A/N: So this is my first attempt at a purely angst story. I have to admit I cried when I wrote it, so fair warning. It doesn't seem right to say I hope you enjoy it, so I'm just going to say I hope you feel it.

Happy New Year everyone.

The letter was in her top drawer. No one ever would have found it. Jane knew that's why he left it there for him, because she knew he would be the one, he would be the one sitting in her dark office putting off what he knew he had to do.

Dear Patrick,

I never meant for things to happen this way, and you were right, I will miss you.

Patrick Jane watched as she crossed the bullpen her head down. He knew she was tiered; knew that her patience was wearing thin, and that he was making it worse rather than better. Two bodies in less than a month, it was obvious to everyone that Red John was sending them a message, and she was getting the message just as loudly as he was.

Teresa Lisbon felt herself being pulled apart; her heart colliding painfully with her sense of duty. She had to catch Red John, while still protecting her team including Jane, even if he didn't want the protection.

Her team watched her open her office door and close it with a snap. She had been on edge all week, and it wasn't hard to figure out why. Between Red John and Jane she was exhausted.

Later Jane would tell them that he did it to take her mind off the victims, off Red John, but the truth was he did it to make her smile and to see her reaction.

Three, two, one, Jane counted in his head eyes closed with a small smile.

"Damn it Jane!"

He sat up with his most innocent smile as Teresa stormed out of her office, her face glowing a soft rosy red.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" She growled angrily.

Patrick simply smiled innocently back at her. "I don't know what you mean."

"Why the hell are there sunflowers all over my office?"

Jane stood and moved towards her closing the distance of the bullpen in a matter of seconds. His innocent smile slipping away to be was quickly replaced with the teasing smile that always made Lisbon's heart skip.

He stopped inches from her, his eyes never leaving Lisbon's.

"They're your favorite flower," he said simply.

Lisbon starred at him for several seconds before she found her voice. "How did you know that?"

Jane grinned and brushed her dark curls out of her face. "If you don't like them I can get rid of them."

Lisbon's face turned a deeper shade of red, and with a huff dropped her gaze from Jane's. They stood to close, and his gentle gesture felt to intimate.

"You can leave at anytime Jane," Lisbon said trying to hide her embarrassment.

"You don't really want me to go, you'd miss me."

As she turned away from him she whispered only loud enough for him to hear, "maybe I would."

I know that if you are reading this, then it's over. We got Red John and you're finally free. You had to have known it wouldn't be simple Patrick, he is to smart for that.

The glow of candles lit the small room with a dim orange haze.

Swat stood with them their black kevlar making them seem like ghosts in the shadows. Lisbon and her team took lead, everyone knew that swat should go in first, but Red John was theirs and no one even thought to dispute it.

The small room was bare save a second door directly across from them.

A calm cold voice echoed around them as they entered, welcoming each of Lisbon's team by name.

If there was something worse than having a psychotic serial killer sound happy to see you, Lisbon couldn't think of it in that moment. Not that she had much time to think as the sound of a bulkhead slamming closed, locking her team and herself in the small dim room, and swat outside.

It was impossible for any of them to hide the flicker of fear that passed through them, and he was quick to pick up on it.

"Now you understand finally." Red John's cool voice was tinted with the smile they couldn't yet see. "Even when you win Jane, you still lose."

I know that you have every intention of killing him, and I know why. We all do, but I won't let you kill him Patrick. Not if I can stop you. I need you to know it's not because I want to see him alive, I hope I get a reason to shoot him, but it's because of what it will do to you. You're not a monster Patrick, and I will do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't make you one.

"I'm rather surprised at you Mr. Jane. I had expected you to come alone, and for them to have to follow you here. Yet what a delightful gift I have been given, to have your playthings here with us."

Lisbon looked at each of her agents in turn, her eyes dancing dangerously. Red John was messing with them, and with a simple look she reminded them of it.

He wanted to divide them, but it wouldn't work.

"Although perhaps I shouldn't be," Red John continued seemingly ignoring the silent conversation that had gone on among his prisoners. "I knew she would be your undoing Mr. Jane. Such a pity to waste yourself Mr. Jane on her emerald green, however delicious she may be."

Jane's eyes darted up to meet Lisbon's. She starred back silently, trying to hide the cold chill that passed through her.

The cold laugh that echoed around them, told her she had failed.

Men like him will never understand what people are willing to sacrifice for the ones they care about. He'll never understand it Patrick and that's why no matter the cost I'm glad we did it. I'm glad it's over.

"You have an interesting opportunity Mr. Jane, one I have been waiting years to give you, and you have been waiting for it just as I have."

They all were looking at him; Jane could feel their eyes as they watched for some reaction to the words they didn't understand. They couldn't understand, and for that Jane was thankful.

"Since the night I met your beautiful wife and daughter, and now your team Jane."

Jane looked for her then, and Lisbon met his stare evenly, questioningly if only for a second. The second passed and realization dawned on her face, turning it pale under her glittering eyes. She shook her head ever so slightly. No one would have noticed it unless they had been watching her; unfortunately Jane wasn't the only one who was.

"Or perhaps it would be more courteous to offer the opportunity to you Teresa."

The words pierced her and the sadness was almost too much, Teresa turned away from her team. She knew the looks of confusion that would be on her agent's faces, and she couldn't explain his deceptive ultimatum. She knew that Jane's horrified stare was watching her, and she couldn't face it.

The sound of the lock clicking before them made the silence seem that much louder. Lisbon knew what was coming, knew the choice Red John had given her. Herself for her team, it was an easy choice.

I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you, Patrick, but I love you. I wish we had more time, but whatever happens please don't give up. I want you to be happy, and to be free, not just of him, but of the memories to.

They say that time slows down when you're dying, but Teresa Lisbon knows better. It was the seconds before the explosion of pain that seemed to last forever.

She had moved toward the door her eyes not meeting those of her team. She reached the door an instant before Jane reached her, and slipped through it. She heard his voice shouting at her as she walked in to the arms of the man that would kill her.

I never knew your wife Patrick, but I have to believe she loved you as much as you loved her, just as I love you. So I will speak for both of us when I beg you to let yourself be happy.

The sound of voices, and sirens were nothing more than a dull roar in her mind. All that existed was the feel of his knife in her, and his cold whisper in her ear.

Shots rang out and someone's hands were on her. They were gentle unlike his, and didn't bring the pain she was expecting.

"Lisbon. Lisbon. Teresa," it was Jane's shaken voice in her ear, and she smiled through the pain.

"I I'm sso-sorry," her voice came out in an almost silent rasp.

"Stay with me Teresa."

"I'm s-so-rry, I c-can't."

"Please Teresa," Jane begged.

The tears spilled down her bloody face as she tried to open her eyes, she had to see him, had to make him understand before she wasn't strong enough.

"My desk…l-letter…for you," Teresa said through gasping raspy breaths.

His hand touched her face lightly and his blue eyes were brimmed with tears.

"Please, Teresa, stay with me."

"Love you."

"I know Teresa and I love you."

She smiled into his blue eyes and let the pain take her into darkness, the sound of his confession accompanying her into the stillness.

I'll always be with you Patrick, I love you. Forever yours Teresa.

The cold sprinkle of rain should have chilled Jane, but he could hardly notice it. The damp ground his only anchor keeping him from the promise of oblivion Countless angels, stones, and crosses lay spread out in rows all around him, but his eyes never strayed from the one before him.

A beautiful little angel with her eyes up to the sky and her hands closed in prayer. She was the guardian of the closest thing to an angel he had ever known.

Jane's tears fell silently as he pulled himself from the hard wet ground.

The small head stone was covered in beautiful sunflowers, just as it always would be, but he knew the words the little stone said, more clearly than any he had ever known.

Teresa Lisbon

Beloved sister and friend. A saint above angels.

Patrick Jane turned from the little grave whispering a secret the little angel guardian had heard a hundred times from his lips. A single word that brought the tears of heaven down to earth…

"Forever"