This is an idea that came to me in my dreams. Literally. I actually flew out of bed to write this, even though I only slept for five hours last night.
Needless to say, it turned out rather well, for something completely random in every way possible. Oh, and the title came to me because I was staring at a picture of 'Hello Kitty' and thought that I wanted to do something with it.
This story has been revised - January 2nd, 2009.
Disclaimer: Kouzumi93 does not own Bleach, Naruto, Digimon, Barney, Elmo, The Cookie Monster, Scooby Doo, South Park, Avatar, The Panther God, Ed, Edd and Eddy, Kingdom Hearts, The Power Puff Girls, Barbies, The Men In Black, Happy Bunny, Teen Titans, Pokémon, Death Note, Twister, Foamy, the Sims, Lego's, Dragon Ball Z or Telletubbies. Or anything else that she has failed to mention which is copyrighted by someone else.
Note: This is not really part of any storyline. If it was, then we might just have a bit of a problem on our hands.
Goodbye, Kitty!
By Kouzumi93
The Soul Society had become boring. Well, it almost always was, but today just seemed even more so, since it was the beginning of summer and today was much too hot for most everyone's liking. Most meaning everyone except for Yama-jii, since his zanpakuto was a fire type.
Plus, he was old, and so he had been exposed to the hot summers more than anyone else.
So when six captains and three fukutaichos decided to take a secret, unauthorized trip to the World of the Living for some much needed fun, no one really questioned it.
Namely because Ichimaru threatened everyone who saw them that if they told anyone that they had seen them leaving for the human's world, he'd beat them, when he got back, with a wooden stick that he stole from the shinigami academy.
Then the nine high-ranking shinigami quickly snuck off through a Senkaimon, hoping that they weren't missed too much during their absence. Ichimaru was at the back of the group, walking backwards to keep anyone from telling, spying, or trying to sneak with on their field trip.
When they arrived at the Urahara Shouten, they decided immediately that the exiled shinigami was going to be their tour guide, taking them everywhere that he could. Or that they wanted.
Of course, when the poor shop keeper was suddenly provided with so many people that were the same rank as he had been, he could only help but to oblige to their request.
Well, actually, he had to obey, since Ichimaru threatened to beat him to a bloody pulp if he didn't help.
After all, what harm was there in taking the shinigami on a short trip around the city?
So the nine shinigami quickly got into gigais, since they wanted to be seen by the humans who were reiatsu-deprived, and followed Urahara out.
The first place they found themselves encountering was the town's strip mall.
That was the worst place that Urahara could've taken them first, since the shinigami seemed to take everything literally.
And Renji was always the first, since he was the only one stupid enough not to question the fact that, if it in deed was a 'strip' mall, why was no one else stripping?
After about ten minutes of embarrassment, Urahara led them away from that place. If they stayed too much longer, Renji might get the chance to take EVERYTHING off.
No one was ready to see that now. Not now, not ever.
So what do you think their next stop was going to be?
A high school, no doubt.
At first, no one in the Seireitei seemed to notice the missing captains of third, fifth, sixth, ninth, tenth and eleventh divisions. The fukutaichos, though, were a different story all together.
Yachiru was normally out terrorizing the other divisions all throughout the Seireitei, but usually the second, since she thought it was so much fun and Soifon usually gave her candy to make her go away, Matsumoto was always hiding from her captain and drinking sake at the bar with Kira and Renji, the latter of the two who was also missing.
As suspicions rose about the three, Soifon, who was usually the one who Yachiru bothered day in and day out, went to eleventh division out of curiosity.
There, she found out that neither their captain or fukutaicho had been seen at all that day.
On her way back, she found tenth division in the same dilemma, and the ninth was worrying that their captain had fallen down one of those big holes that were everywhere in the Seireitei.
Or Gin had played some sort of horrible prank on his again. Both were rather logical.
So Soifon continued to run around, checking every division, finding that there were nine missing in all.
All of a sudden, Soifon received word that Yoruichi had sent her a message to meet her in the Urahara Shouten immediately.
Soifon went obediently, like a dog on a leash, and found that Urahara had also gone missing that morning.
The both of them knew.
Urahara had taken nine rogue shinigami on a field trip. And it was unauthorized.
Their search led them to the mall, where someone told them about 'the red-headed pineapple who actually began to strip at the entrance.' That was a clue.
They had been through here.
And they were causing a heck of a lot of trouble in their wake.
There were kids littering the front steps of the school. Really, they were everywhere, so it was almost too easy for the shinigami to blend in with them.
It would've been much easier if they didn't have a six-foot-seven giant, and a white haired kid and a pink haired kid who were both under five foot. Not to mention the blind guy. And the grinning bastard. And the girl with the giant boobs.
Okay, so it wasn't really all that easy to blend in, but they were sure that if they didn't travel in a group, it would be much less obvious.
"Hey! You! Stop right there!"
The nine shinigami, not to mention everyone else in the area, turned to see two women standing there with not-so-happy looks on their faces.
"Shit! We've been caught! Everybody, split up and run!" Ichimaru screamed as he ran into the building as fast as he could. Everyone else exchanged glances, then followed suit.
There was no way in hell that the current and previous captains of the second division were going to ruin their perfect fun day.
So into the school they ran, as fast as they could. Yachiru let go of Kenpachi and took off in one direction, and everyone else pretty much ran off in at least a group of two, only to split up later on.
Soifon and Yoruichi chased after everyone, hoping that maybe they ran in the same direction and would be rather easy to catch.
But of course, it was never that easy.
The two chasers then designated a dropping point, in which they would leave the ones they captured so they could go off and catch the others.
Soifon decided that it would be best to catch the ones who would provide the least amount of trouble first, then work their way up.
So she took off after Yachiru, knowing full well that the child would give in to a bribe of candy. How else do you think that she was still always able to get her work done, even with a hyperactive child on the loose?
Yoruichi ran after Hitsugaya, who had apparently taken a liking to the library, where he was sitting with a book large enough to hide his face propped up in front of him. Yoruichi changed into her cat form and walked over to the supposedly unsuspecting child.
She should've known better, based on the book he had in front of him. It was a book on how to make and set traps for people. Damn snowball was a genius.
The next thing she knew, she was dangling from the ceiling in a net. She looked down and saw the grin on Hitsugaya's face, and as he put the book away, Byakuya popped out from around the corner. Then the two took off quickly.
But of course, Hitsugaya had to add insult to injury, by poking his head back in and saying, "Goodbye, Kitty!"
Just as Soifon was about to grab Yachiru, after having given her lots and lots of candy, of course, she heard Yoruichi's cry for help. She then grabbed Yachiru, threw her into the room that they were going to keep everyone, and took off to help her mentor.
Kenpachi stepped out from around the corner and then opened the door that Soifon had just shut, letting the spawn of Satan, who was now on an extreme sugar high, out of her newly found prison.
Soifon found her mentor hanging from the ceiling and thought, We're going to need much more help in this.
After finally getting the black feline down from the thick rope that the supposedly stoic captains of the tenth and sixth division managed to get up amazingly fast through unknown means, Soifon created a hell butterfly, telling it to send immediate backup. The retrieval mission that she was on was much tougher than she thought it was going to be, so they needed all the help possible.
All the while, Yoruichi had run out of and away from the room as a pack of girls raced past the room, screaming about something. Yoruichi had heard the word 'guy' in their screams. That did not bode well. She knew it had to be Urahara.
Ichimaru loved this world, especially the school at which they were currently. The kids couldn't see shinigami, or even ghosts for that matter, so all he had to do was pop his special made gikongan into his mouth and then lurk about in spirit form and none of them could see him.
It was perfect.
Which is why when he found the indoor swimming pool that was near the cafeteria and gymnasium, he thought of all the fun he could have here that he couldn't have in the Soul Society.
He sauntered proudly into the locker rooms and walked down the corridor that led to the one for the females.
Oh, the things you could do as a shinigami...
But, of course, his spirit's whereabouts might bring up one obviously interesting question. Where the hell was his gigai??
Let's just say that after this particular day in history, this school would, without a doubt, hold the world record of bald people. And not because there were a bunch of old teachers, because there actually was only a few of them around the school.
It was because Ichimaru's special made gikongan had been infused with extreme hair-cutting knowledge. Literally. And it had a hair cutting razor with that Ichimaru had stolen from the Urahara Shouten before they had left for the day.
This would not end well.
Yoruichi finally found the source of why the girls were screaming their heads off.
It was, in fact, not Urahara, as she had thought. It actually came in the form of a shocked blind captain from the ninth division, who had no real idea of where he was.
That wasn't really what she had been expecting.
According to Tousen, he had merely been trying to find the bathroom when he heard all those girls screaming their heads off at him.
He had found the bathroom alright. It just happened to be the wrong one.
Unless he was secretly a girl...
Yoruichi sighed and dragged the poor man to the room that was their newly designated holding cell, which she found empty. She thought Soifon would've caught at least one of them so far, like Yachiru who was probably the easiest to catch, but she obviously hadn't.
But then again, they were all being sneaky bastards and kept setting traps and other obstacles, such as hiding their reiatsu, up to keep them off of their tail. Not catching any of them at the moment was almost to be expected.
Help was going to be very much appreciated when it arrived.
Or at least, that's what she thought.
Aizen was amazed at how easy manipulation of humans really was. All he had to do was fake a few things that he told them, and they were already worshipping him. So when Soifon came to get him, he sent them first, then snuck off while the battle occurred.
Then he heard the screaming coming from somewhere nearby.
He slipped off to see what the noise was, and was horrified, yet strangely amused, to see Tousen hanging from the top of the flagpole by his underwear. There was a group of bully looking kids standing below laughing their guts out.
Aizen figured that they were the ones that had put Tousen up there. They had to be dealt with quickly and painfully.
There was no other way....
Aizen reached into his pocket and pulled out a red and white ball and threw it into the air, shouting, "Go, Grimmjow!"
The ball burst into smoke and when it cleared, a light blue haired cat stood there, then launched itself at the kids, killing the first one instantly with practiced attacks.
The second one looked at it, screamed, "Oh no, it's the Panther God!" and then was killed by the so-called Panther God.
All the while, Aizen was shimmying up the much-too-tall flag-pole to get Tousen's suspended body down.
Just as he got to the top, he heard a voice yell out to him from the ground below.
"Aizen, get down here right now!"
He looked and spotted Soifon standing with her arms crossed across her chest. Aizen cursed his luck and turned back to Tousen, who was almost in tears from the pain he was in.
"Sorry, Kaname, but I must go." He rotated on the pole so that he was now facing the roof of the school, then jumped towards it. "I'll come back for you later, I promise!!"
Tousen screamed in agony as a protest, but by then, Aizen was already gone.
Tousen yelled again, knowing that Aizen was lying. He'd never be back.
In fact, he figured, no one would be back to get him.
Matsumoto was bored. This school didn't have any place that she could drink, they didn't even have any sake, so she was simply napping, or rather, trying to nap, in the auditorium, which was the only place that she could get to that had comfy seats.
Tons and tons of comfy seats. Whole rows of them, too. There were so many of them, Matsumoto had a difficult time picking which one she wanted to sleep on.
So she decided to use Haineko to mutilate all of the seats and combine their stuffing to make one gigantic bed for her to sleep on. That way, she wouldn't have to pick and choose between them. Plus, there would be no worrying about falling out of the chair or having to sleep sitting up.
Now she was sleeping on the stage with her big new 'bed,' unaware of all that was going on around her. Well, she was oblivious until she heard someone go on the loudspeaker that sounded a hell of a lot like Kenpachi.
Probably because it was him.
Oh gods. This was not going to fare well, since he was demanding that everyone who was strong come to the main office and fight him like a man.
And then there was the voice of some other person in the background, and then Yoruichi yelling at Kenpachi to drop the microphone and get out of the office. There was a high-pitched scream, probably by Yoruichi, followed by some eerily familiar laughing voices, then the microphone screeched off.
Suddenly, something burst through one of the walls in the auditorium and raced across to the other side.
It was Kenpachi. Of course, who else could it be, after that announcement just now?
With two people on his back. One with white hair, the other with black hair and something white in his hair.
Oh no. They were grinning madly. All three of them. This was bad, and Matsumoto almost had to stop looking, or else that look on Byakuya's face was going to haunt her for the rest of her life and give her all sorts of nightmares.
"Go faster! Come on Kenpachi, she's going to catch us at the rate you're going!" Hitsugaya yelled, pointing forward and then looking back at where they had come from.
Yoruichi was running after them, covered in honey and feathers.
Only because Byakuya and Hitsugaya didn't have tar.
"Let's split up. Even Shihouin Yoruichi couldn't catch all three of us at the same time." Byakuya announced as he jumped off of Kenpachi's back and flew through the ceiling.
Hitsugaya then took off in the opposite direction of the stage, knocking a kid who was in the doorway over in the process.
Yoruichi stood still for a moment, not really sure what to do, then decided to pursue Kenpachi.
On her way out, though, she called back, "Don't worry, Matsumoto, I'll be back for you."
Upon hearing that, Matsumoto ditched her gigai and took off to find somewhere else to nap.
The auditorium couldn't be the only cushioned chairs in the whole school. Matsumoto was determined to find another.
That, and she wanted to get the image of a grinning Kuchiki Byakuya out of her mind.
Soifon regretted calling in for backup. Not just because she felt weak, but because of what she got in place of her actual division members, not including Oomaeda.
Yes, unfortunately he had come.
With about twenty identical purple dinosaurs, a bunny who kept changing colors and had sayings that also changed below him, three little girls, one in blue, one in green and the other in pink, a red...thing...that looked like a puppet or something, and a blue one who was bothering Oomaeda about his cookies.
Plus there was Mystery Incorporated. As Soifon looked over them, Fred placed his hand on Daphne's butt, which apparently angered her, and she pulled an AK-47 out of nowhere and shot Fred in the head. The others acted as if they had not seen a thing.
Oh yeah, and you couldn't forget about the four other strange things that came in four different colors: purple, green, yellow and red. They all had what appeared to be a television screen on their stomach, and had some antenna-like things on their heads.
Their intelligence seemed to be extremely low, as they kept trying to make the TVs turn on, and the red one soon decided that it was pointless and stabbed the TVs on the purple one, the green one, and then the yellow one. Then, after seeing the blood that poured out, shouted, "Looks like fun!" and then stabbed itself.
Yes. This was the worst thing that Soifon ever could've gotten for backup. Where had all of these stupid things even come from? Was this just all part of a joke?
Even one thousand Oomaedas weren't as bad as this. Well...maybe...
Oh well. Maybe the remaining ones could stand guard outside the prison room and keep the annoying bastards in the room so they wouldn't keep getting out and causing more havoc.
But just as she thought it couldn't get any worse, Renji made the situation so much more complicated.
By using computers and some device that he had found lying on a desktop.
Renji didn't mean for all of those creatures to come pouring out of his computer screen. It just kinda happened when he held it up to the screen, and that's when they came.
There was a bunch of them. The first one called itself Tentomon, and the others were all different than that. There was Gomamon, Gabumon, Lucemon, Dogmon, Calumon, Togemon, Andromon, Cyberdramon, Guilmon, Agumon, Bokomon and Neemon.
But they weren't the strangest part of the whole thing. Four more 'creatures' came out after them, and Renji couldn't help but to burst out laughing as soon as he set eyes on them.
Tetsuzaemon, Komamuramon, Ikkakumon and then there was Chojiro dressed in a green costume, and he called himself Mercurymon.
"This isn't funny, Abarai. These things barged right into the Seireitei from Mayuri's computer screen and kidnapped us. Then they tried to convince us that we were one of them." Iba argued furiously.
"What are they?"
"...We don't really know..."
"How'd you guys get into and out of the computer?"
"No idea."
"Interesting. So they try to convince you that you are one of them, and you don't know what they are. Then you don't even know how you got in and out of the computer. You guys are completely useless. Thanks for nothing."
Renji then noticed that one of the 'Digimon' was staring at him intently. It was the one called Guilmon.
"Are you a Digimon too?" It asked.
"No."
"You look like one. I never saw a human with red hair that looks like a pineapple before. Can I call you Aka-pinemon?"
"I'm not a red pineapple!"
"You look like one. Do you have bread?"
"No."
"Then you're a bastard. I hate you. Go to hell." Guilmon then grabbed one of the computer screen monitors and threw it at Renji's head. "Git."
Guilmon then took off through the school, looking for bread and other edible items that he could get his hands...err...claws on. Of course, he soon learned not to run directly in front of moving objects, like a green boy riding around on a moped in the halls.
Said green boy ran Guilmon over with said moped, and then, to hide from everyone, he turned into a green cat and ran off. He just didn't know that Guilmon was not dead.
Yagami Light could tell that there was something weird going on during this particular school day. L had come and was so preoccupied in asking everyone's names that he got bored and began to write random names in the Death Note, which he conveniently had on him.
Suddenly, a boy with blond hair that covered his left eye walked into the room, looking curious as to what they were doing.
Of course, L had to hound him immediately. "Who are you? What's your name? Why are you here? Is this your classroom, or are you here to kill me?"
The poor kid looked so confused, and merely answered the second question about his name. "I'm Kira Izuru."
L's eyes went wide. "You're Kira?? You look like such a wimp!"
"What are you talking about??"
"Kira. You know, the guy who's been killing people all over the world lately. You are him."
"No I'm not. I never even heard of something like that."
"Of course you'd say something like that. You're just trying to throw me off your tail."
"I don't even have a tail. I'm not an animal."
"But your killing spree is animal-like. So therefore, you are an animal. Don't keep denying it, you'll just make things much worse for yourself in the end."
"Dammit, you dumbass, I am no animal! I am a human being who has feelings just like you do. I think."
With that, Kira ran from the room and into the next room over, hanging a sign on the door that said, Emos Only.
He soon got company as the twenty Barneys and one Elmo entered the room. They tried to convince Kira to kill himself with them, and soon Kira abandoned the room, screaming that the voices in his head had just been woken up from their supposed permanent slumber that was induced by many, many hours of severe shock therapy.
The body count at this high school would also be pretty high up there on the records. Namely because of the Emos Only room. Which now had twenty one bodies hanging from the ceiling.
And the day wasn't even half over yet.
Now Yachiru was bored. No one had come to play with her in a while, and she was soon going to die of loneliness.
Then she spotted something on the ground not ten feet in front of her. She raced to get it before it magically vanished into thin air.
When she saw what the thing was, she got the biggest grin ever seen on her face as she picked it up.
It was a Barbie Doll. And it looked just like Soifon. In fact, it was the spitting image of her.
The likeness was so amazing, Yachiru knew that she couldn't pass up this opportunity that she had been given...
She wrapped her tiny fingers around the doll's head and yanked it off as hard as she could. A red liquid that was very similar to blood poured out from the head, causing Yachiru to squeal in delight.
After all the limbs were off and her own hands were coated in the strange red liquid, Yachiru started to walk off, having not want to be caught at the scene of the crime, should Soifon come by and find this.
She just didn't know that her actions were being predicted by two shinigami on a pranking spree.
As Yachiru rounded a corner, she found herself presented with a bloody mess. No, it was really a bloody mess.
And there was a mutilated body in the midst of the blood.
It also looked exactly like Soifon. But it was much more lifelike than the doll that she had just slaughtered.
But when Yachiru poked the head and saw the whites of her eyes staring up at her, Yachiru couldn't help but scream bloody murder.
She ran in circles around the body, knowing full-well that it had been her murder of the Barbie doll that had killed the poor captain.
The two 'innocent' captains who had set the whole thing up stepped out from their hiding space and approached the 'murder' scene, pretending to be absolutely horrified.
They were still rather amazed that one could do so much damage with only a gigai and three gallons of fake blood.
"Oh my gods, you killed Soifon! You bastard!" Byakuya shouted with the most shocked and angry face that he could muster without bursting out laughing at how easily the pink haired demon child had fallen for their trick.
"D-Don't tell Yamamoto-soutaicho that it was me! He'll throw me an' Ken-chan out of the Gotei 13 so fast, and then we'll have to kill the innocent commoners just to be able to eat." The girl burst into tears, and Byakuya thought of another plan.
"Alright, well you stay here and clean this up and we'll go look for a place to hide the body."
"Really?"
"Of course. Then when no one can find her, we'll just say that a Hollow ate her or something."
Yachiru brightened. "Yeah! And then we can say that Ken-chan killed the Hollow dead, but it was too late for her."
Hitsugaya raised his eyebrows at how she had quickly filled in the little gap on her own. "Yeah, sure, that'll work."
"We'll be back once we have somewhere to go with the pieces."
With that, the two took off towards Soifon, their plans getting more and more violent by the second.
Unfortunately, they never exactly thought of what could happen to them for making Yachiru cry. But we're not there yet, so let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Soifon was getting irritated, since none of the new recruits seemed to be good for anything, especially getting Tousen down from the pole where he still hung.
Suddenly, two figures clad in black clothes and neon orange ski masks dashed up to her and grabbed her by the arms. They dragged her away with them as fast as they could, and made sure to hide enough of themselves to make sure that she wouldn't figure out who they were.
She soon was dumped off at a random corridor, where there was a small area covered in something red. The two people took off running as fast as they possibly could, hoping that Soifon wouldn't turn around and come after them.
Soifon went forward to investigate the small bloody area, and found the remains of what appeared to be a Barbie doll impersonating her.
She was confused until she heard what sounded like a child humming to itself.
She followed the sound and found Yachiru holding a mop in her hands and cleaning the floor. The mop was red, and the water that Soifon saw in the bucket was also red.
Hmm...This could only mean that Yachiru had gotten mad at someone and they finally learned what they meant by 'size doesn't count.'
Then Soifon saw the limbs of the person's body piled up a couple of feet away from where Yachiru stood.
As Yachiru seemed to sense that someone was watching her, she turned around and screamed bloody murder again.
SOIFON'S GHOST HAD COME BACK TO HAUNT HER!!!
She ran away quickly and Soifon went to investigate the body parts she saw.
A moment later, Yachiru had Soifon hot on her heels, as she wanted revenge on the little brat for doing what she did.
She finally caught Yachiru by the collar and pinned her up against the lockers. Out of pure shock and too much sugar, Yachiru passed out, Soifon completely being held responsible at the moment.
Frantically, she planted the kid into the holding room and takes off, hoping no one would notice the girl's absence.
Urahara was glad that he had actually gotten Hitsugaya and Byakuya to do his bidding. All they had to do was create a diversion so he could sneak effectively into the principal's office and make one quick, short announcement.
He coughed to make it sound more dramatic. "Attention all students and our wonderful, uninvited guests, we will be holding a talent show directly after lunch. So go to lunch now and prepare your acts. That is all."
He then ran from the office and ducked into the auditorium through the hole that had been created by Kenpachi much earlier in the day.
This day was just getting better and better.
~Lunch~
Lunch was easily the funniest point of the whole day. The whole cafeteria was littered with Digimon droppings, not to mention that they had had a little fight there not long ago, so some of the tables were still burning, while many others had been burned to a crisp.
Aizen was using a strange white spoon that he pulled out of his pocket, and it kept talking about how much it wanted to kill him right now, to eat a bowl of 'Evil O's,' while everyone else was eating the provided lunch: Tuesday Surprise.
Because that's exactly what it was; a different surprise for each and every person who was brave enough to actually eat it.
Kenpachi, though, seemed to love them all so much he kept eating everyone's food, whether they wanted him to or not.
He did question, though, about the whereabouts of Yachiru, of which no one knew.
Just like they had no idea where Renji or Matsumoto were either, but neither of them really mattered at the moment, since, as far as they knew, they hadn't really done anything bad that day.
Shows what they knew about the two drunks.
Matsumoto had mutilated the entire auditorium, and Renji was responsible for the Digimon problem going on.
Yeah, sure, the two were COMPLETELY innocent. Right. Sure. You go with that and see where it gets you.
And of course, Tousen had still been abandoned atop the flagpole, since he was likely to get in much less trouble that way. The pain would fade away after a while anyway, so he couldn't really complain too much.
But back to the lunchroom.
As Kenpachi was diving towards Hitsugaya' lunch tray, the boy genius yanked the tray away, leaving Kenpachi to crash into the table instead of getting what he wanted.
He turned his glare onto the kid, whose jaw dropped as a full watermelon flew at Kenpachi's head.
Uh oh...
Kenpachi turned and saw Ichimaru with a wider grin that usual staring his way.
And that is what started the biggest food fight the world has ever known. Food was being thrown from every single angle and direction thinkable.
Oomaeda was really there only to help capture the shinigami, but there was no way in hell he was going to miss this battle...fight...thing...
So in he sauntered, bag of sugar cookies in hand, looking for some messy foods to throw.
He unfortunately didn't notice the yellow eyes of a Digimon watching him intently from inside a box across the room.
Guilmon had to have those cookies. They were just like bread, and the only thing that he could spot at the moment.
So he launched himself, still inside the box that he had found, in that direction, knowing that he would have those cookies if it was the second to last thing he ever did in his whole life.
The last thing would be to eat the cookies.
But that could all be sorted out at a much later date.
Guilmon tackled Oomaeda to the ground, grabbing the bag with his mouth so it didn't fall as well and spill the cookies all over the place.
Oomaeda hadn't really thought much of it when a box started to move across the room, but when he got tackled by it, he was quite surprised.
And then the stupid thing took his cookies that he had been snacking on.
He got up and began to pursue the box, getting hit with numerous food items in the process.
The box led him out of the cafeteria and into the gymnasium, which was empty of students, since they were all in the cafeteria having the time of their lives.
The only noticeable thing in the room other than the box was a coffin type thing that was open to reveal the spikes inside it.
It was an Iron Maiden.
Oomaeda crept up behind the box, wanting revenge on the little thing for stealing his stuff.
As he got close enough to see inside the box, he saw that it was a red and black dinosaur or a dragon or something. Being the moron he was, he freaked out and started to run away.
Too bad he didn't see the tennis ball right in front of him.
His giant foot slipped and he fell forward, right into the Iron Maiden, which was magically just his size. Might Soifon have had something to do with that...?
Guilmon heard the guy scream and watched as he fell into the Iron Maiden.
"That's not a sight children should see." He said, then got out of the box, closed the door on Oomaeda and went back to his box to enjoy his delicious cookies that he had stolen.
After lunch, everyone piled into the auditorium, which now had not one seat left with cushioning on it.
So everyone stood around the room, waiting for the first person to go up on stage so that this could be made more worth their time.
And so when a small stuffed lion got up on stage and began to sing 'I Like Big Boobs And I Cannot Lie,' which was a spin off of 'I like big Butts And I Cannot Lie,' everyone began to cheer him on, figuring that it was some sort of a trick.
Which is why they were shocked when some girl came out and kicked it furiously off the stage, screaming that he shouldn't be there.
Then Urahara climbed up on the stage and announced that the members of a metal band needed nine volunteers for their act.
Naruto, Kiba, Sasuke, Rock Lee, Neji, Kakashi, Itachi, Gaara and Shikamaru all raised their hands, and were brought to the stage for their mystery act.
They were going to regret this in the few minutes that they had left of their pathetic lives.
The metal band that Urahara had spoken of was a band called Knotslip, but they should have been called Guillotine, since that is what they put the nine characters under.
No one knew that the fake blades on the guillotines had been messed with and replaced with real ones by the same two shinigami captains who had faked Soifon's murder.
They were going to be in lot's of trouble for this, though Yama-jii would probably never believe that it was them, since they always kept such serious straight faces all the time.
Which is probably one of the reasons they had agreed to do it.
The guillotines were dragged onto the stage, blades gleaming in the light.
That should've been the warning sign for everyone that there was something terribly wrong with this act.
The blades were released, the people under the blades screaming their heads off, thinking they were going to GET their heads cut off.
At least someone thought that, right? I mean, someone other than the two who set this up.
Though they acted as horrified as everyone else when nine bloodied heads went flying off the stage.
But they really were shocked when a bunch of men dressed in black came out and grabbed the nine 'crazed-lunatics-who-thought-public-decapitations-in-front-of-an-underage-audience-was-okay' and dragged them away, stuffing them into a van and driving away as fast as they could.
Apparently, they were wanted for murder because they had done this sort of thing all over the country.
But now the students were riled up and wanted some more action, and so the Digimon jumped up on the stage and started to do some epic battle scenes as Yoruichi and Soifon began to chase after the fugitive shinigami once more.
Hitsugaya and Byakuya snuck off to a room that had thousands upon thousands of Lego's, Kenpachi went off to search for Yachiru, Gin, who was now back in his gigai, went off to the computer lab to play The Sims and create and kill some families, finding Renji's unconscious body in the process, as well as Grimmjow aka The Panther God watching Kitty porn on one of the other computers, and Aizen was going on a talking squirrel killing spree, though he could only find a grey one, a grey one with a purple Mohawk and a brown one who thought that he was a gangster.
He was sure that there had to be more, and he was proven correct when he found a fast-talking one with glasses who only talked about medication and how much he needed it.
Aizen pulled out a 9mm and shot the thing point blank in the middle of its head before it gave him a headache.
And just cause he felt like it.
He then dropped the gun so he couldn't be found guilty of murder, but the gun went off and shot him in the shin, causing him to collapse.
That was the only reason that Soifon was able to get him into the room with the still out cold fukutaicho of eleventh division. When Aizen saw the girl and tried to ask what she did, Soifon kicked him in the groin and left the room, making sure that his cries for help couldn't be heard from outside the room.
Yoruichi should've just left the two pranksters alone when she saw that they were armed with robotic Lego people that they had made much too quickly.
But she had to catch them, robotic Lego people aside.
As Yoruichi fought against their pre-made Lego people, Byakuya and Hitsugaya slipped from the area to go set some other traps and tricks up for their captors who couldn't catch them.
Then Yoruichi used Shunko to destroy the numerous 'enemies' of hers and raced quickly after the annoying brats who were easily evading their capture.
Fortunately for Yoruichi, the two had littered the school with too many traps and had ended up getting caught up in one that they had set up at the beginning of the day.
It was a bunch of saran wrap spread across the hallway so thickly that you could run into it and it wouldn't come down, which is exactly what the trap was.
When you ran into it, it would trigger a wire that would release a net on the ceiling that would come down and trap you.
Which is why Yoruichi found the two frustrated captains struggling under that same net, irritated that they had screwed up their own trap.
Yoruichi smirked, cut down the saran wrap and dragged the net with Hitsugaya and Byakuya through and dumped them off in the holding room, where she saw Aizen with a bloody leg and an unconscious Yachiru with bloody hands.
Soifon had apparently been busy, and now the number of fugitives that they had left to capture had gone down. Now there were only five left, if you counted Tousen on the flagpole as captured and included Urahara in the capture number.
She left the room, not really thinking that any of them would have enough strength or dignity left to sneak out of the room and cause more chaos.
Shows what she knew.
Of all of them, she should've knocked out Hitsugaya and Byakuya before leaving, seeing as they were likely just going to turn into shinigami, cut the ropes and get out of the room by means of breaking the door down.
Or they'd just prank the people in the room.
Soifon found Kenpachi and Urahara in the auditorium watching some guys with very spiky blond hair and large yellow auras around them beat each other to a bloody pulp.
Personally, she thought it would've been better if they had had swords to use, but the punches they were landing on one another were doing enough damage as well.
But it was prolonging the battle too long.
Apparently, there was some brown haired kid with a sword shaped like a key that thought so too, and he jumped up on stage and killed everyone on it.
Kenpachi and Urahara then spotted Soifon and took off running, so as not to be caught.
'Specially not by a girl.
Even if she was rather strong.
And fast.
But the traps set by Hitsugaya and Byakuya were still set up all over the place, and Kenpachi soon found himself sliding down the hallway much too fast on what seemed to be a clear liquid of sorts.
Running was futile, and soon Kenpachi crashed through the wall that went into the room that the others were being held 'captive.'
Ichimaru, who had apparently become quite bored with playing The Sims in the computer lab, was beating on Aizen's unable-to-move-because-of-a-leg-injury form, and the fifth division captain was doing nothing about it.
Probably because he was unconscious. With make-up on his face. And his hands were tied behind his back. And Hitsugaya and Byakuya were coating the poor man with pancake syrup and his 'Evil-O's.'
The spoon that had been in his pocket was now in Yachiru's mouth, his yelling muffled since the girl's mouth was closed, and she was apparently having fun chewing on him.
Everyone looked up when Kenpachi came crashing through the wall, and then Gin hid the wooden stick behind his back, and Hitsugaya and Byakuya stuffed the syrup and cereal into Kenpachi's hands and took off, followed closely by Gin.
Just as Aizen was waking up.
The first thing Aizen saw was Kenpachi, holding the syrup and his precious cereal in his giant grubby hands.
Urahara was beginning to regret bringing the shinigami to this place.
Surrounding them by people much younger than them was making them start to act like these kids.
Though that wasn't always a bad thing, he just figured that Yamamoto was going to kill him once he found out that he was the one that had initially brought them here.
Well, to the school, at least. They had brought themselves to the Human World on their own.
But the repairs for the whole school would probably have to be paid by him in full, causing him to be rather poor, seeing as the entire building was going to need to be rebuilt by the time that the day was over.
Especially the rollercoaster that had been in the back of the school. Some stupid kid had stuck his head up through one of the rungs, just as the car was coming. Then his decapitated head landed in the arms of some blonde girl, who started shrieking.
Of course, to make matters worse, some kid in an orange outfit stuck explosives on the ride and blew it and himself up. Some kids shouted, "Oh my god, Kenny killed himself! You bastard!" and another kid started to worship the mushroom cloud that came with the explosion.
So when some extremely heavy object struck Urahara on the back of the head and knocked him out cold, he was rather grateful to the person who had done it.
Whatever happened from here on out would have nothing to do with him.
Yoruichi glared down at her latest catch.
Well, it wasn't really a catch, seeing as he had already been unconscious when she found him, sprawled out on the computer lab floor, a broken computer monitor not far from his head.
What the hell had Renji gotten himself into now?
Just as she flung the guy over her shoulder and turned to leave, Yoruichi noticed that one of the computer monitors had been left on, and there was some sort of a game up on the screen.
It appeared to be The Sims.
As she closed in, Yoruichi saw what was on the screen.
And her jaw dropped to the floor.
The family was called, 'Shihouin,' and the character that it was zoomed in on was of a female with purple hair. In the shower. Naked. No censors blocking anything out.
Since the only one she knew had been in the room was Renji, she assumed that it was him who had created this, and then some sort of fight had occurred, ending with him getting hit on the head with the monitor.
Serves him right.
Yoruichi then kicked him and dragged him out of the room towards where the captive room used to be.
Used to, because there was now no one there at all, and the walls had all been bashed in. And out.
Knowing that they didn't have much time before the writer of this whole adventure's comedy streak wore off, Yoruichi thought of a most perfect plan so as to get everyone together at the same time.
So she dragged Renji down the corridors, being wary of any traps set by two particular nuisances that were now out on the loose again, and walked into the administration office.
If this didn't get 'em, nothing would.
Hitsugaya and Byakuya had been rigging every soda machine to give out a soda for free when they heard someone on the loud speaker announce that there was going to be a giant game of Twister in the gym in a few minutes, and that all students and guests had to attend.
They had no idea what Twister was, but it sounded like a good place to pull some more tricks, so they found their way to the gym and waited for the game to begin.
That was the last thought that crossed each of their minds as something hard knocked them on the back of the head, knocking them out instantly.
Yoruichi picked up the two bodies and dumped them into the pile that contained two other bodies as well.
Urahara and Renji's.
She knew that the others would probably be bursting in soon enough, so she had to be ready to knock them out and grab them as well.
The next ones to walk in were almost missed, since they blended in with a crowd so well.
But his purple hair and her giant chest made them all that easier to spot amongst a bunch of flat chested, dark haired students.
Said students looked shocked as the two were knocked out cold and dragged quickly away.
The next three were the easiest to spot.
A pink haired midget, a dark haired giant and a brown haired guy with a bleeding shin, and covered with some sort of liquid and solid object, who was chasing after the first two.
But she and Soifon took care of those three just as easy, then hauled the bodies off with them out of the building.
They got them back to the Urahara Shouten, where they ditched Urahara, and where Yoruichi dumped a hot liquid on the other eight to make them wake up and go back home.
They complied unwillingly, but out of fear that they'd get told on and Yama-jii would give them all a bad punishment.
As they went on their way through the Senkaimon, Ichimaru stated thoughtfully, "I feel like we're missing something..."
The students at the school looked up at the flagpole and saw that the man who had been hung from it was still there, nearly crying form the pain.
Apparently, he was so forgetful that his so-called friends had abandoned him to live this torture out for a while longer.
One week later, as Mayuri was investigating his new computer that he had built, since his other one had mysteriously broken, he saw that he had an e-mail from Urahara.
Curious and irritated at the same time, he opened it and saw that there was a video attachment.
He opened it and his eyes went wide as he held back his laughter as best he could.
Had they really done that?
He later showed the video to Yama-jii, who found the shinigami on the tape and questioned them about the content on the video.
The content that showed everything that they had done at that high school, including all of the pranks that Hitsugaya and Byakuya had pulled.
And from that day forward, all trips to the World of the Living were banned completely for everyone above the rank of third seat, unless they were given special orders from Yama-jii.
Well, what did you think? It is my longest oneshot that I've ever written, and the best humour story that I have so far, and boy do I have a lot. Though most of them have yet to be posted, much less typed.
I did see on the guidelines page that using real people in a story is banned, so I got out of that little problem by swapping Slipknot with Knotslip, so just know that I had to swap things around a bit to keep this, for the most part, within the guidelines.
Please review, for it would be very appreciated, since you came this far anyway, so you might as well donate a minute or two to say some stuff to me.
And I told you I'd use that stick you gave me, Toushirou-kun! Or rather, Gin used the stick...