The Worst Journey Ever!
by Amy25 and Kermy
One day, the fellowship was walking in the woods. They were all tired and disgruntled from their long journey from Rivendell.
"Gimli! You stupid hairy midget!" yelled Boromir. "How many times do I have to tell you? Don't touch my horn of Gondor!"
"I just can't help myself" answered Gimli mindlessly. "It's so beautiful!"
"Can't everyone just get along?" said Legolas, and stroked his long blond hair.
"Legolas is right." Aragorn chimed in, "We still have a long way to go and I desperately need a bath, but won't get one until the third movie!"
"I'm hungry," said Pippin. "Gimli, give me that leftover chicken stuck in your beard."
"Sure laddy, why not?" Gimli rummaged through his beard and presented him with the chicken leg.
"That is disgusting," said Merry. "Can I have a bite?"
"Would everyone just shut up! This is the worst journey ever!" nagged Gandalf pounding his stick on the ground. "Gimli has rotting carcasses in his beard, Aragorn is five shades darker because of all the dirt, Boromir won't stop griping about his dumb horn, Merry and Pippin are EATING rotting carcasses, who knows where Frodo and Sam are! And worst of all we're lost in these damn woods!"
"Well, at least I'm still beautiful," said Legolas. Everyone nodded in agreement.
Meanwhile, Frodo and his faithful 'companion', Sam Gamgee, were lagging behind the rest of the group.
"Oh Mr. Frodo, that sword is very slimming on you," complemented Sam, with a sparkle in his eye.
"Why thank you, Sam. I guess," replied Frodo, speeding up his pace to catch up with the rest of The Fellowship.
"What's your hurry?" asked Sam, matching his pace to Frodo's. "I thought we were bonding."
They eventually caught up to the rest of the group who were still at a dead end.
"I don't feel so good," said Pippin, clutching his stomach.
"Maybe it's the decrepit chicken decaying in your stomach, Pip," Merry suggested.
"That might be it," said Pippin.
"Idiots," muttered Gandalf.
Suddenly, Legolas angelic ears perked up, "My elf senses are tingling."
"Dude, we really don't need to know that," said Boromir.
"What's wrong?" asked Aragorn with concern.
"I hear a familiar voice. Harsh words. Evil," Legolas replied, disturbed.
Legolas jolted off into the brush in front of them, and the group followed.
As they ran toward the commotion, they heard a angry yell, "Die you crazy-eyebrowed, manipulative bastard!" followed by a high pitched shriek.
They reached the victim a few minutes later. The killer had already fled the scene. The dead body was laying face down in the dirt. They were all
stunned.
Aragorn was the first to approach the freshly murdered body. He knelt down beside it, and discovered that it was an elf. Aragorn turned him over slowly only to reveal...
"Lord Elrond!" Aragorn said as his face twisted in horror.
The whole group gasped in dismay at the identity of the person and the message that was written with a black Sharpie across his forehead.
"Who could do such a thing?!" said Frodo.
The message read: 'I am a controlling, repressive he-bitch. Spit on me.'
Boromir shrugs, and obeys.
"Oh, my God, Boromir," said Gandalf. "It's not supposed to me taken literally, you dipshit."
Boromir plays it off, "Oh, I knew that. Uh, yeah."
"What are we supposed to do with him?" asked Sam.
"I don't care, as long as it doesn't involve messing my gorgeous hair up," said Legolas. The others nodded in agreement.
"Let's eat him!" said Merry. "What do you say to that, Pip?"
Dr. Evil walks out from behind a tree. "How bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!"
"I'm not Dutch," said Pippin. "I'm Scottish."
"Shit," Dr. Evil wanders back into the forest.
"That was bizarre," said Gimli.
"Excuse me, you dirty hairball," commented Boromir. "You don't have any room to talk, Mr. I-Eat-Old-Decaying-Food-That's-Buried-In-My-Beard."
Gandalf emitted a loud sigh and said, "Let's just leave him here! We don't have time for this bullshit. Aragorn needs a bath pronto. He is really starting to reek. Merry and Pippin are resorting to cannibalism, and I swear that Boromir just has down-syndrome."
They were about leave when Aragorn spotted something white an shiny next to the body. "Oh look, an incredibly gaudy pendant. I wonder how that got there." He picked it up and put it around his neck. The group finally continue the long journey that would bring them all to death. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that yet!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, that's the first chapter! Many more to come! Review!!!!!!!
by Amy25 and Kermy
One day, the fellowship was walking in the woods. They were all tired and disgruntled from their long journey from Rivendell.
"Gimli! You stupid hairy midget!" yelled Boromir. "How many times do I have to tell you? Don't touch my horn of Gondor!"
"I just can't help myself" answered Gimli mindlessly. "It's so beautiful!"
"Can't everyone just get along?" said Legolas, and stroked his long blond hair.
"Legolas is right." Aragorn chimed in, "We still have a long way to go and I desperately need a bath, but won't get one until the third movie!"
"I'm hungry," said Pippin. "Gimli, give me that leftover chicken stuck in your beard."
"Sure laddy, why not?" Gimli rummaged through his beard and presented him with the chicken leg.
"That is disgusting," said Merry. "Can I have a bite?"
"Would everyone just shut up! This is the worst journey ever!" nagged Gandalf pounding his stick on the ground. "Gimli has rotting carcasses in his beard, Aragorn is five shades darker because of all the dirt, Boromir won't stop griping about his dumb horn, Merry and Pippin are EATING rotting carcasses, who knows where Frodo and Sam are! And worst of all we're lost in these damn woods!"
"Well, at least I'm still beautiful," said Legolas. Everyone nodded in agreement.
Meanwhile, Frodo and his faithful 'companion', Sam Gamgee, were lagging behind the rest of the group.
"Oh Mr. Frodo, that sword is very slimming on you," complemented Sam, with a sparkle in his eye.
"Why thank you, Sam. I guess," replied Frodo, speeding up his pace to catch up with the rest of The Fellowship.
"What's your hurry?" asked Sam, matching his pace to Frodo's. "I thought we were bonding."
They eventually caught up to the rest of the group who were still at a dead end.
"I don't feel so good," said Pippin, clutching his stomach.
"Maybe it's the decrepit chicken decaying in your stomach, Pip," Merry suggested.
"That might be it," said Pippin.
"Idiots," muttered Gandalf.
Suddenly, Legolas angelic ears perked up, "My elf senses are tingling."
"Dude, we really don't need to know that," said Boromir.
"What's wrong?" asked Aragorn with concern.
"I hear a familiar voice. Harsh words. Evil," Legolas replied, disturbed.
Legolas jolted off into the brush in front of them, and the group followed.
As they ran toward the commotion, they heard a angry yell, "Die you crazy-eyebrowed, manipulative bastard!" followed by a high pitched shriek.
They reached the victim a few minutes later. The killer had already fled the scene. The dead body was laying face down in the dirt. They were all
stunned.
Aragorn was the first to approach the freshly murdered body. He knelt down beside it, and discovered that it was an elf. Aragorn turned him over slowly only to reveal...
"Lord Elrond!" Aragorn said as his face twisted in horror.
The whole group gasped in dismay at the identity of the person and the message that was written with a black Sharpie across his forehead.
"Who could do such a thing?!" said Frodo.
The message read: 'I am a controlling, repressive he-bitch. Spit on me.'
Boromir shrugs, and obeys.
"Oh, my God, Boromir," said Gandalf. "It's not supposed to me taken literally, you dipshit."
Boromir plays it off, "Oh, I knew that. Uh, yeah."
"What are we supposed to do with him?" asked Sam.
"I don't care, as long as it doesn't involve messing my gorgeous hair up," said Legolas. The others nodded in agreement.
"Let's eat him!" said Merry. "What do you say to that, Pip?"
Dr. Evil walks out from behind a tree. "How bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!"
"I'm not Dutch," said Pippin. "I'm Scottish."
"Shit," Dr. Evil wanders back into the forest.
"That was bizarre," said Gimli.
"Excuse me, you dirty hairball," commented Boromir. "You don't have any room to talk, Mr. I-Eat-Old-Decaying-Food-That's-Buried-In-My-Beard."
Gandalf emitted a loud sigh and said, "Let's just leave him here! We don't have time for this bullshit. Aragorn needs a bath pronto. He is really starting to reek. Merry and Pippin are resorting to cannibalism, and I swear that Boromir just has down-syndrome."
They were about leave when Aragorn spotted something white an shiny next to the body. "Oh look, an incredibly gaudy pendant. I wonder how that got there." He picked it up and put it around his neck. The group finally continue the long journey that would bring them all to death. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that yet!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, that's the first chapter! Many more to come! Review!!!!!!!