They decided to go to Denny's that night. Enjoy life together not as video game characters, but as themselves. They requested a seat for nine; on the empty ninth seat, they stacked a pile of garbage, a tribute to their fallen friend.
Adam looked over at it, and cleared his throat. "Alas, poor Sina. We knew him, guys: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath made us laugh a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at-"
Their waiter, Pencil Sideburns, came over. "Refills?" he said in a quiet voice.
Everyone said various things, gave all their glasses to him, and he walked off. Then they sat in silence.
"What were we talking about?" asked Karl.
"Sina, I think," said Trent.
"Oh yeah," said Karl. "What a faggot."
They continued to sit in silence, until Ryan said something.
"Hey Edwin," he said. "What's going on in the game?"
"I'll check," Edwin said, pulling out his phone and checking the message boards. "Oooohh! Super Smash Bros. competition, starting tomorrow! As soon as you join, you go right into the competition! No digital field!"
"We should be practicing!" Trent said.
"Well what are we doing here?!" Adam exclaimed.
Meanwhile, back in The Matrix Legacy Art Online, Landon and his crew were stuck in the holding area. Tom Petty Kid was quickly digging, while Manny, Short, Matt, and Landon vowed revenge on Edwin's squad.
"That Sina kid had balls," Landon exclaimed, pacing back and forth. "Bigger balls than anyone else in that Squad."
"WELL NOW THEY'RE DOWN TO EIGHT," Matt said. "IF WE GET MORE OF THEM TO FUCKING KILL THEMSELVEZ, THEN WE CAN GET THEM WIPED OFF DHE PLANET."
"Yeah, but there's a lot more of them then there are than us," Manny said.
"We'll think of something," Landon said, walking over to Tom Petty Kid. "Hurry the fuck up!"
"I'm starting to see light!" Tom Petty Kid said.
"Guys, get down there and dig," Landon ordered, and the rest of them jumped into the hole and dug with their hands. They were able to get through, and stood in the grassy fields.
"There's no way they're here anymore," Short said.
Landon looked around, looking for something that would lure their rivals back into the game immediately. He then saw a giant sign, opposite of the castle, that said "SMASH COMPETITION."
Landon smirked. "Okay, guys. Let's go to the portal. I have an idea."
The next morning, they went to Adam's house, bringing their laptops, and gathered around his living room with their controller of choice.
"Alright, remember, guys," Edwin said. "Pick your best player. We need to win this thing."
Edwin went on to pick Ike, Adam was Lucina, Trent was Captain Falcon, Ryan was Link, Vince was Little Mac, Jesse was Sonic, Karl was Pit, and Braxton was Mr. Game and Watch.
"You guys ready?" Adam, who was player one, asked. Everyone nodded, and he pushed start. They got into the area, all leaned forward with their controllers, ready to smash, until Edwin got a call.
"Hold on one sec," Edwin said, and Adam paused the game. He looked at the color I.D., and it was Landon. "Oh, it's Landon. Fucking bitch is probably complaining about losing last night." He answered the call. "What's up, bitch boy?"
"Oh, nothing," Landon said, sitting behind his computer. "Just got out of the game."
"Oh yeah? Take forever to dig yourselves out again?"
"I think Tom Petty Kid is getting used to it," Landon answered. "I just wanted to congratulate you guys on your victory last night. Sina was soooo brave."
Edwin copped his hand over the receiver. "He's crying!"
Everyone snickered.
Edwin put the phone back to his ear. "Oh, hey, thank you."
"But I heard about the competition today," Landon continued. "The Smash one? I bet you guys aren't ballsy enough to challenge us to that."
"Time and place, bitch."
"See you in a few," Landon said, then hung up.
Edwin lowered his phone.
"WHAT'D THE FAGGOT SAY?" Vince said.
Edwin got up from the couch, and Psycho Daded Adam's Wii U.
"Dude, what the fuck!" Adam exclaimed. "You owe me… I dunno, $50!"
"Landon wants to challenge us now," Edwin said, facing his Squad.
"But we need to practice!" Karl said.
"Ye," Braxton said. "I suk at smash."
"Doesn't matter," Edwin said. "They're losers. We'll crush them. Get out your laptops."
Everyone took their laptops out, and on Edwin's nod, they entered The Matrix Legacy Art Online.
Edwin arrived first, landing in front of the competition colosseum. He was all decked out in Ike gear, complete with headband, long red cape, armor pads, and golden sword.
Ryan came in next, dressed as Link. He also had a sword, but also came with bombs and a boomerang. However, he looked like a faggot.
"I don't look that gay in this dwarf costume, do I?" he asked Edwin.
"Nah, you look pretty gay," Edwin replied.
Vince then arrived, wearing a black tank top, green shorts, and sporting green boxing gloves.
He did multiple air punches, one after the other, hyping himself up. "I'M READY TO WRECK SOME NUBES, BITCH."
Jesse came in, completely blue and naked with no genitals. He did have bright red sneakers on, though. He looked over at Edwin. "Wanna see me run to that mountain?" he asked. Then he appeared to just stand there, until saying: "Wanna see me do it again?"
Braxton popped in, a completely flat, black figure with dreadlocks. "Wew," he said. "Im so flat."
Then came Trent, dressed as Captain Falcon, long yelled boots, red helmet, and visible nipples. "Hey Edwin," he said, then did a gay pose. "Show your moves."
Karl popped in and had long angel wings with a white robe and a golden leaf headband. He twirled his blade baton and looked at Ryan.
"Heyyy, I'm pretty cool," he said.
"Uh huh, sure," Ryan replied.
Last was Adam, dressed similar to Edwin but with blue hair and a crown, and a more blue-ish outfit, in comparison to Edwin's red. "Where are those faggots at?" Adam asked.
"They might be in there already," Edwin said. "Let's go in."
The Squad turned to the colosseum, and walked in. Inside were dozens and dozens of other players, dressed in various outfits, but there seemed to be a ton of Lucinas.
"Tumblr's gonna ruin this shit for me," Adam said.
"Well well well," said a voice behind them. They turned around and it was Landon, sporting a Lucario look. "If it isn't our dear friends from last night."
"Well, if it isn't the fag king himself," Edwin said.
"You know what," said Tom Petty Kid, walking out from behind Landon. He was Fox, completely covered in fur and had on a bright white jacket. "It really isn't nice of you guys to make fun of us so much."
"And I see you brought your fur friend with you," Edwin said.
"Don't call me that!" Tom Petty Kid exclaimed. "He's a really cool character!" He looked around. "Hey, where's Short?"
"He'll be here in a second," said Landon. "If you think you guys are even close to beating us this time, you have another thing coming."
"JUST WATCH ME BITCH," Vince yelled. "YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE ME."
"WELL VINTH," said Matt, walking up behind Landon, dressed as Ganondorf. "I'VE BEEN STHMASHING YOU FOR YEARZ, AND I'LL STHMASH YOU AGAIN TODAY."
"K, BITCH," Vince replied.
Then they heard the sounds of stomping. They slowly turned their heads and saw Bowser approaching them,
"Behold, mortals!" he said. "I am King Koopa! I demand you all bow down to-"
"Manny, you bitch, you didn't even change characters," Karl said.
"I mean," said Manny. "What did you expect?"
"This shit is fucking stupid," said Short, walking into the Colloseum. He was wearing all black with a red vest, and carrying a Monado. This guy was really feeling it.
"Well now that we're all here," Landon said. "You ready to get destroyed?"
"Try me, bitch," Edwin said. They all walked over to the game panels, and entered their gaming codes. Each Squad remained on their team, and would fight to represent themselves. It was still four versus four, though, so not everyone would be fighting at the same time.
"May the best squad win," said Landon, extending a hand to Edwin.
"Oh," Edwin said. "You mean us?" A beam opened up above him, Vince, Trent, and Jesse. He looked back at Landon. "See you in the battlefield."
Edwin and his three teammates disappeared, and popped into a training room with a punching bag.
"You guys ready?" Edwin asked.
"FUCK YEAH MAN I'M READY TO WRECK THESE LOSERS HO HO HO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GONNA FUCKING DIE I'M READY I'M READY," Vince exclaimed, and then went on to punch the shit out of the punching bag.
"Wait wait, Vince," Trent said. Vince looked over and Trent gestured for him to scoot. Vince did, and Trent let out a sigh. "Falcon," Trent began, pulling his fist back. "PUNCH." Trent thrusted his arm forward and, flames surrounding him, launched the bag into orbit. He turned back to his Squad. "I've always wanted to try that."
"Faggot," Edwin said. They began to glow, and disappear into the arena.
They popped into the Big Battlefield, and appeared on one side of the ring. Landon, Manny, Tom Petty Kid, and Matt appeared on the other.
"VINCE," Matt said. "GIVE UP NOW."
Vince keked.
The announcer's voice exclaimed over them. "One life team battle!" It said.
"Three…"
Edwin pulled out his sword.
"Two…!"
Vince cracked his knuckles.
"ONE…!"
Jesse began running in place.
"GO!"
Jesse darted forward and tripped Tom Petty Kid flat on his face. Edwin charged Landon, who jumped up and kicked fire downward, burning the top of Edwin. He remained on fire, until rolling around.
"Wait!" he yelled. "This isn't Smash Bros. physics! It works like the rest of the Matrix Legacy Art Online works!"
Manny walked up to Edwin, who looked up at him. Manny blew fire all over Edwin. He charred up, and died.
Matt began to charge a fire punch at Trent, who in turn started his. "Falcon… PUNC-" They hit each other at the exact same time, and flew backwards. Matt landed flat on his back, and Vince jumped on top of him, showering his face with punches.
"FUCK YOU MATT," Vince cried. "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!"
Vince pulled back, and Matt's face was a pink and red mush.
"Geez, dude," Tom Petty Kid said. "That's a bit much, don't you think?"
"FUCK YOU KID, KILL YOURSELF."
"Don't tell me to do that!"
"DO IT, FUCKING END YOUR LIFE!"
Tom Petty Kid pulled out his laser gun and aimed it at Vince.
"I have a gun, right here!"
"TURN IT ON YOURSELF BITCH, I DARE YOU."
Tom Petty Kid began to sweat and cry. He pulled the gun to his head.
Landon was in the middle of hand to hand combat with Jesse, until he looked down and saw Tom Petty Kid. "Kid!" he yelled. "NO-!"
Tom Petty Kid pulled the trigger, a laser blasting half of his face off. He collapsed to his side.
"FUCKING BITCH," Vince exclaimed to his body.
"Vince, you son of a bitch!" Landon yelled. "If you kill yourself in this game, you die in real life!"
"HE WAS FUCKING WASTE OF LIFE, ANYWAY, FUCKING CRYBABY."
Landon jumped down to the platform where his friend lied dead, and kneeled down to him. Landon grabbed his hand and started crying.
"Jesus, Vince," Jesse said.
"SHUT UP," Vince answered. He walked up Landon, lifted him over his head, and threw him over to side, Landon screaming all the way down. He turned around and stared at Manny, who was standing in the middle of him, Trent, and Jesse. "THREE V. ONE, BITCH," Vince yelled. "GIVE UP NOW."
Manny roared, charged up to Vince, and smacked him so hard, Vince flew over the side. He turned to Jesse and Trent. "Two v. one!"
Just then, a Smash Ball appeared above them. Jesse and Trent began jumping the platforms to reach it, but Manny was so big, he was able to get it first. He curled up, spun around, and turned into Giga Bowser Manny, and stomped Jesse into the floor, killing him.
Trent began to pull his arm back. "Falcon…" he started, but Manny swiped at him and smacked him even harder than he smacked Vince, sending Trent completely out of the ring.
The Match was over. Landon's Squad won.
Back in the colosseum, Edwin's remaining Squad members were forming a plan.
"You all know your strengths, right?" Adam asked.
"Ye," Braxton said. "Spam te shit out of evrythin."
"I have a shield and a bomb and a boomerang and shit," Ryan said. "Also, I can do a spin hit and all that."
Karl flapped his wings and began to fly upwards. He did a flip then landed on his feet back on the floor. "I dunno what I can do," he said.
Short quietly sat in the corner, waiting for his team to come back.
Edwin, Trent, Jesse, and Vince reappeared in the lobby, around their other teammates.
"So how badly did you beat them?" Ryan asked.
"We didn't," Edwin replied. "We lost."
"You WHAT?!" Karl asked.
"Yeah," Jesse said.
"It's not Smash Bros. physics," Edwin continued. "It works like the rest of the world. Normal gravity, losing limbs, kill yourself and you die in real life."
"Well that's bullshit," Ryan said.
Landon, Manny, and Matt appeared around Short.
"Hey, good job, guys," Short said. He then looked around. "Where's Tom Petty Kid?"
"He's dead," Landon said in a low tone, then raised a finger at Vince. "He killed himself because of this asshole!"
Vince began to laugh, and nay like a donkey. Short started laughing, too; he hated that faggot.
"Not fucking funny!" Landon said. "He was our friend."
"Well, our friend is dead, too," Trent said.
"Stop whining, Landon," Edwin said, then walked over to the game panel. "And let's fight again."
"No way," Landon exclaimed. "You guys are dicks."
"Well you guys are fags," Edwin replied.
Landon growled, walked over to game panel, and re-entered his information. Edwin and his team did the same.
A beam of light opened above Edwin, Adam, Braxton, and Vince.
"See you in the battlefield, faggot," Edwin said, then he and his members disappeared.
Edwin, Adam, Braxton, and Vince popped into the training room.
"Remember, guys," Edwin said. "This isn't Smash Bros. physics. You can die easy."
"K," Braxton said.
"Here, let's practice." Edwin drew his sword, and faced Adam. "Charge me."
Adam drew his sword, and ran towards Edwin. He swung hard, but Edwin countered, and Adam flew backwards. He flipped to his feet, and held his sword up. Edwin charged this time. Adam didn't counter, but their swords collided, and they went into an intense battle.
Braxton and Vince watched for a second, until Braxton pulled out bug spray and started spamming Vince with it, each pump feeling like a punch in the gut.
"FUCKING- FAGGOT- STOP- BITCH!" Vince yelled between hits.
Braxton stopped and let out a loud nigger laugh.
Edwin and Adam clashed one more time, until they started to glow. They looked at each other, nodded, and put their swords away. The four of them disappeared.
They popped into the Super Mario World stage. Landon, Manny, Short, and Matt popped up on the other side.
"Hey, Manny," Adam said. "Remember when you used to come over after school in junior high and we'd play Brawl for hours?"
Manny thought. "Oh yeah! Good times."
Adam nodded, reminiscing, until Edwin punched his shoulder.
"No socializing with the enemy!" he said.
"Okay, fine," Adam replied. "Jesus…"
Landon glared at Adam and thought to himself. "Adam… Adam. Yeah, the tranny that got them out of the digital field last night without ease… Wait… Tom Petty Kid was our only way out… He's gone… I have to get Adam to kill himself… But how…?"
The announcer's voice appeared above them. "One life team battle!" It said.
"Three…"
"Hope you like losing, faggot!" Edwin yelled at Landon, drawing his sword. Landon sneered at him.
"Two…"
"YOU'RE DYING AGAIN, BITCH!" Vince yelled at Matt.
"JUST TWY!" Matt responded.
"One…"
"Just like in junior high!" Adam yelled at Manny.
"You'll lose here, too!" Manny yelled back. They both let out a competitive smile to each other.
"GO!"
Adam anime-ran towards Short, who aimed his monado down.
Short opened his mouth: "This is the monado's powe-!"
With one clean swipe, Adam decapitated him. Short's blood flew up into the air, and rained all over Adam, who turned to Landon and did a sassy head cock.
"Oops," Adam said sarcastically.
"You cunt," Landon muttered, and ran up to him.
Meanwhile, Vince and Matt were having intense hand-to-hand combat. Vince was quick and flashy, but Matt's punches were stronger. They bobbed back and forth, until standing on the loose floor tiles.
Edwin dodged one of Manny's swipes, leaping over him, flipping in the air, and landing on his feet in a crouch. Then he looked over at Vince and Matt and realized where they were.
"Vince!" Edwin yelled. "VINCE!"
"WHAT IS IT, BITCH?" Vince yelled, putting his arms down.
Matt grinned, and drew his fist back, until they both noticed the floor was shaking. Matt and Vince looked down, then back up at each other in unison. Then the floor collapsed and they both fell to their deaths, screaming the entire way down.
"Fuck," Edwin said, then he turned back over to Braxton, who was taunting with bells. "Don't just stand there, you stupid nigger!"
"Wuh?" Braxton said, dazed.
"Do something!" Edwin yelled.
"O," Braxton said, then jumped into the air and began falling slowly in a parachute.
Edwin groaned, then went back to fighting Manny.
Adam kept swinging at Landon, who would keep jumping and doing flips, dodging each time, but no matter how hard he tried, he wasn't quick enough to shoot fire at Adam without him swinging his sword first. Finally, Landon was able to land behind him, and charge up a fireball. However, Adam quickly spun around, sword out, and chopped Landon's hand off. Landon screamed, fell to his knees, and gripped his wrist, which was bleeding out.
Adam walked over to him, and put his blade to Landon's neck.
"It's over," Adam said. "Maybe next time."
"Wait," Landon said. He slowly looked up at Adam, dead eyed. "If you kill me, I'll tell your parents your secret."
Adam's face dropped. "You… you'll what?"
"You heard me."
Adam shook his head and kept his sword at Landon's neck. "You wouldn't."
"I would," Landon said. "I know they're on Facebook."
Adam began to hyperventilate and lowered his sword. Landon got to his feet.
"Actually," he said. Adam looked up at him. "I'll tell them, anyway."
Adam shook his head and began to get teary eyed.
Edwin and Manny continued to fight, until Edwin turned around to see Adam standing cowardly, facing Landon. Manny stopped trying to fight Edwin.
"What are you doing?" Edwin yelled. "Kill him."
"Don't do it," Landon said. Adam stared at him with large, circular eyes. "As soon as we get out of here, your parents are finding out."
Adam began to shake. He lifted his sword up, and turned it to his own neck.
"Adam!" Edwin yelled. "What the fuck are you doing?!"
"O shit," Braxton said.
Adam slowly turned to Edwin. "I'm sorry…" he muttered.
"Kill yourself, faggot," Landon said. Adam turned back to Landon, closed his eyes, and got ready to swipe. But right before the blade reached his skin, he felt a force knock it out of his hands. He opened his eyes, and saw Manny standing above him.
Manny turned to Landon with hate filled eyes.
"Manny!" Landon yelled. "What do you think you're doing?!" Manny began to stomp towards Landon, who continued yelling. "These guys killed Tom Petty Kid! Sent us back to the digital field! TWICE!"
Manny grabbed Landon, and walked up to the edge, holding Landon over the drop. Landon looked down, horrified, and then stared back at Manny.
Manny turned to Adam, who looked at Manny confusingly, as did Edwin and Braxton.
"Hey Adam," Manny said. "Remember this move from junior high?"
Manny lept up in the air, did a flip, and with Landon below him, slammed himself downward, falling to his and Landon's demise.
"NO!" Adam said, running over to the edge and watching them fall. Edwin and Braxton ran over and looked too.
"You know," Edwin said. "Manny may have been a faggot… but at least he was a nice guy."
"Wrekt," Braxton said.
The Match was over. Edwin's Squad won.
Back in the Colloseum, Karl and Jesse were racing around to room, Karl flying and Jesse running. Trent and Ryan talked about music.
Adam, Edwin, Vince, and Braxton popped back with their group, the three who saw Manny's demise staring widely off into the distance. Landon, Short, and Matt popped up across from them.
Vince's fists clenched. "GOD DAMMIT MATT WAS SO FUCKING FAT HE BROKE THE FLOOR."
"NAH-AH," Matt said. "DID YOU EVEN PLAY ZUPER MARIO WORLD? THOZE BLOCKZ BREAK IF YOU ZTAND ON DEM FOR TOO-"
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, NIGGA," Vince said. "I LOST."
"But Vince," Trent said, looking at the game panel. "Our squad won!"
"DOESN'T MATTER," Vince replied. "I FUCKING DIED."
"Theres no i in sqwad, vince," Braxton replied.
"Jesus…" Edwin muttered.
"What?" Ryan asked.
"Manny, yo. Hardcore fucker."
"I hate Manny," Karl said, him and Jesse rejoining the Squad.
"He sacrificed himself to save me," Adam said.
"Pppttt," Karl replied. "What a faggot."
Landon stomped over to Edwin. "This isn't fair! My squad keeps dying!"
"Well treat your friends right," Edwin said. "Look." He leaned over and gave Trent a kiss on the cheek.
Trent looked at Edwin. "What are you, fucking gay?"
"Admit defeat, faggot?" Edwin said.
"Well, I mean, I don't want any-" Landon said.
"I DON'T," Matt said, entering the code into the game panel.
"That's the spirit," Trent said, and entered a code into his Squad's.
"Matt!" Landon said. "If we keep this up, we're all gonna die!"
"I'M NAT LOZING."
A beam opened up above Ryan, Karl, Jesse, and Adam, and they disappeared into the training room.
The squad members gathered around the punching bag.
"Remember," Adam said. "The rules are the same as the normal game. Kill yourself in this, you-"
"Yeah, yeah," Karl said. "We get it." Karl then proceeded to spin his blade baton and tear the punching bag to shreds.
Ryan drew his sword, and held it up to Adam. Adam drew his and the two clanked blades for a few. Jesse ran around in circles. They all started to glow, and disappeared.
They appeared at Palutena's Temple, one of the biggest maps in the game. Not only that, but they were spread apart across one part of the map.
"Oh, great," Ryan said. "Big maps are the worst!"
"Alright," Adam said, exhaling and drawing his sword. "Let's forget about the whole Manny thing and get back to fighting."
"Jesse," Karl said. "Come up here with me." Jesse quickly ran up to stand next to Karl.
On the other side of the map, Landon, Matt, and Short popped up.
"What the fuck?!" Landon said. "Three v. four? That's not fair!"
"WE'LL BE FINE," Matt said. "WE GOT THIZ."
"One life team battle!" the announcer said.
"Three…"
Ryan swung his sword around and stretched out his legs.
"Two…"
Adam exhaled, then focused on winning.
"One…"
"Alright, fatasses," Landon said. "Let's show them what we got."
"What?" Short said.
"GO!"
Adam, Ryan, Karl, and Jesse immediately started their way over to the opposite side of the map. Matt began climbing his way up to the bridge, and Landon started, until he noticed Short wasn't moving.
"Short," Landon said. "Come on."
"No," Short said. "Fuck you, and fuck this." He turned around and walked to the side of the map.
"Where the fuck are you going?" Landon said.
"You tell me not to eat meat, you call me fat, you're just a dick, Landon." Short put his arms out. "Have fun winning." He fell backward and plummeted towards earth.
"Short!" Landon yelled and then looked up at the bridge. He growled and began climbing.
Jesse and Karl were the first to make it up to the bridge, and Matt stood on the other side of it. They stared at each other, until Jesse ran across, fast as shit, smacked Matt, in the face, and then ran back.
"HEY," Matt yelled. He snarled and ran onto the wooden suspension bridge. He creaked and wobbled, but it held him steady.
Jesse and Karl made their way onto the bridge and began to fight him.
Eventually, Adam and Ryan made it up on one side, and Landon on the other. Adam and Ryan held their swords out and ran towards the bridge. Adam swung across the front of Matt, slicing his stomach open, and Ryan across his back, leaving a large horizontal cut.
"AH FACK!" Matt screamed, falling to his side. He looked up at the four members of the opposite team, who looked down at him, smiling.
"Care to do the honors, Karl?" Adam said.
"Sure, dude."
Adam, Ryan, and Jesse stepped back, while Karl raised his blade in the air.
"You're not getting another kill!" They heard, and when they looked over, Landon was releasing fire onto the ropes.
"No, wait!" Ryan yelled.
The ropes broke. Karl jumped in the air and flapped his wings, while Matt, Adam, Ryan, and Jesse began to plummet back towards earth.
"Jesse!" Karl yelled. He dove down, grabbed Jesse under the arms, and pulled him up to safety.
"No, Karl!" Jesse yelled. "Not me! I suck at this game!"
"Oh shit." Karl looked over the side, but Adam and Ryan had fallen too far to save.
"Good move," Landon said, jumping down to where they were. "Now it's just you faggots left."
"Hey, that's mean!" Karl said. Landon fire punched Karl in the face, and Karl ran in circles screaming. Jesse ran up to the top of the map.
Karl extinguished his face, and as soon as he could see, Landon spun-kicked him on the jaw. Karl flipped back, Landon on his back, and Landon stomped his face in.
He looked up. "1 versus 1!"
"Uh oh," Jesse said, and began to zig-zag all over the map, Occasionally hitting Landon in the back of the head. Jesse stopped to catch his breathe, and then saw a Smash Ball pop up near the top of the map. He looked down, and Landon had begun climbing for it. Jesse leaped up, bounced off a wall, and snatched it. "Uh.." He started. "Super rad catch phrase!"
Jesse turned bright yellow and started flying around the map. He ran into Landon, who flew up. Jesse came back and hit him again, then again. Landon was basically stationary in the air from Jesse's point of view, and to finish him off, Jesse stuck his foot out, flew into Landon, and kicked him off the course.
The Match was over. Edwin's Squad won.
Adam, Ryan, Jesse, and Karl popped back into the colosseum.
"Woo, Jesse!" Adam said, hand raised in the air. Jesse high-fived him. "Nice job!"
"Didn't think you had it in you," said Ryan, patting Jesse on the back.
"We're one up on them, guys," said Trent.
The Squad began to celebrate, until Landon and Matt walked over.
"NO!" Matt yelled. "THAT DIDN'T COUNT. LANDON TECHNICALLY KILLED ME."
"Friendly fire," Landon said.
"Yeah?" Asked Edwin. "But Landon lost to Jesse. We win."
"Another one," said Landon. He typed his codes in, and Edwin's squad did the same.
A portal opened up above Vince, Trent, Ryan, and Karl. They disappeared into a training room, as did Landon and Matt.
Inside their training room, Matt and Landon formed a plan.
"Remember," said Landon. "Don't kill yourself. We're down to two guys. I need you."
"GOT IT," said Matt. They began to glow and disappeared.
On one long platform, The Squad popped onto Port Town Aero Drive, flying through the air and over streets.
"Keep your balance," Ryan said.
On the other side, Landon and Matt popped up.
"THIS IS IT," said Vince.
"Fuck off," Landon replied.
"One life team battle!" The announcer said.
"Three…!"
Landon growled and got into running position.
"Two…!"
Trent stretched out his arms.
"One…!"
Karl spun his baton once and cracked his neck.
"Go!"
Landon began sprinting towards Karl and, without hesitation, jumped and threw his foot forward, kicking Karl off the platform. Before getting the chance to spread his wings, Karl slammed into a building at 100 miles an hour, splitting onto it.
Landon turned to Trent, who did a high kick. Landon ducked, and flipped up, kicking Trent in the side of the face. Trent took it like a man, and quickly rubbed it off, punching Landon in the nose.
Ryan drew his boomerang and threw it at Matt. It hit him, but didn't do much besides make him take a few steps back.
"What the fuck is the point of this?" Ryan asked himself, when he got the boomerang back. Before he had the chance to strike again, Vince ran passed him and began showering Matt with punches.
The platform stopped, and lowered itself onto the track. Trent gave Landon another high kick, sending Landon flat on his back. Trent turned around, fists up, but then heard the sound of engines. He turned his head and saw an army of race cars flying towards them. Ryan and Landon jumped out of the way, but Trent got Josh Munoz'd all over the freeway. Vince and Matt were too far to the right of the track to get hit.
"FUCK YOU MATT," Vince yelled, punching Matt all over the face.
Matt grabbed Vince's arms, stopping his barrage of punches, and stared him in the eyes. With bloody lips and a black eye, Matt stared Vince deep and said: "NOT ZIS TIME."
Matt threw Vince to his side and slowly got up, out of breathe. Ryan threw a bomb, which was meant for Landon, but Matt picked it up, and waddled back over to Vince.
"SO… TIRED…" Matt said. "TOO… MANY… MATCHEZ…" Vince got up, got ready to avoid Matt, but Matt forced all his weight onto Vince, pinning him to the ground.
"GET OFF, FAT BOY," Vince said.
"TAKING… YOU… WITH…. ME…" Matt said, holding the bomb in the air. The fuse reached the bomb, and Matt and Vince blew into a million pieces.
Landon watched his final teammate kill himself. "NO!" He yelled, falling to his knees. He didn't even notice the Smash Ball appear above them.
Ryan jumped up, hit it, and began to glow. Landon slowly turned towards him, and looking each other in the eye, Ryan said: "This is for the ax!"
Ryan aimed his sword forward, it sparked, and Ryan began swiping Landon into a triforce of pain, cutting off limbs and ripping Landon's body apart. When only his chest and head remained, Ryan, with one clean sweep, cut Landon's head right off.
The Match was over. Edwin's Squad won.
The victorious squad gathered around in the Colosseum, congratulating each other on their victory. Landon stared at them with hatred.
"Awww," Edwin said. "What's wrong, Landon? Sad you're retarded group of friends were less superior than mine?"
"Fuck you, Edwin," Landon replied. "I had the greatest friends in the world."
"Yeah, okay, bitch."
Edwin turned back at his friends and continued celebrating. Landon watched them all, wishing his friends were there, but also wishing death upon everyone there.
"Let me just say, Edwin," Ryan said. "I'm sorry I made fun of this game at first. It's super cool."
"Yeah," said Karl. "I've never had more fun in my life!"
"Thank you, thank you," said Edwin. "And let me tell you guys, I'm so glad to have such awesome friends like you. With all our abilities, we can accomplish anything. Nothing will ever tear us apar-!"
Just then, above all eight people in the Squad, portals appeared. They began to dissolve away, and Landon watched them leave, vowing revenge for all his fallen friends.
They reappeared on a platform floating through space.
"Where are we?" Jesse asked.
Edwin looked around and nodded to himself. "Final Destination. Get ready, guys. Master Hand is coming down in a second. He must be our ticket out of here."
"More like Masturbate Hand!" Trent said. "Am I right?"
Master Hand appeared above them. The whole squad got into their attack positions.
"Oh," the Hand said. "You think I'm the boss?"
The squad looked at him, confusingly. "I mean, yeah," Adam said. "You're the boss in the game."
"Nope, not here." The Hand snapped its fingers and the Squad popped out of Final Destination and appeared in the Great Cave Offensive, the other giant map in the game. Purple Lava on the walls and red lava on the floor, it was covered in instant death spots.
"Oh no, not this course," Edwin said.
"Wat, r we fiteing Landon agen?" Braxton asked.
"Free for all battle!" The announcer said.
"Free for all?" Karl said. "But I can't kill you guys!"
"IM GONNA WRECK YOU FUCKHEADS," Vince yelled.
"Three…"
"Wait!" Edwin said.
"Two…"
"We're not fucking doing this," Ryan said.
"One…"
"GET READY!" Vince yelled.
"Go!"
Vince ran forward, towards Braxton, the closest person he saw.
"W8."
Vince smashed Braxton in the face, sending him backwards, rolling down the course and eventually falling onto the floor. Vince turned and saw Adam, who raised his palms up.
"Vince…" he said. "We're not doing this."
"SWING FIRST."
"Vince! We're not going to fight each other!"
"SWING FIRST!"
"Fuck it!" Trent yelled, and ran up to Jesse, high kicking him in the face.
Jesse rubbed the blood from his mouth, and got up. "You wanna go?" he said to Trent, and then ran circles around him. Trent Falcon Punched straight ahead, and Jesse flew into a blank wall. He rolled onto his back, stared at Trent, and growled.
"YOU GONNA DO IT?" Vince yelled at Adam.
"Vince, I said I'm not-!"
Vince swung at Adam, who dodged and drew his sword, slashed up, and cut Vince's bicep. Vince backed up, and looked at Adam, who held his sword in attack position.
"YOU CUNT." Vince ran towards Adam and body tackled him. They both fell off a ledge and onto the floor below.
Edwin drew his sword and started charging for Ryan. Ryan groaned, and held his shield up. Edwin hit the shield, bounced back, and Ryan held his sword up.
"Are we really doing this?" he asked.
"I guess we have no other choice," Edwin said, and him and Ryan began decking it out on the top of the map.
Karl flew around, hovering over everybody. "Guys, come on!" he pleaded. "Let's not do this!" He then started getting hit by sizzling hot pieces of bacon. When he looked down, he saw Braxton tossing them up from a frying pan. Karl sneered, drew his bow and arrow, and shot one at Braxton's shoulder.
"Aw fuck," Braxton said, and fell back.
Karl landed on his feet and walked up to him. "You want to not?"
Braxton jumped up and started spamming Karl with his bug spray.
On different parts of the map, the squad was decking it out. Jesse quickly dodged Trent's powerful punches, Adam and Vince midly hit each other when they weren't hopping out of the way, Edwin and Ryan's blades refused to pierce skin, and Braxton spammed so much, Karl didn't have a chance at hitting him.
Above Ryan and Edwin popped the sawed-after Smash Ball.
They both looked up at it. "See ya!" Ryan said, and pushed Edwin off the platform onto the floor. This got the attention of everyone in the Squad, who all ran up to the top floor.
Ryan jumped and jumped and swung but couldn't get the ball. Jesse reached it a lot better but couldn't hit it hard enough. Vince was too small to reach it. Pulling back with all his might, Karl shot an arrow at it and hit the mark perfectly. It shattered and Karl began to glow.
"Whoa!" he exclaimed. "Alright, fuckers, are you ready for-?"
He felt a slash across his back. He screamed and fell to his knees, and the Smash Ball flew out of his possession. He heard it shatter again behind him.
"Who the fuck stole my-?!"
Karl looked at Adam was glowing, sword out and ready.
"Sorry," Adam said, smirking. He raised his sword up, it sparked, and like a bolt of lighting, he flew forward, swung his sword, and chopped Karl completely in half. The top portion of Karl's body slid off, and his legs fell to the floor.
Adam let out a snicker, then heard Jesse behind him. "This is why Experimental Cinema broke up!" Jesse ran fast and hit Adam in the back of the head, who got his sword up and began to fight Jesse.
"Viiiiiince," Braxton said. Vince turned around and Braxton started spamming the bug spray at Vince all over again.
Edwin and Ryan got ready to deck it out again but Edwin heard a "Falcon…" behind him. He jumped, flipped, and landed feet first behind Trent. Edwin slashed out and cut Trent across the shoulder. Trent turned around and high kicked Edwin in the face. Edwin fell onto his back, and Trent was ready to crush his friend, but he felt something hit him in the back of his head. It was Ryan's boomerang. Trent began to approach him, but Ryan drew and lit a bomb, and tossed it at Trent.
Trent caught it. "Nope!" He hot potatoed it to Edwin, who dropped it on the floor below to Braxton.
"O fuck," Braxton said, holding the bomb.
"GET THAT SHIT OUT OF HERE," Vince yelled.
Braxton chucked the bomb at Jesse and Adam. Jesse ducked, and it started hurling towards Adam. He pulled his sword back and swung at it like a baseball. It flew back to Jesse, landed in his mouth, and blew up. Jesse's brain matter and skull flew all over the area, and the rest of Jesse's body collapsed to the floor. Adam wiped the blood off of his face, drew his sword back, and dashed towards Vince and Braxton.
A three way battle between Ryan, Trent, and Edwin continued on the top floor, until another Smash Ball appeared.
"Anotha one," Trent said, and they all started jumping for it. Adam, Vince, and Braxton, forgot about their fight and started chasing after it, too.
Sword swipes and punches couldn't get it, but a piece of bacon could. Braxton began to glow.
"Oh NO!" Edwin, Vince, Adam, Trent, and Ryan yelled in unison.
"Octopuuuuuuuuuuus," Braxton said, and his dreads grew out and started wiggling around like tentacles.
One of them snatched Edwin, and started throwing him around all over the place. "This isn't the type of tentacle fetish I'm into!" he yelled.
Another grabbed Trent, and lowered one of his legs into the floor lava. It began to burn off, and Trent screamed in pain.
The tentacles tried grabbing Ryan and Adam, but they were able to slice them off, like a Hydra. Edwin took his sword, stabbed through the tentacle that was grabbing him, and it let go.
Ryan, Adam, and Edwin locked eyes, nodded, pulled their swords back, and began dashing towards Braxton, who was standing in the center laughing like an ape. Ryan floor slid and chopped off Braxton's legs, Adam dashed and sliced through Braxton's torso, and Edwin swiped Braxton's head clean off. The tentacles disappeared, and Braxton, this time, was the one who was 'wrekt.'
The tentacle dropped Trent into the lava, and the bottom half of his body was being eaten away.
"Someone help!" Trent yelled. "Please!"
Vince had a heart, ran up to Trent, and pulled him out. Trent's legs were completely gone.
"Vince… buddy…" Trent said, grabbing Vince's arm. "Can you take me out the way you know I want you to?"
Vince nodded. He picked Trent up, took off his helmet, turned him upside down, and RKO'd his head flat onto the concrete. Trent's brain splattered all over the floor.
Vince looked up. Him, Adam, Ryan, and Edwin all stared at each other. Vince put his fists up, and the rest held their swords into attack position.
Edwin anime-ran to Vince, swung, and missed. Vince showered Edwin with punches, weakening him. Adam and Ryan clanked swords together but couldn't hit each other.
Edwin turned to Vince, but saw another Smash Ball pop up. He jumped, flipped, perfectly hit it, began to glow, and landed in front of Ryan and Adam. Edwin pulled his sword back, Adam jumped to the lower platform, and Edwin flew forward, hitting Ryan and dragging him to the top of the screen.
Much like Ryan did to Landon, Edwin swung and swung, his sword on fire and Ryan's limbs falling apart. After very little of Ryan was left, Edwin swung down, back to the floor, and incinerated Ryan's remains.
Edwin got up, cracked his neck, and turned. Adam had climbed back up and was heading right for him. He held his sword back, and Edwin countered the strike. Adam flew flat on his back, and Edwin ran over to him. He held his sword up, ready to strike down, but Adam rolled out of the way and got to his feet. The two clanked swords together, one strike being so strong, they couldn't break the hit. Their swords pushed into each others' blades, and they locked eyes fiercly. Adam eventually gave in. Edwin pushed his sword off of him, and swiped Adam across the stomach. Adam fell to his knees, looked at his intestines fall out, then looked back at Edwin.
"Good game," he said.
"Yeah, whatever," Edwin replied, and swiped Adam's head off. The blood rained up and pour onto Edwin and Vince. They stared each other in the eyes, took two steps back, and started charging towards each other. Vince bobbed and weaved while Edwin swung as fast as he possibly could.
Finally, with a clean swoop, Edwin slashed Vince's left hand off. Vince fell to the floor, and Edwin smiled over him.
"Well, Vince," Edwin said. "Hate to tell you, but you lost."
Little did Edwin know, this entire battle, Vince's K.O. meter had been building up. Vince looked up at Edwin, shook his head, and said: "NO IT AIN'T."
He upper cutted Edwin, who flew across the map and landed into the purple lave on the wall. Edwin's body disintegrated, and Vince was left alone on the map.
Vince raised his arms in the air. "WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed.
The Match was over. Vince was the winner.
At the winner's circle, Vince was awarded with pizza rolls and Call of Duty coins. The Squad left the colosseum together, Vince wearing a new gold crown and covered in medallions.
"Gewd j0b, mac," Braxton said.
"Yeah, Vince," Edwin said. "You're the winner!"
"BITCH I TOLD YOU," Vince replied. "I AM THE BADDEST OF THEM ALL."
"What do you say we hit up Everest and celebrate?" Trent asked.
"I'm down," Edwin said. "Let me just go home and shower really quick." He turned to Adam. "Take me home."
They left the game and eventually Adam's house, all to go home and change and get ready for food. Adam drove Edwin over to his house, and pulled up front.
Edwin got out of the car. "Go park somewhere; I'll be done in a second."
"Alright," Adam replied.
Edwin walked up to his house and, from the opposite side of the street, Adam saw Landon approaching Edwin with a baseball bat.
Adam slammed on the accelerator. Landon looked over, dropped the bat, and stared like a deer in headlights. Adam plowed into Landon, who flew into his windshield and over the car. Edwin turned around, saw what was happening, and ran over.
Adam got out of his car, and him and Edwin ran over to Landon, who laid on the floor with broken legs and a bloody face. Landon quivered and shook.
"Just can't accept defeat, can you?" Edwin asked.
Adam looked over at his friend. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
They both smiled and looked down at Landon.
Edwin called everyone in the Squad and told them to go to his house for "free food." Him and Adam chopped Landon up in the garage, grounded his flesh, and made him into burgers. They served it to the guys, who all sat around the couch, eating their (very organic) human burger, and watched The Emperor's New Groove.
After dinner, Edwin made a suggestion. "Anyone down for The Matrix Legacy Art Online?"
"Nah," Ryan said. "I like Brawlhalla more."