I'm not entirely sure I wrote this. It was just one of those things that popped into my head and grew from there. I'm not sure if its bad or good. Perhaps it is just me projecting my views and ideas onto the characters? Then again isn't that just what fanfiction is?
Nightmares
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Every time she saw her Sayaka could feel only one sensation. It confused her at first but she had slowly come to recognize it for what it was. It was deeper than hate, it was more than disgust. It was contempt, a deep seated loathing that she could not fully explain.
Every time she saw her with that creepy smile on her face she felt something rise up from deep inside her gut. Something that screamed out for her to attack, to strike, to kill, to beat that grin off her face. It was a beast that haunted her dreams, a creature with a mermaid's tail and covered in armor. Sometimes she would be the beast herself, surrounded by a mad orchestra, screaming to herself from agonies she could not place nor understand but cut through her like knives.
She would wake from such nightmares in a cold sweat, sometimes Kyoko or her parents shaking her awake saying she'd been screaming in her sleep. Her parents had taken her to see a psychologist who had prescribed her pills. Kyoko however sat her down and revealed to her it wasn't just screaming but a single phrase she would often repeat in her sleep, "Homura is the Devil. Homura is the Devil."
She couldn't explain it, she couldn't remember Homura having done anything to her. No that wasn't entirely true, she could feel it gnawing at the back of her mind. Homura had done something, something she couldn't remember but knew to be evil. Homura had done something so evil that she could not forgive. She could not remember what it was, but she knew it had happened. For that reason she held Akemi Homura in contempt no matter how much she smiled.
-PMMM-
Kyoko couldn't remember a time where she had had it better. Sure she had to share a room but when your room mate was Miki Sayaka it wasn't so bad. She had an actual bed of her own for the first time since she had been a little girl, she didn't have to sneak into somewhere to take a bath, and she didn't have to bust up an atm, pick pockets, or shop lift to feed herself.
Sayaka's parents had been more than willing to take her in, sure she had to go to school now but nobody was perfect. She knew sh'd probably have to get a job at some point, pay some rent, but for now everything was smooth sailing.
Or at least it should have been.
Once in a while Sayaka would start talking in her sleep, some times she would start screaming, sweating buckets. Sayaka's parents had taken her to see a psychologist who'd given her some pills. Kyoko was pretty sure it was all crap though. Whatever was wrong with Sayaka couldn't be solved with pills.
She knew this because she'd been having similar problems with her own sleep. Dreams of both she and Sayaka fighting each other with spear and sword. Sayaka's eyes were cold and angry in those dreams and Kyoko hated them. They weren't as bad as the other dreams though. She would face a monster, a great beast in armor with a mermaids tail. Beneath it was often a body, Sayaka, unmoving and silent.
She kept these to herself however, one of the two of them had to keep her sanity.
-PMMM-
She was not used to having another mouth to feed in her apartment and Nagisa ate enough for three people. Still Mami did not begrudge her presence. She had been alone for so long and Nagisa made for pleasant enough company. It was like having a younger sister, with a bottomless hole for a stomach.
She was glad that Nagisa liked her cooking but...
No. No buts.
Beggars couldn't be choosers, and having been alone for so long it was almost a blessing to have Nagisa with her.
Still it was not all sunshine and rainbows. More than once she'd woken up in the middle of the night to find Nagisa in her bed, clinging to her with a vice grip. She had nightmares and regrets, everyone did. But Nagisa had been through a lot from what Mami could tell and it had left scars on the poor girl.
She knew what that was like, how many times had she relieved the accident that had killed her parents? There were new nightmares however that plauged her sleep. Nightmares of a colorful place, filled with cakes and other sugary sweets. Then there was that thing that closed in on her with a jarring grin on its face, before clamping its jaws firmly over her head and upon her throat.
She said nothing of these nightmares to Nagisa. The girl looked up to her and she did not want to shake Nagisa's faith in her. After all, older sisters were supposed to look after their siblings.
-PMMM-
Returning to Mitakahari after years away was like going to be and waking up to find the whole world had changed while you slept. Her mother told her a story about a man who did just that once, fall asleep for forty years, Rip van Winkle it was called. Madoka thought it was a scary idea at the time but now she was happy to be back in her home town.
Her time in America was like a blur to her, hard to pick out anything really note worthy. She felt a little bad for that, she had class mates and friends back in America who would be upset that she had forgotten them.
Wouldn't they?
When ever she tried to remember anyone she had meet in America it came out very... fuzzy... like there was a haze over her mind. Like there was something buried, hidden inside the recesses of her mind. Whenever she tried to reach out for it she came close only for it to slip through her grasp.
Her sleep wasn't much better. Confusing dreams plagued her mind at night, indistinct shapes, voices both strange and yet familar, pain that she couldn't place, a strange white creature with a blank expression and red eyes... and then there was that girl.
Akemi Homura, the girl who had shown her to the nurses office on her first day of school, given her the ribbons she wore in her, and seemed to always be close at hand regardless of the situation or the location. Something about her both drew Madoka in and yet repulsed her. She couldn't remember having meet Homura before her first day at school nor could she say that she didn't like Homura.
There was something about her however something about the way she looked at Madoka, when she thought Madoka didn't notice. It was difficult to explain, sad and yet at the same happy, friendly and yet dangerous. She couldn't understand any of it.
She knew that somehow Homura was connected to her memory problems and her strange dreams but she couldn't explain how she knew this or why Homura would do such a thing. Homura was pleasant enough to her but at the same time she was distant. It made Madoka want to know more about her ad what was happening.
At the same time however, she felt a sense of dread. What ever secrets Akemi Homura was hiding, they would bring trouble.
-PMMM-
The voices in her head never stopped hissing and screaming at her, like a flock of crows on a power line or a swarm of enraged bees. The words they whispered into her thoughts.
Traitor!
Demon!
Witch!
Fool!
Stalker!
SPLAT!
Wet and sticky tomato on her face shook her from her thoughts. Disdainfully she swatted the fruit from her face and returned to brooding on her throne. Her Familiars were at it again; jeering at her, shoving their heads and other appendages into stocks, nooses, and guillotines, or just jumping off cliffs.
It was her punishment it seemed, to deal with such racket. She cared not however what they did or how much trouble they caused. Maybe she deserved to be punished for what she had done.
Supposed to be her friend.
She trusted you.
They fought to save you.
Loathsome fool.
She shook her head again clearing her cluttered thoughts. She had done what she had to do. There had simply been no other option. What was to stop Kyubey from trying again and again until he finally brought back the witch system? What was to stop him from claiming Madoka?
But she had beaten him to the punch. She had Madoka while Kyubey and all of the rest of his kind at last got their just punishment.
Devil!
Liar!
Dunce!
Again she shook her head, clearing her mind of the clutter. She was thoroughly insane now and she knew it. Why bother trying to justify the acts of a mad woman?
Because deep down she knew that she deserved it. She knew deep down that she deserved to be trapped in this nightmare. She deserved to have tomatos thrown in her face, she deserved to be forced to deal with unruly familiars who constantly killed and mutilated themselves, she deserved Sayaka's scowls, Mami's frowns, Kyoko's snark.
What she did not deserve was Madoka's love or friendship. Not anymore.
She knew she had crossed a line, committed an unforgivable sin. She could still hear Madoka's terrified cries as she stripped her of her power. She had chained the one thing in the world she had loved, in mind and body.
What was worse? She knew that given the same choice she would do it again in a heart beat. If that made Madoka her enemy in the long run then so be it. She would not lose her again. She would remain trapped in this nightmare forever and ever if only to protect Madoka.