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I

He couldn't let himself go back to the twelfth to sit by and watch Kate throw her life away, whether it was for her mother's case or the relentless determination she had to catch New York's worst - but it was her job. He knew it was her job but he couldn't just stand by anymore. He couldn't stand by and watch her day after day throw herself into danger's path as if that was going to make amends. As if that was going to make everything that happened to her mum, okay. She would never be fully okay but the thought never bothered him in the slightest. Her mother's case was a part of her. It had driven her to becoming who she was but it didn't have to dictate how she lives the rest of her life.

She could be happy. If she truly let herself, she could be happy. More than anything Rick wanted to be the one to bring that smile to her lips, to make her laugh, to watch the euphoria on her face as he brought her to the edge but if that wasn't his role in her life then that's alright. Kate's happiness was all he wanted and if that leaves him lurking in a dark corner of his study with a tumbler of whiskey then so be it.

What exactly had he done since he left? Nothing. He couldn't bring himself to write. Nikki Heat was her, it was all about her. The words that were always on the edge of his fingertips waiting to be typed were gone. Silence taking their place and emptiness taking his heart.

The thud of the front door shook him out of his reverie; the blank computer screen continuing to blink at him furiously as he made his way towards the disturbance.

'Alexis,' Rick yelled at the flyaway red hair retreating up the staircase.

She halted for a moment before swivelling on her heel, shooting her father a reproachful glare, 'yes dad?'

'I just wanted to see how school was?'

'Oh, it was good. I'm just going to go make a head start on the work that was set.'

'Okay. Take it easy now pumpkin.'

'Yeah, dad,' Alexis said as she continued making her way up the staircase.

Rick heaved a sigh and padded his way towards the kitchen, reaching for the cupboard holding the bottle of whiskey. Pulling a tumbler from out of the dishwasher and pouring himself a generous amount he returned to the confines of his study. Door shut. The world locked out.

He rubbed his eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. Ever since his abrupt departure from the precinct, Alexis had been distant, quiet. He caught the worried glances dancing between mother and daughter but chose to ignore them. If he wanted to lock himself away in his office then so be it. Selfish? Yes. Preservation of self? Yes.

Alexis was never the same after that night Kate had knocked on his door. Kate had taken to banging on his front door three or four times a day, trying to coax him out. He never responded. He didn't want to respond.

Alexis had argued with him repeatedly those first few nights Kate had dropped by - his mother too. Each of them wanting to know what was wrong but never getting the answers they wanted.

It wasn't until the third day of yells and bangs from Kate Beckett that Alexis decided to take matters into her own hands and open the front door. She had opened the door and slammed it shut behind her before Rick could stumble tipsily out of his study. He'd watched her traipse back in after fifteen long torturous minutes of relentless pacing to only watch her run to her room and leave again moments later. He had no idea where they went or what was said. No matter how hard he tried, Alexis never budged and his mother refused to interfere. Kate never returned after that night and his daughter only spoke to him when he sought her out.

Despair leaked through his heart. How could everything turn so wrong so quickly? Life was never supposed to turn out this way.

Lonely minutes soon turned into despairing hours, every minute moulding together into nothingness. Rick vaguely remembered stumbling out of his study and collapsing on the sofa after collecting yet another glass of whiskey; the bitter swish of the beverage burning the back of his throat on its way down. He wasn't sure how long he had sat there, collapsed in a haphazard position staring at nothing in particular. His daughter had never come down and his mother was out doing what Martha does best. He hazily wondered if he should check on at least one of them but thought better of it. Wallowing in self-pity was always better without a party of spectators.

For the second time that day the jostle of the front door pulled him out of his trance. He raised his head expecting to see his mother but not this. His breath caught in his lungs as he took in the sight before him. Kate Beckett stood in his doorway, key in hand, red rings lining her eyes and every inch of her body covered in blood.

Time ceased to exist as both parties stared at each other startled at what they saw, what they never expected. Rick was off the chair and stumbling towards his partner before his brain had fully caught up with what he was doing. He came up short in front of her, his heart racing and eyes wide as he tried to absorb her fragile profile. His eyes raked over the muse of her hair, the lines that marked her face and the heavy slump of her shoulders. This was a shadow of the woman he had spent the last four years shadowing, the last four years falling in love with.

The urge to hold her tight and wash away her troubles overwhelmed him but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring his arms up to reach out to her. Instead they hung heavy and limp at his side. Castle could do nothing but stare as a barrage of emotion skidded over Kate's face as they stood in their motionless dance. She shifted slightly on her feet, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

'I – I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry,' said Kate making a turn to leave.

'No,' said Rick, his voice barely more than a whisper catching her wrist with his hand. 'No. You came here Kate and look at you... you're staying here.'

They simply stood there for a moment completely wrapped up in their own tangible thoughts. Rick had meant what he'd said – Kate could stay here. Whatever had or hadn't happened between them, he needed her to understand that she was always welcome. He watched her intently, electricity dancing between their eyes, a gentle tingle of heat spreading through his veins as their hands joined.

The sound of feet pounding down the staircase broke the intensity of the moment – Kate suddenly eyeing the ground with a newfound interest as Rick glanced up towards his daughter's emerging form – suddenly feeling self-conscious.

'Hey dad, did Grams just come in-' said Alexis faltering as she finally noticed the presence of the Detective. 'Oh my god Detective Beckett, are you alright? Are you hurt? Is that blood... yours?'

Her apparent concern seemed to knock some life back into his bones. Kate Beckett had shown up at his door covered in blood and what had he done? He'd simply stood at his door like a lifeless lemon whilst she stood there, covered in blood. Castle chastised himself for getting himself stupidly drunk with the haze of the alcohol still hanging over him. He should be fussing over her to the point of her wanting to shoot him and yet he just stood there.

Kate's voice cut through the silence, 'It-It's not mine, no,' shaking her head profusely as if she was trying to prove some kind of point, tears steadily rolling down her cheek.

'Hey... hey,' said Castle gently wiping the tears from her cheek before turning to his daughter who stood watching them intently. 'Alexis, can you go get Kate some spare clothes whilst I take her to the bathroom in my room.'

'Are you sure you don't want me to call someone?'

'Alexis, please.'

'Okay,' said Alexis, stalking back in the direction she came.

'You don't have to do this you know,' Kate said softly looking anywhere but at him. 'I could just go home, you're obviously busy,' gesturing behind him to the neglected bottle of whiskey and tumbler on the coffee table. 'I don't know why I came. I should really just go. It's just been a really rough day and I-I-'

The rest of Kate's words were stolen from her lips as Castle took a confident step towards her, both hands coming up to cup the sides of her face – kissing her softly. He timidly brushed his tongue against her lower lip seeking entrance, surprise spiking through him as she opened up to him, deepening the kiss. Their tongues battled in sweet temperament, the kiss searing and all too dangerous. Kate pulled away breathless, a slight sob escaping her as she rested her forehead against his, her hands clutching desperately onto the collar of his shirt as if she thought that if she let go it would all magically disappear. Rick so desperately wanted to erase this needy pain she felt, wanting to caress every inch of her body and replace that pain with pleasure but not right now, not like this when it felt like he was taking advantage.

Rick broke the silence that settled once more over the room – a silence not completely awkward but the air of it lingering between them – with the slam of the front door, his voice hoarse and husky breaking through the remnants of the tremor, 'I'm not going to take no for an answer here, Kate. You're going to stay here with me, Alexis and my crazy mother wherever she is right now. We're going to help get you cleaned up, give you some spare clothes, go back to your place to fetch a bag if need be and get this sorted out.' His thumb brushing along her cheek, wiping away each treacherous tear as they fell.

'You're going to tell me everything that happened because as your partner I feel like I need to know that but more importantly as your friend I want to help. Let me help you, Kate. Let me stop those tears from falling. Please,' said Rick his voice breaking with the tension of his words, with the pain he felt for her.

He should have been there. Whatever had happened, he should have been there.

Castle tugged her in the direction of his en-suite refusing to wait for her to reply to his shameless pleading. He'd bulldoze all of her objections if he had to. He left her sitting on the side of his bathtub before traipsing back into the depth of his bedroom, bumping into Alexis as he approached the door.

'Oh hey dad. Is Detective Beckett alright?' said Alexis handing him a bundle of clothes.

'Yeah, Pumpkin, she's just in shock at the moment.'

'I got her some sweats, an old t-shirt and a change of underwear if she needs it.'

'What would I do without you?' questioned Rick, wrapping his arms around his daughter for a moment before letting her go.

'Drive yourself into a hole, become depressed, wish you had a daughter as awesome as me... I could go on.'

'Ha-ha very funny, Alexis. Are you going to be alright upstairs?'

'Yeah dad, I am old enough to look after myself you know but more importantly, with Detective Beckett here does this mean you're going to stop drinking yourself into oblivion? I can see you sobering up already.'

Rick squeezed his daughter tightly to his chest once more, pressing a kiss into her fiery mane of hair, 'Yes it does and I am so sorry you had to see that.'

'Just make sure it doesn't happen again, okay,' said Alexis extracting herself from her father's grasp and exiting the room.

He nodded after her as if she could see him before heading back to Kate. He found her seated in the same position he had left her in – gazing at nothing in particular, tears still streaming steadily down her cheeks as her hands fidgeted endlessly in her lap.

Rick knelt down – knees creaking – placing his hands lightly on her thighs to steady himself; her eyes slowing moving to meet his.

'Tell me what happened, Kate.'

Kate opened and closed her mouth a number of times before the words finally came flooding through, 'we got the location of our killer, Jim McLeod, up in lower Manhattan. He lived in some squatty little building. We thought it'd be quick and easy, go in with surprise and take him down but he was waiting for something.'

Her tears were falling thick and heavy now. Castle took hold of her hand, giving it a light squeeze hoping to inject some comfort through his touch, urging her to go on.

'I went in first, you know, protocol. Javi and Kevin coming in behind,' said Kate, her voice lowering to a whisper. 'As soon as we were in McLeod had his gun on us. I f-faltered Castle. I faltered. All I could think about was when I got shot and I tried, Castle. I tried so hard. I wasn't even aware of what was happening and Kevin, Kevin shoved me out of the way but he- but he got hit.'

A veil of grief and regret spiralled down, curving Kate in on herself, locking her down. Kate's arms tucked themselves around her upper body trying to form some semblance of protection yet unable to ease the shaking. Castle leant forward, pulling her down from her perch on the bath and into the v of his legs, clutching her to his chest. She battled with him, body striking body, each vying for control – Rick wanting to ease her pain and be her protector and Kate wanting to find that independence to get through it on her own.

Castle needed her to know that she could do this as he whispered desperately into her ear, running his fingers through her tangle of hair trying to still her defence. If she could pull through from the brink of death then Kate could pull through anything.

He felt the tension leave her body as each moment passed granting her the opportunity to compose herself, to put that wall back in place.

'Javi killed McLeod with one round to the head but he hadn't done it in time to save Kevin from getting shot and there was so much blood. So much blood. The bullet had somehow managed to miss Kevin's vest and I-I thought we were gonna lose him right there and then.'

'Is he alright?' said Rick, his voice wavering slightly, a million thoughts tumbling through his mind at once – his writer's imagination striking the better of him.

'We got him to the hospital in time,' said Kate. 'He's on life support.'

'He's gonna make it, Kate. He's a fighter.'

'I hope so, Rick. I really do.'

'There's not much you can do right now Kate, except wait,' said Rick bringing her to face him. 'We can get you dressed and head straight to the hospital or we can get some rest and go in the morning. Judging by you practically sleep walking I suggest we go tomorrow.'

She nodded allowing him to bring her to her feet, 'You can shower in here, Alexis brought you some clothes to wear and you can sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch.'

Kate pressed a quick kiss to Rick's lips – chaste but sweet – before stepping away from his lingering embrace, 'thank you, Rick.'

He was vaguely aware of what he was doing after that, simply going through the motions of preparing himself for the night trying to leave Kate to her own privacy. He didn't know what this meant. The kiss. Everything. Twice. Castle didn't want to get his hopes up with the belief that they could finally be together – not with everything that was going on. She was upset, in shock and practically dead on her feet. She didn't know what she was doing.

The opening of the bathroom door startled Rick out of his restless pacing of the room's interior leaving him at a loss for words for the first time in his life. This woman – this majestic creature – couldn't be the same woman he watched endlessly stalk the floor of bullpen in those ridiculously tall heels. She was a few inches shorter than him without them, the fabric of the clothing he'd given her hung loosely on her thin frame. Her face looked fresh without all the usual make-up, her hair hanging in wavy tendrils around her face. Kate looked different – refreshed – but that natural beauty still hung around her like an aroma.

'Hey,' said Kate offering him a smile.

'Hey,' said Rick softly, gesturing towards the bed. 'I got the bed ready for you. I'll be sleeping on the couch if you need me. I just wanted to say night.'

'Hey Rick, wait,' Kate exclaimed grabbing Rick's arm before he had the chance to leave the room. 'I don't want to kick you out of your own room. I'll take the couch.'

'No way besides you look like you could do with the sleep.'

'Gee thanks, Castle.'

'No, I mean... I-'

'It's fine, Castle,' said Beckett rolling her eyes. 'We can share the bed but no funny business.'

All Richard Castle could do was nod, completely stunned. He couldn't deny this woman anything.

A/N: This has been sitting on my laptop for a while since I haven't had internet for a while. Sooo sorry for anyone who has been reading my other fic and it's just been left abandoned. I will update it. Soon.

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