Standard Disclaimer Applies
A/N: I was looking at the absolutely gorgeous pair of Jimmy Choo's that I want so badly and this popped into my head. Enjoy.
The Problem with Manolo Blahnik:
Remus stared down at the offending leather and black wood that covered Lily Evans's delicate feet. He didn't see what the big deal was, they were just shoes. Sure, the color was a little offending; they were green after all. But it was a bright green with white stripes that made it look like plaid. The heels were as thin as Rita Skeeter after her crash diet and didn't look like they would support anything heavier than the leaf details that hung off the wraparound ankle strings. They were lovely as far as shoes went.
Remus looked at James, who had started the whole debate, and asked, "What's wrong with them?"
"What's wrong with them?! How can you ask me such a ridiculous question? Those shoes are a threat to mankind!"
"How do you figure?"
"Look at them! They couldn't possibly support her weight! And besides, they're obscene!"
"Obscene? James, they're just shoes! Albeit, not the most practical of shoes, but they are just shoes."
"They just...how can you not? I…you wouldn't understand." James stammered, before giving up.
"Why not?"
"You're gay."
What did being gay have to do with any-? Oh. Remus laughed as James's problem with the shoes came unbidden into his mind. Now that he thought about it, they did angle Lily's hips up slightly and made her rear end look a little more…perky. He got it now, James didn't hate the shoes. He hated what they did to him. Of course, any man could see what they did to the already lovely Lily Evans and any straight man loved it. Remus just hoped that James wouldn't say anything to Lily about them.
"Hey, Evans!" Too late.
"Yes?"
"Where'd you get the shoes?"
"Why? You like them?"
"They're green."
"So? I thought they went with my eyes, don't you agree?"
"Uh…" James looked around and finally nodded. Lily gave him a smile.
"Then there's no problem is there?" James shook his head. Remus snickered, Lily had managed to get him completely twisted around her little finger and now she was reeling him in.
/page break/
"Remus. You are staring at my shoes again. What's up?"
Remus looked into Lily's eyes before glancing back down at the shoes, "I'm wondering how you manage to stand in those things."
Lily laughed, "It's not that hard once you get the hang of it. I bet you could do it."
"You think?" asked Remus, skeptical.
"Sure. Besides these shoes make things happen."
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that my sister, Petunia, wore these and now she's getting married. Danielle Frisch wore them and now she's got herself a boy toy. I wore them and I have James Potter silent and eating out of the palm of my hand. These shoes are miraculous!"
"That does sound miraculous. Now if only that could help me."
"Who says they can't?"
"Lily, have you lost your mind? I'm male! Males do not wear heels of that height!"
Lily shrugged, "You're gay, I'm sure there's some sort of exception for that."
Remus felt his jaw sag, "Thank you for the vote of confidence."
"You're welcome. Here, why don't you take them with you and if you feel the need, wear them for a special guy. Bring them back whenever you're done. You wouldn't believe how much 'Tunia and I spent on those things."
Remus stammered as the shoes were shoved into his hands and watched as Lily flounced off.
"But, I? Lily! What the hell am I going to do with these?!" Remus called, panic edging his voice. What would happen if the guys found out he had these shoes? What would happen if James found out he had Lily's "sexy shoes"? Oh, goddess, he was so dead.
"Break a leg!"
"Well, obviously." Remus said, sarcasm dripping from his words.
/page break/
What the fuck was he going to do with these? Remus turned the lethal shoes over in his hands. He leant back against his pillows and studied the name inscribe on the sole. Manolo Blahnik. Who the hell was that? He created some pretty painful looking shoes. What had Lily been thinking when she had given him these? She didn't really think he'd use them on Sirius, did she? How ridiculous.
Remus sighed and run the smooth leather through his fingertips. They weren't bad looking, just impractical. Besides, he was male, gayness not withstanding, and males did not wear stiletto heels by Manolo Blahnik. Definitely not!
Although, they were very pretty. No! He was not going to succumb to the, admittedly frightening, temptation. He wasn't! Remus put the shoes carefully into a small box and slid them under his bed. He would give them back to Lily at the earliest convenience.
Remus sighed again, feeling morose for some reason. He didn't know what the problem was. He didn't have a shoe fetish and he didn't want to actually wear the shoes. Did he?
James and Sirius chose that moment to tumble into the room. James was already gushing about Lily's shoes. The shoes, which currently lay underneath Remus's bed. Great, just what he needed: a reminder. NOT!
Remus spent the rest of the night and, quite frankly, the rest of the week being miserable. Lily wouldn't even consider taking the shoes back so soon and James wouldn't stop talking about the damned things! Sirius had wanted to see them, but Lily had told him that she had lent them to a friend. She had winked at Remus while doing it, too! She had such nerve, must come from being a redhead.
The shoes lay underneath the bed, gathering dust particles and giving Remus headaches. The fact that they were there, just waiting to be discovered was enough to drive Remus up the proverbial wall.
Two weeks to the day that Lily lent him the shoes he gave up. He gave up on resisting the urge to try the shoes on just to see how stupid he looked doing it. So he waited. James left for what was to be a very long "detention" with Lily as a chaperone, Peter was in the infirmary because of projectile vomiting. Sirius also left with a small smile and a sweet kiss, McGonagall had apparently caught him with Victoire Elise in the Astronomy Tower. Remus knew better.
Soon enough he was alone. Remus pulled the shoes from their hiding spot and tore the lid off the makeshift box. He brought one shoe up to eye level by its strings. He thought about what he was doing and decided that he just didn't care.
Remus stood up, wobbling on the thin heels. How did women do this on a daily basis? Bloody hell, it was like trying to balance on a high wire: pointless and dangerous. He managed to wobble over to the floor length mirror and peered at himself.
The shoes did wonderful things for his posture. And his rear looked a little better. But nothing changed so much that he would want to do it for long. He bent down to unwrap one of the leather pieces twined around his ankle when he heard a gasp.
Remus spun around and nearly fell over. Sirius was standing in the doorway, looking at the shoes wrapped around Remus's feet. What had been a stack of books and papers lay scattered next to his shoes. Remus looked at his feet and up at his lover.
"Go ahead. Laugh, I know I look ridiculous." He probably did, too. Remus was still wearing most of his uniform and his trousers were rolled up to his knees. His tie hung loosely around his neck and his Oxford shirt was untucked on one side. His hair was mussed from his tangle with the curtains and his cheeks were red with embarrassment.
Sirius took two steps into the room, turned, and shut the door. He locked it tightly behind him. Remus looked on, worried for Sirius's mental state. The man looked frazzled enough. Sirius spun around to face Remus once more, his eyes wide.
"Sirius? Are you okay?"
"You have no idea how you look in those shoes, do you?"
"Incongruous?" Remus asked, wondering if this was a trick question.
"Huh?" Sirius paused, tilting his head.
"Incongruous: unsuitable, strange, or out of place in a particular setting or context."
"Oh, no, that wasn't what I was thinking."
"What were you thinking then?"
Sirius took four giant steps across the room, and then proceeded to scoop Remus up in his arms and dump him unceremoniously onto the nearest bed. Sirius leant over him, grinning madly.
"You look sexy as hell and I can't figure out why. In most cases a guy in five- inch stiletto heels is cause to worry, but with you, they do something to me. Why is that?"
"Um, Body Dysmorphic Disorder?"
"Hmm?" mumbled Sirius, too busy studying the shoes to listen.
"No, that's not right. Transvetic Fetishism, maybe?"
Sirius pulled one of Remus's stiletto clad feet closer to his face, glaring at the cherry like red blobs on the end. "I don't think so. Maybe I just like the idea of prim and proper you doing something so naughty."
"I believe that would be listed under personality disorder." Remus drawled, taking offense to the 'prim and proper' comment.
Sirius turned the foot left and the right, "Probably. What's it matter anyways? These are really well made shoes! Who are they by?"
"Some guy named Manolo Blahnik. Why?"
"Hmm, just wondering. These are the shoes James was talking about weren't they? Lily's 'hottie shoes'?"
"Yeah, Lily lent them to me, said they were miracle workers. Personally I think she's barmy. Would you stop that? My feet are not that interesting!"
Sirius placed the offending foot over one of his broad shoulders and leered down at Remus, "Would you be quiet and let me explore. There is a very good chance I won't see you in things like this ever again."
Remus blushed and looked away, "I don't know about that. They're nice when you get used to them."
Sirius straightened from where he was examining the heels and looked at his very introverted lover.
"Huh?" Remus rolled his eyes at the inelegant grunt. He just had to choose the 'pretty' lover, didn't he?
"I'm saying that if you like them so much, maybe we could…do this again?" Remus trailed off, feeling the heat in his face and knowing that he was cherry red. The look Sirius gave him made the tremendous embarrassment worth it though. The grin could have lit up a Christmas tree for three days straight.
This was definitely worth it, mused Remus as Sirius bent down to kiss him. He definitely needed to thank Lily.
/page break/
Remus laughed as James moaned and groaned about the bill Lily had brought home from her shopping trip the other day. He had told her that she could spend whatever she wanted and had left it at that. Now he was bemoaning the fact that he hadn't set down some guidelines.
"Four hundred galleons! Do you know how many pounds that is?! Two thousand! For shoes! Two damn pairs of shoes! What the hell kind of shopping is that?! It isn't like she can wear them either!"
"Why not?" asked Sirius, stirring his coffee.
James scoffed, "She's six months pregnant isn't she? She can't go around wearing four inch, gold leather knee high boots, can she? Or the gold goddess sandals with a three-inch heel. Good Merlin, help me."
Remus smirked behind his Earl Grey, if only James knew what was going to happen with those shoes. Lily had already snuck him a pair of gorgeous black suede thigh high boots a month ago.
Sirius gave Remus a lecherous grin over the rim of his coffee mug. Oh, yes, thought Remus, if only James knew what fun they were going to have with 'Lily's' new shoes. Gold leather, huh? Fun.
A/N: Ta-da!