A/n: the first of thirteen song fics (I know Guru, the horror), all of which are off of the CD 'No Helmets, No Pads, Just Balls', by Simple Plan. They won't be in order, but all of them will be there. Most of them will be for Trigun and Zelda, but one or two is FLCL. There might be some different ones, but that's beside the point. The point is this is my first song fic, so be nice pwease.
Vash stood on a barren hill, over-looking a town. He sighed as he looked into the blue sky. A tear rolled down his cheek as he thought about the past week. It sucked. First all his friends in the ship, then the poor boy, Zazie. Then Wolfwood died. Why didn't he stay to help Wolfwood? He could have dealt with Cain faster. But none of that hurt him more then what happened at the cliff.
He tried lying to himself about it. That psycho made him pull the trigger, he would think. He didn't do it, it's not his fault.
But he DID pull the trigger; he DID put out that man's flame. He killed that man, and with him, Rem.
"God Rem, what did I do? Help me." He looked harder into the sky, trying to see her face. But nothing happened. She was gone. He thought about what he'd done all that time, what 127 years had done to him. His scars. His memories. His losses. Did Rem want him to be like this? Would she frown at him for what he had become? For what he stood for? For what people thought he stood for?
His legs fell to the dusty earth. The scarred hands held his head. It hurt to think that. He didn't want to think she would hate him now. Hate what he might do. Hate what he did. He couldn't stand thinking she might just turn on him. Tell him she was surprised about that he did.
That's what she would say.
But he was trying hard to make things right. He had tried to always do the right thing. He was just so confused.
"DAMMIT!" he slammed his fists into the ground hard. Over and over again they hit the sand. There was a way around all of this. Why couldn't he see it then? He lost so many, all because he was careless. There were people out there mourning because HE hesitated. There were families out there standing by graves HE carved because HE messed up. He could have saved them, but didn't. He could have saved and helped so many.
The pounding of his fists stopped as more tears filled his eyes. He hurt so much. He'd seen so many die, none of which needed too. It wasn't just the owner of the gun, he could have stopped them. There was no reason what Rem taught him had to go to waste. He tried to do what she taught him, all the time. He prayed for others when they needed help that he couldn't do. He never did anything that he knew she wouldn't want him to. Till now.
He wanted to remember what it felt like to sit on her lap in the REC room. He couldn't even remember half her song. He wanted to hear her voice again. To see her and feel her. He wanted to hug her and cry into her. He wanted her arms around him.
Would she do that now? Would she hold him and comfort him? Or would she shake her head and walk away. Would she stare at him, maybe even in fear. Would she tremble to her knees and beg for her life, not wanting to be shot down by the murder he had become. The one everyone thought he was. The one he was.
He held himself at the thought of her face twisting into fear and disgust. It was so easy to see it in his mind. Her on the ground, maybe even sobbing. He didn't want to be the one she would run from. Hide from. He wanted to be the one who would save her. The one who would help her up and hold her.
She wouldn't let him do that now. He would try, but she would back away or scream. He wanted to just live with other people but they all hated him. They all either wanted him dead to sleep safe at night or to pay their meal ticket. So many feared him. So many hated him. They would all run and hide from him. He wanted to go back and fix it all, but he couldn't.
She would hate him. She would want him to die. Everyone on this planet hates him and wants him dead. People told him to go to hell, or to drop dead if they had the guts. Even the families at home had told him that. This was all his fault. If he hadn't been born.
There was no way he could atone for all he'd done. Sure he saved some, but he didn't save everyone like she told him to. She would be so mad at him.
There was no way she would look at him. Her back would be turned to him if she was here. Why would she want to see him now? Not even her words of wisdom came to him. She, even in the afterlife, wanted nothing to do with him.
He hugged his knees as the wind picked up. He tried to drown out the gales. He tried to think about what she would say to him, but her voice just played the same thing over and over.
His ticket had a bullet hole.