the course of time is not uncommon; as a matter of fact it is quite common. Aren't you just giving yourself a hard time? I mean, you said it yourself, Elena had not reciprocated your friendship in the same way. She did not produce fruit in keeping with the kind of devotion that you showed for her, correct?" Dr. Allison spoke authoritatively. "Instead of tearing yourself apart. How about we try to understand why you thought so little of yourself that you allowed yourself to be mistreated for so long? I think you need help trying to find your inner voice again. May I make a suggestion?" Dr. Allison continued. "I think that you should continue some sessions here with me just to see where this exploration will take us." Bonnie nodded. "Let's schedule your future appointments for 7:30pm this way you will be my last patient for the day and if we run over it won't matter for my other clients." Dr. Allison began scribbling in her planner. "Next week Thursday then and every Thursday hereafter at 7:30pm until no longer necessary alright?" Bonnie nodded again.
"I do have one other question." Dr. Allison queried. "I've noticed that you have spoken about Elena in the past tense quite often. You keep saying that she 'was' your best friend and you said that you 'missed' her. Where is she?" Dr. Allison asked. Bonnie thought carefully about what she was going to say in response to her question. "She's away in a hospital out of state; she is in a coma." Bonnie stood up and began walking towards the door. Dr. Allison had been taken aback by this last declaration from Bonnie; which was given in such a nonchalant manner. "How do you feel about that?" Dr. Allison asked. "How am I supposed to feel about it?" Bonnie questioned as she reached the door. "I'm the one who put her there." Bonnie then continued her walk out of the office door.
XXXXX
Dr. James' days always seemed so long but it was just an easy way to give herself the excuse that she had needed. She wanted a drink, then again she always wanted a drink. She was tired of life, tired of people, tired of sadness, and despair. She was tired of her patients and their endless issues which, honestly, meant nothing to her anymore. She was tired of pretending to care, tired of pretending to be hopeful when she suffered from a deeper depression than any of them. If they realized how hard it was for her to get out of the bed in the morning? If they realized how many days that she didn't even shower in the morning because it took too much effort on her part? If they knew how often she dreamt of slitting her own wrists so that all of this would be over; she would never have had any patients; but she did. So now she had to fake it, and alcohol was the only way she knew how to do it and the only thing she excelled in.
How often had a drink between clients prevented her from screaming out from the top of her lungs during a session that 'She didn't care?! She had her own problems! My ex-husband ran off with my three year old son, six years ago, and I haven't heard a word from them since; but you don't see me chewing off some stranger's ear!" She thought as she pulled up at her favorite spot "The Mystic Bar & Grill" there was a booth with her name on it, every night, and it was at the far corner of the bar. "Close to the liquor, get served a lot quicker. Away from the light, stay out of sight." Allison thought and then laughed. It was her favorite place in the whole world. She swore the booth had been calling out to her since at least 12:27pm this afternoon. "I am coming home baby!" She thought to herself as she entered the Grill and walked right pass the bar, nodded at the bartender Alaric or Rick as he liked to be called and took her place at her spot.
At first she thought Rick may not have noticed her entrance as he was thoroughly engaged in a conversation with a dark-haired man who was sitting on the last stool at the bar, which was extremely close to her booth. In fact when she sat down she could still see his side profile from where she was tucked in and snuggled tight. She could hear their every word as Rick excused himself as he poured her –her drink; a Brandy-neat. "Do you hear what I am saying to you, Rick?" The dark-haired man shouted. "I need you to help me through this and I need another Bourbon while you're at it." "I have other things to do Damon than to help you figure out your….whatever this is?" Rick spoke then he walked over and placed the drink on the table in the booth with a napkin and just smiled at Allison. Rick returned to the bar and continued his conversation with Damon as he poured him another Bourbon.
"That is what I am asking you…what is this? You know that with Elena gone, for whoever knows for how long? What am I supposed to do with… you know?" Damon's voice lowered slightly. Allison who had been taking a sip of her drink stopped all motion. "Damon?" She thought. "Now Elena? What are the odds that she would hear those two names twice in one day? Could these actually be the people that Bonnie had been discussing in her office earlier?" She thought. She leaned forward slightly to look at the man sitting on the barstool. She had seen him here before but usually he had been on the other end of the bar and she had never heard his name before.
"Didn't you say that Elena said that she wanted you to live your life, that she wanted you to be happy? Besides you have been in this situation before if I dare mention-Katherine? How long did you wait for her before you felt that it was okay to sample the pleasures of other women? From what I understand my wife didn't meet the 'celibate you' now did she?" Rick stated. Damon stared at Rick and took a swig of his Bourbon "Water under the bridge, man." Was Damon's response. "Yeah, yeah, water under the bridge." Rick shook his head and gave Damon the side eye. "Besides that was different I was in a downward spiral back then and in a very dark place….I'm a different man now, sort of." Damon answered.
Allison usually spent this time remembering her small son Tony, his smiles and his giggles but not today. Today she felt her curiosity get the better of her as she continued to listen to the conversation of the two men at the bar. "Rick, c'mon man, I need your help here?" Damon sounded a little dispirited. "I find myself….staring at her…me…actually staring at her. Her hair, her eyes, and her smile….do you have any idea how good she smells? It really is pissing me off!" Damon nearly growled as he through his head back in disgust. "I do know actually." Was Alaric's quick retort. "Then what do you think? How can I go around being attracted to Elena's best friend? I mean what does that make me?" Damon questioned. "What you've always been Damon – a man." "Elena would kill me if she found out, not to mention Bonnie. She would never go for it…do you know how long that girl completely hated me and now that we are finally on good terms-I have to go and develop feelings for her; after all those declarations to her about how much I love Elena…and I do, I do, I do." Damon kept repeating. "Who are you trying to convince me or you?"
Allison smirked quietly to herself as she thought "Alaric would actually make a good therapist." "What do you mean?" She heard Damon; who had just finished questioning Alaric. "Well you keep telling me that you love Elena, I have heard that from you a thousand times over the last four years. But now you are not saying it to me. You've just told me that you are becoming attracted to Bonnie. So who are you truly trying to convince now?" Damon took another swig from his glass and emptied it then tapped again on its rim for Alaric to fill it up again. "I hate it when you get all logical and Zen on me." Damon didn't speak for a few seconds but then he started again using a more humbled tone than Alaric had ever heard from him before. "I am serious though Rick, I can't just abandon her and leave because we promised each other that we would help each other get over missing Elena." "I don't think that what you are feeling now is what either of the two of you meant by that statement." Rick interjected dryly but matter-of-factly. Damon gave him the side eye and yet tried to ignore his last comment which actually made Rick chuckle as he filled his glass again. "But if I stay…I am truly afraid that I will not be able to contain my feelings for her and they will just continue to grow; and if that happens, I will probably wind up losing the both of them. I don't know what to do." Damon added.
"If you don't know what to do…then for now, don't do anything. It is like you said didn't you spend four months with Bonnie telling her over and over, every day, how much you loved Elena and wanted to get back to her. I doubt it highly, that she would believe, that she could trust any feelings that you would have for her at this point. Not to mention like you said, she will find you a disgusting pig who hits on his girl's best friend as soon as she's out of the picture for a little while. You just need to go find another 'hobby' to get your needs met; maybe it is your lacking of certain, intimate pleasures that have defined you for the past what 140 years, that has given you strange ideas." Rick spoke as he took a towel and wiped down the bar.
"140 years?" Allison thought "Did she hear that correctly." She thought again. "Remember, I was a Vampire, for a small amount of time, as well Damon and I understand how heightened some urges are….you might want to handle that, first, before you jump the gun with Bonnie and ruin your relationship forever." Alaric had now given him his so called 'sage' advice.
Damon lowered his eyes slowly to the bar as he sat thinking over what Rick had just said to him he sighed a deep sigh and felt futility enter his soul. "How is it that I am in love with two women? And yet…" He thought to himself. "….I am about to embark on a journey that will make me feel lonelier than I have been in a long time." Damon lifted his eyes and looked at Rick again. "Fine, I'll do it." Damon answered and then he took another drink from his glass.
The only word that Allison could not let escape from her mind was the word "Vampire."
XXXXX
Allison could not believe what she had heard that night. She found herself staring at Rick each time he came back to her table to refresh her drink. "He was always so pleasant, he had always seemed so reasonable and normal. So why would he speak about being a vampire to this guy as if this were an actual legitimate thing?" She thought. She poured herself another drink as she stood in her apartment. Then she thought back to the words of Bonnie this afternoon. "Darkness, monsters, demons?" She had thought that Bonnie meant those things metaphorically. "Could she have meant it all literally? And what about Damon he heard Rick use the word vampire and he didn't even flinch."
Allison had heard some crazy things in her time but this was by far the craziest. "Were they all apart of some sort of mass hysteria or something? Maybe she could take them all on as clients? Write a book and win a Nobel Prize or something? For uncovering the truth that obviously something must have been horribly wrong with the water of Mystic Falls." She thought to herself. For the first time in a long time Allison felt excited about something. Although she started to believe that she was just falling into the same mass hysteria the rest of them had fallen into but, it was actually fun nonetheless. Allison spent the next full week reading up on any information and folklore that she could find about vampires.
XXXXX
Allison had taken some headache medication a couple of hours ago and it was just finally starting to kick in; to help her to get over the hangover she had from the night before. She had hoped that she had taken it early enough in the day so that she didn't really have to pay attention to her other clients so much but that her headache would be over by the time Bonnie's appointment came around at 7:30pm. She wanted so much to find out about Bonnie's week. She wanted to bombard her with questions but she knew that she couldn't. "I have to take it slow and I have to listen more than I speak especially in the beginning…if I ever wanted to get to the real facts of what was going on." Allison heard the door buzz and she went to the intercom.
"Hello, it's me, Bonnie Bennett for my appointment." Allison buzzed the door to allow her entrance to her office. Allison watched Bonnie carefully as she walked in and closed the door behind her. "Hello Bonnie." Allison spoke first. "Doctor" Bonnie said as she sat down in the same chair she occupied last week in front of Allison's desk. "Do you mind?" Allison asked again with her hand over the recorder eager to press record. "No." Bonnie responded and Allison turned on the recorder so that it began to record their second meeting. "So, how have you been feeling this week?" Allison asked her. "Awful, simply awful." Bonnie shared without hesitation. "Why? What's wrong?" Allison dug a little deeper. "It's Damon…he is in a new relationship. He introduced me to her three days ago, we went out to dinner together, and they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. I feel like such an idiot, for the slightest of seconds, I allowed myself to believe that he may have had feelings for me too; but obviously I was dead wrong, and now I am just this evil witch who put her best friend into a coma-so that I could spend some more "alone time" with her boyfriend to see if what I felt growing between us was really real-only to find out that I have just been fooling myself all along."
Allison listened to her carefully before she spoke again. "You told me last week that you spent a good amount of your life being overly protective of Elena; to your own detriment at times. Why do you keep saying now that you put her into a coma? Do you really believe that you have the power to do that?" Allison asked. "I have a lot more power than anyone even knows." Bonnie murmured to herself as she stood up and began walking around the office studying her environment. "What do you mean by that?" Allison asked. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Bonnie's voice was hardened and distressed. "I understand that you don't know yet whether or not you can trust me Bonnie and that is understandable because this is only your second session, but I want you to know that anything that you disclose in our sessions will be safe with me." Allison attempted to reassure her so that she could finally find out what was really going on. "Really!" Bonnie snapped. "Let me ask you something Dr. Allison, as a Psychiatrist, how much crazy are you allowed to hear before you are compelled to put someone away in the loony bin? Because I honestly don't believe that you would be able to handle my type of crazy." Bonnie challenged as she turned around and faced her.
Allison stood up from her chair and walked around her own desk and came closer to Bonnie. "I will tell you, that a Psychiatrist, is required "By Law" to reprimand a client to a mental institution when they show that they have the potential to be a harm to themselves, or to others." Allison spoke directly. Bonnie just chuckled, shrugged her shoulders, and shook her head in annoyance. Then Dr. Allison continued. "I know you don't know this about me but I have not personally been a believer in 'The Law' since, 'The Law', could never help me to find my missing son." Bonnie's face took on a subtle look of shock at what had just been said to her. "So, when I say that what you disclose in our sessions are safe with me Bonnie…you can truly believe me." Allison's conviction about her last statement showing clearly on her face.
Bonnie's eyes scanned the room and she looked over at one of the "Margarita-Ville" collectible glasses on her mantle and then looked back at Dr. Allison. Bonnie reached out her hands held on to Allison's shoulders and spun her around to face the mantle. Bonnie extended her left hand, as she stood behind Dr. Allison, and from around Dr. Allison's shoulder; Bonnie spoke a word that Dr. Allison had never heard before, she couldn't even tell the language. But it was then that Dr. Allison watched the glass as it began to rise above and off of the mantle. The glass glided through the air positioned itself in front of Dr. Allison's face and then took its spot back on the mantle again while never being touched by human hands. Bonnie could feel Dr. Allison's body begin to tremble all over.
Bonnie then leaned in, over Dr. Allison's shoulder, and whispered into her ear "I am a witch."
Author's note: Please be kind enough to review.