Prologue: Perfection

"And I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't/ So here's to drinks in the dark, at the end of my rope/ And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope/ It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat"

– "Shake It Out" by Florence + the Machine

There were a few things I was certain of.

One, that this was the happiest I'd ever be in my life.

Two, that he was all I needed to be this happy.

And, three, that this unbelievable bliss was sure to disappear as quickly as it had come.

This was only a single moment. I knew this even though I wished for it to last longer. Forever, even. Wrapped up in the night breeze, protected by a gentle smile and a pair of sparkling, blue eyes, I knew that this was what true comfort was. Simple. And impossibly wonderful. I never knew that this kind of happiness was so easy to obtain. I thought it would be harder. But it was a simple as finding it.

And finding it was easier than keeping it.

Even then, I wanted to believe that I could capture this happiness and keep it with me forever. I wanted to seal this in a bottle and make sure I had it forever, like a drink that I could sip anytime I got thirsty for it. I wanted to make sure it was available, ready for me every time I was lost and starving for that touch, that smile, and those sparkling eyes that made me feel safe.

I'm beautiful in this single moment, laying here with him. We were lying in a bed made of the nighttime, blanketed by a chilly breeze that made both of us shiver. Nothing matters, though. Not the cold, not the fear of what could come once all of this happiness passed over. The only things matter to us is that we are together. Every breath that escapes me is one with his, every look we exchange is the same expression, every word we speak was meant to be spoken together.

It's as if, every time he speaks, I can find myself in all of his words. When he talks to me in that gentle, patient tone that he saves only for special moments like this, I can put myself back together like a puzzle and every little thing he tells me is just another piece. I'm a confusing puzzle, though, and one that only he can put together. I'm more complicated than any of the ancient puzzles he has solved in his adventures. And, just this one night, I felt more worth it than any victory he could achieve.

I had locked away the logical part of my mind telling me to end this. For some reason, I knew that each second I let myself swim deeper into this happiness, I was giving myself one more second of disappointment. It was a nasty compensation, too. This feeling wouldn't last and that would be my payment for having been so happy.

My daddy always used to tell me happiness came at a price. I had to work hard for what was worth it, he'd preach to me. I could not be happy without expecting to make some kind of payment. Dramatic romances with handsome princes riding on horseback were a thing of fairytales. I should keep myself grounded, realistic. Real love required work. Sacrifice. Cooperation. Fairness.

This feeling was dangerous. This love wasn't fair. We were different. Every step he took in his adventure was one step further away from me. We both worked hard, but for different reasons. And I knew that one day, because of this, his hard work would pay off and he would take that final step across a huge chasm, farther away from each other than we could ever imagine. I would never be able to reach him. He knew that well.

I knew about the sacrifice that came with loving him. One day, we would be so far apart that the only thing we would be able to do was retreat to the memories we were making right now. I was certain that, at some point in my future, the only thing I'd be able to understand of him was this one night. In the future, he would be a distant memory. A historical figure shrouded in mystery, fantasy, and strange stories and myths that I would never able to understand. He would become as foreign to me as a language I didn't speak.

The memory of this one night would be the only time I understood him completely. Once this night passed, another step across the huge gap would be taken. We would be separated by something far greater than duty. I didn't know what that was, but I knew it was dangerous and I knew he was leaving me behind. Did he have a choice? I don't know.

All I knew was that, in this one moment alone with him, I was perfect. He was perfect. The world around us was perfect. Everything was so wonderfully, beautifully, indescribably perfect. So perfect that, for a minute I could fool myself into believing it was true and it would last forever. We were taking those steps together, closer to another perfect moment that would last longer than the first one. We were walking, hand in hand, towards the same place.

I desperately wanted to reach that place with him. I wanted to travel far away with him to that ridiculous future I dreamed about. I would sacrifice anything, go through any pain, do anything in this world to reach that beautiful future where this kind of happiness was a reality, not a fleeting moment lost in the ever-passing minutes of my truly lonely life.

I liked this split second of perfection. There was no sacrifice. No cooperation. No concept of fairness. No adventure. No chasm separating us. If things were perfect, we were together. Perfection meant that I would never have to stop looking at him and I could continue to drown in that sparkling blue while our breaths and words danced together on that damned breeze.

I loved how impossible this was. The thrill of this kind of perfection was invigorating. It was so easy to obtain, so hard to lose.

We were lost. We were desperate. We were hopelessly, painfully, desperately, miserably, impossibly lost and desperate.

But we were perfect right now. And that's all that mattered.

A/n: Thanks everyone who decided to read. Bear with me, though. I promise I've got something in mind here. Any constructive feedback would be appreciated, so review, please! 3