Disclaimer - I do not own NCIS
A/N - This was inspired by someone very close to me who won't make that first move with someone for fear of loosing their friendship and creating difficulties in the workplace. My only hope is that they don't end up full of regrets.
I never used to wonder what might have been. In the Corp we are taught to adapt. Our instincts are moulded so that we see a situation, assess, engage and move on. There is no time to wonder. There is no time to dream. There is only action.
Perhaps I am getting old. But since I first laid eyes on you, I knew that dreams of you would trickle into and invade my mind and my thoughts in ways I never thought could happen to me again.
I tried to adapt. I tried to resist. I tried to lead. But this old marine came across a foreboding enemy which was to strong to defeat. My heart.
If you only knew.
But you never did.
I never told you.
We never spoke about how I wanted to be with you.
I never said the words I wanted to say and kept locked inside, underneath the stares and the scowls.
Oh God, I dreamed that I could have you to myself. I wanted to be able to make love to you. It hurt sometimes to watch you and not be able to hold you and touch you and care for you and know you and protect you.
But the truth is, I would have settled for simplicity.
I did settle for simplicity.
I settled for the moments when you would smile at me.
I have those memories.
I settled for the times when you argued with me, yet never won.
I have those memories.
The truth is, I wanted to love you.
There is a truth that gnaws my inside everyday.
The truth that all I ever wanted was to walk with you in the park, side by side, holding your hand, you holding mine, knowing you were mine and that I was yours.
And that the rest of the world folded their arms around us in quiet acceptance.
The truth is, I miss you Kate.
THE END