Sunny Day
Sometimes it sucks to be him. When the rain hits in the middle of April and there's no way that it'll abate anytime soon and he's still standing in front of the memorial stone, Kakashi sometimes thinks that he should let the past go. He doesn't believe that his sensei or his team would ever begrudge him that one weakness- he's often returned home with a raging cold because of the rain seeping through his clothes to chill his very bones- but he can't bring himself to leave any earlier than he ever has.
Today, it's sunny- the sun shines onto the memorial stone and it flickers and glitters in the sun. Kakashi, in moments of absurdity, has often noted that it makes a lovely modern art sculpture- except for its morbid purpose. It's a nice shade of blue-green and he hasn't really seen anything of its like anywhere else despite various missions to other parts of the unknown world. Sometimes he likes to pretend that the stone is just that, and that he's admiring the aesthetics of the whole thing.
It never really works.
His team are looking for him. He's sent a shadow clone to spy on them and after it dispelled itself, he remembers watching Naruto get bopped on the head by an irate Sakura as he makes a socially unacceptable blunder about her womanliness; he watches Sai smile at them, though it feels slightly more sincere as he too is pounded by an ever-increasing-in-ire Sakura when he comments on the truth in Naruto's blunt statement. He watches Tenzo smile indulgently and drag them towards a training ground. He'll join them later when they've forgotten about his absence.
For now, however, his attention is on the memorial stone. It's glinting again, as if to mock him.
He should be happy, and he is- he has new people that he cares about, would die for; he should be satisfied, and he is- in the very bottom of his heart, he has started to tentatively call his team his family- but there is something inside of him that aches for the what-could-have-been. The Yondaime was a father to him, Rin a sister and Obito a brother and rival. He feels left behind and he doesn't- and then he feels ungrateful, for the Yondaime has given him a pupil that he will always cherish; Rin often reminds him to remember a beautiful girl who will blossom to become a fearsome Kunoichi and the best medic since Tsunade, and Obito gave him the gift of freedom from his own stupidity.
He has somehow come to kneel in front of the memorial stone in his mental musings and now he gently rests gloved fingers on the names that he cherishes in the innermost sanctum of his heart and smiles under the cloth of his mask.
Sometimes it sucks to be him, but today, as Kakashi turns away from the memorial stone, he thinks that sometimes, it was worth what he had to go through to realise that the world wasn't as dark as he'd always believed.
A/N: Feedback is welcome.