It was hard to feel guilty when Regina Mills was on her so completely like this. It was hard to feel anything, really, other than the throbbing pleasure of fingers thrusting deep into her core, and the desperate pit of despair lingering just beneath the surface over the idea that the brunette had to leave eventually. It was better than the emptiness when she was gone; the 'going through the motions' feel that brought her back to these moments, so sparingly allowed for them to share.
Emma Swan supposed she only had herself to blame. She had accepted that, despite a nagging voice telling her that it was just law enforcement's way of brainwashing her. Getting her to conform to the mindset that yes, she was guilty, and yes, she did deserve to be locked away in that prison cell day in and day out, and that they only allowed these conjugal visits because it was the law. It was hard to believe that there was a time Emma pleaded innocence to the whole ordeal.
But in the designated room they occupied alone twice a month, Emma forced herself not to feel anything so toxic and destructive. She had promised Regina that their relationship would not suffer over this, and Emma would be damned if she broke said promise. Regina was one of the few good things in Emma's life, and when the brunette made it clear that she wasn't leaving because of this, Emma swore to herself that she would make it work. No matter the cost.
"Emma," Regina purred into the blonde's ear, and Emma snapped back to reality, her eyes closing as her face turned into Regina's hair. That was one plus side to their relationship; Regina understood that Emma needed to be pulled back in sometimes, and she didn't get upset, like Emma would have expected her to. Then again, Regina needed the same thing on occasion. They understood each other better than anyone else probably ever could, and that was probably how they landed themselves here in the first place.
"Fuck," Emma moaned breathily into the dark locks she hid in as Regina's fingers twisted and curled, grounding Emma in the moment again and causing her whole body to shudder. A third finger was added to the two already pressing and rubbing inside of her on the next thrust, and Emma swore she could feel Regina's wedding ring threatening to enter her with the force and depth the woman was fucking her with. Emma probably wouldn't have minded at this point; they had experienced other, less comfortable times were Regina had slammed so hard into her that her whole ring disappeared into Emma's core, leaving the blonde unable to sit without wincing for a few days. But this time, Emma would have taken it as a reminder for what she was fighting for.
"Here?" Regina stroked a finger over a spot inside Emma that made the blonde shiver, her whole body pushing up against the one above her. She could feel Regina's smirk against the skin behind her ear, and she knew what was coming; sure enough, the two other fingers joined the slow, teasing motion across that spot, and the low, long sound that left Emma's lips brought on a moan from Regina as well.
Emma's hands, which had originally been buried between Regina's legs, stroking her clit and teasing her entrance simultaneously, had faltered their actions as soon as Regina pushed into her. She never had been much for multi-tasking. They were pushed all the way up the tight fitting black dress Regina loved to tease her with, grasping her hips tightly. They hadn't made it to fully unclothed this time around; Emma's legs were still trapped in the jeans they had allowed her for the visit, pushed down far enough to allow Regina's hand room to work. When Emma had become distracted, Regina had rid herself of her black lace panties and pushed Emma's jeans further down, enough to straddle the blonde's thigh. She was grinding her center shamelessly against Emma, small pants and growls of appreciation leaving her when Emma had the coherency to shift her leg or press up into her for more friction on her clit.
Regina hated lack of control, but Emma knew they shared it while they were here. Regina needed this just as much as Emma did.
Another moan slipped free of Emma's throat when Regina began curling on every thrust, and she shifted her head to latch onto her wife's throat, pulling at the skin with lips and teeth. The resulting noise encouraged her, and Emma's hips pushed into the thrusts, her tongue swirling and stroking over the sensitive skin of Regina's pulse. Her hands used the leverage to pull the woman's hips faster and more firmly against her thigh, and she heard Regina swear violently into the crook of her neck, fingers of her free hand tangling into long blonde locks. Emma allowed her head to be jerked to the side, and at the sensation of sharp, possessive teeth sinking into the skin of her neck, Emma cried out and felt herself throb more fully around Regina's fingers.
She was so close. It wasn't going to take much more. Emma desperately wanted to feel Regina's tongue, the way it wrapped around her clit so fully and slipped past her walls to undo her. But she didn't want to disturb the woman's position against her thigh. Her body started to tremble, her hips rolling against Regina's fingers more urgently, and, recognizing the signs, Regina pressed her thumb flat to Emma's clit and began rubbing in circles. "Next time," she breathed into Emma's ear. "I want to see you this time…"
Those words, paired with a forceful thrust against the spot that always undid her, were enough to send Emma over the edge. Crying out sharply, Emma's body went rigid, nails digging into Regina's hips as she clenched around the still thrusting digits. She hated finishing first; it was usually a little more romantic when they finished together, because they both lulled into a sense of peace that wrapped them in each other. That, and finishing first was just proof that Emma didn't have much self control when it came to Regina. She never had.
The feeling that settled over Emma's body when she finally came down wasn't really relaxation; it felt more like her whole body had been injected with some kind of sedative, and she was finding it difficult to move. Eyes closed, she almost completely zoned out on her still teetering wife, and was actually rather startled when she heard her voice whine her name in her ear.
Forcing herself back to reality once again, Emma pulled her hands out from beneath Regina's dress and wrapped an arm around her waist. "Sit up," she urged, helping the slim from into an upright position as Emma sat up herself and kicked her jeans the rest of the way off. Taking the hint, Regina threw her leg over Emma's other thigh, successfully straddling Emma's lap and balancing herself on her knees so she hovered just slightly over the blonde. Free hand slipping back under the black material that had fallen around Regina's hips, Emma wasted no time in pushing two fingers deep into her wife, satisfied with the resulting growl from above her.
The atmosphere seemed to shift in the dimly lit room they had occupied for the past half hour. Regina rode Emma's fingers like some kind of pro as the former sheriff nipped harsh marks into the soft, tanned skin of Regina's clavicle. The way both hands were now buried in Emma's hair, and the increase in pace of the hips rocking against her fingers told Emma the woman was close; wet heat burned Emma's fingers as she increased them to match Regina's pace, and her arm left her slim waist to tug at the zipper at the back of her dress.
"What are you –" Regina didn't get to finish before Emma had pulled the small straps down tanned shoulders and unhooked the front clasp of the black lace bra hiding her breasts. "Emma – fuck," Regina hissed, her chest arching and her head falling back as Emma closed her lips around one of the rapidly hardening nipples. Emma's fingers moved even faster in and out of her wife's walls as her tongue swirled and stroked in firm, quick motions, and when Regina was practically bucking against her, Emma knew she had her. One flick of her thumb over her clit, and Regina came undone in Emma's embrace, her face falling into Emma's hair as she panted out loud moans of pleasure.
Emma peppered soft kisses along Regina's chest as she felt her body come down from the sexual high it had been driven to, and when Regina finally sagged against her, Emma pulled them both to lay back on the not-so-accommodating bed they occupied. It was so easy to gravitate towards each other, tangle themselves physically in each other's body, legs twined to stay close, and arms wound around each other to keep the warmth radiating between them.
But no matter the comfort, this was the part Emma feared the most. The silence in the after stage, when Regina would lift her head and glance at the clock, determine they only had another fifteen minutes together, and then use that fifteen minutes to get dressed and put herself back together. Because Regina Mills never stepped outside of that room looking any less than perfect. When she felt the shift that indicated Regina doing just that, checking the time, Emma immediately pressed closer and hid her face in her neck.
Gentle fingers worked themselves through Emma's tangled hair. "Fifteen minutes," Regina whispered softly, and Emma's eyes squeezed shut tight.
"No…"
A moment of silence stretched before she felt warm breath wash over her forehead. "Emma?" Regina asked softly. Emma didn't reply, just forced herself closer, as close as she possibly could. "Emma, what's wrong?"
The air seemed to be leaving Emma's lungs, her chest tightening as she finally managed a quiet, "I miss you. And Henry…" It felt like too much of an effort to admit that much. "I'm…I don't like watching you leave…"
A soft sigh was all Emma heard for a few moments as she attempted to block herself from the real world. This world, in here with Regina, where she didn't have to think or face what really was, was perfect. Leaving it was more difficult than anything she had ever done in her life, and the fact that she had to do it over and over again didn't make it any easier to deal with.
"Henry misses you," Regina finally said softly, and her fingers continued through Emma's hair. "And he knows none of this was your fault. He has a calendar on the wall, counting down the days until you come home."
"We shouldn't have left Storybrooke," Emma whispered.
"You were miserable there," Regina said lightly, and Emma lifted her head to look into Regina's face.
"And I'm not now? I can't even see my family…I fucked up and landed myself back in this stupid prison, and I just…"
Regina gazed into Emma's eyes, and the blonde knew what was coming. Regina never failed to read everything she was feeling, and throw it right back at her. "You feel like you've disappointed me," Regina stated. Emma's only response was to hide her face again. She didn't get that luxury for long; strong, slender fingers grasped Emma's chin to lift her head, and she found herself gazing into glassy brown eyes. She had fallen so in love with those eyes, and the person they belonged to. She so missed the days they were actually happy; the days they had finally realized fighting each other was worthless, because they would still be drawn so deeply into each other, and there was no escape.
"I'm disappointed," Regina said, and Emma tried to flinch away. Regina's fingers tightened around her chin to hold her in place. "But not at you. All that's happened…it wasn't your fault. You did what you had to, and you paid the undeserving price." Releasing her chin, Regina stroked her fingertips along Emma's cheek. "You are out of here in two months…and we can start over."
"I almost killed someone, Regina," Emma whispered, tears stinging her eyes.
"Because he hurt me," Regina pointed out. "You were defending your wife. If you had not knocked him out the way you did, he would have hurt you, too."
"But I still did it," Emma whispered, closing her eyes as the tears beat her out and fell down her face. As expected, soft fingertips brushed through the wet trail, and Emma let out a soft sob of defeat.
"I don't know what they are doing to you here to make you believe that," Regina said, her voice a lot less soft and a lot colder, "but you did what you did because you had to. I am not of this world, Emma…what was I to do? Blast him with magic and out myself to the whole world? This situation would be much worse than it is now, and you know it would be."
"So you'd rather me in jail than you in some science lab," Emma muttered bitterly, though she really didn't mean it; she herself preferred that option.
"Not at all," the brunette said. "But we're forced to live with what has been given to us. I will have you back in two months…and we will leave Boston. Move. Find somewhere to go that restricts the rest of the world from bothering us, and we will start over…and we will be happy again."
Silence fell between them for several long, heavy moments. When Emma spoke again, her voice was barely there. "For someone so broken when we met, you sure have a bright outlook on the future."
A small huff of a chuckle followed those words. "Oh, my love," she said, fingers moving along Emma's cheek again. "I've gotten everything I have ever asked for. Love…a family…a new start…" Soft lips brushed against Emma's cheek. "I will fight for our happy ending, just as I fought to ensure you were mine."
A loud pound came from the door across the room. "Time's up!" a voice yelled from the other side. "Two minutes, or I'm coming in!"
Fifteen minutes had passed without either of their notice. Regina looked a little miffed at herself; she looked like hell. Her dress was pulled down her shoulders, her underwear was on the floor somewhere, and her hair was a mess. Emma wasn't much better off. "Come on," the blonde said softly, sitting up. Regina followed with a sigh, standing and retrieving her underwear to pull up her thighs. Emma pulled her pants back on before moving to hook Regina's bra back in place, then step around her to slowly pull the zipper up on the dress. When that was finished, Regina turned to look at her.
"Two weeks?" the brunette said softly, and Emma nodded with a sigh.
"Two weeks."
Another loud knock sounded through the room, and Regina spun on the door. "I'm coming!" she snarled, looking absolutely pissed at being rushed. Slipping on her heels, she moved to pick up her purse, but Emma stopped her.
"You forgot something."
Regina's face seemed to soften instantly, and she stepped forward to close the distance between them, arms slipping around Emma's waist as she pressed a deep kiss to the blonde's lips. Emma melted into her, clutching around Regina's neck as she let herself be devoured, knowing that this was a horrible way to end their meetings. She would sit in wait for the next two weeks, driving herself crazy over how badly she needed to be close to her wife.
Yet they ended this way every time.