Confessions
By Mr. Crash
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Lately, he'd been having horrendous nightmares. Night after night, he woke up in a cold sweat. Each night, the nightmares got worse, and all of them involved his Wind Tunnel.
He rubbed his right arm nervously. Not a day went by in which he didn't wonder - was this his last day? His last hour? And what of his friends? He would accept death when it came for him, but he could not bear the thought of being responsible for the death of his commrades. He only prayed that, when his Wind Tunnel finally claimed him, he would be nowhere near any of them.
He turned and looked for his compatriots. Inuyasha, as usual, was sleeping upright near the fire. Kagome, too, also slept near the heat of the fire. Shippo and Kirara were curled up together, and Sango...
Miroku raised his eyebrows. Sango was strangely absent. For a split-second, he feared the worst, but quickly dismissed it; Sango was more than capable of handling herself, and no one could have crept up on them and attacked without waking up everyone.
Miroku sighed and stood up. Beyond being a mental burden, his nightmares were a physical burden; it took Miroku a long time to fall asleep, and being woken up by his nightmares deprived him of at least an hour of rest.
He stretched his limbs and decided he would take a walk. Perhaps it would help him clear his head.
As he walked away from the glow of the firelight, Miroku thought of the past day's events. He and his friends had encountered an especially dangerous scorpion demon. Towering over ten feet tall, it had been extremely difficult to slay. It had cut up Inuyasha quite badly with its claws, and, using its enormous stinger, nearly put a hole in Kagome. Fortunately, Sango and Miroku had been able to work together and slice off its head.
The encounter with the demon had lasted perhaps only ten minutes, but it had left the group drained. Inuyasha was badly injured, and Kagome was quite shaken - a reasonable response considering she'd narrowly avoided death. They had set up camp in a very beautiful area of hills. A forest was visible to the east, and the full moon shone down on this cloudless night.
Miroku looked up at the moon with mixed feelings. It was incredibly beautiful, but he could not help but feel a sense of foreboding. It was a full moon, and in only a few days, the new moon would arrive, marking the departure of Inuyahsa's powers. He did not look forward to that day.
As he walked down a second hill, Miroku's thoughts turned to his nightmares. They had begun around two weeks ago, and each night, they got worse. At first in his dreams, only he had been killed by the Wind Tunnel. But as the nights passed, his nightmares worsened - he would end up sucking down Inuyasha with him, a whole village with him, Kagome and Shippo, Sango...
He shuddered. The thought of killing his friends...
A sudden noise interrupted his thoughts. It was unlike the other noises of the night; it did not sound like crickets or owls, but of something...human. It sounded familiar, but Miroku could not quite place it.
He walked in the direction of the noise. He did not carry have his staff with him, so he was ill-equipped to handle any serious danger, but he was not worried; he was still fairly close to the campfire. If he shouted for help, Inuyasha and Kagome would come.
As he rounded another hill, he suddenly realized what the noise was: It was the sound of sobs. Someone was crying.
Miroku rounded a final hill and saw a person sitting on the side of the hill. The person was hugging her knees and was surely the source of the sobs.
Miroku approached slowly. He couldn't see who it was, her face was hidden, and it was so dark out...
"Sango?" he asked quietly.
The person started and looked up. "Miroku?" responded the form. It was Sango.
Even in the dim moonlight, Miroku could see the tears shining in her eyes. He rushed to her side and knealt down next to her. "Sango! Are you alright? Is anything the matter?" He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, to comfort her, but she pushed his arm away.
"Oh, no, I'm fine, I'm fine," she said through her tears. "I'm just being stupid." She lifted a sleeve to her eyes and wiped her eyes.
He raised his eyebrows. "You don't look fine," he said doubtfully. "What's the matter?"
She shook her head, no longer crying. "Its like I said, I'm just being stupid." There was a pause, and then she gave a harsh sob.
Miroku couldn't believe what he was seeing; Sango, the powerful, self-assured demon killer, sobbing her eyes out? "You must tell me, maybe I can help."
She looked at him. Miroku could see that she looked awful. He couldn't help but wonder how long she'd sat here, crying. "I'm...I'm having nightmares." She smiled ruefully. "Stupid, huh?"
He shook his head. "No, not stupid at all," he said seriously.
Sango looked away from him and looked up at the moon. "So why are you up so late?" she asked.
Miroku shifted from a knealing position to a sitting one. "Well...I'm having nightmares too."
She looked at him, a surprised expression on her face. "Oh," was all she said.
The was a pause.
"So," she asked, "what were your nightmares about?"
Miroku shifted his gaze towards the stars. "My Wind Tunnel," he said.
"Oh really," she said, and he could hear the sympathy in her voice. "Well, at least your nightmare are real. You fear something that is in the future, while I fear..." Her voice trailed off.
Miroku looked at her, and found her staring intently at the ground, pulling up blades of grass. "What are your nightmares about?" he asked quietly.
"Kohaku," she said simply.
Miroku felt his heart wrench. "That...that must be terrible," he said, and felt foolish for not saying anything supportive.
"It is." Her voice was quiet. "Every night, I see him...I see him kill my father...I see him kill my family...I see him put his weapon in my back..." She said all of this in an emotionless voice. "I see him die...and I see Naraku take over his body." Bitterness and anger entered her voice as she said this last part.
Miroku reached out to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, and this time she did not push him away. "We will avenge your brother," he said, and gave her shoulder a small squeeze.
"Yes we will," she said fiercely, and turned towards Miroku, determination in her eyes. "We will."
Miroku removed his hand and looked up at the moon.
After a few moments of silence, Sango asked, "So, what's it like having the Wind Tunnel?"
"It is a curse," responded Miroku.
"Oh, I know that," Sango said quickly, "but I mean, what's it feel like when you use it?"
He paused. He had never thought about this - what was it like to use the Wind Tunnel? "Well," he said after a few moments of thought, "its pretty incredible. When I open the Wind Tunnel, I can feel the power of it flow through me. But I also feel it begin to spread. I feel the evil magic that created it. And I dread the day when it may finally claim me."
Sango sat in silence. "Wow," was all she said.
Time passed. Miroku and Sango, the monk and the demon slayer, sat and talked. They talked of many things. They talked of growing up and of becoming who they are. They talked of their struggles and triumphs in life. They spoke of how they felt about traveling with Inuyahsa, Kagome, and Shippo, and agreed that they wouldn't have it any other way.
Much time passed before Sango asked, "What do you think about Inuyasha and Kagome?"
"Oh, well, Inuyasha is okay. He seems very angry at everyone, but-"
"No no," interrupted Sango. "I mean, what do you think of them as a couple?"
Miroku laughed. "Oh, that." He smiled. "Well, Kagome is obviously crazy about Inuyasha, even if he's to blind to see it."
Sango also laughed. "I know what you mean. Kagome tries to hide it from me, but anyone could see it." She grinned. "Well, how does Inuyahsa feel?"
Miroku gave her a sidelong look. "What makes you think I know anything about how Inuyasha feels?"
Sango reached out and shoved Miroku playfully. "Come on!" she said with a laugh. "Tell me! You spend a lot more time with him than I do. Surely you have some idea as to what he feels."
Miroku stroked his chin. "I think," he began slowly, "that Inuyasha does feel something for Kagome." Sango opened her mouth to comment, but Miroku held up a hand. "However," he continued, "he has been hurt badly in the past. He is afraid of the same thing happening again."
"Kikiyo," whispered Sango. Miroku nodded.
"Inuyasha was betrayed by the woman he loved. He is terrified of being betrayed again. As such...he proceeds warily." Sango nodded in agreement.
A question came to Miroku's mind, but he hesitated before asking. It was a loaded question; a dangerous question that could easily upset Sango - and Miroku had no desire for their conversation to end.
After a few moments of internal deliberation, he decided to ask the question. "Sango, have you ever been in love?"
There was a slight paused, and for an instant Miroku feared the worst. Sango's entire village had been killed, after all, and anyone she may have loved almost certainly died there.
He felt relief when Sango let out a small laugh. "Oh, jeez, me? No, I've never loved anyone. I mean," she said with a smile, "I loved my brother and father, but to love someone the way Inuyasha loved Kikiyo?" She shook her head firmly. "No, I have not." She looked at him. "Have you?"
"No," he said quickly.
Sango frowned at the stars. "You know, in my village, it was looked down on to have children before marrying."
Miroku blushed. "Oh yeah...Well, you know...just trying to continue the family line."
"I know, its just that..." She threw up her hands in despair. "You're not supposed to have kids with somebody unless you love them."
Miroku felt like a jerk. "Oh, no, not it all, its just-"
Sango held up a hand. "No, really," she interrupted, "its all right. It's wrong of me to expect everyone to think like I do and have the same values that I do. I apologize."
"Oh, no, its alright," he said quickly. "Its not like I have a great set of morals."
"Don't worry about it," she said dismissively. "I shouldn't have any problem with it."
They then sat in silence, gazing up at the stars.
After a minute or so of silence, Sango said, "You know, I'm glad we had this conversation."
Miroku nodded, still gazing up at the moon. "I agree. I don't think we've actually sat down and talked in quite some time."
"Yeah." She sighed deeply. "I want to thank you for helping pull me out of my misery." She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "It means a lot to me."
Miroku turned to Sango. Her dark brown eyes were full of sincerity.
"I would feel ashamed to not help a friend in need. It is my duty."
Sango shook her head. "No, it's not. Do you think Inuyasha would have stopped to help me?" Miroku considered, and shook his head. "Of course he wouldn't. It is a sign of a true friend." She squeezed Miroku's shoulder. "Thank you." She leaned in and kissed Miroku on the cheek.
She stood up and stretched. "I'm going to go lie down," she said, and yawned deeply. "I'll see you in the morning, Miroku." She smiled at him and walked back to camp.
Miroku sat in silence. To say the least, he had been surprised to find Sango crying; though he knew it must have pained her constantly, she rarely showed outward signs of sadness or hurt. But to see her display affection towards him...! That was something entirely new for Miroku.
He mulled over their conversation. He had truly enjoyed talking to her. He'd been able to open up to her in a way he never could open up to Inuyasha or Kagome; she, in turn, had opened up to him in a way he'd never seen her do before.
He rose from his sitting position, stretched, and yawned. It was late. He walked back to the campfire, the encounter with Sango weighing heavily on his mind.