Without You, My World Would Crumble
Author's notes: Season 2 Episode 9 Croatoan, possible minor spoiler for the episode, but nothing major. This is MxM. If you don't like that, then don't read it. Please no flames. I don't own Supernatural or anything remotely related to it, and I am not making any money from any of this. The first several lines are directly quoted from the episode with a few added descriptors. After that it's all different. This is cross posted on my account on AO3 under whitetigergoddess
(See the end of the work for more notes)
Author's note part 1.5: Also a huge thanks to my wonderful sister and beta. She's wryandwatchful on AO3 and havokwreaker on here.
"Dean, don't do this. Just get the hell outta here." Sam was in tears, his voice hoarse.
"No way."
"Give me my gun and leave."
"For the last time Sam, no."
Sam slammed his hand on the procedure table, his face in a frustrated snarl. "This is the dumbest thing you've ever done."
Dean simply shrugged, "I don't know about that," he smiles, "Remember that waitress in Tampa?" He shudders at the memory, still smiling.
"Dean, I'm sick. It's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you."
"No?"
"No, you can keep going!"
"Who says I want to?"
"What?" Sam was stunned, worry coloring his features. Dean just looked away, not able to meet his brother's eyes. He searched for the words to say, opting for a partial truth. Turning around he leans back against the counter, running his hand along his face before letting out a sigh. "I'm tired Sam—tired of this job, this life, this weight on my shoulders man. I'm tired of it."
"Then stop hunting!" Sam's tone is desperate now. He doesn't know how long he has before he'll turn and he has to get Dean out of here. "Settle down, get a house and start a family. Just—just keep going after I'm gone…"
Dean shoved himself off of the counter, his temper flaring. "Don't you think I want all that!? I want a house in some quite little place, with a huge yard and trees everywhere for our kids to climb and build forts and just be kids. I want a normal life Sammy, but all of that doesn't mean a damn thing if you aren't there beside me." Dean choked on the last words, turning to hide the tears threatening to fall.
Sam pressed on. "I know, but you'll have a family: a wife, and you're kids will grow up hearing stories about their amazing uncle…and they'll have you."
"I don't want that life with some woman, Sam."
Sam's eyes widened but he kept talking, "A guy then. It doesn't matter Dean, as long as you're happy. As long as you're ALIVE."
He just didn't get it. For a college kid, Sam sure could be dense sometimes. Finally Dean thought what the hell. It's not like he had anything left to lose. Maybe it was time to come clean. Dean pushed himself off the counter, coming to stand in front of Sam. He pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face in his brother's neck for a moment before pulling back. His face was inches from Sam's and he made sure he was looking into his eyes. "I don't want that life with some woman because I want it with you." Sam looked momentarily confused.
"Dean," he gasped, a look of realization crossing his face. Dean simply looked at Sam, taking everything in. He pressed his forehead to Sam's just taking comfort in his presence. He could feel Sam's breath ghosting across his lips. An ache grew in his chest as that ever present desire to kiss him came rushing back. 'Why not? I'm losing him anyway. I don't want to die knowing I never tried.' Dean closed the gap, brushing his lips gently across Sam's, testing the waters. Sam let out a small gasp before eagerly kissing back.
It was more amazing than he'd ever imagined. Sam's lips were surprisingly soft and just perfect. Dean deepened the kiss, his hands coming to rest on Sam's hips. He maneuvered them over to the exam table, breaking the kiss with small nips along Sam's jaw. When he got them there, he pushed Sam's jacket off, continuing to kiss down his neck. Sam let out a little moan when Dean bit down on his shoulder, the edge of pain only heightening every other sensation. Dean ran his hands up under his brother's shirt, his fingers trailing across the firm planes of muscles along his abdomen before making their way up to his chest. Dean took a nipple between his fingers, giving it a firm squeeze, wrenching a moan from Sam that went straight to Dean's cock. "Dean" Sam's voice was low, needy. He tugged at Dean's shirt, trying to communicate that he wanted it off. Dean pulled back, a smirk playing across his lips before shrugging off his jacket and pulling his shirt over his head. When he looked back at Sam, he had already removed his own shirt. Dean leaned back in, capturing a hardened nipple in his mouth, adding the barest pressure of teeth before soothing it with his tongue. "Dean." That one word sent shivers down his spine. He paid some attention to the other nipple then moved on, trailing kisses down Sam's chest before dropping to his knees and kissing down his stomach.
Dean looked up at Sam through his long lashes, and Sam couldn't help but think how beautiful he was. He nodded his head, giving Dean permission to continue. Dean took little time in divesting Sam of his pants and boxers, moaning in appreciation when he was rewarded with the sight of Sam's cock, proud and erect and all because of him. He leaned in, nipping at the inside of Sam's thighs as he teased his fingers along his balls. He didn't tease him long though, not knowing how long they had left. Dean ran his tongue along the length of Sam's dick, swirling his tongue around the head before taking him fully into his mouth, moaning around him. He began to bob his head, swirling his tongue fully around him each time he came up before sucking back down. Sam put his hand behind Dean's head, thrusting up into the warm heat.
"Dean. Dean, stop!" Dean released him with and audible pop, a look of concern on his face. "Sorry. I was close." Sam blushed and it was probably the sexiest thing Dean had ever seen. "I didn't want to come. Not yet." He pulled Dean up, no longer being a submissive party as his hands came to Dean's fly, working it open before pulling his pants off completely. With them on equal ground Sam ran his hands along Dean's body, feeling the hard muscles under surprisingly soft skin and coming to rest on his hips. Sam pulled Dean flush against him, moaning at the skin to skin contact as he claimed his brother's lips once more. Dean rested his hands on Sam's ass, giving it a firm squeeze, ripping a moan from Sam's throat. "Dean!" he cried out as the hunter ran a finger teasingly along the cleft of his cheeks. "Please—I want—I want you—so much—please." Dean pulled back, a look of bewilderment clearly written on his face.
"Are you sure?" the hesitance clear in his voice.
"Yes."
Dean just nodded, looking around in a daze for something to use as lube. He found some Vaseline in one of the drawers, grabbing it before coming back over to Sam, who meanwhile had lied out on the table, his legs bent and spread out, face flushed. Dean found it hard to breathe for a moment as he took in the sight, a low growl rumbling in his chest. Dean ran his hands along Sam's thighs. "Have you ever done this before?"
"Yeah." Sam flushed with embarrassment at the confession, turning his face into his shoulder. Dean couldn't help the wave of jealousy and hurt at the thought that someone had taken Sam, someone that wasn't him. The look must have shown because he quickly clarified, "with Jess. I—I wanted to know what it was like, and once we did it, I didn't want to stop…I loved her, but whenever she would take me—I always thought of you."
Dean felt light headed, a light gasp of amazement escaping his lips. He just smiled, happy in knowing he'd be Sam's true first. He ran his fingers through the lube, "It's been a while for you still, so I'll be gentle."
"What if I don't want you to be gentle?" Dean just moaned. His head falling forward, eyes closing as a wave of arousal flooded through him. "Dammit Sammy. You can't say stuff like that." Sam just smiled up at Dean, a false innocence playing across his features. "mmm. And why's that?" Dean looked up, the heat in his gaze catching Sam off guard. "Because you might just get what you asked for." Dean surged forward, catching Sam's lips in a heated kiss, thoroughly claiming his mouth. While he was distracted Dean carefully began swirling his finger around his entrance, teasing a bit before easing in. Sam let out a low moan, his body immediately relaxing around the digit, allowing Dean to add a second finger sooner than he'd expected. He met little resistance as he scissored his fingers, stretching him open. He wondered to himself how often Sam had pleasured himself this way since this whole thing began, knowing he was way too relaxed to have had nothing since Jess's death. With a cocky smirk, Dean crooked his fingers a bit, brushing along Sam's prostate as he thrust his fingers into his little brother. Sam cried out, bucking his hips and trying to ride Dean's fingers. He added a third, hurriedly prepping him. Dean's cock twitched with each moan that fell from his baby brother's lips, it simply aching for attention.
"Enough. Please Dean. I'm ready." Dean didn't need telling twice. He removed his fingers, Sam whining with the loss. He took a second to cover himself with the lube, hissing at the contact of the cool substance on his heated flesh. "Move up Sammy," he commanded. Sam complied, and Dean crawled up onto the table with him, hovering just over top of his brother. He lined himself up at Sam's entrance. "You ready?" In response, Sam wrapped his legs around Dean's hips, pulling him forward and into him in a single movement. Sam threw his head back, a guttural moan falling from his lips as Dean had to still himself, breathing deep to keep from coming right then.
"Bitch." "Jerk," Sam replied, chuckling. After a moment Dean pulled almost all the way back out. Sam opened his mouth, but the words were cut off by a low moan as Dean slammed his hips back forward. He set a steady pace, each thrust drawing them both closer to oblivion. Dean leaned down capturing Sam's lips and changing angles. "Harder," Sam moaned into the kiss. Dean happily obliged, picking up the pace, Sam's legs tightening around his hips, meeting each thrust. Dean could tell Sam was close, each beginning to lose their rhythm as they neared the edge. With a final cry, Sam was coming between them, his brother's name on his lips. Dean followed right after, whispering Sam's name like a prayer. Dean collapsed next to Sam, both of them barely fitting side by side on the table, but it didn't matter. They were comfortable wrapped up in each other.
It took a few minutes for them to catch their breath. Sam looked over at Dean to find him staring back, his face showing a sad resignation, but his eyes showing nothing but love. "We should probably get dressed," offered Sam. "I'd hate to be walking around the town naked."
"I'd doubt we'd even realize we were naked. We'll be mindless drones." Dean let out a wry chuckle but rose and started to dress. He grabbed a few paper towels. Bringing them to Sam and helping him clean himself up before handing him his clothes. When they were both clothed Sam walked up to Dean, pressing his forehead against his brother's. "I'm sorry."
"Why?" Dean wondered if Sam regretted all of this, though he supposed it didn't really matter either way.
"You'll never get to have the life you wanted. We're going to die here and it's all my fault." He began to tear up again, but he let them fall.
"Hey! Don't say that. You got attacked by a psycho daemon virus infected bitch. That's not your fault. And anyway, I don't care about all that." Dean wrapped an arm around Sam's waist, the other coming up to rest at the nape of his neck. "I got to be with you before I die, and that's worth more than living a life without you."
"When did you become such a romantic?" Sam teased.
"Shut up." Dean smiled, leaning in and kissing Sam once more. Their kiss was interrupted, however, by a frantic pounding at the door. They broke apart, each looking confused before turning to see the doctor on the other side, looking excited. Dean went over and opened the door, cocking his head to the side in a silent question.
"You better come see this." The brother's looked at one another and shrugged. Why not? They followed the doctor outside, finding the kid and former marine waiting just outside the clinic. "There's no one. Not anywhere," she looked at Dean, confused. "They've all just vanished."
Five hours later and the doc had given the all clear on Sam. She didn't understand why or how, but there was no trace of the virus in Sam's blood. Dean was confused as hell, but honestly, right now he didn't give a damn what the reason was. All that mattered to him was that they're both okay. Sam was leaning against the Impala, looking shaken up after all that had happened that day. Dean walked up, standing between Sam's legs and cupping his jaw, pulling Sam out of his thoughts.
"Hey, we're all right," he whispered, caressing Sam's jaw with his thumb. He leaned in, placing a feather light kiss to Sam's lips before pulling back. "C'mon. Let's get outta here while we still can."
They both climbed into the car, his baby roaring to life with the turn of the key. Dean looked over at Sam, flashing his signature grin, the one that had made Sam fall in love with him all those years ago. He reached out, taking Sam's hand in his own, entwining their fingers. "Love you, Sammy."
Sam's heart raced as he smiled back. "I love you too Dean."
They left the town behind in a cloud of dust, and at least for a little bit, neither of them worried about the future or what tomorrow held, because right now, they had each other, and that was enough for them.
Author's notes pt 2: Okay, so the ending is a little sappy and this is my first time ever writing more detailed naughty times. That being said, I'm happy with the overall outcome of this. And positive/constructive critiques are welcome. Hope you enjoyed it!