I first had this idea in English, while reading another text about the Hunger Games so, I wrote it in English, that's my first text in this language, don't hesitate to point out my mistakes !
For the French readers, there will be a French version, as soon as I find how to add a chapter...^^
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, neither the song "When you look me in the eyes" of the Jonas Brothers.
This takes place before President Snow's death and so, before Prim's death, but after the beginning of the rebellion, in the third tome I think...
POV of Katniss
Bonne lecture !
The song of the Jonas brothers, 'when you look me in the eyes'...
before Prim was killed, the war is not over, President Snow is still alive.
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
In front of the cameras, everyone could hear you, it was only a game, I must know it. But I can't help thinking that something was true in these words, that it wasn't just lie and hot air. You looked so honest, was it a role ? A cover, a masquerade to justify our behavior in the arena ? When you threw your weapon to the ground, and begged me to kill you to survive, I thought that all of this was true, that you didn't lie to me, not at such a moment, not when our lives were in play. I thought you did want that, you loved me and wanted to protect me. And I haven't managed to be convinced of the contrary then. I mustn't believe any word of what was said on the stage, I must be a good actress, overwhelmed by love, until the end, to save you, to save what is still of our district, to save Prim. Because all I did was for her, you know ? I didn't want to be a tribute, I didn't want to fight, to kill, to be scared, by others, for you, by what I had done and what I still had to do. All this blood in my hands, in my eyes, in our spirits, all those who died for us to live.But as I am here, near you, I can help believing...
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
I just hope life will be better, I want to hope that it will finish, one day... I just want to live without being scared, I just want to be like everyone else, in peace. I want to send away all these memories to replace them by happy moments, by your smiles, by those of my sister, by the smell of your hot loaves and by the rustle of the leaves at my passing in the forests, by the smell of the flowers we will plant and by the excitement of our projects.
When you look me in the eyes.
You won't dare to lie to me when you look me in the eyes, isn't it ? Is it a glimmer of hope, a glimmer of truth, that is shining in them ? Or is it only the stage's neon light that are glinting in them ? Am I imagining things ? Real or not real ? What should I believe ?
How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
I'm gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
Can I tell you that I love you ? Do I love you ? We said it so many times in front of the world, but was it true once ? Or is it what I want to feel ? Is it a delusion ? All those butterflies in my stomach, my heart beating wildly when you huddle me up to you for the photographers, my thoughts which get to you out of my control...aren't they signs of love ? But also of the fear that ties my stomach up in knots every time, of the weight of the expectations on me, I'm not built of ice, neither of fire as they like to disguise me of. I'm not brave, I'm not without any fear, I'm scared to death at any time, but all of this, I mustn't show it, isn't it ? The Mockingjay mock, it doesn't tremble. So, is it love or these other feelings that are tormenting me ?
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that make my darkness disappear.
All I know is that I don't laugh anymore without you, I can't smile anymore when you're not near me, but how could I ? They stole me nearly everything I had: my house, my district, my best friend who has become a monster of revenge, my life, my innocence, all that remains is blood, violence, pain, and doubts.Am I right to fight, is it worth it, worth to fight, worth to suffer so much, worth to lose those we love, worth to put this country to fire and blood, worth dying ? Soon, they will try to steal me my sister, but I won't let them do that, they will have to shoot me down before, me, the Mockingjay, what a title, what is it for, now ? I never wanted all that, nevertheless, I couldn't help participating in it, putting all my resources, taping those I don't have anymore. You are the only one who understands me, how could it be different ? Since the beginning, you have figured me out, won me over, listened to me, listened to this anger that rumbled in me and which I couldn't tame, I didn't know yet to who I had to guide it, but, did I aim at the right target ? We're the same, and at the same time, different, where I see death and grief, you see hope and rebuilding...
Hope you'll be true, so I could tell you it, since now I know, I think I know, the more I'm talking, the more I'm aware of it...I love you...
So, what do you think of it ?