Just a warning before anyone starts to read this story. This chapter contains talk about suicide; I don't go into too much detail but just a warning.
Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own Castle but I wish I did.
He'd been missing for 5 months, 4 days, 7 hours, 24 minutes and 7 seconds. 8 seconds. 9 seconds. 10 seconds. Every minute she'd look at the clock and another minute had ticked by since he'd disappeared. It was just like that night all those years ago. She could remember every detail of the day he went missing, every single detail. They'd had a stressful case that had finally been solved and Rick had told Kate that he had booked a table at one of her favourite restaurants. She'd never told him it was her favourite restaurant, she didn't want to make him think that he had to take her out all the time but somehow Rick had found out. The Golden Lagoon. She takes the long way back to his loft now, just to avoid driving past the restaurant.
The day had been going fine as it could have been without him around. She was filling out paperwork when Gates had called her into her office and told her that she had done everything she could but there was nothing else they could do. Richard Castle's missing report was now a cold case. There was no leads, no CCTV footage, nothing. Kate remembers collapsing into their chair in front of Gates's desk, rocking back and forth, repeating his name over and over again. She begged for Gates to do something, something to keep the case open. She even looked at Gates and looked into her eyes and pleaded with her, to bring him home. To bring her husband home. She remembers Gates's eyes clouding over with tears, seeing one of her best detectives break down in front of her, without being able to do anything. Some time had passed when she heard Lanie's voice telling her that she was going to take her back to the loft. And that's where she was now. Lanie had gone home; Kate had somehow convinced her that she would be fine. With Kate's track recorded Lanie shouldn't have listened to her but Kate was grateful that she did. She now found herself sat on Rick's chair in his office, with his notebook of ideas and scrawls of random sentences for his books in front of her, playing with her wedding ring. She picked up the pen and started to write, she had so much to say, but she wasn't the writer Rick was. She had to do this for him. She hated she would hurt her friends, Alexis and Martha. When she had finished writing, she placed the letter on the island in the kitchen. She'd almost forgotten he was there, but the gun that every so often was pushed into her back brought her back to the hell she was living in. He stood behind her trapping her in between him and the counter.
"You know, I never thought you'd come this willingly. I thought you would at least put but up a fight. I thought I'd least get the chance to have some fun while torturing you" There was no indication made of what he meant by "have some fun" but she knew. People had told her things like this in the past, never told her outright but the hidden meaning shined through. She swallowed the bile that threatened to rise up at what he wanted to do to her.
"Yeah well I don't have much choice when there's a gun practically glued onto my back and the life of Rick is in your hands" She spat. God, he was still alive. Or that's what she was told. Deep down even though the letter would hurt everyone she hoped this ordeal was all worth it and she would get to see Rick and rescue him. Whether this man had a plan or not, she wasn't going to follow it rule for rule.
"My boss told me you'd be so much fun" The guy clearly dismissing what Kate had said. "That's why I took the job with hesitating. See... fun is just what I'm looking for. I don't get much fun at home" The guy's hand was on Kate's stomach and slowly moved down. Kate squirmed trying to fight his hand off but she was much weaker and her resisting only tightened the man's hand on her. "Now now, stop resisting" She chocked back a sob realising there was no way out of his grip. Kate felt the gun being removed from her back and watched as the man placed it on the counter. He then took hold of her left arm and started to force her to follow him into the office. She tried to slow down her pace realising what his intention was. "What did I say before? Stop resisting" And his hand gripped tighter on her arm. Kate had one last chance to defend herself and her right arm punched him in the gut. The man hunched over not expecting the hit but soon recovered and grabbed hold of her as she tried to run. "You're a feisty one you are" She was leaning against the bookcase, his hand at her neck and suddenly his hips thrust into hers and stayed there. She could feel how much he was enjoying this and she was sure she was going to be sick. He then kneed her, hitting her stomach with such force she left his grip and fell to the floor. She couldn't breathe and everything around her was moving. She felt something warm trickling down her head and realised she'd hit her head on something. She was bleeding and probably had concussion. Great.
"Please, just tell me where he is and you can run. I'll give you a head start. Just please-" She begged, she hated begging but god she just wanted to see him. He knelt down beside her and laughed.
"I was told to bring you to my boss and then it's his turn to do whatever he wants. After I give him what he wants I'm out. Then I run. And you'll never find me"
"Oh I wouldn't bank on it, god forbid I will find you even if it takes the rest of my life. You don't get to hurt my husband or me and get away with it. So you can run for as long as you want, you can go wherever you want but just remember that I'll be somewhere out there ready to take you down and lock you up" Her head pounded when she spoke but she wasn't letting this bastard or his boss win. Suddenly she felt something jab into the side of her neck and everything faded and she was left in darkness.
Lanie knew leaving Kate alone after receiving the news that Rick's death was now a cold case had been delivered to her, she mentally kicked herself as she dragged Esposito with her back to the loft.
"Javi, I shouldn't have left her. It was stupid of me to think she would be "fine". I need to be with her and you're coming with me" They soon made their way to Castle's building and up to his floor. Espo noticed the door open before Lanie and directed her to stand behind him. They slowly made their way into the loft and noticed nothing out of the ordinary. Lanie then noticed the letter on the island and picked it up. She quickly scanned the letter and turned to Espo who was right behind her.
"Lanie what is it?" Lanie lifted the letter up to him and he took it out of her hand, guided her over to the couch and began to read.
Today I found out that Rick's missing report is now a cold case, there are no leads and if it was any other case I'd understand. You can't continue investigating a case with nothing to go on. But I don't understand. He's my partner. He's my best friend. He's my husband. And I need him. God I need him so much. I see people grieving every day for their loved ones and more times than I would like to remember I've been sat in front of wives who have lost their husbands. They had children, young or old. Or they was about to start a family. And in a way I could understand their grief, but god I was so wrong. I thought the pain of losing my mom was difficult watching my Dad slowly kill himself while I battled on, trying to save him. But the pain of losing a husband is far worse. I can't explain the feeling you get when you physically feel your heart tear apart. Your world has suddenly gone black and you know your world will never see sunlight again. We were about to start a family. We'd decided a couple of days before he went missing while lazing around in bed when I had the day off. I remember Rick's smile beaming back at me when I said I think it was time we added to our family. He was so happy and that made me happy. I couldn't wait to be pregnant with Rick's child. Is that weird? I couldn't wait to have the weird cravings and become a beached whale and hardly being able to walk by the end. But I'll never have that. I wish I was pregnant with his child right now, because then I'd have something to live for. I know everyone thinks I was mad for believing he was still alive, they had somehow come to terms with it sooner that I had. Even Alexis and Martha. But how could I give up? It was my duty as his partner, his wife, to continue to look for him. He would only do the same if I was the one missing. I never wanted to give up; I wasn't willing to just give up like that. You have to understand it wasn't my choice. But now I know he isn't alive because I suddenly feel cold even when I'm wrapped up in our sheets wearing one of his t-shirts and I'm cold when the heating is on full blast and Alexis comes to visit and nearly faints from the heat. There's a part of me missing and I don't want to be here anymore. I know I screamed and screamed and screamed at my Dad when he turned to drink telling him he was stupid and to think about me, he wasn't the only one who lost Mom. But I understand. I understand so much Dad. And I'm sorry, so sorry for the way I treated you. Because if I feel what I'm feeling right now loosing Rick then this is how you felt loosing Mom. I understand. I do. I'm going to go and join Rick now and maybe we can finally start the family we've both always wanted. And for the first time in 2 months I'm happy.
Espo gets his phone out and calls Ryan. Ryan picks up almost immediately and Espo begins to tell Ryan what's happened. Suddenly all that can be heard is Lanie's blood curdling scream coming from the master bedroom.