AUTHORS NOTE:
Ok so as i said this is a new story i have been toying around with for a while and this is my first fanfic story so please be kind ;) Please review. I do have a sort of plan for how i want this story to go but i would love feedback on what you think because you never know i might just use an idea you have. Oh and ofcourse all characters belong to E.L James i am just using them for my story.
Ana's POV
Back to school. The one day I have been severely dreading for the past three weeks. Ever since I lost him. Josh. My boyfriend, my best friend, my confider and the love of my life. I know that seems crazy right? I'm 15 and I thought I had met the love of my life. It seems like the stuff fairy tales are made of, the things that never happen in real life but for me it was different. I grew up with him through school and then all of a sudden in eighth grade he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. We had been together ever since. He was my first kiss, my first love and my first time. My love for him grew with each day. Then three weeks ago I got the call I never imagined in a million years I would get. His mom ringing to tell me that he was riding his bike when a drunk driver hit him and he was in bad shape in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital with my dad and when we got there he was hooked up to machines but the doctors said that the machines weren't doing anything to keep him alive, that he was gone. I honestly don't think I have ever cried as much in my life as I did that day and the many days following. Josh's funeral was probably the hardest day of my life. Saying goodbye to the person you love is a tough thing to do especially at 15. I have to admit though just how amazing his family has been towards me. They've never failed to tell me how much I meant to Josh and them and how welcome I will always be at their house. I think that's possibly meant the most to me. My dad has also been a huge support considering how hard he has tried to fight the whole boyfriend thing.
Today is going to be hard. I basically haven't left the house at all in the past three weeks except for the funeral and a couple visits to Josh's house. I don't know how I am going to deal with everyone looking at me like I'm some sort of tragedy and feeling sorry for me. My friends have tried coming round to visit but I just haven't been up to it. I know that at some point I had to leave the house but I was really hoping for more time.
I get dressed in my school uniform. I think today going to a private school is something I am thankful for, not having to find an outfit to wear. I don't have to run the risk of others judging me for not feeling like putting some amazing outfit together. After finishing getting ready for school, I head downstairs to the kitchen to grab something for breakfast and some lunch. My dad is already preparing something for me as I think some kind of gesture to tell me everything will be ok. I hope it will.
"How are you doing this morning kiddo" my dad asks without trying to look me in the eyes.
"I don't really know how to answer that question right now. I just don't know that I'm really ready to do this, but if I don't go now I may never go back. The first days always the hardest right?" I answer.
He responds by giving me a sympathetic smile.
After finishing up breakfast I say goodbye and I head out the door and down to the bus station to wait for it to take me to school. I stick my headphones in my ears and listen to some music as I ride the 20 minute drive to my school.
I arrive at school to basically everyone staring at me as if they're all looking at an accident or something. This just makes me sad thinking of Josh's accident and how everyone must have been staring at him when he was hit. As I make my way in the school I see my best friends Chelsea, Brittany and Kate and make my way to them. They're discussing what they did over the summer and how amazing it was. I think that's the difference between me and my friends. They're all beautiful girls who love to go out and put themselves out there and hook up with guys whilst I'm the one who was in a committed relationship. They love to just hang out and have fun. They're very social and everyone loves them for it. Whilst they discuss their summers and plans for the upcoming weekend, I notice a guy staring at me out the corner of my eye who has dark copper hair and grey eyes. I must admit he looks really good but I could never go there right now, at least not so soon after Josh. Maybe with time my heart might heal enough that I could find the courage to put myself out there again but for now I think I will stick with trying to heal my heart by taking a page out of my friends' books and drinking away the pain with the occasional random hook up.